Saturday, August 30, 2008


We are all here today to honor the memory of a loved one who has passed on to the next life. Max was more than just a friend to us all. She was an inspiration. A loyal friend, sister, lover and lava-spewing-mechanical-marvel. I remember the day that we first met at that station in Jita. She looked like any other Thorax cruiser as I had her loaded into my industrial hauler and I gave her no special consideration I would not give to any of my ships. I treated her as a subordinate. She got no special wash or wax and she received no rare faction modules. She was just a ship.

As the days began to pass, my oblivious attitude towards Max began to melt into a feeling of admiration, respect and even love. She wasn't the strongest, the fastest or the most nimble but she had heart and she was tough as nails. We began to fly together every day. We killed poor little frigates, haulers and cruisers as they tried to autopilot through low security space. We killed pilots in the nearby complexes as they tried to complete their lame missions. We helped to bust up gate camps on our precious home turf. We pirated in the belts, at the stations, at the gates, near and far to our home. Big or small, alone or part of a group, there was nothing that Max didn't seem able to do.

The day of her death seemed like any other. Hostile targets in a Rupture and Thorax were in the area and we brought our own Nemesis, Rupture, Vexor and Maxine the Thorax to engage. A fight broke out on the gate and soon our opponents had brought in a Drake as well. A well fought and very evenly matched melee ensued. Their Thorax in trouble, their Rupture destroyed and all while Max was slowly being whittled down. I overheated my guns in an effort to finish the job fast and soon it was just us and the Drake left when I made that fatal mistake. In an effort to escape the scrambler range of the Drake, I hit my microwarpdrive and began to slowly accelerate. My speed was still low and my signature radius had been greatly increased by the propulsion device. The Drakes missiles began doing immense damage and I was out of capacitor to run my armor repairer or my microwarpdrive. I watched as Max was brutally slain right in front of my eyes and it was all my fault. Our Rupture and Nemesis pilots had been able to escape but my Thorax and my gang-mates Vexor both fell victim to the Drake's onslaught.

Max might be gone, but her memory will live on forever. Not just with me, but with the dozens of pilots that she affected so very profoundly. Wherever you are now (in a steaming pile near the Mara gate I guess) I hope that you know we are thinking of you. We will miss you.

Thursday, August 28, 2008


Laughable Written Hate!

2008.08.28 03:58
That's hardly neighborly.
-Milliardo Chartres

2008.08.28 03:59
I would love to take credit for someone elses handiwork but im not actually sure what you're talking about.

2008.08.28 04:09
You attempted a target lock before I jumped. Showed you flashing red and everything. Was I mistaken? If so I appologise in full.
-Milliardo Chartres

2008.08.28 04:11
I don't think it was me but it does sound like something I would do, so don't apologize :)

2008.08.28 04:36
It does sound like something you would do. Your blog was less than advertised. It only highlights your need to drop the pixels and find a real companion. We at Shadow Phoenix recommend an actual woman. No worries though, you'll meet a few when our pack hunts shameless PKers. You could always turn cool and setup honorable PvP instead of thugging it. Players with class will always draw attention and respect.
-Milliardo Chartres

Seriously Deadly Hate!

I landed in the belt where I had been told a Drake was sitting. In my Brutix I expected a fun fight, battlecruiser versus battlecruiser. I began digging into his shields but at an extremely slow pace and before I knew it I was halfway through my armor. No need to worry, I had secured backup and they were on their way. Then the Drakes friends began landing. A Curse? No problem... we can handle it. Oh a Dominix? No problem. A Deimos, Raven and Hurricane too? Ugh, I think this might have been a trap. I watched as my ship was annihilated and then banged my head repeatedly against the pod walls as my pod was nabbed and destroyed as well. I JUST BOUGHT IMPLANTS TODAY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ 2008.08.28 05:14:23 ] EquitaS > come on guys
[ 2008.08.28 05:14:27 ] EquitaS > pirates dont hide
[ 2008.08.28 05:14:33 ] Spectre3353 > that was uh
[ 2008.08.28 05:14:37 ] Spectre3353 > i guess that was a blob

[ 2008.08.28 05:15:19 ] Syrus Delavega > we heard you guys are suckers for free kills had to pay you a visit

So much hate. So much directed at a poor innocent pirate like myself. I think I need a vacation.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Apocalypse Now

My hot blasters and ferocious drones slowly whittled their way through my targets armor. Our makeshift gang of a Stabber, Taranis, Blackbird and my Thorax were slowly destroying an Amarr Apocalypse Battleship. Our victim was unable to defend himself thanks to the incredibly powerful electronic countermeasure technology that the Caldari jamming ships employ. I opened a channel with the pilot and gave him a chance to save his ship:

[ 2008.08.27 15:15:57 ] Spectre3353 > hey beau
[ 2008.08.27 15:15:58 ] beau johnson1 > hmm
[ 2008.08.27 15:16:07 ] Spectre3353 > 40mil and you can leave
[ 2008.08.27 15:16:12 ] beau johnson1 > no kill for u
[ 2008.08.27 15:16:13 ] Spectre3353 > sorry to do this to you :)
[ 2008.08.27 15:16:28 ] beau johnson1 > sd on

No kill for me? "sd" on? What in the world did that mean? Confused, I closed the channel and watched as the battleship was nearly out of both shields and armor and about to take damage directly to his hull. His refusal to pay and the confidence in his response gave me a funny feeling about what was going on. Were his friends about to show up? Was he just messing around and about to open fire and demolish us?

I smacked my head in frustration. Now I understood. He was self-destructing! The timer had run out before we could finish whittling down his ship. No killmail from CONCORD. No loot on the wreck. He had decided he would rather let his ship go down in flames than pay us anything or let us have the satisfaction of causing his destruction. I watched as beau's pod warped away and felt a little upset over the lack of closure in our engagement...


For months I have flown my Taranis. For months she has been my most prized, most loved ship. For months I have dreamt of nothing other than caressing her sweet wings and snuggling in her cozy cockpit. For months I loved her like no other until the other day when I arrived in Jita. 15,000,000 ISK for a Taranis? What are these people smoking? No way am I paying such a price for a ship that can be destroyed in a single volley by some of my opponents.

So my hangar remained devoid of it's usual little ball of face melting (my Taranis always loved when I called her that). Instead I continue to fly my Thorax named Max, who somehow has lasted nearly a MONTH and has now obtained 37 kills. Let me say that again for emphasis: A single ship that I fly very often, in many types of encounters, solo and in gang, has survived for 26 days since purchase and has been part of 37 different kills.

It all hit me as I sat in Max's cockpit, stroking the consoles and screens and controls and mini-fridge. I had fallen for her. An awful wave of guilt washed over me as I realized I was cheating on my Taranis but I swallowed the lump in my throat. Perhaps it is time to move on? After all, Max and I, we had been through a lot. Frigates, Interceptors, Cruisers, Heavy Assault Cruisers, Battlecruisers, Battleships, Industrials and Mining Barges. I was too grown up now. I needed a full bodied cruiser and no more of this frigate business. I was going to have to let my old girl down hard.

I got out of Max and walked nervously over to Mr Pilkins, the Taranis I had just recently aquired from a corp-mate. I touched her nose softly and said sadly that we could be together no more for I had found a new love. I could see in the reflection of her orange paint that she was devastated. I held myself together and waved goodbye. I turned and began to walk when I heard a message come in over the corporation comms from inside the cockpit...

