Sunday, December 14, 2008

Happy Pirate Giveaway (Conclusion)

The contest has ended with 100+ reponses and around 150 haiku entries. You guys did a great job. Special props go out to Cussbeard and Marduk Kilrathi for their epic and high quality works. Before getting to the lucky winners of the fabulous prizes, I am going to recap some of the honorable mentions:

"Spectre Is Awesome" Category

Spectre is so good
I jizz when he attacks me
I pay big ransom
-Tony (Eve Weekend Warrior)

Gimme your dough or your pod
Giggled the Spectre
While eating baby sandwich
-Gabriel DiCozza

O, mighty Pirate
Guns blazing, ships exploding
Spectre is thy name
-Moon Dogg

You've been my hero
You showed me true happiness
Pirate's life for me
-Chomin H'ak

Spectre is a god
A legend among pirates
None can replace him

Best newb in the 'verse,
True gentleman o' fortune,
He's the mans' man, man.

"I Am Sad And Sappy About Spectre Leaving" Category

I know that you will,
Come back one day you big fat...
Because we love you!

Greatest of pirates
Friend of many a soul in EvE
You shall be missed bro

Me and you go back.
From enemy to close friend.
Give to those who gave.
-Lars Lodar

Great disappointment
No more Eve Newb blog to read
Don't leave us Spectre! :(

"I Have No Idea What This Means" Category

Four years unnoticed
BoB pilots rolling in dosh
Ferrogel all gone

me bad with english
not much better with the french
but i good with epeen

"Something Related To Feces" Category

Popping and Podding
Mister Pilkins pooped all over
Spectre rich, pony dead

i saw yer reply
to sarah above me there
poop poop poop poop poop
-ZeiTGesiT iL

No more poop to sling
No more cries to hear of death
The Spectre is Gone

"I Want To Sex Spectre Up" Category

I've heard there are girls
who sleep with people for ISK.
I'll send some over.
-Sarah Barah

I have to tell you.
Spectre screwed your mom last night.
That's right. I said it.
-Hallan Turrek

Spectre is teh sex
Me I S K loving whore
Come stuff Thron in me.
-Missa Rossi

Spectre is sexy
He is a leet pirate
Sexy is Spectre
-Endo II

All the girls want him
All the guys want to be him
Spectre is the Man
-Mad Robert

Spectre has returned
And again your cargo freed
By surprise butt sex
-Marduk Kilrathi

"I Hate Spectre And Hope He Chokes" Category

in all serious
your talent no mystery
you pay macroers
-ZeiTGesiT iL

Spectre is a noob
I am glad he is leaving
Don't come back this time

Spectre is a gay
Have fun with WoW you homo
I don't want your shit

"About Sandwiches" Category

He's got a sammich
It looks quite yummy n stuff
I want his sammich
-Avan Sercedos

The Winners

So without further adieu, your three lucky winners:

3rd Place (50 million ISK and a Velator):
Spectre is awesome
I wish he would have my kids
Goddamn he is hot

2nd Place (100 million ISK and a Brutix):
You guys are suckers
You thought you would get my cash

1st Place (200 million ISK and a Megathron):
I am the best ever
Don't you ever forget that
Poop poop poop poop poop

...and there we are! Congratulations to Spectre3353, Spectre3353 and Spectre3353 for their fantastic contributions and fabulous prizes. I couldn't be happier with the quality of their entries and enthusiasm towards... me. Your money has been sent and the items have been contracted! Enjoy!!!

Farewell For Now

This post marks the indefinite end to the EveNewb blog. Notice I said INDEFINITE. I am not currently planning on posting anything else here at the moment but if/when I return to Eve and if I simply feel the need to write about something video game related, you might see something pop up. For Eve roleplaying purposes, please just assume that the pirate Spectre has been captured and imprisoned by the Gallente Federation. He is currently being charged with attempted murder, murder, murder by shovel, murder by sandwich, armed robbery, petty theft, sodomy, animal cruelty, impersonating a government official, drug trafficking, smuggling, public drunkenness and disorderly conduct. It is an impressive list that I am most proud of.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Happy Pirate Giveaway

All good things must one day come to an end. I have canceled my Eve Online account for the time being because there is only room in my life for one mamorpaguh at a time. My wallet is bulging with nearly a billion ISK and my hangar is stuffed full of ships. Sure I might be back one day but there are people who could enjoy all this wonderful stuff RIGHT NOW! I have already given away about 350 million ISK to friends but there is still plenty to go around. I sat and I thought about who really deserved all the joy I could give this holiday season. Who has given me the most and made me feel the best about myself over the past 8 months. That's right... it's you... the blog readers!

(Note: Sorry GH. I know you were expecting your name at the end of that sentence.)

So here is the deal. For the next three days I will be running a contest that will provide these prizes to the lucky winners:

200 million ISK and a Megathron

100 million ISK and a Brutix

50 million ISK and a Velator

Cash money and a chance to own the very ships that Spectre himself has flown? I know you are all screaming and euphoric at the very thought so let me tell you how easy it is to earn these fabulous prizes. The steps are simple:

(1) Create a haiku poem. For those not familiar with Haiku's, this description should suffice: Seventeen-syllable verse form, arranged in three lines of five, seven and five syllables. An example would be:

Spectre is awesome
I wish he would have my kids
Goddamn he is hot

(2) Post the haiku on this blog as a comment on this post.

(3) Profit!

All haiku's must be submitted by midnight on December 14th according to Eastern Standard Time. Haiku's can be on anything but I strongly suggest that they focus on Spectre and how unbelievable he is as a pirate (unbelievably good that is). I will choose the three best at the end of the contest and decide the winners and their places. You may enter as many times as you like but please be responsible about it. If someone abuses the fact that anonymous posters can post comments, I will change the permissions and only those with valid blogger accounts will be able to participate. Lastly, please include your in game character name along with your entry so that I know where to send the gold should you win a fabulous prize.

Let the writing commence!

P.S. No, the above picture doesn't have anything to do with the contest but I just really wanted to use it.

P.P.S. The Eve-Online thread about this contest is located here. Bump it for me if you are feeling nice.

Monday, December 8, 2008

What Has Happened To Me?

It felt as though I been asleep for so long. I woke and turned to sit on the bed. My head felt woozy and everything around me seemed fuzzy. As my eyes and brain began to focus, I took a good look around at my surroundings and myself. Who was I? How had I gotten here? Things seemed so different and so far away but I could not pinpoint why or what was making me feel that way. I felt a pang of urgency in the back of my head as though I was supposed to be out doing something right now. No time to linger trying to figure out what was wrong with my head, I had responsibilities to take care of and they didn't involve sitting on my bed like a buffoon. I got up, stumbled out of the room and boarded my ship. It said Gallente Federation Navy and I saw blasters but still, something was not right. Something was wrong. I shook it off and departed.

Ah hah! A victim! Now my natural killer instincts kicked in. I closed orbit, turned on my modules and opened a conversation with my target:

He did not pay and for some reason my weapons would not fire! What is wrong with this stupid ship? What the hell is going on? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME????

It was then that I realized what had happened, where I was and what it all meant. My days of pirating were about to come to a sudden end. Will I ever be back? Who knows...

