Sunday, December 14, 2008

Happy Pirate Giveaway (Conclusion)

The contest has ended with 100+ reponses and around 150 haiku entries. You guys did a great job. Special props go out to Cussbeard and Marduk Kilrathi for their epic and high quality works. Before getting to the lucky winners of the fabulous prizes, I am going to recap some of the honorable mentions:

"Spectre Is Awesome" Category

Spectre is so good
I jizz when he attacks me
I pay big ransom
-Tony (Eve Weekend Warrior)

Gimme your dough or your pod
Giggled the Spectre
While eating baby sandwich
-Gabriel DiCozza

O, mighty Pirate
Guns blazing, ships exploding
Spectre is thy name
-Moon Dogg

You've been my hero
You showed me true happiness
Pirate's life for me
-Chomin H'ak

Spectre is a god
A legend among pirates
None can replace him

Best newb in the 'verse,
True gentleman o' fortune,
He's the mans' man, man.

"I Am Sad And Sappy About Spectre Leaving" Category

I know that you will,
Come back one day you big fat...
Because we love you!

Greatest of pirates
Friend of many a soul in EvE
You shall be missed bro

Me and you go back.
From enemy to close friend.
Give to those who gave.
-Lars Lodar

Great disappointment
No more Eve Newb blog to read
Don't leave us Spectre! :(

"I Have No Idea What This Means" Category

Four years unnoticed
BoB pilots rolling in dosh
Ferrogel all gone

me bad with english
not much better with the french
but i good with epeen

"Something Related To Feces" Category

Popping and Podding
Mister Pilkins pooped all over
Spectre rich, pony dead

i saw yer reply
to sarah above me there
poop poop poop poop poop
-ZeiTGesiT iL

No more poop to sling
No more cries to hear of death
The Spectre is Gone

"I Want To Sex Spectre Up" Category

I've heard there are girls
who sleep with people for ISK.
I'll send some over.
-Sarah Barah

I have to tell you.
Spectre screwed your mom last night.
That's right. I said it.
-Hallan Turrek

Spectre is teh sex
Me I S K loving whore
Come stuff Thron in me.
-Missa Rossi

Spectre is sexy
He is a leet pirate
Sexy is Spectre
-Endo II

All the girls want him
All the guys want to be him
Spectre is the Man
-Mad Robert

Spectre has returned
And again your cargo freed
By surprise butt sex
-Marduk Kilrathi

"I Hate Spectre And Hope He Chokes" Category

in all serious
your talent no mystery
you pay macroers
-ZeiTGesiT iL

Spectre is a noob
I am glad he is leaving
Don't come back this time

Spectre is a gay
Have fun with WoW you homo
I don't want your shit

"About Sandwiches" Category

He's got a sammich
It looks quite yummy n stuff
I want his sammich
-Avan Sercedos

The Winners

So without further adieu, your three lucky winners:

3rd Place (50 million ISK and a Velator):
Spectre is awesome
I wish he would have my kids
Goddamn he is hot

2nd Place (100 million ISK and a Brutix):
You guys are suckers
You thought you would get my cash

1st Place (200 million ISK and a Megathron):
I am the best ever
Don't you ever forget that
Poop poop poop poop poop

...and there we are! Congratulations to Spectre3353, Spectre3353 and Spectre3353 for their fantastic contributions and fabulous prizes. I couldn't be happier with the quality of their entries and enthusiasm towards... me. Your money has been sent and the items have been contracted! Enjoy!!!

Farewell For Now

This post marks the indefinite end to the EveNewb blog. Notice I said INDEFINITE. I am not currently planning on posting anything else here at the moment but if/when I return to Eve and if I simply feel the need to write about something video game related, you might see something pop up. For Eve roleplaying purposes, please just assume that the pirate Spectre has been captured and imprisoned by the Gallente Federation. He is currently being charged with attempted murder, murder, murder by shovel, murder by sandwich, armed robbery, petty theft, sodomy, animal cruelty, impersonating a government official, drug trafficking, smuggling, public drunkenness and disorderly conduct. It is an impressive list that I am most proud of.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Happy Pirate Giveaway

All good things must one day come to an end. I have canceled my Eve Online account for the time being because there is only room in my life for one mamorpaguh at a time. My wallet is bulging with nearly a billion ISK and my hangar is stuffed full of ships. Sure I might be back one day but there are people who could enjoy all this wonderful stuff RIGHT NOW! I have already given away about 350 million ISK to friends but there is still plenty to go around. I sat and I thought about who really deserved all the joy I could give this holiday season. Who has given me the most and made me feel the best about myself over the past 8 months. That's right... it's you... the blog readers!

(Note: Sorry GH. I know you were expecting your name at the end of that sentence.)

So here is the deal. For the next three days I will be running a contest that will provide these prizes to the lucky winners:

200 million ISK and a Megathron

100 million ISK and a Brutix

50 million ISK and a Velator

Cash money and a chance to own the very ships that Spectre himself has flown? I know you are all screaming and euphoric at the very thought so let me tell you how easy it is to earn these fabulous prizes. The steps are simple:

(1) Create a haiku poem. For those not familiar with Haiku's, this description should suffice: Seventeen-syllable verse form, arranged in three lines of five, seven and five syllables. An example would be:

Spectre is awesome
I wish he would have my kids
Goddamn he is hot

(2) Post the haiku on this blog as a comment on this post.

(3) Profit!

All haiku's must be submitted by midnight on December 14th according to Eastern Standard Time. Haiku's can be on anything but I strongly suggest that they focus on Spectre and how unbelievable he is as a pirate (unbelievably good that is). I will choose the three best at the end of the contest and decide the winners and their places. You may enter as many times as you like but please be responsible about it. If someone abuses the fact that anonymous posters can post comments, I will change the permissions and only those with valid blogger accounts will be able to participate. Lastly, please include your in game character name along with your entry so that I know where to send the gold should you win a fabulous prize.

Let the writing commence!

P.S. No, the above picture doesn't have anything to do with the contest but I just really wanted to use it.

P.P.S. The Eve-Online thread about this contest is located here. Bump it for me if you are feeling nice.

Monday, December 8, 2008

What Has Happened To Me?

It felt as though I been asleep for so long. I woke and turned to sit on the bed. My head felt woozy and everything around me seemed fuzzy. As my eyes and brain began to focus, I took a good look around at my surroundings and myself. Who was I? How had I gotten here? Things seemed so different and so far away but I could not pinpoint why or what was making me feel that way. I felt a pang of urgency in the back of my head as though I was supposed to be out doing something right now. No time to linger trying to figure out what was wrong with my head, I had responsibilities to take care of and they didn't involve sitting on my bed like a buffoon. I got up, stumbled out of the room and boarded my ship. It said Gallente Federation Navy and I saw blasters but still, something was not right. Something was wrong. I shook it off and departed.

Ah hah! A victim! Now my natural killer instincts kicked in. I closed orbit, turned on my modules and opened a conversation with my target:

He did not pay and for some reason my weapons would not fire! What is wrong with this stupid ship? What the hell is going on? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME????

It was then that I realized what had happened, where I was and what it all meant. My days of pirating were about to come to a sudden end. Will I ever be back? Who knows...

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