"Bantam mining in an asteroid belt! Anyone up for an epic fight?"

I turned and jumped into Mr Pilkins without even thinking twice. We soared out into the blackness and onward to kill a poor defenseless miner (my favorite kind). I guess even if the love is gone, ours can be a purely professional relationship.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Pirate Blogs

I am amazed at some of the people I talk to about my blog/log/ramblings/thingy-you're-reading-now. I am not sure how they find this site but many of them are not familiar with the other pirate blogs and sites out there related to Eve that inspired me to begin writing my own material in the first place! So I thought to myself, "why not create a list and link to all of them?" So here it is then. My list of pirate blogs that I think everyone should read:

You Money Or Your Life! - by Ka Jolo: KJ probably thinks I am some sort of stalking weirdo. I have mentioned him many times in my writings, I have bugged him several times in game to ask questions or to gang up and I even applied to his corp several months back. The reason I am so enamored with him and his adventures is simply that everything he writes is well written and feels very accessible. Ka Jolo makes pirating sound FUN from the very beginning as a newb in an Incursus up until the present in bigger ships. His stories are the reason I chose to fly many of the Gallente ships that I do and I wouldn't want it any other way.

A Pirates Perspective - by Kane Rizzel: Some of you may remember Kane from my series of posts about the epic journey. Kane's method of writing is very engrossing, sucks you in and would probably even be entertaining to read if you didn't play Eve. His stories and situations always feel a little bit darker and more dangerous than the rest of the ones I find around and with good reason I think. Eifer is a damn dangerous place!

Flashfresh - A Pirate - by Flashfresh: A friend of Kane, I will sometimes see them referring to flying together in their posts. Flash's early posts are very raw and without much fluff. They remind me very much of how I first felt as a newbie pirate. As his writing style evolved he began to incorporate a much more well rounded style of writing that meshed both real in-game experiences with fictional dialogue and characters. It is this sort of hybrid style that I try very hard to emulate. A great blog and one that seems to have evolved greatly since the beginning.

Eve-Pirate - by Ander (and many more): I admit that I don't actually know that much about this fellow Ander. The reason for this is that he does not usually write the posts that appear on the site. Instead, Eve-Pirate is a community blog that anyone can post to and after review, the post(s) will be cleared for publication and shown. I have posted my writings to this blog before and there are nearly a thousand entries by hundreds of different writers. A great place to start out if you are thinking of writing about your pirating adventures.

Life In Low Sec - By Mynxee: Less of a story-teller than most of the other pirates I listed above. Mynxee's blog is more like having a conversation with a fellow pirate only it is completely one-sided because you cannot respond to a blog (obviously you big dummy). Her posts are informative, incite some good comments and would be useful to anyone trying to understand the dynamics of life in... well... lowsec! Also a very friendly and helpful person in game.

Helicity - by Helicity Boson: Ok, so I actually only started reading this one today and the pilot is only days old. So why would I link and recommend something so new? Why because he has joined my corporation and even cites me as his inspiration! How could I possibly resist? It is nice to see a pirate who is starting out with the Amarr line of ships as almost all I have met go with Gallente and/or Minmitar. I look forward to reading about your exploits in the trusty and durable Punisher. Don't let us down!

Wensley - by Wensley: A 0.0 pilot whom I have been talking to for a few weeks now, he has decided to take the plunge and join Ka Jolo's Tuskers. His blog is very clean and easy to read and should soon be full of stories of pirating and what we like to call "Yarr"*. I really look forward to where this one is going.

* "Yarr" is a registered trademark of Spectre and all violators of its use will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of a Light Neutron Blaster II loaded with Null S.

Yarr Yum - by Lanissum: A newcomer to both pirating, blogging about pirating and to the Pyton Cartel, his blog started out a bit rough around the edges but has already started to settle into a nice groove. All I can say is: "STOP KILLING COOL STUFF WITHOUT ME YOU JERK!"**

** "Killing Cool Stuff" is a registered trademark of Spectre and all violators of its use will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of Mr Pilkins kicking them in the face repeatedly while I watch and laugh.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Sore Loser

As I continue posting to this log about my experiences, I have started to get a response from you weirdos who read it. You send me eve-mails, start private conversations with me and join my comm channel to speak with me. I think my favorite part of all this is the fact that I have gotten to fly with several of you. In some instances it didn't go so well (sorry Leon). In some instances I was killed by my own readers and then teamed up with them later on (thanks Malekar). Last night I went out with my Ishkur, Apoctasy in a Blackbird and another reader Lachesis in an Omen. Determined to show Lach a good time, we roamed around the area until we got down to a system called Ishomilken. Ishomilken is home to a pirate gang called VMF-214 Blacksheep. We have had encounters with some of their pilots before that had gone both ways. Tonight there were a few of them in local and I immediately noticed a Caracal on scan and in a belt as we arrived in system...

We warped in on nemezio but he was just moving as I landed. We scanned around a bit more and found him this time towards a planet. I warped in and engaged in my Ishkur. I took a serious beating and was in structure and out of capacitor by the time my gang arrived. Thanks to the wonders of ECM I was safe from the Caracal and his Thrasher friend that had shown up once Apoc engaged with the Blackbird. The Thrasher pilot's name was Shimino and he fled once he was jammed and saw that this fight was not going to go their way. We finished off nemezio, grabbed the loot and warped off to deep space to repair our damage and assess the situation. We gave a polite acknowledgment of the fight over the local comms like pirates usually do and got this response:

[ 2008.08.24 05:17:53 ] Spectre3353 > gf nemezio
[ 2008.08.24 05:17:59 ] Spectre3353 > scared me
[ 2008.08.24 05:18:10 ] Shimino > what?
[ 2008.08.24 05:18:35 ] Shimino > you can't make a good fight?
[ 2008.08.24 05:18:51 ] Shimino > you need a jammer for fight?
[ 2008.08.24 05:19:21 ] Spectre3353 > there isnt any reason to be childish... this is eve, not arena football... of course we are going to use any advantage we can get
[ 2008.08.24 05:19:23 ] Shimino > and you know it's a good fight?
[ 2008.08.24 05:19:45 ] Shimino > where is the chalenge?
[ 2008.08.24 05:20:01 ] Spectre3353 > there isnt any reason to be a sore loser
[ 2008.08.24 05:20:15 ] Shimino > you need realy perma jam all ship realy??
[ 2008.08.24 05:20:24 ] Apoctasy > :)
[ 2008.08.24 05:20:24 ] Spectre3353 > i come in here all the time and your corp is sitting at stations in battleships
[ 2008.08.24 05:20:28 ] Spectre3353 > so dont act all high and mighty
[ 2008.08.24 05:20:28 ] Shimino > you are the looser dude
[ 2008.08.24 05:20:37 ] Spectre3353 > you are sore is all it is
[ 2008.08.24 05:20:49 ] Spectre3353 > youre immature and upset that you didnt win
[ 2008.08.24 05:21:01 ] Spectre3353 > when you could have just been civil and polite about it like most people
[ 2008.08.24 05:21:06 ] Spectre3353 > f*ck off
[ 2008.08.24 05:21:08 ] Shimino > you come with many support ship jammer
[ 2008.08.24 05:21:13 ] Shimino > NO U
[ 2008.08.24 05:21:16 ] Spectre3353 > if we hadnt, i would be dead
[ 2008.08.24 05:21:20 ] Spectre3353 > which means it was the right choice
[ 2008.08.24 05:21:20 ] Shimino > you are the looser

What an incredibly sore loser. At this point I programmed my ships computers to ignore any and all messages sent by Shimino so that I wouldn't have to be distracted by his comments. We continued to scan around. Shimino and his Thrasher were still out and nemezio had now returned in a Drake. I scanned Shimino at a station and decided to warp and engage if he was within range. I landed and he was within 30km! I turned on my slow afterburners, launched my drones and within moments we were locked up in a fight. His Thrasher did some very impressive damage as it was fully T2 fit but my Ishkur's tank and drones and blasters were a bit too much to handle. He went down as my ship began to take hull damage and I also managed to grab his pod and it's 3 million ISK bounty.

