Wednesday, August 20, 2008


The CONCORD deputy tossed me roughly down the few steps leading up to their station. I got up, dusted myself off, gave him my trademarked mean glare and sulked off with my ego severely bruised. Several days ago I apparently got a bit too drunk at Kattie's Koral in the station and had started punching people. Me! I had heard the eye witnesses and watched the security vids (and I was too drunk to have any memory of the encounter) but there had to be some sort of conspiracy. I was a model citizen! Four days in confinement and they had finally decided they had nothing more serious than a bar brawl to keep me locked up for and they had let me go. I wandered back to my bunk and laid down but I was restless and annoyed. Too restless and annoyed to sit here steaming about the past few days. There is only one thing that could calm me down. One thing that starts with a "K" and ends with "illing people."

I went down to the hangar and looked at my beautiful line of ships. Thorax, Crusader, Brutix, Catalyst, Incursus, Punisher, Rifter... but as always my eyes were drawn to my Taranis. Named after my late pony, I hopped into Mr Pilkins the blaster fit Taranis and undocked. Even after only a few days I felt out of sync like I hadn't flown her in forever. I did a few twists and twirls and flips and fired my guns off into space and I felt better. I turned off my comms as the stations flight control started yelling angrily at me to stop screwing around in the docking lane.

Through Aurohunen, Dantumi and then into Mara I flew, looking for some fun. As I jumped into Mara I saw a Cormorant destroyer floating nearby the gate. Not an uncommon sight around these parts. I targeted the fellow to try and scare him into doing something stupid and almost immediately my actions paid off as he warped to a nearby belt. I warped in on him and now joined by UberNero, we popped his ship and locked down his pod for ransom. Success again! It was a small amount but in our profession, money is money. As we waited in deep space after the kill, I received an invitation to speak with my victim over the comms. I accepted the invite and was suddenly speaking with not just my victim, but his two friends as well!

[ 2008.08.19 23:31:23 ] momlol > yeah if your so cool destroying amonse
[ 2008.08.19 23:31:26 ] Amonse > you honestly arnt scared of a couple of ibis's

Why yes, I was cool for having killed Amonse. Why no, I wasn't particulary scared of a couple Ibis's. What were these guys getting at?

[ 2008.08.19 23:34:48 ] momlol > planet 1
[ 2008.08.19 23:34:57 ] Amonse > on my way
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:06 ] Amonse > wait for me
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:08 ] Spectre3353 > fine
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:09 ] Spectre3353 > go to planet 1
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:11 ] momlol > ok planet 1
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:11 ] Amonse > youll need backup little frig
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:17 ] Spectre3353 > i can solo a raven
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:28 ] Amonse > ok
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:29 ] momlol > lol
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:30 ] Amonse > can you solo a rokh
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:33 ] momlol > lets see it then
[ 2008.08.19 23:35:37 ] Spectre3353 > i could solo a carrier

At this point we were now joined by a third gang member, Apoctasy. This meant our gang was now made up of an interceptor, a Thorax cruiser and a Manticore stealth bomber. On our scanner was a Raven being piloted by momlol and his friend was claiming that he was bringing a Rokh. Two frigates and a cruiser against two battleships? Normally not something we would try to engage but these guys were young and obviously stupid. If they wanted a fight at planet 1, they would get it. I warped in to the planet and a few moments later was joined by the Raven. I sent the signal to my gang to warp in and as they arrived, so did their friend in a Rokh. Moments later, a THIRD battleship in the form of another Raven appeared. I did what little damage I could to our primary Raven target and fled well out of range of the fight with my ship damaged down to its hull by the missiles that had been smacking me.

[ 2008.08.19 23:37:46 ] momlol > 1 slow interceptor son
[ 2008.08.19 23:38:04 ] Amonse > hey look drones
[ 2008.08.19 23:38:04 ] momlol > hes practicaly dead
[ 2008.08.19 23:38:24 ] momlol > think hes dead

[ 2008.08.19 23:38:37 ] momlol > lol
[ 2008.08.19 23:38:45 ] momlol > i kille u with a raven alone with 3 on me
[ 2008.08.19 23:38:53 ] Amonse > lol

[ 2008.08.19 23:40:49 ] momlol > hey spect killed your ass lol in a raven 3 on 1

As I continued to listen in on their discussion over the comms from about 200km away about how they had "killed" me. I wondered if they even noticed the gank-fit Thorax and stealth bomber pounding away at their ships. I decided to take a risk and fly back in to lock down the non-primaried ships to make sure none of our victims got away. Down went the first Raven. Down went the Rokh. One Raven left and we weren't going to give up this chance to make some cash. They continued to ramble and spout gibberish over the comms so I spoke up and made sure they could hear my offer:

[ 2008.08.19 23:40:51 ] Spectre3353 > CARIUSDIUS
[ 2008.08.19 23:40:57 ] Spectre3353 > PAY US 50 MILLION RIGHT NOW
[ 2008.08.19 23:40:59 ] Spectre3353 > 50 MILLION ISK
[ 2008.08.19 23:41:01 ] Spectre3353 > YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS
[ 2008.08.19 23:41:03 ] Spectre3353 > OTHERWISE YOU ARE DEAD

A few moments later my wallet flashed and I signaled the gang to let the last battleship leave. Two battleships down and a third ransomed while we were in frigates and a tech I cruiser? Unbelievable. This sort of stuff doesn't happen every day. This sort of stuff doesn't happen EVER. I love pirating.


Anonymous said...

DUDE where the hell are you FINDING these people?

A raven with nothing but Regolith shield extenders and 1 Mag amp? Give me a break active tanking on a raven is the way to do it.. 5 Power Diagnostic systems? DO they know what a BCS is? WTF were they thinking are they capable of thinking??

A Rokh showing up with a LIGHT missle launcher and miner 1's? WTH who are these people. I mean give me a damn break I might take up piracy if ppl are this stupid.

HATS OFF to you good sir this is NOT piracy this is ridding the idiots of their cash which I for one HIGHLY ENCOURAGE. Nay NOT piracy your providing a SERVICE to the Entire EVE community

Spectre said...

We actually talked to the fellows after this encounter and they admitted to ISK buying. We tried to squeeze them for another 100mil by saying we would report them for it but they didn't take the bait. Later on we ran into the Raven pilot we ransomed again in a Caracal and killed him.

And the 7 miner I's? Yea we got a really good laugh out of that one. Was a very entertaining night.

Anonymous said...

HAHA hell i'd report em anyways! just for grins. but I guess that is the evil alter ego talking.


Malekar said...

Those are the rare nights of greatness indeed! I've had a few myself, but not quite of this caliber.... Wish i was there! See you in game Spec.

Mynxee said...

That was crazy..and hilarious. Way to go, scrubbin' that gene pool, Spec. I mean, what a bunch of ... well .... these.

WTM said...

The stupidity of some people is truly amazing....

Jarek said...

Awesome :)

Ka Jolo said...

It hurts to read stuff like this. I want to BE there!!! I'm so glad you're not just another won't-engage-until-we-outnumber-'em-10-to-1 pilots.