Monday, September 8, 2008

Weakness

One More Time

I continued to suck margarita out of my glass as hard as I could. It was down to the very bottom and my straw was making that annoying gurgle sound that it does when the drink is gone but I am trying so hard to not leave behind a single ounce of limey tequila goodness. It has been days since I gave up my life as a pirate. Gave away my money. Gave away my ships. Gave away every module and ammo and mining laser and donkey I owned. Here I was on a tropical island, drinking margaritas and working as a cabana boy. I didn't have to worry about being blown up every time I walked around a corner. I didn't have to worry about the best way to fit a Thorax, whether or not the Korama gate was camped or why cloning leaves me with such debilitating migraines. I was on easy street now. So why was I not content?

I looked down at my hand. I tried hard to keep it still but it just wouldn't stop shaking. Like an addict that had gone cold turkey, I was feeling the ill effects of giving up my favorite high. I needed to see that golden flash of light as my enemies ship exploded. I needed to feel that uncomfortable tug on my body as I jumped through a gate. I needed to feel the adrenaline burst through my veins that I get when I charge into combat against overwhelming odds. I didn't want it. I needed it.

I got up out of the beach chair and dropped my glass in the sand. I started to walk slowly towards my bungalow but soon I could not contain my excitement and simply ran like a little kid. Bypassing the front door I slipped around back and into the woods where I had hidden the last bit of pirate Spectre that I had left. I removed the ferns and foliage I had used to hide my Gallente Catalyst destroyer. A small frigate sized ship but it was capable of giving me the fix I needed. I powered her up and sat for a moment with my eyes closed, my hands on the controls. I took in the smells, the sounds, the feel of my ship. It has been only days but it felt like forever. I have missed this.

I opened my eyes and soon I was back in space and making my way towards my old home. It was only a few systems away from where I had settled down in the heart of Caldari high security space. They would miss me at the pool tomorrow for sure. I flew on past my old home station in Aurohunen and on down into Dantumi to see what was out and about. Upon entering the system I found almost exactly what I was looking for! A Kestrel frigate, Cormorant destroyer and Catalyst destroyer were on scan towards a planet! I set course, jumped into warp towards the planet and I felt the anticipation of combat all over. My heart was pounding so hard that it made my body feel as though it was pulsing. I came out of warp and saw two of my targets, the frigate and the Catalyst about one-hundred kilometers away. I kicked on the microwarpdrive and set a course to begin orbiting them just at the fringe of web distance. I was fit with several railguns and a web but no warp scrambler so I could not hold my enemies in place. It would be completely up to their own will whether or not to stick around for the fight.

Closer and closer I drew and it looked like it was a fight they wanted. I first targeted the Kestrel and tore him down in mere moments with my eight railguns all firing deadly antimatter charges. Next up was the other Catalyst. I webbed and began orbiting him at my prefered range and quickly destroyed him as well while taking almost no damage. Finally, I turned on the Cormorant destroyer that had warped in near the end of the fight and while his tank was considerably more resilient than his friends, he went down as well and I had taken only a very small amount of damage to my shields. I exchanged a polite acknowledgement of the encounter over the comms and sat for a moment. My hands were shaking again but this time it wasn't due to what I needed, it was due to what I had obtained. Three kills in a single encounter. An intense fight. For this moment, right now, I felt whole again. How could I ever truly leave this life behind?

Who Am I Kidding?

What can I say? I meant every word when I said that I was leaving Eve. I truly did give away everything I owned down to the last bit of ISK. I sent a mail to my corporation thanking them for our time together. I gave away the ransom board I was developing. I uninstalled the game. Yet here I am again... it is tough to give up something you enjoy so much and especially tough to suddenly decide never again to talk to the dozens of people you have become friends with.

So I am not going to quit completely. It is a little bit too harsh and was perhaps a bit of an overreaction. I am however going to considerably cut back on the amount of time I play and devote to Eve in general. I am going to let Xasz work on the PCRB (thanks Xasz), I am going to get rid of my missioning alt and I am going to just pirate for fun. I will play on occasion as opposed to every night for hours. Eve is a very forgiving game in the playtime respect as I can advance my skills just as fast (or faster since I won't lose as many implants) when I play less. I may not post on this blog quite as often as I did before, but you can rest assured that there will continue to be posts about my silly internet spaceship adventures.

21 comments:

James Egan said...

Glad to read this. I hope you'll find that balance you're looking for.

Skye said...

Quicker than i thought, but glad your back man.

Xhypros said...

That was a lot of ferns and foliage considering a normal frig is the size of a Boeing 747 and a catalyst is about 6x it's size! I commend your efforts on taking the time and hard work to keep your last bit of yarr close to you.

Good to see you back tho, It's about the most amusing blog i've read.

Violet Lady said...

Good to see you back! EVE (like every other mmorpg) is a very time-consuming hobby, and sometimes it's difficult to strike a balance with more important (but not so adrenaline-rushing!) things.

Welcome back, you're one of the best writers in EVE blogging, and your entries are always amusing to read!

Manasi said...

WB bro good hunting.

wensley said...

Glad to see you back, mate. Trying to strike a better balance myselft at the moment. I've managed to ressurect my bike so hopefully I can do some more healthy things as well as shoot people's internet spaceships.

We'll have to go for that inty roam one night.

infidel said...

quite glad the talisman for pirates is back

Mynxee said...

I was so happy to see this post this morning...a little bit of Spectre is a vast improvement over none at all! Win-win.

Who8MyLunch said...

Welcome back. I hope your pony is back too.

Spectre said...

Xhypros: Stop poking holes in the feasibility of my stories! :)

ubernero said...

:D

Kane Rizzel said...

May the YARR be with you... always.

Good to see you back dude.

It's hard to strike that balance, I know I had the same problem a while back but the beauty of EVE and Piracy is that you're not tied to logging in every night, you have the freedom to do what you want, when you want.

Keep up the good work.

Leon vanUber said...

i know why i tell people new to eve that it might eat their souls... nevertheless, welcome back mate. O7

Anonymous said...

YAY!! Glad to see you back...(No one can escape the power of Eve)

Dexter Tripod said...

Grrr...that wasn't supposed to be anonymous..stupid browser :-P

Mick said...

Yay, I hoped you would fall in love again. Didn't think it was this soon, but very cool to see you back. :)

Flashfresh said...

Go solo. It's a hard way to fly but you can dip in and out of new eden whenever you want. Get your fix and then back out. Stay for the smack of course.

Welcome back!

May you continue to burn bears.

F

Lars Lodar said...

Welcome back to the dark side.

Knew you would be back. :D

Anonymous said...

Glad that my friends and I could help you back. :) It was a good, if brief fight. :)

Spectre said...

Anonymous: Were you in one of the ships during that encounter? I think I got really lucky that I was fit in a perfect manner to counter you guys. I had rails and a web on while you were all blaster fit so all i had to do was orbit around out of range. Was a fun (and pretty lucky) win :)

Infernal said...

OK, this was a while ago now but... Think I was the one in the Kestrel... was playing with a nano-fit... wont be doing that again lol. "Mere moments".... Hell yeh thats one way to learn how not to fit a ship :)