Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Change Of Pace

Sometimes even the most exciting of things can become monotonous if you experience them on regular intervals. After pirating for most of my career and now having hit the 1,000 kill milestone, it is probably fair to inform you all of something I have kept secret for the past month. I, Spectre, pirate extraordinaire, have been training mining and industrial skills. As of yesterday I was able to get into a Retriever and begin mining in a barge! I have also been working to get my security status back up to the point where I can enter high security space and at this point I am able to safely enter 0.5 security systems. What does this mean? It means that I am taking a break from the stressful and expensive life of PvP, I am going to make some cash and I am going to get a little bit of rest by mining in highsec. It is nothing to be ashamed of as we all sometimes need some time off and some way to make a few ISK. I will continue my education towards eventually being able to fly a Hulk and refine the 'roids that it obtains. The blog might not be super exciting while I go down this route but I will try my best to at least keep it interesting for you all.

Here are some shots of my new ship in action:

She Is A Pretty Ship!

Pretty Mining Lasers!

I Fooled You All! Suckers!
Mining Is For Carebear Losers!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Dear Carebears...

I was wrong to mock you the way I did. I was a little bit tipsy, I had a bad day and I was not appreciating you for who you are and what you do for me. It was wrong for me to treat you so badly and talk smack behind your back that way. Please, please forgive me and promise you won't ever do this to me again. Please. You cut me deep, my carebearing friends...

It was a beautiful spring morning as I headed to pick up my very first tech II cruiser. Sure there is no such thing as spring or morning in space but who cares. Why do you always have to ruin things with your "reality" and "reasoning"? Jerk. I made a few trips, pulled some mods off some other ships and then sat back to admire my brand new tool of destruction: the close range gank fit super Lachesis that I decided to name "Gimped". Maybe I should have thought things through a bit more before undocking in this bizarre fit. I have virtually no experience or expertise in the art of shield tanking or missile launcher operation but here I was, flying a very expensive ship that utilized both.

Over the course of the day, "Gimped" and me had some fun. We ganked some nubs by warp disrupting them from 35km away. We camped with some friends to make use of our ability to quickly lock and scramble from long range. Finally with the day coming to a close, we probed out a few mission runners to end things on a high (and destructive) note. Two Drakes arrived in system and immediately went to run a mission, so we sent Andrea Skye to locate them. Soon we had a small gang on their gate, ready to pounce and destroy with a Lachesis, Rapier, Hurricane and Rokh. It was possible that two Drakes if provoked could dish out enough firepower to worry our cruisers but in that case we could always just warp out. Mission runners didn't carry tackle like pirates or real combat pilots would.

We took the acceleration gate together and arrived about 30km away from our targets. Immediately I warp scrambled and began slowly approaching. Immediately I was surrounded by buzzing drones and being bombarded with heavy missiles. My shields began to drop at an alarming rate but there was no cause for concern. I could warp whenever I wanted. Lower and lower I dipped as we approached the mission runners and before I was even close to being in appropriate attack range, I turned to flee.

"You fail to warp because you are warp scrambled."



Warp scrambled by... a carebearing mission runner? My mouth sat agape as my shields gave way and the Drakes annihilated my new 50 million ISK cruiser. Gimped was no more. By the time the dust settled, Kerblamo had lost his Hurricane, Skye had lost his Rapier and we had only managed to finish off one of the Drakes while the other escaped back to the safety of highsec. Never in my days have I suffered such an overwhelming and crushing defeat at the hands of carebears. It was like karma had come and punched me in the nose, kicked me in the balls and then spit in my face.

Lessons Learned:

- Don't bring a microwarpdrive to deadspace.

- Don't bring a paper thin T2 cruiser to tackle a pair of warp scrambling Drakes.

- Never make fun of carebears in your blog or you will die in the most embarassing way possible the very next day.