You have successfully upgraded your World of Warcraft account to the Wrath of the Lich King expansion.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I Am The Best

I am not just one of the best. I am not just very good. I am not just amazing. When my pirating days are over, my name will be referred to as the very description for being the best of the best. Young pilots in the academy will daydream about being like me. Young girls will write my name over and over in their notebooks, hoping that I will come and sweep them off their feet and let them be part of my legendary lifestyle. People will beg for my secrets and for me to teach them but there will be nothing to teach for it is all in my innate abilities. You cannot teach talent. I cannot pass on raw natural ability.

I am the best of the best and you should all be thankful that I grace the universe of New Eden with my presence. Anyone who wishes to thank me for being what I am, I take donations in the form of ISK, alcohol and small children.

One Ship, Two Ship, Red Ship, Blue Ship

As usual, our gang was not very well organized. A rowdy conversation over the voice communications and our pilots spread over several systems meant no one was really out roaming for any action but as always, I didn't have the patience to sit around and wait. I flew into the sometimes busy system of Ardar and found an Asarte command ship close on the scanner, apparently watching the gate I had just come through. Within a few moments he had warped away and left system and I took a guess as to where he had gone and set my destination for Floseswin. It seemed that I had guessed correctly as he was here in the system. I guessed to his destination again and warped to the distant gate of Aset only to find myself now sitting directly on top of the blinky red pirate Astarte in my tiny little Ishkur assault frigate. He sat and watched me for a moment and then continued on his way, jumping into the Aset solar system. Again I followed.

I uncloaked on the opposite side and the command ship did the same, this time deciding that he was going to make me sorry for shadowing him the past few jumps. I thought about how certain it was that I was going to die but went with the flow and engaged him back. Soon I was flying in a an extremely shallow orbit around my target as he tried to nail me with his medium sized blasters and drones... of which neither could hit me! Excellent. I had let my corporation and gang know what I had pinned down and was waiting for the assistance to stream in. Little did I know that he had done the same and his friends were also on their way. I focused on his drones and once they were destroyed there was nothing he could do to hit me. Soon a few members of my gang arrived and we were able to amass the firepower to finish off the Astarte who instead of smartly flying back to the gate had been flying away from it.

But what is this? Several more ships were landing directly on top of us! Two Drakes and a Thorax warped in as well as a few more of my own gang members. A frantic battle of trying to destroy their Warrior drones before they ate through our frigates ensued and I even had to warp away and then back to the fight but again we managed to finish them off with no losses... right as more ships arrived? Like a ninja movie where only one or two enemies attacked at a time, making it easy for the hero to succeed, a Megathron and Falcon arrived on scene as backup. A Falcon would make things difficult but he would have to jam many ships and the Megathron was virtually useless against all of our smaller ships with its large guns and large drones. I locked and stuck my drones on the Falcon before it could jam me and flew towards him as quickly as I could. With the Falcon as our primary target, we were able to keep at least one warp scrambler on him at all times and after what seemed like a long time for a Falcon, he went down. A glance at his readout explained why he seemed less paper-thin than most other ships of his type... a 1600mm plate, an armor repairer and other mods to help his tank.

Finally, all attention was turned to the Megathron and burned through him as he was trying to self-destruct his ship. How very rude. The dust settled and we had destroyed two battlecruisers, a command ship, a force recon and battleship, all with T2, rigs and even some faction fittings. We had sustained no losses to our gang of frigates and one force recon ship. All because I followed and engaged a random Astarte. All the more proof as to why I am the best.

If They Believe It, It's True

I sat outside a busy station in low-sec in my Taranis. I could not engage anything that flew by or else the sentry guns would easily rip me apart, but I wanted to take advantage of the new-ish pilots docking and undocking every few minutes. I decided to try a little social engineering:

[ 03:13:03 ] Spectre3353 > Hello LILIA
[ 03:13:08 ] Lovely LILIA > hi
[ 03:13:17 ] Lovely LILIA > wazzap?
[ 03:13:21 ] Spectre3353 > Myself and 2 of my friends are waiting outside the station for you to undock so that we can kill you and pod you
[ 03:13:31 ] Spectre3353 > You can pay me 10 million ISK right now and we will leave you alone
[ 03:13:37 ] Lovely LILIA > lol
[ 03:13:39 ] Spectre3353 > Otherwise we will be camping here a while
[ 03:13:46 ] Lovely LILIA > my working day is beginning
[ 03:13:53 ] Lovely LILIA > sorry, but i have to go :)))
[ 03:14:43 ] Lovely LILIA > but tnx
[ 03:14:55 ] Lovely LILIA > i'll remember you
[ 03:15:10 ] Lovely LILIA > see you
[ 03:15:12 ] Spectre3353 > how romantic
[ 03:15:13 ] Spectre3353 > goodbye

No dice. Let's try another:

[ 03:17:20 ] Spectre3353 > Hello KevLor
[ 03:17:27 ] KevLor I > howdy
[ 03:17:33 ] KevLor I > what's up?
[ 03:17:41 ] Spectre3353 > We have just assembled a gang outside your station to camp you and kill you when you undock. If you pay me 15 million ISK we will let you by with no trouble.
[ 03:17:48 ] Spectre3353 > Otherwise we will be camping here and waiting for you for a while.
[ 03:18:26 ] KevLor I > lol....have fun...I was going to log off and go buy thansgiving food stuff, but I guess I will have to leave it logged on now :D
[ 03:18:38 ] Spectre3353 > You are welcome to.
[ 03:18:40 ] Spectre3353 > We will be here waiting.
[ 03:18:45 ] KevLor I > k
[ 03:18:48 ] KevLor I > talk to ya later....

Rats. I guess I am not as clever as I thought I was.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

A Good Podding

Money To Burn

I checked my fake mustache to make sure it wasn't falling off. Considering my infamy and reputation, someone could recognize me if my disguise was not top notch in the populated Hek super mall. It was no Jita, but it was still bustling and busy like a trade hub should be. I shuffled down the main strip of shops in my cowboy boots, trying to push my fake dreadlocks out of my face when something glittered out of the corner of my eye. I walked up to the storefront and pressed my face up against the glass to get a good look at the small shiny objects of my attention. Implants! The sign on the store said "CRAZY IVAN'S IMPLANT HUT". It didn't look like a hut and I doubted that the girl behind the counter was named "Ivan". Whatever... I had money to burn!

A little while later I stumbled out of the shop feeling a little bit woozy and with my wallet about 65,000,000 ISK lighter. I had always dreamed of being able to afford fancy +4 implants and now I finally had the confidence to install them as I hadn't been podded in months. "Man I am cool" I told myself as I winked at a group of young Caldari ladies going about their shopping. Rolling of the eyes must be the Caldari way of saying they approved. Groovy.

It's Been A Long Time...