Finally I went and dropped off the loot collected from our last kills at the station and repaired all the damage my Ishkur had taken to it's hull. We regrouped and found that nemezio's Drake was sitting at a planet. We had been pretty successful so far, so why not continue to press our luck? We warped in on nemezio and engaged. Lucky for me he was using heavy missiles and had only three T1 drones so my well tanked frigate was more than safe from his damage. We jammed his targeting computers, destroyed his drones and began trying to break his tank when suddenly a Pilgrim showed up right on top of us! We all fled immediately, not wanting to mess with a recon that may or may not be allied with our Drake opponent.

Sitting in deep space again, we considered the situation. The recon had warped almost right on top of us. We could probably jam and burn him down pretty fast and it also did not seem as though he was actually allied with nemezio. We could try to take on the Drake again and this time we could just turn on the Pilgrim if he showed up again. We warped back in on nemezio, began our same attack and sure enough, the Pilgrim showed up again! We turned our weapon systems upon the new opponent and heard screams and then silence over the fleet comms... Apoctasy and his Blackbird were down! Lachesis was taking fire! We just wanted to finish off this Pilgrim before we were all dead... I put everything I had onto the Pilgrim. Blasters. Drones. Web. He was hitting structure and finally exploded just as Lachesis and his Omen bit the dust from the combined fire of our enemies. I was the lucky one as I recalled my drones and was able to warp away from the encounter alive in structure.

It seems to be a common theme in the Ishkur. I end every fight in structure but regardless I still get out alive. What a trusty frigate.

I woke up this morning to this message from "Eve System":

Offensive Language
2008.08.24 08:17
This is an official warning for using offensive language in a public channel. Cease all such behavior or risk further repercussions.

Shimino had reported me to someone? He had started a smacktalk conversation and then been such a sore loser about his ship loss (and conversation loss I suppose) that he reported me for using a naughty word? That is sad and it is a low blow. Definitely one of the most childish pilots I have ever run into. At least his bounty and loot will make me feel better. ISK attained through the blood and tears of my opponents always does.

Friday, August 22, 2008

We Shall Scrimp And Save

My wallet balance 4 days ago:
42,000,000 ISK

Ransoming a newb in a Raven:
+17,000,000 ISK

Insurance payout for losing a Brutix:
+27,000,000 ISK

Doing several level 3 missions:
+30,000,000 ISK

Looting a Stealth Bomber and ransoming the pilots pod:
+20,000,000 ISK

Killing a couple battleships and selling the loot:
+5,000,000 ISK

It has been a very profitable few days. Even my one ship loss came close to making me money. This is how pirating should always be!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

A Small Oversight

Recently it has become a bit dangerous to go flying around the nearby systems in anything small enough to be caught at a gate. There are loads of anti-pirates and occasionally other pirates in camps that will nab a blinky red like myself and my corp at the gates. Because of this I have been resorting to finding ways to entertain myself without leaving our home system or at least by not going very far. This involves a lot of popping new pilots as they autopilot through the gates, as they mine in the belts or as they undock from the stations. Not glorious and not extremely profitable but very entertaining and fairly safe when flying my Thorax with thick armor equipped.

So I watched the same Badger hauler dock and leave from one of the nearby stations a few times and decided I would go and wait in the undock lane to try and catch him the next time. I equipped my Thorax with a sensor booster and a strong scrambler to ensure I would get him and waited. Within a few minutes I saw his name pop up on my overview! When flying a ship, a majority of the time is actually spent watching your instruments and screens as opposed to actually looking out the glass at what is there. So I watched my screens as I targeted him and opened fire. The gate guns began to pepper me but he would be dead and I would be gone before it ever mattered. I watched his ships shields and... nothing was happening? Why wasn't this Badger taking damage? Was it a super combat Navy Issue Badger? I lifted my head and actually looked out the glass at my target and realized that I couldn't see ANYTHING. It just looked like I was really close to the side of some sort of huge ship but that couldn't be right. I checked my overview more carefully this time to see what type of ship I was attempting to pop.



I was trying to solo a carrier in a cruiser with gate guns on me? I ignored the awful sinking feeling and aligned to warp. My opponent didn't even seem to be targeting me back and I was able to warp away in one piece, a bit embarrassed and having learned a lesson. Paying attention is GOOD!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


The CONCORD deputy tossed me roughly down the few steps leading up to their station. I got up, dusted myself off, gave him my trademarked mean glare and sulked off with my ego severely bruised. Several days ago I apparently got a bit too drunk at Kattie's Koral in the station and had started punching people. Me! I had heard the eye witnesses and watched the security vids (and I was too drunk to have any memory of the encounter) but there had to be some sort of conspiracy. I was a model citizen! Four days in confinement and they had finally decided they had nothing more serious than a bar brawl to keep me locked up for and they had let me go. I wandered back to my bunk and laid down but I was restless and annoyed. Too restless and annoyed to sit here steaming about the past few days. There is only one thing that could calm me down. One thing that starts with a "K" and ends with "illing people."

I went down to the hangar and looked at my beautiful line of ships. Thorax, Crusader, Brutix, Catalyst, Incursus, Punisher, Rifter... but as always my eyes were drawn to my Taranis. Named after my late pony, I hopped into Mr Pilkins the blaster fit Taranis and undocked. Even after only a few days I felt out of sync like I hadn't flown her in forever. I did a few twists and twirls and flips and fired my guns off into space and I felt better. I turned off my comms as the stations flight control started yelling angrily at me to stop screwing around in the docking lane.

Through Aurohunen, Dantumi and then into Mara I flew, looking for some fun. As I jumped into Mara I saw a Cormorant destroyer floating nearby the gate. Not an uncommon sight around these parts. I targeted the fellow to try and scare him into doing something stupid and almost immediately my actions paid off as he warped to a nearby belt. I warped in on him and now joined by UberNero, we popped his ship and locked down his pod for ransom. Success again! It was a small amount but in our profession, money is money. As we waited in deep space after the kill, I received an invitation to speak with my victim over the comms. I accepted the invite and was suddenly speaking with not just my victim, but his two friends as well!

[ 2008.08.19 23:31:23 ] momlol > yeah if your so cool destroying amonse
[ 2008.08.19 23:31:26 ] Amonse > you honestly arnt scared of a couple of ibis's

Why yes, I was cool for having killed Amonse. Why no, I wasn't particulary scared of a couple Ibis's. What were these guys getting at?

