Monday, May 18, 2009

His Megatron Rawkz

The Makings of a Champion

I hovered just outside the Science and Trade Academy, watching the slow traffic of ships arrive and leave. Students, instructors, traders, etc... Quietly in my Taranis I sat and waited for targets of opportunity to present themselves.

[03:10:56 ] Spectre3353 > hey doc!
[03:11:09 ] Doces > Indeed!
[03:11:22 ] Doces > Erm...do I know you?
[03:11:29 ] Doces > Or are you just pleasantly affable?
[03:11:29 ] Spectre3353 > do you mind joining my fleet for a second so i can enter a complex
[03:11:35 ] Spectre3353 > no im just looking for some help real fast
[03:11:40 ] Doces > ...?
[03:12:14 ] Doces > No dice, migo.
[03:12:21 ] Doces > Not looking to die atm.
[03:12:33 ] Spectre3353 > oh im not looking to kill, just trying to enter a complex i probed out
[03:12:38 ] Spectre3353 > only allows fleets, no solo
[03:12:50 ] Spectre3353 > you dont have to come, i just need a fleet active for a couple minutes
[03:13:43 ] Doces > Meh. Why not.
[03:13:46 ] Doces > Re-invite.

He had been foolish enough to accept my invitation to fleet but not enough to undock and let me take advantage of it. I can't win them all. I must have patience...

[03:28:43 ] SirPepePingu > hey

Excellent. Another potential victim who had made the first stride towards a horrible fate by accepting my fleet invite. Hopefully this one would undock while I still had control over his ships navigational systems. Within moments of that thought, he emerged from the station in his battleship, blocking out the sun with its massive shadow. Obviously this one was compensating for something. Time to show him how much size really matters.

I entered in destination coordinates for the "fleet" and ordered all ships to engage their engines immediately. My Taranis hopped into warp quickly and I verified with my scanner that his slower, bumbling battleship had entered warp just behind me. I landed, sent out a call for reinforcements to my allies and prepared for a fight. As the Megathron landed only a few hundred kilometers away, I quickly locked and began firing...

He sat there.

I overloaded my weapons to put out as much damage as I could possibly muster. My drones circled crazily, firing away...

He still just sat there.

One of my pirate friends landed in a Rupture and applied some more damage to the quickly disintigrating armor plates of our target...

Still no reaction.

Finally as the battleship entered structure, he showed some signs of life by launching his drones and targeting my ship... and then he blew up.

What I found in the resulting wreck can only be described as the work of a madman. Artillery. Beam Lasers. Autocannons, Blasters and Railguns. Three warp stabilizers that could have enabled him to flee at any point during the engagement. This was it. We had found it: The very worst fit in the entire history of the universe.


The Winner!

It seems that the Megathron has won the triple crown. I have decided upon the three winners of the Worst Fit Awards and all are of the Gallente Battleship variety:

#3: Spectre3353's RR Tanked Megathron - Actually a very nice fit but you all hate me and I know you wanted this to at least get a spot in the list, so here you go. I am awesome and I fit my ships awesomely. Screw you guys.

#2: Douglas William's Super Duper Mining Navy Megathron - Holy balls. I think I stared at this one for about 10 minutes while trying to fight off the urge to simply blow my own brains out. You take the badassest ship in all of Eve and fill every high slot with mining lasers? You could stick a football up my ass and I would still be more comfortable than I am even thinking about the abomination displayed in this killmail. Very possibly a sign of the apocolypse.

#1: SirPepePingu's All-Your-Bases-Are-Covered Megathron - Five different types of weapons? Check. Shield and Armor Tank? Check. Enough Warp Core Stabilizers to feed a small country? Check. Is there anything this fit CAN'T do? I am convinced it could easily raise your kids, build a house, pleasure your wife and then cure cancer. This it the pinnacle of starship evolution. SirPepePingu... you have won the game and you probably don't ever need to play it again... ever. Seriously though, please don't come back.

All By Ourselves

After much debate and a deadlocked vote from the corp as to how we should proceed, the directors of the Python Cartel have decided to leave the pirating alliance known as the Guristas Associates. We are not leaving on a sour note but have felt that we were not really that involved in alliance affairs and we would rather have more neutrals in the area to shoot. It will remain to be seen how things turn out as Aurohunen, Mara and the surrounding areas have become more and more hostile to pirates as the other groups in the area resort to a massive amount of baiting, blobbing, login traps and hiding behind sentry guns and highsec. It is a crazy universe out there.

7 comments:

Cozmik R5 said...

OH MY GOD !!!

I rarely thank pirates but thank you for putting this Megathron out of its misery :))

Latrodanes said...

Wow!!! Epic fail on so many fronts. Lousy fit, not understanding about "fleet" issues, AFK flying/fighting.

It just never ceases to amaze me how somebody can be in this game long enough to fly a battleship yet not have a clue about fits, game mechanics, and just overall sensibility. - sigh -

Le Sac said...

I'm not sure whether that 100mm plate can be called 'Armour Tanking'...

Yargok said...

haha, well done.

did you see that nub in the rr mega tho?? t1 guns :P

Jose said...

I have to disagree with your top 2. No matter how disturbing SirPepePingu's setup is, it has no match to the disgusting setup of Douglas William's setup.

A Navy Megathron with all turret points as miners has to be consider a bug in the game. The game shouldn't allow such a setup. :)

Tony "EVE's Weekend Warrior" said...

LMAO at the fits. LMAO.

Drixion said...

Nice list, the Navy Mega still makes me chuckle ever time I see it. Yours takes the cake since you brought about it's destruction on your own. I can picture it now "I'm taking damage, but I don't see any rats in this plex?" If you need a new area to roam I can point a few out in game.