...since I felt the rush of a good fight. Weeks in fact. So eager was I to get that adreneline rush that I jumped into a faction warfare complex full of nine frigates and cruisers to try and take them on in a 1 vs 9 fight with my Vexor. Chances were that I would die but nothing epic ever happens if you don't take a chance. With surprise on my side and their fleet already spread out and fighting their faction enemies, I landed in the 'plex. I deployed my drones and managed to take down one of their Punisher's, their Purifier and almost a second Punisher before my Vexor was smushed by their combined firepower. A fun fight but now it was time to get my pod and my clone and its precious new implants to safety. I selected a random item on my overview and jammed the warp button as my pod ejected. I hit the warp button again. And again. Warp damn it! This must be a bad dream. How did they cat-

I sat up and wiped the goo out of my eyes. I felt a little bit sick and out of place in this new clone. This new body was devoid of all my new expensive implants and some other apendages felt differently sized. The girls were not going to be happy. How embarassing.


- Don't forget to check out Flashfresh's Pirate Speedlinking post for the month of November.

- Despite this post and a little bit of play time, I am still on hiatus. I won't be online much or posting much so try to hold yourselves together by reading RuPaul's blog. It is very similiar to the stuff I write.

Friday, November 21, 2008


EveNewb will be on a bit of a hiatus for the next few weeks thanks to several factors including:

(1) Comcast is a bunch of idiots.
(2) Business trip.
(3) Fallout 3.
(4) American Holidays.

My posts will probably be few and far between until the end of the year. For now, please check out Kanye West's blog as a substitute since his posts contain much of the same ideas and content.

Sunday, November 16, 2008


Cocky Frigates

I am tempted to go into an in-depth rant about the Quantum Rise changes and their effect on combat but I will instead keep it simple and detail one of the upsides. Everyone seems to be flying a decked out assault frigates and they are all so cocky that they think they can take on a well fit cruiser: Ishkur and Wolf.

Cocky Miners

Basking in the glow of killing a rigged Wolf and looting his faction armor repairer, I was traveling home to Evati. Passing through the system of Frerstorn, I gave a glance at the directional scanner. A silent alarm went off in my head as the scanner reported a Hulk mining exhumer within range. Some quick scanner sleuthing caused me to determine he was out there somewhere, but not at any warpable object. I needed probes and I needed them NOW:

[ 2008.11.15 ] Spectre3353 > uhhhhh
[ 2008.11.15 ] Spectre3353 > hulk in frerstorn? 
[ 2008.11.15 ] Spectre3353 > am i seeing something wrong here?

[ 2008.11.15 ] Spectre3353 > someone bring a prboer to frerstorn

[ 2008.11.15 ] Mynxee > i can do it. link the system please

[ 2008.11.15 ] Spectre3353 > frerstorn

[ 2008.11.15 ] Mynxee > omw

After a short wait, Mynxee had arrived and located our target which had now been joined by a second Hulk. How I wished I had a wingman or a second warp scrambler... one would have to do. Mynxee provided me with their location and I warped in and landed directly on top of one of the miners. I warp scrambled, unleashed my arsenal and attempted to ransom the fellow for a perfectly reasonable amount:

[ 2008.11.15 ] Spectre3353 > for 100 million i will leave 
[ 2008.11.15 ] Spectre3353 > you have 30 seconds to comply by transfering the money into my wallet

[ 2008.11.15 ] Riga Mortis > 100 mil - yeah right

[ 2008.11.15 ] Spectre3353 > die then 
[ 2008.11.15 ] Riga Mortis > lol - 100 mil - real world mate...

[ 2008.11.15 ] Riga Mortis > sheeeesh

He was not willing to pay so I finished the job and listened to the resulting whining:

[ 2008.11.15 ] Riga Mortis > 100mil for a hulk? 
[ 2008.11.15 ] Riga Mortis > lol

[ 2008.11.15 ] Spectre3353 > thats a perfectly reasonable request buddy

[ 2008.11.15 ] Riga Mortis > yeah right... lol

Cocky POS Tower?

Yesterday I participated in my first POS take down when we attacked an offline small Caldari tower. I can assure everyone after this experience that I will never intentionally take part in anything that boring and monotonous again. Boring. At least the view was good:

Moros + Capital Blasters = Awesome

More Blasters

Big Badda-Boom

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Step 3: Profit!

I must say that I was always jealous of some of the things I heard about the Bastards and friends before I was part of their glorious corporation. Freighters, faction battleships, all sorts of delicious kills and their associated loot that I wish I could have been a part of attaining. Why did I never find such profitable encounters? Am I not worthy? Am I not good enough? Am I flying in the wrong area? Flying the wrong ships? Where do babies come from? These questions pierced my thoughts and made me wish it was me making billions from the death and destruction of some other poor pilot.

Fast forward to more recently when I joined the Bastards and I expected that in my first week we would probably gank three dreadnoughts, one carrier and then probe down four mission runners in Golem's. When none of this happened, I figured that perhaps I was being unrealistic and that entertaining and profitable encounters would take some time to materialize. I need to curb my expectations and start small... like with a tier 3 battleship:

I was listening over voice comms when one voice cut through the babble and asked for attention. Viginti had been scouring the belts in a system a few jumps away in his Crusader and had found an Abaddon ratting in one of the belts. An expensive battleship alone in a belt? I jumped up from my desk and bolted down to the hangar. Without a second thought I prepped my Myrmidon battlecruiser and undocked, knocking one of the hangar techs through the airlock and into space in my haste. "Does that count as a podkill?" I pondered as my ship aligned and began to warp. I checked my course and realized that there was only one way to meet up with Viginti and it was to travel through high security space in my battlecruiser. I observed some of my own corp-mates about to make the jump in battleships and other assorted large ships and figured that while I had never taken such a large ship into lawful space, I would probably be ok.

Minutes later I had arrived in the destination system and belt as one of the first attackers on scene. I burned my ship towards the Abaddon and powered up my weapons systems. Blasters loaded. Drones deployed. Target locked. I tore into my target as the rest of the gang was landing and approaching as well and it looked grim for the poor little Amarr pilot who had been sold down the river by our tackler in dinky little frigate. As our victims armor began to collapse, the suggestion was made to ask him to eject. As hard as it is to make myself pull back my weapons in the mid-stride, I did so... and the pilot followed orders! He ejected from his ship, fled the belt Kulmid docked up his own ride in order to pick up our new aquisition. Expensive modules, rigs... this ship was worth a pretty penny. So why not sell it back to the person that probably wants it the most?

Kulmid > o/
Mr Nau > ?
Kulmid > you want to buy your ship back?

Kulmid > 200,000,000.00 ISK
Mr Nau > may be 180?
Kulmid > no, 200
Mr Nau > for 200.000.000 i can buy new ship with rigs
Kulmid > but this way you keep the insurance you already bought
Kulmid > and you get everythign
Kulmid > you get rigs, guns, everything fitted
Kulmid > exactly how it was
Mr Nau > may be 180 ?
Kulmid > and your insurance
Kulmid > 200mil
Mr Nau > guns T1
Kulmid > they are 5mil each
Kulmid > Mega Modulated
Kulmid > are 4-5mil each
Kulmid > its worth 220mil at least
Kulmid > I'll sell to you for 200mil
Mr Nau > 200 is very mach for me
Kulmid > you get this nice shiny ship though
Mr Nau > 190
Kulmid > 200
Mr Nau > no thnk
Kulmid > ok find
Kulmid > have a nice day then
Kulmid > fine*
Mr Nau > 190
Kulmid > 200
Mr Nau > becase i have only 208 mln
Kulmid > then you will still have 200
Mr Nau > i must repaer ship
Kulmid > no, I already repaired it
Mr Nau > :((

Our new friend bought back his ship for 200 million ISK. Groovy. All aboard the profit train!

