Friday, March 27, 2009

Dear Carebears...

I was wrong to mock you the way I did. I was a little bit tipsy, I had a bad day and I was not appreciating you for who you are and what you do for me. It was wrong for me to treat you so badly and talk smack behind your back that way. Please, please forgive me and promise you won't ever do this to me again. Please. You cut me deep, my carebearing friends...


It was a beautiful spring morning as I headed to pick up my very first tech II cruiser. Sure there is no such thing as spring or morning in space but who cares. Why do you always have to ruin things with your "reality" and "reasoning"? Jerk. I made a few trips, pulled some mods off some other ships and then sat back to admire my brand new tool of destruction: the close range gank fit super Lachesis that I decided to name "Gimped". Maybe I should have thought things through a bit more before undocking in this bizarre fit. I have virtually no experience or expertise in the art of shield tanking or missile launcher operation but here I was, flying a very expensive ship that utilized both.

Over the course of the day, "Gimped" and me had some fun. We ganked some nubs by warp disrupting them from 35km away. We camped with some friends to make use of our ability to quickly lock and scramble from long range. Finally with the day coming to a close, we probed out a few mission runners to end things on a high (and destructive) note. Two Drakes arrived in system and immediately went to run a mission, so we sent Andrea Skye to locate them. Soon we had a small gang on their gate, ready to pounce and destroy with a Lachesis, Rapier, Hurricane and Rokh. It was possible that two Drakes if provoked could dish out enough firepower to worry our cruisers but in that case we could always just warp out. Mission runners didn't carry tackle like pirates or real combat pilots would.

We took the acceleration gate together and arrived about 30km away from our targets. Immediately I warp scrambled and began slowly approaching. Immediately I was surrounded by buzzing drones and being bombarded with heavy missiles. My shields began to drop at an alarming rate but there was no cause for concern. I could warp whenever I wanted. Lower and lower I dipped as we approached the mission runners and before I was even close to being in appropriate attack range, I turned to flee.

"You fail to warp because you are warp scrambled."

Wait...

WHAT??

Warp scrambled by... a carebearing mission runner? My mouth sat agape as my shields gave way and the Drakes annihilated my new 50 million ISK cruiser. Gimped was no more. By the time the dust settled, Kerblamo had lost his Hurricane, Skye had lost his Rapier and we had only managed to finish off one of the Drakes while the other escaped back to the safety of highsec. Never in my days have I suffered such an overwhelming and crushing defeat at the hands of carebears. It was like karma had come and punched me in the nose, kicked me in the balls and then spit in my face.

Lessons Learned:

- Don't bring a microwarpdrive to deadspace.

- Don't bring a paper thin T2 cruiser to tackle a pair of warp scrambling Drakes.

- Never make fun of carebears in your blog or you will die in the most embarassing way possible the very next day.

- We are not very good pirates.

13 comments:

Scoth said...

Karma Train sucks huh...

Maugrim McFiriba said...

I don't know about other carebears, but I was laughing out loud over your last guide. It was a classic turn of sarcasm that worked really well.

Since Karma was obviously offended, perhaps a new guide on how to fit ships for missioning in low sec would be helpful - you know, mission specific resists, big fat missile tubes, lots of faction gear. :)

Helicity Boson said...

Oh spectre. How you embarrased python today.

I had to go and murder an innocent russian in a cormie to make amends for it.

Letrange said...

LMAO

Letrange said...

Adendum to that laugh - you realize that in certain wormhole systems there are drakes than have 157000 EHP right?

(our wormhole system provides a 80% shield boost and a minor cap boost but slaping 80% more shields on a drake is just insane - great for killing sleepers though)

Josh (GH) said...

How the hell could you guys lose to two drakes with, at the very very minimum, a hurricane and a rokh on your side >.<

Andrea skye said...

It sucked man, i had that rapier for 6 months or soo, reason we lost is because blammo was sheild tanked and died fast (spectre was also sheild tanked and died fast lol) and our rokh was slow and blaster fit so didnt get in range till late. Our rokh didnt have a point either soo, i stayed aslong as i could but died anyway.

Ab would of helped me get out of scram range tho, so morale of the story, always have a Ab fitted when probing out mission runners.

Kazaji said...

Haha, Karma's a bitch, eh?

Those bears are more dangerous then they seem.

Suffer Knot said...

Spectre, you are the man, that is two days in a row that I had to laugh out loud and make all my co-workers look up to see what was so funny.

Next time when you bend over for the karma train, think to yourself if only I hadn't.......

Spectre said...

I am glad that you find such amusement in my misery :)

Tony "EVE's Weekend Warrior" said...

Hehe, rawr!

Some of us do have teeth ;)

6pac said...

ouch

In the beginning of the story I got excited at the thought of gettin me own T2 cruiser..

But now, I am cured again.

Thanx

Cutie McTootie said...

You should have appreciated my ballad more :/