[ 2008.08.19 23:34:48 ] momlol > planet 1
[ 2008.08.19 23:34:57 ] Amonse > on my way
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:06 ] Amonse > wait for me
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:08 ] Spectre3353 > fine
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:09 ] Spectre3353 > go to planet 1
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:11 ] momlol > ok planet 1
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:11 ] Amonse > youll need backup little frig
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:17 ] Spectre3353 > i can solo a raven
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:28 ] Amonse > ok
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:29 ] momlol > lol
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:30 ] Amonse > can you solo a rokh
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:33 ] momlol > lets see it then
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:37 ] Spectre3353 > i could solo a carrier

At this point we were now joined by a third gang member, Apoctasy. This meant our gang was now made up of an interceptor, a Thorax cruiser and a Manticore stealth bomber. On our scanner was a Raven being piloted by momlol and his friend was claiming that he was bringing a Rokh. Two frigates and a cruiser against two battleships? Normally not something we would try to engage but these guys were young and obviously stupid. If they wanted a fight at planet 1, they would get it. I warped in to the planet and a few moments later was joined by the Raven. I sent the signal to my gang to warp in and as they arrived, so did their friend in a Rokh. Moments later, a THIRD battleship in the form of another Raven appeared. I did what little damage I could to our primary Raven target and fled well out of range of the fight with my ship damaged down to its hull by the missiles that had been smacking me.

[ 2008.08.19 23:37:46 ] momlol > 1 slow interceptor son
[ 2008.08.19 23:38:04 ] Amonse > hey look drones
[ 2008.08.19 23:38:04 ] momlol > hes practicaly dead
[ 2008.08.19 23:38:24 ] momlol > think hes dead

[ 2008.08.19 23:38:37 ] momlol > lol
[ 2008.08.19 23:38:45 ] momlol > i kille u with a raven alone with 3 on me
[ 2008.08.19 23:38:53 ] Amonse > lol

[ 2008.08.19 23:40:49 ] momlol > hey spect killed your ass lol in a raven 3 on 1

As I continued to listen in on their discussion over the comms from about 200km away about how they had "killed" me. I wondered if they even noticed the gank-fit Thorax and stealth bomber pounding away at their ships. I decided to take a risk and fly back in to lock down the non-primaried ships to make sure none of our victims got away. Down went the first Raven. Down went the Rokh. One Raven left and we weren't going to give up this chance to make some cash. They continued to ramble and spout gibberish over the comms so I spoke up and made sure they could hear my offer:

[ 2008.08.19 23:40:51 ] Spectre3353 > CARIUSDIUS
[ 2008.08.19 23:40:57 ] Spectre3353 > PAY US 50 MILLION RIGHT NOW
[ 2008.08.19 23:40:59 ] Spectre3353 > 50 MILLION ISK
[ 2008.08.19 23:41:01 ] Spectre3353 > YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS
[ 2008.08.19 23:41:03 ] Spectre3353 > OTHERWISE YOU ARE DEAD

A few moments later my wallet flashed and I signaled the gang to let the last battleship leave. Two battleships down and a third ransomed while we were in frigates and a tech I cruiser? Unbelievable. This sort of stuff doesn't happen every day. This sort of stuff doesn't happen EVER. I love pirating.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Still The One

I woke and sat up suddenly. The muffled sound of hybrid blasters and missile explosions echoed through the station. To battle! I jumped out of my bunk, threw on my pink bunny slippers and ran down to the hangar just in time to see Bluemorphium's Tempest docking up. It was pretty beat and it looked like he had either been the one in combat outside the station or he had run into a pack of very angry space beavers. Assuming it was the former, I went and asked one of the hangar techs what was going on.

"Fricken Python Cartel fella's are at it again" he told me. "Do you have a problem with those Python Cartel fellows?" I asked him, standing up tall in my slippers, trying to be intimidating. His eyes rolled. Whatever. I walked past Blue as he left his ship and I gave him the meanest look I could conjure. If I only we weren't in neutral territory here in the station, I would show him what I think of anti-pirates. Best to make my point out in space with some ion blasters instead. I launched my Brutix and was immediately covered by the massive shadow of an Archon carrier and it's supporting fleet of a few battleships and cruisers. So we were camping Bluemorphium in the station, eh? Not our usual form of entertainment but I'll join in. Not long after, Blue undocked in his freshly repaired battleship and we made sure that it was freshly damaged again as he turned around and redocked at the station. I yawned, stretched out and made myself a drink. We might be here a while.

A Taranis interceptor appeared suddenly out beyond our reach. About 150km away, he was sitting and watching us. After a few minutes he turned and warped away. Soon after, he was back! Just sitting and watching. I looked down at my Brutix. I looked at my vodka tonic. I looked at the station and sighed. I knew what I had to do and I knew how it was going to turn out. A few minutes later I had undocked in my own Taranis and was throttling straight towards my opponent. My gang would be able to warp to me and send in reinforcements but probably not until it was too later. A Taranis vs Taranis fight never lasts long and it never, ever, ever ends in a draw.

I landed on the other pilot and he engaged me just as eagerly as I did him. Hobgoblin's were out and flying. Light Ion Blaster's were spitting hot molten antimatter. The adreneline rushing through me made my head spin and I watched as we quickly melted each others beautiful ships into useless hunks of garbage. He was almost done. I was almost done. As the flames engulfed me and my pod was jettisoned automatically into space, I saw his ship also explode into a fiery ball of nothing. I peered out the little hatch window and saw Andrea Skye's Scorpion floating above us. I had lost the fight by a very, very small margin but my gang had been there to finish off my crippled opponent with a smart bomb.

Later in the station I examined the battle reports. While we had almost identical ship setups, my opponent had several advantages over me. He was older and more experienced, he was equipped with gunnery rigs AND he had the ability to overheat his weapons for extra damage. Despite all of this, he beat me by one gun volley and the fight could have easily gone either way. The reason things had been so close was because I had one thing that nearly evened the odds. One thing that every crazed, neurotic, suicidal Taranis pilot should have. Lucky pink bunny slippers.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

It's A Small Universe

I fell forward in my seat as my Crusader lurched out of warp. I quickly came to my senses and checked the overview systems. Rifter, 90 kilometers off! I began to approach but watched as he warped off to a nearby asteroid belt. My ship followed his trail into warp and landed at the new destination just in time to see him warp off again, this time towards a stargate. The Crusader I was flying was brand new. Shipped down to my hangar and fitted with beam lasers and speed modules only a few hours earlier. My luck with Crusaders in general had not been good and I had lost the three previous 'Saders in only a week earlier. This ship had been pulled out to roam for some victims with a gang made up of one of my corp-mates as well as another pirate I met just recently thanks my pirating log.

After a little deliberation, I decided again to follow the Rifter towards the gate he had warped to. As I approached I noticed that there were TWO Rifter frigates now on scan towards my destination. Easy little frigate kills. I landed, saw that they were both flashy red (and thus okay to engage on a gate) and punched the orbit button... just in time to be webbed... TWICE. My ship shuddered to almost a complete stop and the panic began to set in. I was 4000km away from the gate and my only possible escape was through it's bright flashy goodness.

Microwarpdrive on. Approach course set. My ship crawled its way towards jump range as the Rifter pilots began to tear through my weak shields and armor. Violently smashing buttons on my console, trying to get in distance and jump, my ship began to turn away from the gate that was so close yet so far. In horror, I realized that I had jammed the "orbit" button in my frenzy, causing my ship to change course (and sealing my fate). I tried hard to contain my frustration as my ship was smashed and my pod was popped, destroying the set of moderately expensive implants I had installed.

