Thursday, November 27, 2008

I Am The Best

I am not just one of the best. I am not just very good. I am not just amazing. When my pirating days are over, my name will be referred to as the very description for being the best of the best. Young pilots in the academy will daydream about being like me. Young girls will write my name over and over in their notebooks, hoping that I will come and sweep them off their feet and let them be part of my legendary lifestyle. People will beg for my secrets and for me to teach them but there will be nothing to teach for it is all in my innate abilities. You cannot teach talent. I cannot pass on raw natural ability.

I am the best of the best and you should all be thankful that I grace the universe of New Eden with my presence. Anyone who wishes to thank me for being what I am, I take donations in the form of ISK, alcohol and small children.

One Ship, Two Ship, Red Ship, Blue Ship

As usual, our gang was not very well organized. A rowdy conversation over the voice communications and our pilots spread over several systems meant no one was really out roaming for any action but as always, I didn't have the patience to sit around and wait. I flew into the sometimes busy system of Ardar and found an Asarte command ship close on the scanner, apparently watching the gate I had just come through. Within a few moments he had warped away and left system and I took a guess as to where he had gone and set my destination for Floseswin. It seemed that I had guessed correctly as he was here in the system. I guessed to his destination again and warped to the distant gate of Aset only to find myself now sitting directly on top of the blinky red pirate Astarte in my tiny little Ishkur assault frigate. He sat and watched me for a moment and then continued on his way, jumping into the Aset solar system. Again I followed.

I uncloaked on the opposite side and the command ship did the same, this time deciding that he was going to make me sorry for shadowing him the past few jumps. I thought about how certain it was that I was going to die but went with the flow and engaged him back. Soon I was flying in a an extremely shallow orbit around my target as he tried to nail me with his medium sized blasters and drones... of which neither could hit me! Excellent. I had let my corporation and gang know what I had pinned down and was waiting for the assistance to stream in. Little did I know that he had done the same and his friends were also on their way. I focused on his drones and once they were destroyed there was nothing he could do to hit me. Soon a few members of my gang arrived and we were able to amass the firepower to finish off the Astarte who instead of smartly flying back to the gate had been flying away from it.

But what is this? Several more ships were landing directly on top of us! Two Drakes and a Thorax warped in as well as a few more of my own gang members. A frantic battle of trying to destroy their Warrior drones before they ate through our frigates ensued and I even had to warp away and then back to the fight but again we managed to finish them off with no losses... right as more ships arrived? Like a ninja movie where only one or two enemies attacked at a time, making it easy for the hero to succeed, a Megathron and Falcon arrived on scene as backup. A Falcon would make things difficult but he would have to jam many ships and the Megathron was virtually useless against all of our smaller ships with its large guns and large drones. I locked and stuck my drones on the Falcon before it could jam me and flew towards him as quickly as I could. With the Falcon as our primary target, we were able to keep at least one warp scrambler on him at all times and after what seemed like a long time for a Falcon, he went down. A glance at his readout explained why he seemed less paper-thin than most other ships of his type... a 1600mm plate, an armor repairer and other mods to help his tank.

Finally, all attention was turned to the Megathron and burned through him as he was trying to self-destruct his ship. How very rude. The dust settled and we had destroyed two battlecruisers, a command ship, a force recon and battleship, all with T2, rigs and even some faction fittings. We had sustained no losses to our gang of frigates and one force recon ship. All because I followed and engaged a random Astarte. All the more proof as to why I am the best.

If They Believe It, It's True

I sat outside a busy station in low-sec in my Taranis. I could not engage anything that flew by or else the sentry guns would easily rip me apart, but I wanted to take advantage of the new-ish pilots docking and undocking every few minutes. I decided to try a little social engineering:

[ 03:13:03 ] Spectre3353 > Hello LILIA
[ 03:13:08 ] Lovely LILIA > hi
[ 03:13:17 ] Lovely LILIA > wazzap?
[ 03:13:21 ] Spectre3353 > Myself and 2 of my friends are waiting outside the station for you to undock so that we can kill you and pod you
[ 03:13:31 ] Spectre3353 > You can pay me 10 million ISK right now and we will leave you alone
[ 03:13:37 ] Lovely LILIA > lol
[ 03:13:39 ] Spectre3353 > Otherwise we will be camping here a while
[ 03:13:46 ] Lovely LILIA > my working day is beginning
[ 03:13:53 ] Lovely LILIA > sorry, but i have to go :)))
[ 03:14:43 ] Lovely LILIA > but tnx
[ 03:14:55 ] Lovely LILIA > i'll remember you
[ 03:15:10 ] Lovely LILIA > see you
[ 03:15:12 ] Spectre3353 > how romantic
[ 03:15:13 ] Spectre3353 > goodbye

No dice. Let's try another:

[ 03:17:20 ] Spectre3353 > Hello KevLor
[ 03:17:27 ] KevLor I > howdy
[ 03:17:33 ] KevLor I > what's up?
[ 03:17:41 ] Spectre3353 > We have just assembled a gang outside your station to camp you and kill you when you undock. If you pay me 15 million ISK we will let you by with no trouble.
[ 03:17:48 ] Spectre3353 > Otherwise we will be camping here and waiting for you for a while.
[ 03:18:26 ] KevLor I > lol....have fun...I was going to log off and go buy thansgiving food stuff, but I guess I will have to leave it logged on now :D
[ 03:18:38 ] Spectre3353 > You are welcome to.
[ 03:18:40 ] Spectre3353 > We will be here waiting.
[ 03:18:45 ] KevLor I > k
[ 03:18:48 ] KevLor I > talk to ya later....

Rats. I guess I am not as clever as I thought I was.

7 comments:

Mynxee said...

But you ARE still as amusing as ever! Loved the Astarte & Friends Takedown recounting.

Dj Akula said...

Impressive indeed, however I am not sure that it beats the baby sandwich for posterity..

Achernar said...

I use CK's Eve Blog Pack with Google Reader and I discovered recently I am able to tell that you are the author of a post just by the unbridled and joyful cockiness that permeates its title.

Josh (GH) said...

Fights like that one vs the command ship and friends make me wonder wtf was I thinking canceling my account. Awesome work man :D

Tony said...

Haha, fail at social engineering or just a little bad luck?

Lars Lodar said...

Great read, and an even greater fight!

I can't believe someone would fly an Astarte BLASTER boat without a web or at least a scram. Quite the expensive lesson.

The fits on the other ships were fail but expensive so that's a double win for you.

They all deserved to die.

Flashfresh said...

You are A BASTARD.

F