- We are not very good pirates.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Newb Carebearing Guide

A while back, I started to write (but never completed) a newbs guide to pirating. I was considering starting this over from scratch with updated information from a viewpoint that is now much more experienced. Upon searching around the web, I realized that there are already so many good resources that it almost isn't worth it. As I expressed this sentiment to my gangmates, Andrea Skye gave me a wonderful idea. Why not write a guide to carebearing... er, PvE content for beginners? Do they not deserve the same level of attention and resources as pirates? So without further adeiu, here it is: Spectre's Guide to Newb Carebearing in Eve-Online!


Mining is one of the most exciting forms of PvE content in the universe of Eve. Pilots who dedicate themselves to the art of asteroid combat are promised the exciting life of watching skill points slowly tick upwards so that they can fly a new barge on top of the already exhilerating task of attacking asteroids with little laser beams. Mining in high security and 0.0 space is OK but will barely provide you with enough money to feed your 12 kids and 2 wives back at home on Perseus Omicron 7. The real money is in lowsec! Systems between and including 0.1 and 0.4 security are widely known to house the BEST minerals that sell for a LOT of money. Any miner that is not in their best ship, mining away in low security is a dummy and intentionally passing up the good life that includes gold bling, diamond bling, platinum bling and mad hot phat honeys. Or something.


If you thought mining was intense, wait until you try your hand as a vital agent of your republic, federation or corporation. Incredible missions involving infiltration, betrayal, ambushes and all out massive fleet combat is in store for you. ANYTHING can happen at any time but you'll be ready to take it all on because you and your T1 fitted Drake are BADASS AS HELL. A lot of people tend to mission in the very high security status areas simply because they started there as newbs and are afraid of change. It is the more englightened of the missioners who realize that the best place to mission is low security space. The missions are awesomer, the rewards are better and you are totally safe from those pesky ninja-salvagers that plague busy high security mission hubs.


Ratting is like missioning but without all the unncessary fluff. Who cares who you're helping or about some crappy storyline? You want combat and you want it NOW. No one is going to stop your 1.8 million skillpoints and your Armageddon fit with small shield extenders. You have so many different types of weapons and salvagers fit that NO RAT is going to stand in your damn way. And once they're all dead? You're going to salvage the balls out of their wrecks. No one can even begin to debate the fact that the profession of ratting is the most hardkore of them all. With the addition of battleship rats and their huge bounties to low security space, what is to stop you from being the richest and badassest pilot in the history of Eve? Not much. Go get 'em tiger.


While everyone else is out working hard, those who play the Eve market are sitting pretty in their giant freighters, smoking a cigar and holding a glass of brandy. These financial geniuses have figured out the true ticket to making money in Eve: by hauling stuff through low security space in all sorts of industrial ships and freighters. Is stuff cheap in one area and selling for more in another? Haul it the shortest route (hopefully including a few lowsec jumps) and make a profit! Need to get some minerals to market? Load up that freighter and the miners will pay you billions for your help! By sticking to the less busy and high demand regions in and near lowsec, you can make such an incredible amount of money with virtually no effort. No one has any excuse for failure when engaging in trade or sales.


So uh. That's it? I guess? That was sort of a guide. The bottom line is: All carebear and PvE profession are more fun and more profitable in low security space. If you are smart you will spend all your time in low security space. Do as I say and you too will be successful in the harsh world of Eve-Online!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Python Cartel - Now Recruiting

With about one week behind us since we restarted The Python Cartel, I am pleasantly surprised at how things are going. There is some measure of disappointment that a lot of our older members have found new homes and understandably do not want to return, but it still feels weird without them. So far we have had a few applications to fill in the gaps but most have been a bit too new and inexperienced to be considered (800,000 skill points and/or zero killmails is not the type of pirate we are looking to recruit). I have no problem helping people learn the ropes but I am no longer at the point where I want to educate and train new pilots from ground zero, nor do we have a place for people who can fly a Rifter and nothing else. With that being said, I am shamelessly going to use this post to plug my corporation and the fact that we are looking for a few more dedicated lowsec pirates. Our Eve forums recruitment post can be found here:

...and our forums and other information can be found here:

If you are interested in all forms of piracy and have at least a little bit of experience and SP directed towards combat/PvP, I encourage you to check us out and throw in an application.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Gift of Song!