As I sat back at the station in Aurohunen, trying to shake off that new clone feeling, I apologized to my gang-mates for perishing in such a silly manner and leaving them stranded without their tackler. Malekar was the Rifter I had been chasing and had been the main reason for my demise. "Why did his name seem so familiar?" I thought to myself right as he began sending me messages over the comms. Of course! I had been in engagements with this pilot before and he had commented on my pirate log previously! We had a discussion about the encounter and I congratulated him on doing a good job nabbing my ship.

A reader of this log in my gang and a reader of this log as my opponent, all at the same time. It certainly is a small universe.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Home Is Where The Archon Is

Usually, a "good" ending to an encounter is when myself or my gang can post a killmail (or five) and return home with our ships intact. I ran into a situation last night where over a number of engagements lasting over an hour and involving eight pilots, we only wound up with one killmail and one lossmail yet it was still some of the most fun I have had in combat in a long time.

My gang was made up of an Ishkur (me), Rifter (XTCFreq), Blackbird (Apoctasy), Thorax (TwiceDaSize), Nemesis (Mr Morimoto) and Crow (Golden Helmet). We were engaged in a string of combat situations spanning several systems against a Hurricane and Crow that were flown by possibly the most slippery pilots I have ever run into. The Hurricane pilot was named Nicocat and had popped a Taranis of mine recently when I had become complacent and overconfident at a gate. The Crow pilot was HerrFaul, another opponent who I had recently been pitted against and while I did not lose my own ship, he made me look like a helpless slowpoke in my Blasteranis as he slowly killed my gangmates.

The encounter dragged on. We engaged in several belts and planet in Mara and then several belts and planets in Nikkishina. They trapped us in systems by sitting on the gates (we are blinky red and they are not) and we baited in belts. They engaged and ran. They engaged and we ran. Twice I nearly lost my ship and was beaten into low armor or structure just to escape thanks to our ECM capabilities. We lost a Rifter and finally our Crow pilot was able to kill theirs in a Crow vs Crow interceptor dogfight. Nicocat disappeared soon after and we limped home to Aurohunen, exhausted but elated at the entire experience. A few of us arrived and began to receive messages from the stragglers. Nico and his Hurricane had reappeared and he was chasing them system by system back to Auro! We needed to set a trap at the gate... what ships did we have to bring? A smile crept onto my face as I saw Golden Helmet just outside the station doing maintenance on his Archon carrier. Overkill? Maybe. Fun? Definitely.

GH warped to the gate and I grabbed my Brutix. I warped to the inbound gate just in time to see our pilots and their pursuer arrive in the system.

[04:53:00] Nicocat > Ooh shiny!

Nicocat sat cloaked at the gate. We sat in our Carrier, Battlecruiser and assorted other ships waiting for him to uncloak. Finally he did and made a dash for to get back to the gate. We scrambled, webbed and opened fire but it was not enough. As we began to tear into his shields he hit the gate and jumped out of the system, escaping our clutches for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past couple of hours. Much respect to a pilot who succeeds in flying a battlecruiser as though it is a heavy frigate and gives us such an entertaining night. I hope we run into you again soon.


(1) I am becoming a fan of the Ishkur: It isn't so hot for solo work but as part of a gang it seems to be very effective. The tank, firepower and versatility all in frigate form are what make it such a complete package.

(2) Carrier's are fun: ...especially when I am not the one who has to finance or fly them. What else do I need to say?

(3) Nicocat and HerrFaul are my kind of pilots: Cocky but still civil and respectful. They were willing to continue hanging around and engaging us even though they were outnumbered at all times and even though we had an ECM ship. They walked a very fine line between running away and pressing hard during our engagements. At no point did they seem either scared and running or suicidal and over-committed. It is tough to find opponents who do not fly in either of those ways.

Monday, August 11, 2008

On A Sunday


I clutched my favorite blanky as all my screens, my engines, my jacuzzi, EVERYTHING on my ship flickered off and powered down. I had just been approaching a gate in Old Man Star, one of the most violent and war torn systems in the area when it had all gone off. My ship had lost all power and was now dead in the water right next to a busy stargate. I had no way of knowing what was around me, no way of communicating to my wingman about what was going on and my life support would only last so long without power. I grabbed a toolkit and climbed down into the belly of my Crusader to see what the hell was going on. An hour later I climbed back up into the cockpit to begin restarting and analyzing everything with power restored. It turns out that an interceptor is not intended to power a jacuzzi, coffee maker, double oven and warp capable engines all at the same time. They just don't make these things like they used to.

Luckily, no one had noticed the easy kill sitting powered down and helpless and I was able to fly myself off to safety. The problem was that now I was all alone and many jumps from home in a ship that isn't really intended for solo combat. I popped open my pirate Rolodex to see who was from around this area and one name jumped out at me. Ka Jolo lived only three jumps away! The pirate who's own logs had convinced me to begin pirating and to fly the Incursus and Taranis. Would my role model and pirating inspiration be willing to gang up with a lowly newb such as myself?

I hailed KJ and asked him what it was that he was up to. My timing was perfect it seemed for he was on his way to bust up a mining party a few systems away and could use my help! I powered up the warp engines (with the jacuzzi turned off for now) and set course for the system he had specified. Soon after, I arrived (even before Ka himself) and found a Retriever mining barge, Iteron hauler and Rokh battleship on scan towards one of the asteroid belts. A Rokh is not something I would normally expect to engage but with a wingman soon to arrive in a Thorax and these pilots seemingly very young, I warped in. I began my fast orbit around the Rokh, targeted him and turned on the warp scrambler to keep him in place. Surprisingly, I was not targeted back, I was not fired upon and I did not even seem to get any response from the Rokh pilot or his mining barge friend. Weird. I targeted and opened fire on the barge, hoping to destroy it before it warped away and funny enough, he sat there and let me poke away until his barge was no more.

Ka Jolo then arrived in his Thorax and opened fire on the Rokh. Instead of the expected violent response, the pilot ejected and left his ship! Surprised by the turn of events, we realized that neither of know how to operate a Caldari battleship and decided to just finish destroying the vessel instead of leaving it for someone who did. As we combed through the wreckage I came to the conclusion that this may be one of the most poorly and improperly fit ships I have ever seen. Ever. The ship itself was worth probably one-hundred times as much as the loot we pulled out of its remains. I have gotten a better fight out of an Ibis. I have pulled better loot off of a Merlin. How sad.

Once this whole encounter was complete. KJ decided to return to his station to refit his ship. I followed him part of the way back, scanning the areas as I went and ran into another target. A young pilot flying a very formidable cruiser, the Gallente Vexor. I engaged him in his asteroid belt, warp scrambled and began to poke away. Due to my skills and my ship setup, I was only able to fire a few volleys before I realized I was almost out of energy! I was not in danger from the Vexor or his poorly equipped cruiser as his Hammerhead I drones tried to catch me. The problem was that I could not fire my own guns to destroy him and I could barely keep my microwarpdrive running! I let my gang know that I needed some offensive assistance but he was several jumps away. How could I keep this ship locked down and myself alive until help arrived? I decided to try a trick I had heard about but never tried. I began to pulse my microwarpdrive. Turning it off after each cycle, letting my ship decelerate a bit, toggling the MWD back on and then repeating. This kept my speed up enough that the drones could not catch me but reduced my capacitor usage enough to keep the microwarpdrive running permanently. Finally, Ka showed up in his Thorax and finished the job for me.

