I yawned and put my feet up on the console of my ship. Why I had decided to start roaming this early in the morning I was not sure. I could still taste last nights vodka on my tongue and my bleary eyes could barely focus on the scanner. There was never anyone around this early in the galactic standard day anyhow so maybe I should just take a nap.
I glanced at my ships consoles and realized that there were two pilots in the system and two ships on scan. Perhaps it was NOT too early in the day for a little pirating. I spent a moment triangulating their signals and found that a Retriever mining barge and Raven battleship were sitting in a belt only a few million kilometers away! To those unfamiliar with pirating in an small blaster ship, each of these targets provokes this sort of response when you find them in a belt:
Raven (or any battleship): Run away!
So when I saw these two in a belt together, one being guarded by the other, my combined response was simply a "Hmmm". Even an inexperienced pilot in a battleship could tank my damage until I ran out of ammo and even a ship with big missiles like the Raven would probably take me down if I hung around long. On the other hand, a Retriever is incredibly weak and I could probably tear through it and flee before the Raven could kill me. The classic hit and run... why not give it a shot? I set my course for the belt and accelerated into warp, my hangover suddenly overcome by a surge of adreneline.
I came out of warp about 25km away from my targets. The Retriever was busy attacking space rocks and his Raven friend was sitting right next to him. I toggled the MicrowarpDrive on my Taranis for a moment to close distance and tackled the mining barge. I tore right through his defenses and in moments the pilot was sitting next to his wrecked barge in his egg. I quickly approached the wreck, scooped all the loot I could fit in my tiny holds (but had to leave a valuable strip miner module) and fled back to my safe spot in space right as the Raven finally targeted me and fired a single volley. As I safely left the belt, I noticed that the Raven's volley was mostly heavy missiles and had barely even damaged my shields.
As I sat now waiting out my criminal timer and contemplating whether or not I should go back and try to solo a Caldari Battleship, the Raven pilot began smack talking me over the local system comms:
[12:19:01] Whiny Raven > nubcake come fight !!
[12:19:56] Spectre3353 > come back in a smaller ship and id love to
[12:20:50] Whiny Raven > your bountyfied now nubcake
[12:20:58] Spectre3353 > woohoo!
[12:22:08] Whiny Raven > 1 isk is about what ur worth maybe 2
For anyone again, unfamiliar with the life of a pirate, this sort of response is extremely common. I cannot tell you the number of people that have told me I will pay for what I've done and that they will get their revenge. To this day, none of my victims threats have ever come true. All smack talk and bounties on my head really do is increase the size of my ever growing ego.
This conversation continued for a few minutes until the Raven pilot finally gave up on me and went back to sitting in the belt, alone and next to his friends wreck. Minutes went by and the urge to warp in and try my luck continued to increase. Finally when I had nearly worked up the courage, two new pilots entered local and new ships appeared on scan. A Vagabond heavy assault cruiser and an Arazu recon cruiser were both nearby! Within a few moments my scanner informed me that they too had entered the belt that the Raven was idling in...
[12:34:26] Spectre3353 > please kill that *** in the raven
[12:34:29] Spectre3353 > i will laugh my ass off
I warped into the belt at a distance just in time to watch the Raven explode into beautiful little pieces.
[12:35:49] Spectre3353 > Whiny Raven, you SUCK
[12:39:52] Vaga Pilot > lol
[12:40:01] Vaga Pilot > job done
[12:40:06] Spectre3353 > thanks very much
[12:40:10] Vaga Pilot > np
Once the ships had all left the belt, I approached the Raven wreck to see what was left. The killers had stripped it of everything except one item... the strip miner from my barge kill! He must have looted his friends wreck once I had left! I took my other loot back to the station and returned for the strip miner and sold it as part of my haul. Selling a tech I strip miner on the market netted me over one million isk. Watching a smack talking Raven pilot go down in flames was priceless. It is funny how things always work out in the end.
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