Skill is overrated. Sometimes all you need is luck. As I sat a few hundred kilometers off one of the low security gates, watching the traffic fly by, I was not really expecting much. Ibis. Rifter. Badger. Orca... Orca? I sat up and typed it into the ships console to get info on this ship that I was clueless about.

Industrial Command Ship
Approximate Value: 477,849,000 ISK

Half a billion ISK? Immediately I warped to the gate and signalled my already assembled gang of pirates to get here as soon as possible. I jumped through to the other side and sighed as I realized I was 30KM away from the target. In my battleship. With an afterburner. Assuming that I could never reach scrambler range before he warped, I approached him with my mods overheated with the hope that maybe, just maybe, this bigass industrial ship would align slow enough to let me get there.

25km... 20km... I watched as the massive ship turned and its engines began to glow... 15km... his ship began to accelerate... 10km...

"Two Points" I shouted excitedly to my gang as they began to arrive. It was all over for this poor fellow and his silly mining ship. Afterward, I congratulated my gang for what they had done. Thanks to us, countless Veldspar asteroids were saved a gruesome fate. Once again we could beam and feel proud for what we were... heroes of the highest caliber.

Nico Nico Nico Cat (Is Kind of a Douchebag)

A long while ago I wrote a post about a run in we had with a couple of nano'd pilots. I gave them credit for giving us a fun time and being good sports about it. What I did not realize was that one of the pilots, Nicocat, was NOT actually a good sport at all. Since that day forth I have encountered him many times and on virtually every occassion he has found something to whine and complain about in the system channels.

Tonight, predictably, Nicocat showed up in a Vagabond. I decided that the only proper way to approach this fact was to sing him an original song that I had written on the spot just for him.

[03:55:03] Spectre3353 > niconiconicocat

Surely he would appreciate my yodelling. Everyone loves songs about themselves!

[03:55:49] Spectre3353 > i was singing your name
[03:56:05] Nicocat > No you weren't, you're being an irritating twat, as usual
[03:56:18] Spectre3353 > you sure are the biggest toolbag in eve

What a jerk!

[03:57:11] Nicocat > Someone must be drunk again
[03:57:18] Kerblamo > I just asked him
[03:57:22] Kerblamo > apparently he's sober
[03:57:31] Spectre3353 > sober as a teradactyl on bastille day
[03:57:45] Spectre3353 > only a sober man could sing like this
[03:57:49] Spectre3353 > nico nico nico nico cattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
[03:57:57] Nicocat > Then he's a detriment to his corp.
[03:58:03] Kerblamo > he's the ceo

My vocal chords were just getting warmed up and I could tell that this song was something special. It might be the sort of thing that space Bards will sing in 10,000 years. A song of space legends.

[04:03:00] Spectre3353 > nico nico nicoooooooo cat cat cat
[04:03:14] Nicocat > Would somebody kill him already?
[04:03:21] Kerblamo > Love to
[04:03:23] Spectre3353 > you have no sense of humor

Tired of our humorless guest, we took our gang out to another system to hunt for targets. Later on the night we did encounter a very young pilot ratting in a Tristan. We warped in and scrambled him with our gang of six cruisers and decided to ransom, but what can you ask from a 2 day old pilot? Perhaps a payment of... song?

[04:49:02] Spectre3353 > hi
[04:49:07] Spectre3353 > we will let you go under 1 condition
[04:49:13] Lone Fool > Alright?
[04:49:14] Spectre3353 > you have to sing this song in local system chat
[04:49:20] Spectre3353 > "nico nico nico catttttttttttttttt"
[04:49:26] Spectre3353 > "nico nico nico nicooooooo nicoooooocat!"

[04:50:16] Lone Fool > Nicoooo nicoooo cat?
[04:50:36] Lone Fool > Nicooooo nicooo cat
[04:50:56] Lone Fool > nicooooooooooo nicoooooooooooooo cat
[04:51:06] Lone Fool > nico nico cat!
[04:51:11] Spectre3353 > YOU SIR
[04:51:12] Spectre3353 > ARE A WINNER
[04:51:16] Apoctasy > \o/
[04:51:17] Nemain Darru > you win today!
[04:51:17] Lanissum > AND FREE TO GO
[04:51:20] Lone Fool > Whew
[04:51:24] Lanissum > Lol
[04:51:28] Lone Fool > I love you guys

Music to my ears.

