Thursday, April 16, 2009

Breaking News!

Pirates Ransack Newly Constructed Capital Ship!

The problems related to pirating and illegal violence in the poorly secured region of Lonetrek and its surrounding areas hit a new high yesterday afternoon as a group of pirates locked down and destroyed a neutrally piloted Phoenix class Dreadnought in the system of Aurohunen. The system, commonly refered to as "Auro" is a well known hub for the sales and distribution of capital class ships. These events raise, once again, concerns around the safety of citizens and law-abiding individuals in low security and even high security space in a region that is only a few jumps from the largest trade hub in the universe.

"We understand the problem but we have limited resources ourselves" a representative of the Consolidated Cooperation and Relations Command (CONCORD) told us. "We have only so many ships to patrol a large number of systems. We have constructed and deployed a massive amount of defensive and offensive tools on gates and stations to help prevent these types of things from happening. The destruction of that dreadnought is a huge loss of ISK and life but the blame lies solely on ignorance and irresponsibility of the pod pilot in charge of it's actions."

Normally, a ship of this size will never leave the safety of a station but for some unexplained reason, the commander of the vessel decided to pilot to a stargate and then into orbit around a nearby planet. Scores of civilians inhabiting the planet of Aurohunen VI reported seeing explosions in the sky as the massive vessel collapsed and was destroyed under the fire of a fleet of battleships, battlecruisers and assorted smaller supporting craft. Large chunks of debris are estimated to be in descent and should be landing in various areas around the planet over the next few weeks. The Aurohunen VI safety commission and CONCORD ask that all inhabitants be on the lookout for potential falling debris although the chances of it actually landing in a populated or inhabited area are very low.

The Guristas Associates alliance claimed responsibility for the events that occurred and this comes to no surprise as they are one of the largest conglamorations of pirate organizations in the area. We were able to get an exclusive interview with one of the pirates who took part in the aforementioned events:

The Spacelane Journal: What do you and your partners hope to achieve by committing such acts of death and destruction. Are you trying to send a message of some sort? Do you have demands?

Spectre: We hope to have fun and make a little money while we're at it. Hey... can I have one of those mini pizzas on the buffet over there?

TSJ: Uhm... yes sure. You didn't really answer the question though, what is it that you hope to achieve... Ok. I will just wait until you get back from the buffet I guess.

Spectre: *munching on a mini-pizza, mini-quiche, popcorn, corn chips and a hot dog* Damn. You guys get some good grub here.

TSJ: So Spectre. You have destroyed hundreds of ships. You have been at least partially responsible for the deaths of many ships crews and the loss of billions of ISK to your victims. Now you have added the destruction of a dreadnought capital ship to your resume. Why do you do it? What led to this life style and how can you justify what you do?

Spectre: *ponders serious for a moment as some popcorn falls off his plate* Definitely the chicks.

TSJ: Can you elaborate any further?

Spectre: I like the chicks. Especially their boob area. Oh and blasters make a cool sound. It's all like "pew pew" and then after a bit the ship is all like "pppcchooooooooo" and explodes. It's cool man. Hey, can I have some more of your food?

TSJ: If we could just finish the interview before...

Spectre: *walks away again to the buffet table*

Will the violence continue to escalate? Will the people of Eve ever be safe from the ruthless and seemingly pointless actions of pirates? Do all pirates have the same childish and primal attitude as Spectre? We can only hope that somewhere in the leadership that controls these organizations that a spark of morality and maturity exists, otherwise we may all be doomed to live in permanent fear.


Dexter Tripod said...

Very nice! Wish I could've stuck around to see/help with that.

Le Sac said...



With some chap in python public shouting to go to planet IV with your biggest ship, I went there with my trusty rifter (the only ship which I've brought to Auro with me) and immediately my friend calls me and asks me whether I want to go to his house. I can't exactly say 'no, I'm killing a capital ship' and he lives really close to me so I am forced to miss out on the big pew pew.

Kazaji said...

Damn you, damn you all. Sometimes, I hate having to go to school. I miss out on epic kills such as this.

Keep up the GREAT work!

6pac said...


Is major events drawn to you or??


I need to visit Auro more often.


Josh (GH) said...

Bwahaha, awesome post Spec. Love the style, and the interview :D

Apoc said...

epic writing is epic

Yargok said...

Epic kill
Epic writing

Mynxee said...

LOLs, great kill, excellent write up!