Next, we headed off in search of some more combat and another member of Ministry of Destruction joined our gang with a Drake battlecruiser for the roam. I scouted ahead but was quickly encouraged to head back as our gangmate in the Drake was being engaged by a Huginn at one of the stargates. I jumped into the system and saw that there was one other pilot in the system who must be flying the Huginn. His name was P1rate Dave and something about his name and this whole situation felt so familiar. I had a hunch and checked my own activity logs... yes, it was him! The very same Huginn pilot who had destroyed my Myrmidon months ago! I tried to encourage our Drake friend to simply return to the stargate and jump away but he remained where he. Eventually another pilot in an Asarte command ship arrived and destroyed his battlecruiser as we watched, unable to help. I docked up at a nearby station and decided it was time for a break.

A good day, again ruined by a Minmitar recon ship. As the bubbles in my jacuzzi massaged my back, I sighed and sunk deeper into the water. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day, the 'matar pilots who fly those cowardly ships will get what is coming to them.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Oh The Humanity!

Red lights flashing all around me. Alarms wailing. Confetti flying. My pony neighing at the top of his lungs. My ship was breaking apart around me. I dropped to my knees and screamed to the ceiling "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as my Brutix completed it's collapse. My pod was thrown into space all by its lonesome. Stonesmasher No 4 was down, my pony was dead and I was now late for my pedicure. How had things gone so wrong?

I had been returning to the station to change ships when I came upon one of my own corporation members and a neutral pilot, both in Thorax cruisers, sitting outside. My mate encouraged me to engage and he would do the same. We would take some gate gun fire but I could pound through a cruiser easy and then just warp away before it was a problem. So we went to attack but before we could, the neutral pilot simply docked! What a girl. I sat, waiting for his return when another pilot undocked in a Catalyst destroyer. I grinned. Easy, breezy, beautiful, dead Catalyst pilot. I locked and destroyed his ship quickly and the gate guns opened fire. I began to align to warp away when the Thorax pilot from a few moments ago undocked and saw me slowly aligning my big battlecruiser to leave. He locked on to me and turned on the warp scrambler and suddenly I was between a rock and a hard place. As he began to assault me with his medium blasters, I engaged and did the same but realized there was no way I was going to come out of this fight a winner thanks to the fact that the station guns had been and were going to continue to pound on me. I recalled my drones, turned off my offensive modules and sent a docking request to the station.

Denied?! For hostile actions? But we were just playing around? Please, let me in!




I sent request after request after request to the station trying to dock my ship back up as it was ground down by my opponents blasters and the stations sentry guns. Finally just as the flight controller seemed to be ready to allow me in, the hull of my Brutix was breached and the alarms began to sound. Red lights flashing all around me. Alarms wailing. Confetti flying. My pony neighing at the top of his lungs. My ship was breaking apart around me. I dropped to my knees and screamed to the ceiling "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as my Brutix completed it's collapse. My pod was thrown into space all by its lonesome. Stonesmasher No 4 was down, my pony was dead and I was now late for my pedicure.

Damn it.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

All's Well That Ends Well

[14:49:23] Spectre3353 > ding!! whats up buddy
[14:49:56] Ding Woot > Been thinking,, ya know, you really are My kind of Cold harted basterd.. LOL
[14:50:13] Spectre3353 > im actually warm hearted and loving
[14:50:19] Spectre3353 > i just also happen to enjoy killing things
[14:50:39] Ding Woot > LOL... Like Kittens.. LOL...
[14:50:48] Spectre3353 > im really more of a pony person
[14:51:11] Ding Woot > LOL... You sick Scum... ROTF
[14:51:29] Spectre3353 > so does this mean youre not coming to kill me...? :(
[14:52:38] Ding Woot > No, I think i need to Toughin up a bit.. Mabee we could have Coffee some time.. when the put in a Starbucks .. LOL
[14:53:00] Spectre3353 > sure thing
[14:53:37] Ding Woot > Hey,, this Cartel.. are they all a bunh of fun loving Murders
[14:54:05] Spectre3353 > yep
[14:54:08] Spectre3353 > it is what we do
[14:54:26] Ding Woot > LOLLLOLLL.. funny
[14:55:29] Ding Woot > Hey, you have a good day dude.. Kill one for me.. Mabee if I get back in that area I'll look up your Cartel..Cheers "Buddy"

Has the Ding Woot saga come to an end? Is he just setting me up for a violent unsuspecting death? Tune in for tomorrow's episode to find out!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The Newb Experiment

The Newb Question

Sexy Sadie glinted in the starlight as she orbited her victim at breakneck speeds. Her high tech beam lasers punched hole after hole into the structure of the Cormorant destroyer. Finally, the target could withstand no more punishment and broke apart into several pieces, dead in the water. The pilot within attempted to escape the wreck alive but was quickly stopped by the gentle hum of my trusty old warp disruptor. Now it was what we like to call "Ransom Time". Sort of like "Nap Time" only there is less sleeping and more profiting:

[03:08:40] Ding Woot > i dont want trouble
[03:08:59] Spectre3353 > looks like youve got it

[03:09:05] Spectre3353 > 1 million isk and your pod can leave

[03:09:11] Spectre3353 > you have 30 seconds to transfer the money

[03:09:24] Ding Woot > Who the hels got a million isk
[03:09:47] Spectre3353 > this is your last chance

This guy was obviously not from around here. I spend a million ISK every other day just to get my pony washed and pruned. What was the big deal? After a few more seconds of waiting I grew impatient and decided to simply show him the backside of a beam laser. As I gathered the loot from his wreck and flew away, he sent me another transmission from wherever his clone had been activated:

[03:09:48] Ding Woot > i will be back. you better hide
[03:11:08] Ding Woot > Thank you.
[03:11:22] Ding Woot > your a hell if a Gay

A threat, some gratitude and then a bit of gibberish? Bizarre. I shrugged it off and continued on my way when a new message popped up in my inbox! I never get mail! I excitedly opened the message only to be hit with this whopper:

2008.08.06 03:18
YOU, have made an Enemy !
Im looking for you.

...and then another message came in indicating a change in my wallet balance:

0.10 ISK Ding Woot deposited cash into Spectre3353's account.

I sat stunned. I had made an enemy that deposited free change into my wallet? Was he trying to confuse me to death? What in the world was it that goes through these new pilots heads when they lose their ship? Even as a young pirate I had never become so irrational and crazed upon a loss of a vessel or my pod or my pony or anything at all! I had to know what it was like. I had to know what could cause a man to be driven so crazy that he would respond this way. I had to become... a newb...

The Newb Answer

I had purchased the perfect disguise. I now looked like a female Caldari mercenary and I had gotten access to forged documents that would trick anyone into believing this pilot had only recently graduated from military school. In the hangar my newb ship awaited. Into the Kestrel's pilot chair I climbed and into space I did fly her. I set course for my home system and upon arrival, I flew to the very first belt on my scanner. For a small while I went from belt to belt, attacking rats and admiring the Veldspar, waiting for my experiment to come to fruition and I did not have to wait long. There was a Rifter on scan! Within moments he dropped into my belt and began approaching. I eagerly began peppering him with missiles from afar and watched his shields drop but it would not last long as he approached and began firing back. Now was the time for me to play my role!