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Python Cartel

After some deliberation about what to do following the unfortunate recent events, myself, Golden Helmet and Intertial have decided to pick up where we left off with The Python Cartel. We are a corporation dedicated to the mass mining of asteroids, production of small shield boosters and level 3 mission running.


Oh, sorry, I was reading off the wrong sheet there. We are a corporation dedicated to destruction, profit and hot-dropping Archons on Bantams. Some may remember us for some of the many incredible acts of bravery and prowess we displayed in the past. For the time being we will be based out of our old home of Aurohunen (although this is subject to change). Recruitment is now open and we are looking for a select few pirates to join our cause. Please visit the forums at ThePythonCartel.com for further information about our corporation and whether or not you may have a place in it.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Spectre Day - Postponed

Spectre Day, originally planned for this Saturday, is being postponed indefinitely while we are busy setting up our new corporation. Please stay tuned for an updated date in a future post.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Upside Down

I flipped a few switches, punched a few buttons and listened to my shuttle whir and pop as it shut down. I was finally back from one of those obligatory visits to the ones that raised me (even pirates have parents). As I vacated the ship and made my way back to my quarters, something felt a little off since I had left only a couple days ago. I shrugged and opened the door. Tossing my bag onto the bunk, I noticed the answering machine blinking red, notifying me of new voice messages. I listened to the messages as I began to change:

"You have three new messages." the pleasant female machine voice stated. "Message one."

A nerdy male voice with a slight distortion began to rapidly talk: "Hello Mr. Plonkins! We have a wonderful offer we would like to extend to you! Buy two bottles of X-Tenz super tonic now and we will throw in one free! Act now and receive a pair of our super comfortable bunny slip-"

I hopped over with one pant leg on and punched the button to skip the rest. Damn telemarketers... didn't they know I was already well endowed?

"Message two." the machine stated.

"Spectre. All your roles and rights have been cancelled and you have been removed from your corporation."

"End of message."

I froze with my pants still only half off. What was that about? Was this a joke? I sat down and checked my console to see if there was some sort of mistake. Indeed, I had been kicked from my corporation along with several of the other newer members including Golden Helmet and Inertial. Even worse was the fact that some of our friends still remained, including Andrea Skye and Apoctasy.

I clutched my hair and gritted my teeth in frustration. I had just left a perfectly fine pirate corporation and then sold/moved everything I owned to relocate to Passari and join the Carebear Stare. I had been thoroughly enjoying myself over the past few weeks which had already amounted to over 100 kills. During that time I had never gleaned even the slightest hint at some sort of discontent that would result in a removal of me or any of my friends. This... this was terrible. My crew was split and some of us had been tossed to the roadside with little or no warning or explanation. Baffled and totally at a loss for what to do, I noticed that stupid red light still blinking. Stupid red light always brought bad news. I sighed and tapped it anyhow.

"Message Three."

"So. Python?"

There was extended silence and nothing more to the message but I knew Golden Helmet's voice when I heard it. I was still too blindsided and confused at the sudden change in situation to fully grasp what he was suggesting but in the back of my mind, i was already unconciously considering the idea. The Python Cartel? The machine beeped as I closed my eyes and shook my head, still in disbelief.

"End of message."

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Calling All Pilots - Celebrate Spectre Day!

I realized, slightly belatedly, that March 9th was the one year anniversary of my graduation from the Gallente Federation Naval Academy. What better time then now to look back and recap what I have accomplished in my first year as a pilot:

12,300,000 Skill Points

114 Known Skills (19 at level V)

901 Confirmed Kills (includes pods and everything)

144 Confirmed Losses (also includes me being podded and losing newb ships)

1 Emoragequit over playing too much

1 Emoragequit over wanting to play other MMO's that got boring fast

4 Distinctly Different Corporations (Joint Strike Squad, Python Cartel, The Bastards, The Carebear Stare)

126 Blog Posts (including this one)

1 Realization that I am the greatest pirate to ever be and that you are all lucky to be living and witnessing the golden age of Eve thanks to my presence