Choo Choo!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Money and Puppies

Golden Helmet

Aside from being what I call my most prized body part, Golden Helmet is also the name of my ex-CEO and friend. Helmet is a much older pilot than myself and led myself and dozens of others through several months of pure pirating bliss while we were a part of the Python Cartel. He has been one of my favorite wing men and has sacrificed much of his own time and resources for our enjoyment. I was a little bit surprised when I woke up a few days ago and noticed a blinking icon on the monitor. A contract had been assigned to me from Jita and the item that had been contracted was... a Rattlesnake? "I don't even know what a Rattlesnake is..." I thought as I went and did a little bit of research.

A faction battleship worth over a billion isk. A billion. Wow. It turns out that Helmet has decided to give up the pirating and mercenary life for a while to take care of some things in his personal life. He has gone planet side indefinitely and give away all his stuff. Needless to say, I am now 1.3 billion ISK richer, my hangar is stocked with every ship and module imaginable and I will be set for quite a while. How appropriate it is that someone who gave so much to us all while he was here has even found a way to keep his legacy going now that he has gone? I hope we will see you again GH and when we do, I might still have some cash to give you.


I have a puppy. She is a Puggle (half Pug, half Beagle) and about one-and-a-half years old now. She seems to digress more and more every day as opposed to maturing. She barks at everything and anything and it isn't just a bark so much as a high-pitched squeal that could bring even the most hardened of men to their knees. She is needy, extremely hyper-active, she jumps on people, tracks mud everywhere, whines, digs holes in my yard and continues to eat her own feces at every possible opportunity. She is probably the most destructive and insane creature I have ever encountered and she makes me want to smother her with a pillow on most days.

Yet every so often when I take her for a walk or we are sitting around, she will walk up to me with her tail wagging and jump up up my leg so that she is looking straight up at me. It is almost unbearably cute and it makes me forgive her for everything shes ever chewed, every hole shes ever dug and for that time I came home from work to find that she had pooped all over my entire house.

Women. Whether they are human or not, they are all manipulative.

Molly Outside

Molly In A Box

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

A Post About Eve!

David and Goliath!

I don't fly my Taranis quite as much as I used to. I still love the ship that has given me so much but it is hard to stick with the same thing every time you go out and it is getting especially tough to fly a ship that cannot engage under sentry fire. So when I saw that the Bastards had a T2 frigate gang going, I passed over my Ishkur, Enyo and Ares and jumped in my Super Ion Gank Blasteranis(tm) and headed out to join up.

Down to Egghelende I went to meet up with the fleet. It was a fairly large group made of up of more than half a dozen different frigates of all shapes and sizes and even a cruiser or two. We spent some time in system trying to hunt down a variety of ships to no avail until I saw what appeared to be a Myrmidon on a gate leading to what used to be my base of operations in the area, Aliette. I warped to the gate and right in front of me was the Myrmidon. I checked the pilots information and noted his age... only 2 months old and flying a battlecruiser! I had to find some way to take advantage of this even though none of our ships could engage him on the gate. I opened a conversation to see what I could arrange:

[ 2008.11.05 01:38:27 ] Spectre3353 > hi!
[ 2008.11.05 01:38:39 ] pierre chandelle > hllo
[ 2008.11.05 01:38:45 ] Spectre3353 > i am having some trouble with the rats here
[ 2008.11.05 01:38:47 ] Spectre3353 > would you mind helping me?
[ 2008.11.05 01:38:57 ] pierre chandelle > sure
[ 2008.11.05 01:39:02 ] Spectre3353 > ok belt 7-3
[ 2008.11.05 01:39:06 ] Spectre3353 > i am going there now, thanks!

I went to the belt and alerted my gang. We might have an incoming and unsuspecting target! We waited... and waited... and nothing came. Damn! I continued our private conversation to try and get him to meet us...

[ 2008.11.05 01:40:35 ] Spectre3353 > rats are beating me up pretty bad :/
[ 2008.11.05 01:40:36 ] Spectre3353 > plz help
[ 2008.11.05 01:40:44 ] Spectre3353 > i am in asteroid belt VII - 3
[ 2008.11.05 01:42:12 ] Spectre3353 > ??

...but again to no avail. He never showed up. I sighed and watched as he dissapeared off scan and out of the system. Hmm. He must have just jumped to Aliette. I aligned and warped my Taranis to the gate and jumped through. No Myrmidon at the gate but my scanner showed that he was nearby... and directly towards a planet! I warped to the planet and was overjoyed to see him sitting there, unmoving and and ripe for the taking. I unleashed with everything I had and called my gang to get into system and help me kill a ship that I probably could not solo...

...Or could I? As my comrades were on their way to join the fray, I realized that I had already beaten my target into armor and he was still unmoving and not fighting back. No guns fired. No drones launched. Not a single movement in any direction. He was not even at the controls! My gang mates began to arrive but out of respect and courtesy they simply watched and cheered me on instead of jumping into the fight. This was to be my kill!

A mighty battlecruiser felled by a lowly frigate. A bit of proof as to why you should not get into a big ship before you truly know how to fly it.

No Funny Stuff

I have a friend who just recently graduated from the Minmitar Republic Fleet Academy. He, like many of his kin, has gotten into the trusty and reliable Rifter frigate to begin his life as a combat pilot. I was with him just recently when he got his first kill and I can only imagine that it has fueled his bloodlust and desire to cause more havoc in low security space. Needless to say, tonight I was very proud to hear that he was hunting and trying to engage a Catalyst destroyer in nearby lowsec. He told me over the comms that he had almost managed to scramble the fellow when he had fled from the belt and left system. This was only a couple systems away from my current location so I rushed in his direction to try and help find and destroy his prey.

I started on my way and a couple jumps in I noticed the pilot that he had described to me was in local! I scanned around and found him at one of the nearby stations and proceeded to follow him in warp to several different gates. Every time I landed at a gate with him and targeted him, he panicked and warped away to yet another gate. He must have been a very inexperienced pilot and not realized that at a gate there was absolutely nothing I could do to kill him or else the sentry guns would almost instantly destroy my ship. Fear and ignorance are a powerful combination and something that pirates have to wield and exploit almost as often as our actual weapons. Finally, panicked and confused, he hailed me and we began a conversation:

[ 2008.11.05 04:30:36 ] Ieago > Ok Ok I'll give it back

"Give it back"? What? I had no idea what he was talking about but I may as well just go along and take advantage of the situation...