[04:13:06] Pwner5000 > PLZ STOP! I AM A PEECFUL MAN!!!1
[04:13:13] Pwner5000 > HALP ME!

The Rifter pilot continued to bombard my helpless little Kestrel and soon I was sitting in my pod in space, surrounded by the debris of my poor craft.

[04:14:19] Pwner5000 > U KILLED MY SHIPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[04:14:33] Pwner5000 > PLZ DONT LOOT
[04:14:44] Ezien > Ack, meant to disable earlier, popped through structure faster than I meant to
[04:15:00] Pwner5000 > U PICK ON DEFENSZLESS NEWB?
[04:15:03] Pwner5000 > I JUST PLAY THIS GAME TODAY

I laughed in my pod, thinking about how I would feel if I were on the other side of the encounter. Probably confused and extremely amused.

[04:15:14] Pwner5000 > WHY U KILL ME? :((((
[04:15:25] Ezien > Eh, I've never done any pirating except today
[04:15:37] Ezien > So I wanted to fight and see who would win, didn't mean to blow you up :[
[04:15:40] Pwner5000 > PIRAETING RUINS GAME
[04:15:47] Pwner5000 > U THINK I WILL PLAY GAME EVER AGAIN?

[04:15:49] Ezien > Was just going to ransom you, but eh.

[04:15:50] Pwner5000 > I DONT THINK NOT
[04:16:00] Pwner5000 > U MADE ENEMY TODAY

[04:16:05] Pwner5000 > I WILL HUNT U TILL THE END
[04:16:11] Ezien > Well, I look foward to seeing you again :)

[04:16:18] Pwner5000 > U CANNOT ESCAPE

[04:16:23] Pwner5000 > U WILL FEER MY NAME FRIEND
[04:16:30] Ezien > I'd stay out of low-sec though, at least till you have a good idea of the danger

[04:16:40] Pwner5000 > U R THE 1 IN DANGRE NOW

[04:16:59] Ezien > Anyway, you seem to have started today, so I'll let you go on your merry way

[04:17:03] Ezien > Good luck my friend.
[04:17:21] Pwner5000 > GOOD LUCK TO U FOR I SHALL BE HUNTING!

I cringed at my own over-acting. I can't be blamed for the poor performance. I am a killer, not an actor! I watched as the Rifter pilot began wandering the belt, sifting through the wrecks of the Gursita ships I had destroyed and my wreck as well. I messaged my corporation and informed them that his ship was idle in the belt. Golden Helmet jumped into his Crow to engage. I watched as poor Ezien was cornered and destroyed by my CEO's interceptor.

[04:22:38] Mr Morimoto > and so this concludes tonights lesson 'Eve food chain dynamics'

The unfortunate result of the experiment is that now I understand even less than I did before. Getting destroyed in that belt was FUN! I must continue to spread this joy to others around the universe, even if they don't realize that it is for their own good. I returned to the station, changed back into my normal clothing, patted Mr Pilkins and I smiled. I was a good man. Like Santa Claus with lasers. I needed to continue spreading joy to all the pilots. I boarded Sexy Sadie and took off into the sky to do my thing...

The Newb End!

P.S. Ding Woot sent me yet another Eve Mail after this post had been written:

2008.08.06 05:05
I will find you I will KILL you

P.P.S. I have created a channel in game for anyone would like to drop by and hang out. The channel is "EveNewb". I look forward to speaking to anyone who is bored enough to come by.

P.P.P.S. This guy is apparently obsessed with me now:

2008.08.06 07:52
I WILL, have you DEAD. Scum....

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Sexy Sadie

I spent a better part of the past month learning to fly Amarr style frigates and educating myself in the operation of pulse and beam laser weapons. While I am already satisfied with the abilities of my Gallente interceptors (Blasteranis for solo, Railranis or Ares for gang), I thought that perhaps it could fit a niche that neither of those ships would be able to. I came up with a fit that would let me deal out great damage from a range just outside of where enemy ships could web me. More damage than railguns but way safer than blasters. I spent the time training, I fit the ship, I took it out and after several encounters it seems that what works perfectly on paper does not always work out in the real world.

It turns out that when you are orbiting people at 5000km/s, it is impossible to keep yourself right inside a tiny window of just a few kilometers where you cannot be webbed and can still hit within optimal range. On top of that, many pilots are skilled enough to push their webs beyond the normal 10km range and will wind up nabbing me anyhow. Lastly, the fit I was trying so hard to use was extremely energy intensive. Even if everything else fell into place, I was running out of capacitor energy within only a minute or two.

Determined not to let all my training go to waste, I gave up on the pulse laser fitting and instead tried out a new beam laser fitting. This fit would keep me even farther out of web range where I would actually be safe and was cap stable. The downside is that it does even less damage than my railgun fit Taranis. If I couldn't find something to love about this fitting, the Crusader may go the way of the Dodo Space Mantis and be relegated to the back of my hangar to rot.

I Was His First!

I brought my newly fit beam laser Crusader into Dantumi. The system was pretty quiet but I did a scan anyhow. There was a weak signal indicating that a Griffin frigate and an Omen cruiser were off towards a distant station. I warped on over and found them loitering outside the station so I targeted them to try and scare them into attacking me. Instead of a violent response, both ships simply docked. I hung around outside, waiting for them to return and after a few minutes, they did. The Griffin immediately warped off but the Omen stuck around to fight. As he began firing his lasers, I locked down his engines and began orbiting with my microwarpdrive running and beam lasers lazoring. While I had a very difficult time avoiding running into the station, I was outside of his range and slowly eating through his armor. Would he be smart enough to redock once I had blown off his armor? Was his friend going to return? A moment later, the Griffin warped back in and began jamming my systems. Once, twice, three times he jammed me and I realized that I wasn't going to be able to do anything about it. I flew to a safe distance and watched my prey as they sat there, silently taunting me.

I contemplated for a moment and then came up with a plan to load short range, high damage crystals into my guns and try to burn down the Griffin before he could get off another jam on me. I kicked on the engines and approached. I was met with yet another jam cycle and lost my target. The Griffin then warped off and I watched his trajectory carefully... he had gone right to a belt! I followed him in and this time managed to target and fire several volleys that blew the little frig into pieces. I grabbed the pilots pod and orbited slowly, waiting for his friend to join in the fight. He never came. Finally, I received a transmission from both pilots. They thanked me for the fun fight and let me know that this was the Griffin pilots first combat experience. I had caused him to lose his very first ship! I returned the sentiment, thanked them for the fight and then let the Griffin pilots pod go. I did not want to discourage him from getting another ship and jumping back into the fray. I need my fishing lanes to remain stocked after all...

A New Recon To Hate

Nearby our home, there is a famous system that is known to be very dangerous. There are often larger ships sitting in the belts, acting as bait for larger fleets and gangs that are waiting to jump in. Because of this, we will usually ignore whatever is on scan as we pass by. Today was a little different as I scanned a Megathron apparently ratting in a belt. Nothing to get excited about until I did some research into who was flying the ship. A three month old pilot who had just recently left the academy...? This was a pirates dream target!