So how do you celebrate the anniversary of the greatest moment the universe has ever witnessed? Without me, what would there be? Not much entertainment and certainly not much fun. It seems wrong to celebrate by simply acknowledging the date here in this log. Someone of my stature, influence and historical note needs a holiday, so here is my proposal: From this day forth, March 21st will be known as "Spectre Day". It won't simply be a holiday to have lame little parties with pinatas and male strippers. It won't just be some stupid little excuse to have a barbecue. Spectre Day will REQUIRE the following of all pirates who consider themselves pure and true:

(1) All Pirates must assemble a Tech 1 Frigate. This Frigate can be fit in absolutely any manner but the ship hull itself must be T1.

(2) All Pirates must assemble in the system of Amamake at 2200 GMT Eve server time in these ships. This is 10 PM in England, 6 PM on the East Coast of the USA, 3 PM on the West Coast of the USA (I think at least... just follow GMT to be sure).

(3) Pirates may be ganged. Pirates may be solo. Pirates may attack anyone they would like. However, No one is allowed to leave the system until one hour has passed (2300 server time) or unless it is in your pod.

(4) Pirates may not sit in any location where external NPC firepower will affect the fight (stations and gates and POS's) and pirates may not use safe spots. For the entire duration of the Spectre Day event, you must be on grid at a warpable object without sentry or POS guns.

Please make sure to inform me of all KB kills that you want recognized during this event. I will display them here after the event is complete and I will name a MVP pirate. The MVP will receive a prize and this time I swear I am not lying about it. Anyone who does not consider themselves a pirate, I give you permission to still take part in this event as long as you wear an eye patch along with skull & crossbones underpants while taking part.

March 21st at 2200 server time...

Prepare for the celebration!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Death Race

"You sure are lucky a driver like me just happened to turn up in your prison when I did."

A single kernel of popcorn rolled out of my slack jaw and hit the shag carpet next to some other bits of grub and half a dozen empty beer bottles. I didn't care. I was so enthralled in this ancient film I had discovered on the nets historical films repository that I barely even registered the cockpit around me. This Jason Statham fellow was awesome. "I sure would love to butter his bread..." I thought as I took another swig from my beer.

"Oh, I'm more than lucky. I'm blessed. Sometimes it's like the right hand of god is sitting on my shoulder."

Oh that evil warden... she makes me so mad.

A silent red alarm light began to blink on the console of my Vexor. I rolled my eyes, paused the film and checked what emergency message just had to interrupt my precious movie time. It was a high priority request from Icarus Flame and his Punisher. A Drake locked down but not enough firepower to finish him and all ransom attempts had failed. I began to converse with my fellow outlaw:

[04:22:13] Spectre3353 > im in a cruiser with 12 min on my timer
[04:22:16] Icarus Flame > i'm serious, i'm in vifraevaert

[04:22:39] Spectre3353 > 17 jumps dude

[04:22:41] Spectre3353 > id never make it

[04:22:42] Spectre3353 > im sorry

[04:22:47] Icarus Flame > you might...

[04:23:02] Icarus Flame > this punisher has a mean tank.

Twelve minutes before I could leave system and then seventeen jumps before I could arrive and aid. It was hopeless, there was no way both ships would survive for nearly 30 minutes. Still.... it was worth a shot. I kept Death Race playing in the background to pump me up and once the Caldari Navy gave me permission to leave system, I jumped out and began navigating my way as quickly as possible. I demanded assistance from my friends and soon we had Andrea Skye, Golden Helmet and Twicedasize all moving as fast as their little thrusters would carry them towards the permatackled Drake 17 jumps away as well.

"What makes you think for a second I would risk my life doing this for you?"

Damn, this movie is great. I just wish I had some idea what the hell a "car" was.

[04:38:50] Spectre3353 > 12 jumps
[04:39:12] Icarus Flame > geaux is on his way here too.

"You wanted a monster? Well, you've got one."

[04:46:21] Spectre3353 > 6 jumps

"I might surprise you."