[ 2008.11.05 04:30:42 ] Spectre3353 > yes i want it back
[ 2008.11.05 04:30:50 ] Spectre3353 > meet me in belt 1 - 1
[ 2008.11.05 04:30:52 ] Spectre3353 > bosboger 1 - 1
[ 2008.11.05 04:30:54 ] Spectre3353 > no funny stuff

[ 2008.11.05 04:31:22 ] Spectre3353 > you meet me in 1-1 so i can check you out
[ 2008.11.05 04:31:24 ] Spectre3353 > or else i will kill you
[ 2008.11.05 04:31:26 ] Spectre3353 > you understand?
[ 2008.11.05 04:31:27 ] Spectre3353 > go to 1-1 now

A few moments later, he had still not followed my advice so I reinforced the idea:

[ 2008.11.05 04:32:10 ] Spectre3353 > i see you are at the lulm gate
[ 2008.11.05 04:32:16 ] Spectre3353 > if you dont follow my orders, i will kill you right now
[ 2008.11.05 04:32:18 ] Ieago > 1: you're talking to a noob so I have no Idea what 1 -1 is.2: meet me in the quaffe Co. factory I'll do the item exchange (private3 contract)
[ 2008.11.05 04:32:25 ] Spectre3353 > the first belt in the list
[ 2008.11.05 04:32:28 ] Spectre3353 > right click the screen
[ 2008.11.05 04:32:33 ] Spectre3353 > asteroid belts
[ 2008.11.05 04:32:34 ] Spectre3353 > first one
[ 2008.11.05 04:32:38 ] Ieago > going

What a fool. Had he seriously followed my demands? The question was answered as I landed in the belt and saw my prey. I locked him, turned on my webifier and scrambler and waited for my wingman to arrive. The Catalyst finally got what was coming to him from the muzzle of my friends 150mm autocannons.

A bit of proof as to why you should never underestimate the power of words.

Update: I was kind of tired and not sober when I wrote this last night. It has been edited a bit since I am much pickier about grammar and wording while not under the influence of Smirnoff.

Update 2: The Myrmidon pilot left me an Eve-Mail today. He apparently figured out how to tell what/who killed him and wanted to get in contact with me:

2008.11.05 06:35
why did you guys kill me...??? i was sitting there afk...?

jezz man send me 30mil to replace my ship?

I laughed. I did not however send him any money.

I Just Made A Salad

This is no ordinary salad. It may be the greatest salad ever created. I fit it like so:

5x Leafs Of Romaine Lettuce (ripped up into small pieces)

8x Croutons
1/2x Small Onion (chopped up into little strings)
1x Large Mushroom (chopped up into little slices)
1x 10MN Microwarpdrive I

1x Olive Oil
1x Vinegar
1x Salt
1x Pepper

5x Warrior II

The key is really the onion and the vinegar. Together they give the salad such a bite that it almost jumps out at you and grabs your balls and forces you to give it your wallet. The croutons and salt and pepper give it the flavor while the lettuce and mushrooms provide the body and textures any salad needs for completeness. In case of smaller ships engaging this salad, you can simply stick your Warrior II's on them and MWD away towards the refrigerator where a beer or six will fix everything.

IMPORTANT ADDITIONAL NOTE: Tomatoes should really be mandatory in this salad as well. I simply did not have any in my hangar to work with. I recommend the small Italian ones which can be found in Hek for about 300,000 ISK a piece. They are well worth it.

Sunday, November 2, 2008


The Python Cartel

Slowly over the past few weeks, major changes have taken place. The Python Cartel, the corporation that I have loved and tried to help build is on it's last legs and will soon be put to bed. Over 650 kills and over 90 losses since I first joined the ranks of PC and I have grown immensely as a pilot in that time. I am very sad to see it go but sometimes it is necessary to move on and keep things interesting. I want to thank everyone I flew with in the Cartel for making it such a fun and drama free group to fly with. Golden Helmet should be very proud of what he had assembled as long as it did last. On that note, I have left and joined a new corporation:

The Bastards

Before I left, I spoke with several members of PC who wanted to try and stick together and get into a more active pirate corp. We looked at a few corporations and decided to speak with The Bastards which may sound familiar as they have done some very interesting things and have some prominent bloggers within their ranks. Myself and many members of The Python Cartel applied and I have since been accepted within their ranks. I hope that I will soon see many of my old pirate friends being accepted as well.

That Was Boring... Tell Us What You Killed!

I killed some stuff. I just lack to interest and motivation to describe the encounters in detail. I think it might be some sort of writers block.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Anatomy Of A Fight

90% of the combat in Eve revolves around what happens before and leading up to the fight as opposed to the fight itself. Scanning, warping and maneuvering to get yourself or your gang into an optimal position to lock down and engage victims. But what happens once opponents are locked up into a battle... is it simply orbiting, toggling your weapons and then watching the outcome as you munch on some pizza? Pizza with sausage? And bacon and pepperoni and peppers? Damn that sounds good.

No, there are many ways to strategically and properly make quick decisions and adjust your actions that will be the difference between winning and losing a battle. So without further adieu, let us use an example of a duel that I was involved in recently:

Vexor (me) vs Celestis (not me)

My fit:

1x 1600mm Tungsten Plate
1x Medium Armor Repairer II

1x Damage Control II

1x Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane II

1x 10MN Microwarpdrive I
1x Warp Disruptor II

1x X5 Prototype Engine Enervator

4x Light Electron Blaster II w/ Caldari Navy Antimatter
1x Small Nosferatu (offline as a heatsink)

2x Ogre I
2x Hammerhead II

1x Hobgoblin II

Step 1 - Lock It Down:
I land 11km away from my opponent in a belt and the fight begins. I hold "Ctrl" and right click my targets name like mad on the overview until the target starts resolving. While the target is resolving, I toggle my scrambler and web so that they are blinking and will automatically turn on once the lock is made. The lock finishes and my scrambler turns on but my web is still blinking... he is JUST out of web range! The solution? I overheat my web for the extra range and pin him. I just have to remember to turn off the heat once he is within 10km or I risk damaging my web and the other modules in my mid slots.

Step 2 - Get Into Optimal Position:
Now that my target is effectively locked down, I need to get myself into what is the most optimal position to win the fight based on how I am fit and how I assume my opponent is fit. Since I have never seen a Celestis that was fit properly for combat in my life, I assume that he will be mostly harmless and disregard what his offensive capabilities may be. Knowing that I am fighting with slow Ogre drones and very close range blasters (700m optimal on my Light Electron II's), I give my MWD a single burst and hit the appoach button. Once within a few thousand KM, I launch my drones and give the attack command. Once even closer, I toggle on my blasters and set them to overheat for the extra DPS. Better to pour on maximum damage early in the fight then to have to try and catch up once it is too late. I just have to watch the status of my guns to make sure they do not hit 100% damage mid-fight and break.

Step 3 - Ensure Optimal Positioning Remains and Counter Enemies Moves:
So now we are in complete optimal position for the way my ship is fit. My drones and guns are doing full damage and my target is not going anywhere. The only downside to this fact is that it also applies to me. It turns out that he is fit with a big shield buffer and tech II medium guns so I am taking way more damage than expected and not breaking through his tank very quickly. I keep a very close eye on my capacitor as I need it to run my guns, scrambler, web and damage control. I try to use my repairer as much as possible but I cannot allow myself to run out of cap or I will no longer be able to cause damage, run my tank, lock down my target, etc.