Immediately I jumped into warp and tackled down the Megathron the instant I landed. Warp disruptor, microwarpdrive and beams all running, I called to my corporation to bring me support as soon as possible. Soon, two stealth bombers and another Crusader were on route being piloted by Johan, Mr Morimoto and Golden Helmet. With my dinky lasers alone he was already part way through his shields and he would probably go down to the lasers and cruise missiles our ships could bring to bear. I only wished that Mr Pilkins was here to see this glorious display of tiny frigates bringing down such a massive beast. As Mori landed and began unloading his cruise missiles upon our victim, I noticed one new pilot had appeared within the system and he was in the same corporation as the Megathron we were pounding on. This might get messy...

Moments later a Caldari Falcon uncloaked. The Falcon is a recon ship with the ability to jam the targeting computers of several ships at a time from a very long range. At over 100km out he targeted me, broke my lock upon his Megathron friend and we watched helplessly as both ships warped away and out of the system. This was the second time recently that this had happened and I was heartbroken. It reminded me of the time I dangled a piece of carrot cake in front of Mr Pilkins face and then fed it to my hamster Mr Droops instead. Mr Pilkins was so angry and now I understood how he felt. The pain was so unbearable that I docked up and cried myself to sleep. It's just not fair.

Newbies In Big Ships With Friends In Recon Ships - 2
Me - 0

Monday, August 4, 2008


Jita was busy. Hundreds of people piloting ships all around the gates and stations. I very carefully flew my Iteron around a gigantic Fenrir freighter and got in line to dock. My disguise was ready to go so that no one would recognize me as the infamous pirate Spectre and I could purchase goods in peace. Upon entering the station, I went straight to the market computers and began filling out my order. I needed a new Vexor and scrolled down to it on the list:

Vexor: 10,150,000 ISK

WHAT?! Ten million ISK? That was more than double the going price and I was absolutely not going to pay it. I mulled my options and decided instead to try a cruiser that I have pretty much never piloted before, the Thorax. I found it on the market for a reasonable price and had one sent down to the hangar to be loaded into my hauler. After much deliberation, I decided to purchase and fit the ship like so:

5x Light Neutron Blasters

1x MicrowarpDrive
1x Web
1x Warp Disruptor

1x Damage Control
1x Medium Armor Repairer
2x Energized Adaptive Nano Membranes
1x 1600mm Plating

5x Hammerhead Drones

This setup was easy to fly, resilient and had been suggested to me by a fellow pirate who flies a mean Thorax. He had to use ECM jamming drones but I have yet to educate myself in their operation so instead I just went with the regular combat variant. I ordered some other assorted goods including some spiced wine, Johnsonville brats, Toaster Strudels and a new pony (my last one had been incinerated in a ship explosion and I need some sort of companionship out there in the lonely void). I went back to my ship, checked that everything was packed up properly, fed Mr Pilkins a carrot and returned home with my new shiny stuff.

Once my new Thorax was unpacked and tuned up, I hopped on and got a feel for the new ship. It had that nice new ship smell and the pilots seat was very comfy. It even had one of those computers that keeps track of my mileage! I powered up, signaled the station and undocked into space. A few jumps away from the system, I found a Caldari Caracal cruiser on scan. It appeared to be piloted by another pirate that I have encountered once before and I knew that his ship would be equipped very well. After a little bit of cat and mouse, we landed into the same belt and began our fight. I got myself as close into range as I could, locked him up with my web and scrambler and began blasting away with my guns and drones. His shields were going down pretty slowly but the tank on my Thorax was easily able to match it. I was not taking much damage and my repairer was helping to mitigate a portion of what I did take.

Mid-way through the battle, a third party suddenly appeared in the belt. A pilot in a Claw interceptor locked us both and began peppering away with artillery. The damage was inconsequential, but this meant that whoever won the cruiser fight would wind up being locked down in the belt, unable to destroy the tackler who was zipping around at thousands of kilometers per second. I turned my attention back to the Caracal and finished him off. I was only about halfway into my armor at this point and the Claw was doing piss for damage. I looted my kill and began trying to microwarpdrive out of scrambler range so I could flee. After a little bit of manuevering, I did somehow force my pursuer to lose his lock and I fled off to a safe spot. I realized immediately after jumping into warp that I had left my drones behind! Five Hammerhead II drones worth several million ISK. I smacked my palm against my forehead and looked at Mr Pilkins. He too was upset over my misstep.

I flew around for a few minutes, working up the courage to return and pick up my little mechanical friends. The Claw was still around but no additional pirates had come to back him up so the danger seemed pretty moot. I finally decided to take my chances and entered warp. I arrived, flew to where my drones sat and as expected, the Claw pilot warped in soon after and locked me down again. I calmly scooped up my drones, redeployed them under control of my combat computer and began doing all sorts of maneuvering to try and get the Claw pilot into web range. I microwarpdrived left, right, up, down and all around and finally did manage to get the pilot to fly close enough for me to use my status webifier. Once he was slowed it was an easy job for my guns and drones to smash him. I grabbed his loot and fled the field right as yet another interested party entered the belt in a Myrmidon battlecruiser.

Lessons learned:

(1) The Thorax is way better than I expected. Good damage, good drone bay and an impressive tank. I will definitely continue to fly them in the future. It also got great mileage according to the ships computer... nearly 150 astronomical units to the petaliter!

(2) The Caracal sucks. Even completely decked out, they dont seem to be able to compete with other tech I cruisers.

(3) Don't be a stupid interceptor pilot. If you don't have backup coming, don't sit around locking down a ship whos tank you cannot break and who obviously has a web. Eventually things will turn against you (not that I am one to talk).

(4) Pony's smell. I believe that for now on Mr Pilkins will have to remain behind in the station.

Friday, August 1, 2008


So I see a number of the other blogs on my Eve blog list are doing a month in review post today. I don't really want to get into doing any regular scheduled reviews but this once I am going to copy off of them to highlight the first couple of months that EVE Newb has been active. Let me start off with this:

This is a graph of the unique visitors every day for the past two months. It starts off pretty flat and the first real bump around June 16th is when Crazy Kinux first linked me from his blog. Thanks to traffic from Google searches, links from my signature on the forums and links from other blogs, the numbers continued to climb up until a few days ago when I hit my new record high of 200 unique visits in a day. Two-hundred. I am absolutely astounded that this many people are viewing this site and I never thought i would have this many visitors EVER, let alone within just the first few months of starting out.

Some other totals over this time period:
  • 3,711 Visits
  • 1,576 Absolute Unique Visitors
  • 7,948 Pageviews
Traffic sources:
  • 18.30% of visits were linked from Google
  • 17.76% of vists were direct traffic
  • 16.63% of visits were linked from forums
  • 16.20% of visits were linked from
  • The remaining visits were linked mostly from a long list other blogs
So to conclude, I have a question and a statement:

(1) What the hell is wrong with you people? Why do you keep coming to this site? It is the ramblings of a mad man about spaceships in a video game. You should all be doing something productive with your time like reading about Francisco Largo Caballero or solving world hunger. You should all be ashamed of your priorities.

(2) I would have no traffic and no comments and no sense of self worth if it weren't for the fellow Eve bloggers in the community. The numbers above are a bit misleading when they say that a majority of my links come through direct links or Google. This is only true because the INITIAL visits came through other bloggers giving me links on their sites or giving me a link in one of their posts. I appreciate it guys.

To many more months of me being obsessed with fake internet spaceships and writing about it in a silly blog.