Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Death Race

"You sure are lucky a driver like me just happened to turn up in your prison when I did."

A single kernel of popcorn rolled out of my slack jaw and hit the shag carpet next to some other bits of grub and half a dozen empty beer bottles. I didn't care. I was so enthralled in this ancient film I had discovered on the nets historical films repository that I barely even registered the cockpit around me. This Jason Statham fellow was awesome. "I sure would love to butter his bread..." I thought as I took another swig from my beer.

"Oh, I'm more than lucky. I'm blessed. Sometimes it's like the right hand of god is sitting on my shoulder."

Oh that evil warden... she makes me so mad.

A silent red alarm light began to blink on the console of my Vexor. I rolled my eyes, paused the film and checked what emergency message just had to interrupt my precious movie time. It was a high priority request from Icarus Flame and his Punisher. A Drake locked down but not enough firepower to finish him and all ransom attempts had failed. I began to converse with my fellow outlaw:

[04:22:13] Spectre3353 > im in a cruiser with 12 min on my timer
[04:22:16] Icarus Flame > i'm serious, i'm in vifraevaert

[04:22:39] Spectre3353 > 17 jumps dude

[04:22:41] Spectre3353 > id never make it

[04:22:42] Spectre3353 > im sorry

[04:22:47] Icarus Flame > you might...

[04:23:02] Icarus Flame > this punisher has a mean tank.

Twelve minutes before I could leave system and then seventeen jumps before I could arrive and aid. It was hopeless, there was no way both ships would survive for nearly 30 minutes. Still.... it was worth a shot. I kept Death Race playing in the background to pump me up and once the Caldari Navy gave me permission to leave system, I jumped out and began navigating my way as quickly as possible. I demanded assistance from my friends and soon we had Andrea Skye, Golden Helmet and Twicedasize all moving as fast as their little thrusters would carry them towards the permatackled Drake 17 jumps away as well.

"What makes you think for a second I would risk my life doing this for you?"

Damn, this movie is great. I just wish I had some idea what the hell a "car" was.

[04:38:50] Spectre3353 > 12 jumps
[04:39:12] Icarus Flame > geaux is on his way here too.

"You wanted a monster? Well, you've got one."

[04:46:21] Spectre3353 > 6 jumps

"I might surprise you."

[04:49:17] Icarus Flame > all right, be ready to point and kill drones.
[04:49:21] Spectre3353 > yarr matey

[04:49:27] Spectre3353 > jumping in

[04:50:02] Spectre3353 > warping to you

[04:50:10] Spectre3353 > you are a god for keeping this guy tackled this long

I landed in the belt and joined into the fight with the Punisher and Rifter that were already involved. Seeing a ship that he could actually hit, the Drake pilot targetted me and we began trading shots. Andrea Skye and then Golden Helmet soon arrived in their cruisers to join the fight as I confidently absorbed missile after missile. Still buzzing with adreneline and excitement from the action I had been viewing and all the beer I drank, I ignored the fact that my armor repairers could not keep up with the damage I was taking and the fact that I was warp scrambled. Explosions sounded in my ears... that was from the movie, right? I glanced up at the screen and realized it was now just static. My ship was falling apart around me! Another volley tore through my hull and my pod was ejected just prior to my Vexor being shredded by the trapped Drake.

This race was never intended to conclude with my death. Crud.


Tony "EVE's Weekend Warrior" said...

Should paid more attention to the movie next time :D

Chomin H'ak said...

Drinking and flying? You shoulda known better than that...

Friends don't let friends pew-pew drunk.

Josh (GH) said...

Yes we do. It gives us grounds for laughing and mockery :D

Dexter Tripod said...

You forgot the line "Uh oh, looks like someone's gonna be pissed" LOL