It is also important to watch his distance and make sure he is not trying to open a gap on me. My electron blasters have a very short range and even with a web, he could move far enough away to negate 100+ DPS from my ship. I notice in my drone window that he has begun attacking one of my drones. I cannot afford to lose a single ounce of drone DPS while flying my Vexor so I give the command to that single drone to return to my drone bay and then I immediately relaunch it and again give the command to attack. The move is successful as he loses target on the damaged drone and moves on to another.

Step 4 - Someone Dies or Runs Away:
Finally, even though I have stayed calm and done everything right that I could in the situation, my armor tank breaks and I am about to explode. My opponents Celestis has run out of shields but too little too late for me. Knowing that the fight is lost and I do not want to let my pod get caught, I select a warpable object in my overview (usually a stargate) and begin spamming the warp button. This way I will not become a victim to the lag that follows a ship death and my pod will instantly warp away. I exchange "GF" messages in local and sulk away, a loser once again.

Sometimes even when you do what you should, you simply lose due to your opponent being in a better ship, being better equipped, having better skills or just being a bit more lucky. Also, pizza is very delicious.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


What is "ASDFJKL"? It is the resulting string of letters generated when I slam my hands down on my keyboard in frustration. Not to be confused with "KKLNHKLG" which is the phrase generated by slamming my head in a slightly more severe display of anger:

But let's not be too restrictive as "ASDFJKL" is not simply a phrase or a word or a bunch of characters but an idea, an emotion. It is the emotion evoked when a gang of battleships arrives right on the gate as I jump through and I lose my freshly fit Brutix without even getting into a single real fight with it. It is the feeling I get when people turn tail and run even when they have a huge tactical advantage and all I want is a fight and some fun. It is the way I feel when I suicide my Thorax into an obviously baiting Hurricane in Amamake just so that I can get a tiny bit of an adreneline rush before docking up for the night.

Every time I have undocked my ship the past few days I have experienced at least one "ASDFJKL" moment. The new region we live in is very difficult to compete in while flying smaller ships or while flying solo. I don't think that I have ever had less fun with Eve than I have the past couple of weeks and it appears that I am not alone. My corporation that I love has taken a serious hit as several members left and several more have become fairly inactive. Myself and a small group of pilots from within the Python Cartel have decided that we will be leaving in order to persue a more active corporation where we will not be constantly outnumbered and having to try so hard to scrape up a gang. It pains me to say this as PC has been so fantastic since the day I joined but when game is no longer fun, you know you have to change something.

Is anyone interested in up to five active pilots who can fly all sorts of ships and love lowsec piracy? We are currently available...

Saturday, October 25, 2008

One Hundred!

Today we celebrate a wondrous event... The 100th post on Eve Newb! The fact that I have made it this far proves one thing: I write about stupid video crap way too much. Since I first began writing Eve Newb on April 21st of this year, I have recieved 35,346 pageviews during 17,813 visits from 7,134 unique visitors and I am still amazed and thankful every day for everyones interest.

To celebrate the occasion, I have decided to countdown my five favorite of my own blog posts ever! What? How can I be so self-centered that I am writing a "Best Of" for my own blog? Isn't it a cop-out to just recap old posts instead of writing some new and original? Well to your perfectly valid questions I say: Shut the hell up and stop making me look bad you asshats. God.

(5) Unbelievable: This is my most visited post ever thanks to some linkage on the Eve Online forums. It is the story of my ragtag band of pirates taking on three ferocious battleships and barely coming alive despite a fantastic and completely fair fight. I wish stuff like this would happen every day. Or every minute.

(4) Lost and Found: The story of how a great loss of a friend turned into a great increase in wealth and toys. I am sure that most pirates understand what it is like to tear up and the thought of when they bought their first battlecruiser. She was so pretty *sniff*.

(3) Thorax: The very first appearance of Mrs Pilkins the pony. Do I really have to say anything more?

(2) Going Commando: A recent post detailing the adventures of the Python Cartel, my battle Navitas and our engagement of a mighty Titan. I cannot think of an encounter I ever took part in that was more entertaining than this one.

(1) The Epic Journey: This one was actually a three parter (part 1, part 2 and part3) and was based entirely on REAL EVENTS! WOW!!! Was a fun trip where I ran into quite a few fun engagements and interesting people.

So there we go! The five greatest blog posts ever written in the history of the internet!


Clever Title That Somehow Relates To The Encounter Described Below

In character description of my current ship and location. Discovery and consideration of a potential target. Engagement of target with some sort of witty joke and attempt at dry humor that Mynxee finds amusing. Detailed description of mine or my targets destruction. Girly reflection on the meaning of the encounter and life itself.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Electronic Countermeasures

The Event

Floating lazily in my Brutix battlecruiser, several hundred kilometers away from a station, I monitored the many communications channels on my screens and in my ears and munched on some Cracker Jacks. I hate when all the damn peanuts sink to the bottom. This company has been around thousands of years and they still can't find a way to package a proper ratio of nuts to corn? I continued to munch as one new face appeared in the system and moments later his Megathron fell out of warp near the station I was orbiting. I kept on chewing my snack whilst keeping my eyes glued to my monitors and out the glass into space. He was slowly, very slowly, picking up speed and aligning himself towards me. I guess it was a fight he wanted.

I checked with my gang-mate Apoctasy to see what he thought about our chances:

[04:17:38 ] Spectre3353 > are you certain you can perma jam?
[04:17:47 ] Spectre3353 > like 100% certain? 
[04:17:47 ] Apoctasy > no

[04:17:51 ] Apoctasy > but we can try 
[04:17:53 ] Spectre3353 > ok well then he'll smoke me

[04:18:09 ] Spectre3353 > god im gonna regret this

Do I really want to lose a fourth ship today? I sighed and let the little birdy in my ear named Apoctasy convince me to give it a shot. I watched amused as the Mega slowly lumbered it's way slowly towards me and decided to speed up the process. Microwarpdrive on, I closed the distance and right as I was about to engage I gave the signal for my ace in the hole to uncloak.

[04:20:24 ] Spectre3353 > ok do it now 
[04:20:54 ] Apoctasy > k well I failed alot

[04:20:58 ] Apoctasy > round two coming up

Apoctasy and his Falcon missed the first jam. This did not bode well. Fortunately my opponent was only able to get off a single salvo before being jammed on the second try. I busily set about trying to burn through his huge buffer of armor plating but realized I was still taking almost more damage than I could handle. I had no choice but to turn my attention to his group of Ogre drones that were tearing me up. After several minutes of keeping my ship repaired, destroying the Megathron's drones, keeping him almost completely jammed and putting all the blaster and drone damage I could muster upon his hull, the battleship exploded. We had won without any losses and the loot was fairly good. I felted elated at killing such a monster of a ship that outclasses my Brutix in every way but I also felt a bit cheap at having him completely jammed by what many consider to be the most overpowered ship in the universe.