[04:49:17] Icarus Flame > all right, be ready to point and kill drones.
[04:49:21] Spectre3353 > yarr matey

[04:49:27] Spectre3353 > jumping in

[04:50:02] Spectre3353 > warping to you

[04:50:10] Spectre3353 > you are a god for keeping this guy tackled this long

I landed in the belt and joined into the fight with the Punisher and Rifter that were already involved. Seeing a ship that he could actually hit, the Drake pilot targetted me and we began trading shots. Andrea Skye and then Golden Helmet soon arrived in their cruisers to join the fight as I confidently absorbed missile after missile. Still buzzing with adreneline and excitement from the action I had been viewing and all the beer I drank, I ignored the fact that my armor repairers could not keep up with the damage I was taking and the fact that I was warp scrambled. Explosions sounded in my ears... that was from the movie, right? I glanced up at the screen and realized it was now just static. My ship was falling apart around me! Another volley tore through my hull and my pod was ejected just prior to my Vexor being shredded by the trapped Drake.

This race was never intended to conclude with my death. Crud.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Je Suis Le Meilleur

Suicide is Painless (But Not Really)

Myself and my favorite wing men tried something new this weekend (new to me at least). Htrag, Golden Helmet, Andrea Skye, Kerblamo and I were involved in a number of Hulk kills in high security space which we executed by following these easy steps:

(1) Get an alt. Invite it to your fleet. Have it fly around in highsec systems right next door to lowsec and find Hulk's mining in belts. Move the alt's ship to be right on top of the stationary and defenseless carebear.

(2) Have your mains buy Destroyers and fit them with T1 weapons, T1 damage mods and a sensor booster. Have them all jump into the highsec system at the same time and gang warp to the alt.

(3) Turn on your sensor booster. Overheat your guns. Land on the poor carebear and paste him to the nearest 'roid before he has any idea what the balls just happened.

(4) Warp your pod home after CONCORD destroys you. Have the alt loot all the nice faction mods off the Hulk's wreck.


Spectre, Golden Helmet, Andrea Skye and
Htrag in Catalysts of Doom

By the end of our mini-spree we had destroyed about one-billion ISK worth of exhumers (according to the killboard prices). Some of them were less than happy about it:

[05:12:35] Kendal Ra > nothing better to do than cause greif
[05:12:56] Kendal Ra > Watch out everyoone... cheesy canflippers are around


[04:50:18] lljkDeathscythe > u know i bet u get all the women and nerds saying this all the time, but im your biggest fan ;)

[04:14:50] Cutie McTootie > you are my hero

[06:01:22] Gankis Khan > I feel quite swoony knowing someone as famous as you is in here. ;)

[14:58:26] ManaNiN > i wont be baited, i wont be lur'd so ur waisting your time, i know exactly who you are...fuck i even read ur blog :)

Pretty Pictures!

Megathron and Gang

Preparing to Gank Some More Hapless Miners

Thursday, March 5, 2009


In the space lanes of Old Man Star
Our frigates nervously fidgeted
Stalking our prey we were once again
But our firepower was certainly limited

Three small ships and a battlecruiser
Up against a fleet that continued to grow
We didn't want to risk it but GH insisted
And into the belt we did go

Nemesis, Manticore, Bellicose and Vagabond
Frigate killers all around they had manned
We toggled the warp drives upon the back of our ships
And in moments that fast HAC was scrammed

Blasters turned on, light drones deployed
I assumed my fate would be grave
When the dust settled and we fled the scene
I saw that all of our ships had been saved!

An expensive ass ship we had caught and destroyed
All while his friends watched us and gaped
What a sucker that he let us catch him like that
And that all of us also escaped

A tale so epic that it could only be told
As a song or a book or a poem
And only an author as talented as me...

