Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Gift of Song!

Orca

Skill is overrated. Sometimes all you need is luck. As I sat a few hundred kilometers off one of the low security gates, watching the traffic fly by, I was not really expecting much. Ibis. Rifter. Badger. Orca... Orca? I sat up and typed it into the ships console to get info on this ship that I was clueless about.

Orca
Industrial Command Ship
Approximate Value: 477,849,000 ISK

Half a billion ISK? Immediately I warped to the gate and signalled my already assembled gang of pirates to get here as soon as possible. I jumped through to the other side and sighed as I realized I was 30KM away from the target. In my battleship. With an afterburner. Assuming that I could never reach scrambler range before he warped, I approached him with my mods overheated with the hope that maybe, just maybe, this bigass industrial ship would align slow enough to let me get there.

25km... 20km... I watched as the massive ship turned and its engines began to glow... 15km... his ship began to accelerate... 10km...

"Two Points" I shouted excitedly to my gang as they began to arrive. It was all over for this poor fellow and his silly mining ship. Afterward, I congratulated my gang for what they had done. Thanks to us, countless Veldspar asteroids were saved a gruesome fate. Once again we could beam and feel proud for what we were... heroes of the highest caliber.

Nico Nico Nico Cat (Is Kind of a Douchebag)

A long while ago I wrote a post about a run in we had with a couple of nano'd pilots. I gave them credit for giving us a fun time and being good sports about it. What I did not realize was that one of the pilots, Nicocat, was NOT actually a good sport at all. Since that day forth I have encountered him many times and on virtually every occassion he has found something to whine and complain about in the system channels.

Tonight, predictably, Nicocat showed up in a Vagabond. I decided that the only proper way to approach this fact was to sing him an original song that I had written on the spot just for him.

[03:55:03] Spectre3353 > niconiconicocat

Surely he would appreciate my yodelling. Everyone loves songs about themselves!

[03:55:49] Spectre3353 > i was singing your name
[03:56:05] Nicocat > No you weren't, you're being an irritating twat, as usual
[03:56:18] Spectre3353 > you sure are the biggest toolbag in eve

What a jerk!

[03:57:11] Nicocat > Someone must be drunk again
[03:57:18] Kerblamo > I just asked him
[03:57:22] Kerblamo > apparently he's sober
[03:57:31] Spectre3353 > sober as a teradactyl on bastille day
[03:57:45] Spectre3353 > only a sober man could sing like this
[03:57:49] Spectre3353 > nico nico nico nico cattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
[03:57:57] Nicocat > Then he's a detriment to his corp.
[03:58:03] Kerblamo > he's the ceo

My vocal chords were just getting warmed up and I could tell that this song was something special. It might be the sort of thing that space Bards will sing in 10,000 years. A song of space legends.

[04:03:00] Spectre3353 > nico nico nicoooooooo cat cat cat
[04:03:14] Nicocat > Would somebody kill him already?
[04:03:21] Kerblamo > Love to
[04:03:23] Spectre3353 > you have no sense of humor

Tired of our humorless guest, we took our gang out to another system to hunt for targets. Later on the night we did encounter a very young pilot ratting in a Tristan. We warped in and scrambled him with our gang of six cruisers and decided to ransom, but what can you ask from a 2 day old pilot? Perhaps a payment of... song?

[04:49:02] Spectre3353 > hi
[04:49:07] Spectre3353 > we will let you go under 1 condition
[04:49:13] Lone Fool > Alright?
[04:49:14] Spectre3353 > you have to sing this song in local system chat
[04:49:20] Spectre3353 > "nico nico nico catttttttttttttttt"
[04:49:26] Spectre3353 > "nico nico nico nicooooooo nicoooooocat!"

[04:50:16] Lone Fool > Nicoooo nicoooo cat?
[04:50:36] Lone Fool > Nicooooo nicooo cat
[04:50:56] Lone Fool > nicooooooooooo nicoooooooooooooo cat
[04:51:06] Lone Fool > nico nico cat!
[04:51:11] Spectre3353 > YOU SIR
[04:51:12] Spectre3353 > ARE A WINNER
[04:51:16] Apoctasy > \o/
[04:51:17] Nemain Darru > you win today!
[04:51:17] Lanissum > AND FREE TO GO
[04:51:20] Lone Fool > Whew
[04:51:24] Lanissum > Lol
[04:51:28] Lone Fool > I love you guys

Music to my ears.

5 comments:

Andrea skye said...

it was epic lol, best ransom ever.

Helicity Boson said...

We must totally start making people come onto our vent and sing to us as ransoms.

Kazaji said...

Haha, very nice. Reminds me of the Neospartans.

Making people sing on vent? THAT would be a ransom, as typing a song is easy; singing it, not so much.

Yargok said...

Awesome!

Was just watching some yodeling on the LLS.. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3zMm1rz0Ww

Anyhoo.. who takes an orca to lowsec?
the align times on that one is like 15mins!!!

Oh well, like Einstein said:
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."

Mynxee said...

LOLS. Nico has no sense of humor! It's ***MUCH*** better when they sing on Vent and you can record it.