The Question

So I still cannot decide how to feel about having a Falcon on my side. I went most of my career having some gang members flying Blackbirds but it always felt a bit more acceptable having an ECM ship they could see coming and counter. The Falcon on the other hand with its cloak and ability to permanantly jam multiple ships from quite a distance is almost godly. I pretty much avoid any encounter we can with a gang that has a Falcon or a pilot that we have seen fly a Falcon previously. And on the other side of the coin, I feel perfectly safe engaging several larger ships even if I am alone in a tech I cruiser if I have a Falcon at my back. It is simply that effective. Is it overpowered by being able to take multiple ships completely out of the fight from a very long distance away? Should it not be able to fit a covert ops cloak? Does ECM in general ruin the combat experience whenever it shows up? Am I just being a girl about this and I should be happy to take whatever help I can get on the battlefield?

Leaving On A Jet Plane

I am taking a vacation from pirating to attend the 1487th annual Pokemon convention on Amarr Prime. I am very excited and planning on dressing up as Charizard. Because of my trip, there will be no new posts from me for the next week and a half. See you all then.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Great Escapes

After a terrible run when we first moved out to Metropolis where I lost no less than five cruisers, I have been running on what feels like an invincible streak for the last week. In several situations I escaped very lopsided odds and my own incredible stupidity from encounters with my ships flaming and beaten but still intact:

Brutix vs Incursus, Caracal and Ishtar

Ah, nothing like relaxing for a bit by sitting on the gate and popping haulers. I had specially fit my Brutix with a sensor booster so that I could quickly target and destroy the helpless industrialists and their juicy hauling ships. As a sacrifice to fit on that specialized hardware, I was flying my Brutix without a web. In other words, I would be pretty much in a crippled and extremely vulnerable state if I were to engage another actual combat ship. So it is no surprise that when I saw a Caracal and Incursus from an enemy gang show up in system, I couldn't help but follow them to a planet and engage. What can I say? I am stupid.

As I arrived in the battlezone and tried to engage my opponents frigate and cruiser, I was greeted by a third ship warping in. I gave a sigh and put my head in my hands. An Ishtar. A Caracal and Incursus I could tank all day long but there was no way I was getting out of this fight alive now, especially without a web equipped. Even if they came within blaster range, I could not hold them there to kill them. I stuck my drones on the frigate and aligned towards a distant station. The best I could do was to try and outrun them and warp away. I watched as the Caracal pelted me from range and the Ishtar orbited just out of blaster range with its drones assaulting my poor Brutix. I was running my armor repairer's and capacitor booster non-stop to try and compensate for the harsh beating my ship was taking. For minutes I managed to stave off death until my cargo holds were nearly dry of boosters and my hull began to crumple and burn. Still I managed to keep repairing just enough to keep myself alive.

What is this? The Caracal for some inexplicable reason was closing distance and soon was virtually on top me! I would make him pay for his absolutely retarded mistake. All seven blasters overheated and firing and my five drones all targetted upon the weak Caldari cruiser. He realized the danger he was in as soon as I opened fire but it was too late to flee. His ship was melted almost instantly. I toggled my MWD and managed to burn just out of scrambler range of the Ishtar who was probably not expecting his friend to explode so fast and I warped away to the station I had been trying to warp to the entire time. I cackled in the cockpit. I screamed. I cried. Those fricken morons. How did I just survive that fight let alone kill off one of my attackers? My entertainment was only multiplied as the frustrated Ishtar pilot accused me of having warp core stabilizers equipped. Stabs? Me? Right...

Thorax vs Arbitrator

Lazyness is a wonderful virtue. Because of it, I haven't bothered taking the time to go buy any new cruisers and thus I had been flying around in whatever I could scrounge up in my hangar for the past few days. Finally I got my ass up and flew to the nearest trade hub to pick up a new Thorax and the appropriate fittings and I took myself out to Amamake to see what type of horrific ways I could get myself killed. Amamake was much quieter than usual as it was only busy instead of a total madhouse. A few other cruisers and ships taunted me from the scanner and I pinpointed one of them to a nearby gate. Time to investigate!

I landed and saw my target in an Amarr Arbitrator cruiser. Nothing I couldn't easily handle. I targetted and launched my drones to try and coax him into engaging and it worked! Soon we were locked up in battle and I had my opponent webbed and scrambled and feeling the full brunt of my drones and blasters. It wasn't all clear skies though as my capacitor was being drained by his neuts. Once my capacitor was gone I would not be able to fire my guns, web, scramble or have any speed to escape. I grimaced as my energy was almost completely gone when I noticed a green flashing light out of the corner of my eye. I looked over at my ships console and came to an embarassing realization. I was not being neuted. My microwarpdrive was still on. I had been sitting still with it running for long enough to almost completely cap myself out. I scrambled to toggle it off and recover from my mistake and the distraction made me look away from the battle for just a moment. Just as I fixed the MWD problem, I felt my ship rock under the force of several smaller explosions. My blasters were frying and going offline because I had overheated them too far. Could I possibly screw this up any further?

Finally, with my opponent and myself both low in armor, I saw several new bogies arrive on scene and I decided to cut my losses and flee the battle with my ship on the verge of exploding. An easy kill, completely borked by my lack of attentiveness. What a damn newb I am.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


Victory Is Mine!

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why was I going to do this? Every time I decided to take on another Taranis in a one-versus-one battle I always got myself killed but here I was yet again, about to throw my precious little interceptor in harms way against a pilot older than myself. I slowly set a course for my opponents ship and launched my drones, watching as he quickly and aggressively closed distance on me. Within moments we were within range and I rushed to get a lock, engage my drones, my web, my guns and to try my very damnedest not to pee my pants. As soon as my blasters began to hit true I overloaded them to their maximum effectiveness. I closed my eyes and put my head between my legs, waiting for my ship to explode.

The sounds of battle echoed outside of my cockpit and I felt my ship shudder as it absorbed drone and blaster fire. In only moments I would probably be dead and against my best efforts I had just soiled myself. This is why I wear adult diapers while pirating these days. Suddenly, everything was silent and my ship began to slow and stopped completely. I lifted my head and looked outside. Had my attacker decided to have mercy? Had he fled?

My eyes lit up as I realized the debris outside was the wreck of the other Taranis. I had won? I had won! Finally, I had come out on top while dueling interceptors and my ship had barely even been scratched! Victory was mine!

Victory Is Ours!

Last night I got to fleet up with my good blogging buddy Mynxee. We were joined by several other friends and corp-mates to make up a motley gang including a Brutix (me), Stabber (Mynxee), Falcon (Andrea Skye), Helios (Golden Helmet), Kestrel (No'Wai AmaGawD) and Catalyst (Xasz). We warmed up in some backwater system by hunting down and killing a Rifter. It was an intense fight full of danger and some very close calls. Somehow we survived without any losses.

We sat about and waited out our global criminal countdowns when a call came in over the comms: Golden Helmet had found a Raven and Drake ratting... in Amamake? "Ratting in Amamake" is probably the single most dangerous phrase in all of Eve. Just saying it can sometimes be enough to kill a man. We had to get there and we had to get there fast or someone else would get those ratters first.

After a trip that seemed to take forever, we assembled our gang on the Amamake gate and sent our suicide tackling Catalyst pilot in to test our opponents. Were they really ratting? Were they just bait? Would they warp out when they saw Xasz? All these questions and more, answered in next weeks episode!

But seriously.