Crap.... What rhymes with "poem"?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

WARNING: Explicit Tears

[05:38:06] Arbitrage Marchand > STOP IT
[05:38:26] Arbitrage Marchand > why are you such jerks?
[05:39:46] Arbitrage Marchand > go ahead and pod me you fucktard twatwaffle
[05:40:16] Arbitrage Marchand > suck it you pigfucking assbandit
[05:40:27] Arbitrage Marchand > did your daddy touch you so you pick on people on the interwebz?
[05:40:34] Arbitrage Marchand > blow me

Monday, March 2, 2009

I Am Back Home

On The Move Again

With several core members of the corp formally known as the Python Cartel also back into piracy and living up in our old home, I have decided to move back to the Lonetrek region and join them. I have left the Bastards and joined up with several of my old friends (and enemies) in the Carebear Stare pirate corporation. Despite my defection, I hold the Bastards in the highest regards and wish them the best of luck for providing me a wonderful place to practice my trade over the past few months (and sending me care packages while I was imprisoned).

I sold off a majority of my ships in Evati, packaged up everything else I owned, disguised myself as an Italian trucker complete with a fake mustache and took off for my new (old) home. In my Iteron III we tricked CONCORD and the rest of the pansy faction police into thinking I was merely moving a truckload of Twinkies and away through highsec I flew! I turned on the autopilot, sagged my hat over my eyes, stuck a Twinkie in my mouth and took a little nap while we lumbered towards our destination. I slowly fell asleep in my pilots chair without a care in the world...

My Iteron shook viciously and I woke to alarms and blasters firing. A Brutix battlecruiser next to one of the gates I was approaching had just opened fire on me! I panicked and tried to flee, thinking of what was held within the holds just behind. Every module I owned, thousands of items worth hundreds of millions were about to go down in smoke. My ship lurched again and I could see debris floating just outside and gas spewing from some of the severe damage to my hull. I frowned and watched as I was about to get some serious karma when the faction police dropped out of warp and engaged my attacker. With my ship nearly destroyed they quickly blew up his ship and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sorry about that sir. Damn pirates sometimes get cocky and try to hit targets of high value here in our space. There is a station nearby you can dock at and repair" came the message from one of my saviors.

"Ah thank you good-a sir. You have saved-a my Twinkie shipment and the boss-a will be-a mighty pleased-a" I replied in a very convincing Italian accent.

"Uhh... Ok." was all I got back before they warped away and left me back to my own devices. A close call and saved by the very people who would have finished the job had they known who I truly was. Suckers.

Psychological Warfare

One big downside to being a pirate is the inability to safely engage targets on gates or near stations. There are really only a few ways around this that include:

(1) Attack other pirates or make non-pirates attack you first so that the sentry guns won't fire.
(2) Fly something big and tanked enough that the sentry fire won't ensure your death.
(3) Trick or lure people into engaging you away from the sentries.

My favorite of late has been the tricky #3. An example of this would be when myself and Andrea Skye were roaming the other night and spotted a Caracal on scan. The pilot was young and travelling through low-security space from gate to gate. We followed him in our Thorax/Vagabond pair but we were not able to nab him on a gate (nor would we have lasted too long under sentry fire) so I was forced to use my superior intellect to try and get him exposed:

[06:59:42] Spectre3353 > please wait a second
[06:59:45] krera > ?
[06:59:45] Spectre3353 > and join our fleet
[07:00:00] Spectre3353 > i am trying to give you something

It worked! We landed on the next gate with the Caracal sitting still and he had instructed his computer to be under my control as the fleet commander.

[07:00:52] Spectre3353 > ok one sec bud
[07:00:54] Spectre3353 > i have some mods for you

I did have some modules for him but not in the way he was expecting. I sent the command to the fleet to warp myself, Skye and our victim all to an isolated spot in space. As we landed, we scrambled and opened fire on the befuddled cruiser and its pilot:

[07:01:40] Spectre3353 > this is a ransom
[07:01:46] Spectre3353 > 10 million ISK and you can leave with your ship in tact
[07:01:48] Spectre3353 > you have 30 seconds

He refused to respond. Eventually he began to return fire so we destroyed his ship and tried the same tactic on his pod:

[07:03:11] Spectre3353 > this is another ransom
[07:03:17] Spectre3353 > 10 million ISK and you can leave with your pod intact
[07:03:19] Spectre3353 > you have 30 seconds

Again no response. Again we destroyed him. Sucker.