Monday, September 22, 2008

Of Epic Proportions

Air Conditioned Nightmare (For Real This Time)

I was in complete and utter disbelief. How could this be happening to me? I had fit a brand new Thorax and flown it a few systems away and it was happening again. The air conditioning system was busted and I was sweating like hell.


"STUPID GALLENTE MANUFACTURING" I screamed as I drop-kicked the AC unit. It must have realized how very furious I was because it stuttered and putted and started working once again. I went back to the cockpit and continued on my journey through low security, looking for targets with my wing man Andrea Skye who was piloting a Rupture cruiser. We traveled several jumps until we arrived at what is quickly becoming my favorite system within the war torn region of Black Rise. Teskanen is usually populated with several pilots from the Nexus Allliance and they seem to always be up for giving us the action that we crave.

We jumped into system and saw the usual blob of Nexus Alliance pilots in local. We began to scan around and quickly I noticed a Drake battlecruiser and Hulk exhumer off towards one of the clusters of asteroid belts. Upon closer examination, we realized that they were actually in a belt! I warped in and scrambled the Hulk and Skye arrived soon after as well. I checked my overview and saw the pilots call-sign was "Air Conditioning". I rubbed my eyes and checked again. Was this some sort of weird joke? I stared out the glass at my opponents ship and in its place I imagined a gigantic air conditioner, just like the one in my Thorax that never works. My blood began boil and I tore into the Hulk with my blasters and drones. It was so incredibly soothing to watch the ensuing explosion as we turned our weapons on the Drake next. If we had more time, we very likely would have won the fight but his friends began to arrive and an Ishtar landed in the belt. We quickly fled the scene and both got out alive (and I even managed to loot the Hulk on my way).

It was a good kill and a safe escape but we were not out of the woods yet. For the next several minutes we watched the system begin to fill with angry Nexus Alliance pilots in their various battlecruisers, battleships, heavy assault ships and covert ops ships. We had stirred up the hornets nest and Teskanen was a dead end system. The only way out was through a single gate and it was safe to assume they were waiting for us on it. We decided to make a break for it and warped to the gate together. We jumped through and on the other side was the Ishtar. While Skye was able to escape, I was warp scrambled and forced to return to the gate and jump back into Teskanen. Just as I warped away into the deepness of space, I saw a Dominix battleship arrive... the gate camp was just starting to be assembled.

Back in my deep safe spot, I contemplated my next move and checked the scanner. There again was a Drake and an industrial in the same belt as where we had killed the Hulk and nothing else was around. These fools were so busy camping us into the system that they had again left their mining friend alone and helpless. I laughed at the humorous situation as I warped back into the belt, killed the helpless hauler piloted by Air Conditioning and then warped back out before the Drake had even gotten a lock. What a poor sucker.

I flew to meet up with Skye who had returned to the system to help me try and figure out a way out of here that didn't involve the destruction of my precious ship. We waited several minutes and none of the gate camping pilots returned to the system to find us. Our criminal timers all expired and still we were stuck. We contemplated several solutions including having a friend bring us Intertial Stabilizers and Nanfiber modules to fit to our ships but finally decided on simply docking up and buying shuttles. There was no way they could stop us from leaving system in such an agile ship and we could come back and have more fun with our cruisers another day. Together we jumped out of Teskanen and got a good look at our pursuers...

It seems that we had angered them. They tried their best to stop us from getting away but it they apparently mistook the nearby Concord Billboard for one of our shuttles:

03:53:05 Notify dawndeath [UNV]NEXUS has started trying to warp scramble "Concord Billboard"

As I warped through the system, I apologized for our inexcusable behavior:

[03:53:14] Spectre3353 > tell air conditioning that we are sorry :(
[03:53:21] Darkslyfoxx > pussies!

I almost felt bad. Almost. I glanced back at the small air conditioner in the back of my shuttle. It purred and hummed quietly and effeciently as if trying it's best not to get on my bad side. It must have heard about what I do to Air Conditioners that piss me off.

Why I Am Going To Hell

There is one thing that we as pirates love to see. It is the Bantam mining frigate and every time that one appears on scan, we all trip over ourselves to see who will get the killmail on such a ferocious and fearsome ship. Tonight was no different as Skye and myself found one attempting to mine in our home system. We got prepared and warped in on him in our own battle-tested frigates, an Imicus and a Bantam. Unfortunately I had forgotten to fit a warp scrambler and our target panicked and warped away before we could lock him down. Dissapointed at myself for my error, I quickly contacted the young pilot to try and coax him back into the belt:

[04:04:47] Spectre3353 > hey man
[04:04:53] Spectre3353 > i wasnt going to hurt you, just wanted to mine too
[04:05:02] ibrahim vilem > oh im new lol
[04:05:05] Spectre3353 > no prob man
[04:05:11] Spectre3353 > if you want to come back to 6-1, we can both mine
[04:05:12] ibrahim vilem > thanks for letting me know
[04:05:18] Spectre3353 > theres plenty of asteroids :)
[04:05:29] ibrahim vilem > thanks XD

We watched the scanner and sure enough, the Bantam was back out in space and moments later he appeared back in our belt. Much to his surprise, we did not want to mine with him. We destroyed his ship and again I almost felt bad about what I had done. Almost.

[04:08:44] ibrahim vilem > didnt figure you guys were THAT shady
[04:08:48] Spectre3353 > we are
[04:08:49] Spectre3353 > we are pirates

[04:09:11] ibrahim vilem > its a job i guess
[04:09:20] Spectre3353 > its a tough job but somebody has to do it
[04:09:28] ibrahim vilem > lol

It is a tough job indeed.


skye said...

lmao, was a great night xD

Guy warp scrambling the billboard made my day.

Spectre said...

Probably one of the of the most fun nights I've had in Eve. I wrote that long blog post and didn't even have room to comment on the 2v1 interceptor fight I had or the gate camp we busted in Dantumi.

GH said...

We need to do more mining frig ops tbh

Mynxee said...

Oh Spec, your posts are comic gold. I'm glad to see you're taking better care of those assets I helped pay for *grin*

So is there another post waiting in the wings about the 2v1 interceptor fight and the Dantumi gate-camp? Get on it, man. I need my daily dose of Spectretainment.

Dexter Tripod said...

Yes, it's're going to hell. :-P But it's more fun though isn't it? HAHA

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you had awesome fun, mate. Keep it up!

Omae Gaw'd said...

Hahaha, the Teskanen part is gold. I remember getting locked in quite a few times there.

Btw, watchout with your brand new mega. There seems to be a curse running around or something. I keep getting mines blown up -_-

Spectre said...

"Spectretainment"? I think I might need to trademark that.

Xephys said...

Yes, this is what pirating is all about. Pillaging helpless nooblets in their nooby ships for our own entertainment :)

Lars Lodar said...


I'm sure this guy will never forget. Glad he had a cool attitude about the whole thing.

Lars Lodar said...

Opps. Wrong story to comment on. -_-

Keystone said...

Too funny!

Mynxee said...

Spec, just cut me in for 10% of the proceeds that you derive from any activity you undertake that is labeled Spectretainment (tm) and I'll keep those videos you sent locked in my hangar safe, mkay? *evil grin*