We got the message that Xasz had tackled and pointed the raven and we all jumped in and made a beeline for the fight. I called the Raven primary thinking that if we only managed to kill one of these two targets, it had to be the battleship. We all landed and the engagement truly began. Xasz had gone down, sacrificing himself so that we would could prosper and prosper we did. The Raven pilot tanked us well for a short period of time but eventually went down under the sustained pressure of my ghetto fit Brutix. Next up was the Drake who's tank was considerably less impressive and he melted like hot butter squeezed between my ass cheeks. Our Helios managed to nab both pods before they fled and on top of the kills and loot we obtained a 10 million ISK ransom. Victory was ours!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Killing Stuff Is Fun

It has not been a good few days. Four cruisers down in a period of 48 hours. The only thing that could possibly cheer me up would be some good old carebear tears:

[15:19:44] Wah Wah Magee > you're a real tough guy
[15:19:51] Wah Wah Magee > you killed a gunless, modless, afk ship
[15:19:52] Spectre3353 > i know i am
[15:19:53] Spectre3353 > anyhiow
[15:19:57] Spectre3353 > 5 million and your pod can go
[15:19:58] Spectre3353 > you have 30 seconds
[15:20:15] Wah Wah Magee > you can go f*ck yourself sideways, i dareyou to pod me
[15:20:16] Spectre3353 > 20 seconds
[15:20:24] Wah Wah Magee > f*ck yourself
[15:20:29] Spectre3353 > eh actually after your threat i think im going to let you go
[15:20:36] Wah Wah Magee > haha
[15:20:37] Wah Wah Magee > pusy
[15:20:37] Spectre3353 > youve made me very fearful of retribution from you and your corporation
[15:20:40] Wah Wah Magee > pod my pussy
[15:20:47] Wah Wah Magee > pos me pussy
[15:20:52] Wah Wah Magee > pod me
[15:20:53] Spectre3353 > no i am going to let you go because i am so very scared
[15:20:54] Wah Wah Magee > i dare you
[15:20:56] Spectre3353 > i dont want to cause any trouble
[15:21:00] Spectre3353 > i am a peaceful friendly loving person
[15:21:03] Wah Wah Magee > haha your a pussy
[15:21:06] Spectre3353 > i enjoy long walks on the beach
[15:21:07] Wah Wah Magee > pod me
[15:21:09] Wah Wah Magee > i dare you
[15:21:12] Spectre3353 > scrapbooking
[15:21:21] Wah Wah Magee > hahahahaha
[15:21:24] Spectre3353 > and wine & cheese tastings
[15:21:25] Wah Wah Magee > afraid of the sec hit huh
[15:21:33] Spectre3353 > yes i dont want to lower my -9.97 anymore
[15:21:36] Spectre3353 > it would be the end of me!
[15:21:44] Wah Wah Magee > pod me i dare you
[15:21:46] Spectre3353 > let me be honest
[15:21:49] Spectre3353 > killing stuff is fun
[15:21:51] Wah Wah Magee > quicker way back to that station
[15:21:52] Spectre3353 > but the tears from people like you
[15:21:55] Spectre3353 > is what makes this game fun
[15:21:59] Spectre3353 > thank you for making my day
[15:21:59] Wah Wah Magee > lol
[15:22:02] Wah Wah Magee > you see any tears?
[15:22:10] Wah Wah Magee > i have over 500 million
[15:22:14] Wah Wah Magee > i dont care about the ship
[15:22:18] Spectre3353 > wowzers! thats a lot of money!!!!!
[15:22:18] Wah Wah Magee > i dont care about the clone
[15:22:20] Wah Wah Magee > thank you
[15:22:35] Wah Wah Magee > i agree

For anyone worried, he did get podded in the end.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Moving Out

Goodbye Aurohunen

I tend to be a bit emotional for a someone whose profession insists that they be tough, cold-hearted and ruthless. I was very sad when my pony died (R.I.P. Mrs Pilkins). I was a bit torn up when I tried to leave the pirate life. I was heartbroken when I dumped my poor Taranis. So when Golden Helmet decided that it was time for us to leave our current system and move on to a new region of space, I felt my usual sad emotions begin to well up. I know that pirates are a nomadic bunch, but I can't help but feel nostalgic about leaving what has been my home for many months now. When I first arrived in Aurohunen and the surrounding area, I was a newb. I flew an Incursus and a Vexor (poorly) and had only a few a dozen kills under my belt. Fast forward to now and we have racked up at least 1500 kills in Aurohunen and the surrounding area and I have gone from being a complete newb to being the most accomplished and fearsome pirate in the history of Eve (slight exageration maybe).

So I packed up all my ships, all my modules and let free all the exotic dancers that have been trapped in my hangar for months. I threw on my disguise, complete with a fake mustache and climbed into my industrial Iteron for the trip down to our new home. I waved goodbye to Jeff, my favorite hangar tech and he just gave me a dumb blank look while his ham & cheese sandwich hung halfway out of his fat mouth. Ah Jeff, how I'll miss your hilarious lunchmeat antics. My industrial slowly drifted into space and I breathed in the fresh Aurohunen air (at least I pretended to). The end of a great chapter in the life of Spectre the pirate but hopefully also the beginning to a great new one.

Like Riding A Bike

I was all moved in and ready to roam. I picked out a freshly fit new Vexor, full of tech 2 goodies and got ready for some fun. Our gang assembled and we flew off to visit the famed system of Amamake to look for a bit of trouble. We arrived and the scanner overflowed with potential targets. I salivated over the possibilities and began to scan and warp around. After a few moments, a new-ish pilot in a Hurricane was at a gate! I followed him to the gate just in time to see him warp to another one. I wasn't going to let this ripe fellow get away. I arrived at the next gate just in time to see him jump through and I followed quickly to make sure I would see where he warped to next.

As my jump completed, a high priority message flashed on my ships overview. Criminals will not be tolerated? What??? I did a system check on where I had just jumped to...

Location: Osoggur
Security Status: 0.5

High security space. I had followed my target to certain death. I banged my head on my ships console several times. It would be the last time I ever did anything with it as it was torn asunder by the Minmatar faction police moments later. Why can't they create a simple warning mechanism on ships or gates to prevent such mishaps? I will never understand.


My last post got a lot of hits and a lot of responses so I figured people might be interested in some updates related to it:

- There was a thread on the forums about the events that transpired with Mostly Harmless and their titan. One fellow who read and posted was so impressed that he gave us 5 free T2 frigates. My hangar and it's new stock of Taranis's thanks you Phoenix Pride!

- After I had docked up with my battle-Navitas to go to the station's spa, the rest of my corp decided to get together and destroy the unguarded and offline POS that Mostly Harmless left behind (at least I think this was theirs... I wasn't there).

- Soon after my blog post about seeing the Titan, I got a private message from a party interested in the location where I saw it, the name of the ship as well as the name of the pilot. I let him know that for a certain price, I might be willing to share. 20 million ISK and a few minutes later, we both had exactly what we wanted. Now I kind of wish I had asked for more...

Lastly, I saw a post today by Pegleg Punk that was really amusing. It isn't every day that someone gets told "You are the evil incarnate here." Why doesn't anyone ever say that to me?