Wednesday, July 1, 2009

My First Rifter (Sort Of)

I love my Taranis and my Vexor and my Ishtar but they say that variety is the spice of life. For this reason, on my last trip to purchase ships I threw a Rifter into my holds along with everything else and hauled it on home. It was an afterthought really but today when glancing around I decided to fit it up and give it a go. Unable to use Tech II small autocannons is a bit of a disadvantage but I could still handle some newbs in frigates or maybe even a poorly flown interceptor in a fight. I fit my ship up with whatever I was able to scrounge up in my hangar and stepped back to admire the extremely generic fit on my extremely generic ship:

[Rifter, Fuck This Ship]
Damage Control II
200mm Reinforced Rolled Tungsten Plates I
Small Armor Repairer II

J5b Phased Prototype Warp Scrambler I
X5 Prototype I Engine Enervator
Cold-Gas I Arcjet Thrusters

150mm Light Carbine Repeating Cannon I, Republic Fleet EMP S
150mm Light Carbine Repeating Cannon I, Republic Fleet EMP S
150mm Light Carbine Repeating Cannon I, Republic Fleet EMP S
E5 Prototype Energy Vampire

I undocked and did the usual rounds until I arrived in my favorite system of late, Egghelende. A system with an absolutely wonderful and constant stream of newbs flowing through, I did my usual scan to see which dummies still had their names on their ships. "tazzster's Catalyst" stuck out at me and I tried my usual tricks by inviting the sixteen day old player to join my fleet. Fortunately for me, he took the bait:

[19:40:32] Spectre3353 > you missioning??
[19:40:41] tazzster > yes

I warped to him with the intent to poke his poor destroyer to death but landed at the Jel gate and realized that he had just left system. Damn! I continued with the social engineering to convince him to return to Egghelende. I would not rest until he let me have my way with him and his ship:

[19:41:24] Spectre3353 > cud u help me with mine real quick?

[19:41:43] tazzster > give me min let me get other ship
[19:41:50] Spectre3353 > k thanks!

[19:44:56] tazzster > how new are u
[19:45:14] Spectre3353 > 2 weeks
[19:45:32] tazzster > how good of equip u have
[19:45:43] Spectre3353 > eh just stuff i got off sum rats
[19:45:49] Spectre3353 > i prolly need better lol

[19:46:34] tazzster > oh and i am in a megathron

The drool was literally pooling up in my lap as my jaw hung open. A newb in a Megathron was almost too good to be true to me. I really didn't want to screw up the opportunity to solo a battleship in a Tech I frigate. Come to daddy, tazzster...

[19:50:32] tazzster > be right there

[19:52:45] tazzster > jumping to u now

After minutes of anticipation and keeping up appeareances his Megathron actually warped into my pocket of space and I almost shit myself in disbelief. Was this guy for real? How does someone fall for this? I locked him up, opened fire and got into a comfortable close range orbit to see if I would be able to break his tank with my relatively low DPS.

[19:53:50] tazzster > seriously
[19:54:43] tazzster > bad idea buddy

Bad idea indeed, but not for me. I began biting into his shield very, very slowly but realized after two full clips that I could not break past the halfway point. He was obviously boosting his shields and not only could I not break through but I was already halfway through all the ammo I had brought with me. I didn't want to open this up to being anything other than a solo kill but I had no choice and began begging over several communications channels for anyone who could assist. After being ignored by some and offered help from Jaxxon Voers of the Bastards who was dozens of jumps away, one of my corpmates finally began responding and headed over to help. At this point tazzster had been scrambled for nearly 20 minutes and had been firing at me with an assortment of weapons and medium drones. I managed to kill every one of his drones and repair through all the damage, something that I never would have been able to handle in my Taranis. For the first time I was thankful I was in this generic Rifter with it's longer range guns and armor repairer. What a hell of a first kill this would be for the ship I had been badmouthing for months.

Le Sac finally landed to assist in his Arbitrator and after a beating through what was a pretty large buffer he was destroyed. I opened a conversation and attempted to ransom the poor guys pod:

[20:19:44] Spectre3353 > 50 million ISK for your pod
[20:19:46] Spectre3353 > you have 30 seconds to pay up
[20:20:13] Spectre3353 > 10 seconds
[20:20:16] tazzster > i will hunt u to ext u fuck

With that he cut off the conversation, we podded him and my nearly 45 minute ordeal was finally over. I checked the ships killmail and realized why I had been unable to take him on myself. Even with with his poor newbie skills it is going to be tough for any frigate to break through two 1600mm plates, two large shield extenders, a large armor repairer and a large shield booster. With a contented sigh I turned to warp when he re-initiated communications again:

[20:23:23] tazzster > u have 24 hre 150 mil and or 4 of our corp will declare ware and pd kill every one of u
[20:23:32] tazzster > repeadedly
[20:23:40] tazzster > u just hit an owner bud
[20:23:44] tazzster > shitty way
[20:23:50] tazzster > catch would have been fine
[20:24:04] Spectre3353 > good
[20:24:10] Spectre3353 > i would appreciate it if you would declare war on my corp
[20:24:20] Spectre3353 > because then we can attack all of you and your newbie friends without sentry fire or timers
[20:24:22] Spectre3353 > thanks!
[20:25:01] tazzster > rest assured we will and we will obliterate u i happen to be the weakest corp aww i feel for u
[20:25:22] Spectre3353 > no youre right i am pretty scared
[20:25:27] Spectre3353 > i hope you dont bring another tech 1 megathron
[20:25:33] tazzster > can care less
[20:25:39] Spectre3353 > you seem to care quite a bit
[20:25:42] Spectre3353 > crying and declaring war
[20:25:44] Spectre3353 > wah wah wahhhhhhhhh
[20:26:00] tazzster > kids wow
[20:26:55] Spectre3353 > this is the best tears i think i have ever seen

Let it be a lesson to all of you wannabe pirates out there. Flying a Rifter can get you OBLITERATED by badass sixteen day old pilots. I am awaiting his corporations massive retaliation. I am terrified to say the least.

NOOO MY MEGA NOOO

34 comments:

Cozmik R5 said...

Sorry to say it, but that Rifter fit is pure fragbait.

Kyle Langdon said...

I also tried out the Rifter after bad mouthing it for so long...

Unfortunately my experience wasn't nearly as cool as your.

mooklepticon said...

This really has about the same tone as "I TRIED TO BEAT UP A SMALL KID, BUT I NEEDED HELP. I'M AWESOME! HERE, LET ME GLOAT ABOUT BEATING UP SMALL CHILDREN!"

What were you trying to say with this post other than you're a carrion feeder?

Kyle Langdon said...

He's saying that he is awesome because he tricked someone into bringing their Mega into low sec to help someone they didn't know.

Spectre said...

Coz: Nah it's a good fit. I just need T2 guns so I can use some sweet, sweet Barrage S.

Mookle: You obviously have never read my blog before. My entire existence in this game revolves around exploiting those that are considerably weaker than me. I quite enjoy it.

Kyle: You're right. I am awesome.

Cozmik R5 said...

I'll give it a shot then. And yes, Rifter + T2 guns = Pure Love !!!

Jesus, Lord and Savior said...

Cozmik at lest offer a better fit for spec before you call it worthless.

Also the most recent post on your blog has my carebear sense tingling. Are you sure you're a Pvper? Honestly, I can not think of more pure form of Pvping then separating stupid people from their isk.

Also spec, big fan here keep up the good work.

Cozmik R5 said...

I didn't call it worthless. But I wouldn't feel comfy going slow knowing this ship gave me my interceptor training:

[Rifter, tackler]
Overdrive Injector System II
Overdrive Injector System II
Gyrostabilizer II

1MN MicroWarpdrive II
Warp Scrambler II
Stasis Webifier II

200mm AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet EMP S
200mm AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet EMP S
200mm AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet EMP S
'Malkuth' Rocket Launcher I, Caldari Navy Foxfire Rocket

[empty rig slot]
[empty rig slot]
[empty rig slot]

Swap Gyro for Nano for my speed and interceptorness. It worked like a charm for me till I got my first inties.

Cozmik R5 said...

Oh, and I don't give two shits about ISK. And is being unable to actually log in being a carebear? Or being stuck moving? If you want to see how carebearish I am then come visit Mya (Everyshore) Friday night.

And Goddammit post with your real name, fag.

TROLL said...

To easy.

Cozmik R5 said...

And can't even spell too... LMAO!

"oh it's too easy... you'll get some buddies... I'll get ganked... boohoohoo..."

Grow balls. Or ovaries. Or something.

Oh noes spelling mistakes said...

Positive sec status, not making much of a case for yourself.

Teister said...

That's a tried and true Rifter fit my friend...and would have to disagree with Coz the Ex-BOZO...I would think you would need a little buffer if you're soloing bigger shit than you.

Also, I've been using Rep Fleet Nuc instead of Barrage lately and it's hasn't disappointed. Little less range, tracking bonus (instead of the penelty you get from Barrage)...

Oh, and Coz...you're a fag.

Cozmik R5 said...

Oh I have to be negative sec to be a PvPer now. News to me.

And Teister, you're a fat fuck.

Josh (GH) said...

This is too funny. I love my corp.

Jesus, Lord and Savior said...

Cozmik my son, why do you harbor so much anger and hatred. Forgive, and now go forth and spread the good word of EVE Newb, for in its image all great blogs are created.

P.S. Stop being such a hothead, its bad for your health.

Cozmik R5 said...

I'd rather be in-game than posting on blogs.... damn I gotta get rid of this piece-of-shit 'puter.

Mynxee said...

ZOMG SHITSTORM ON EVE NEWB! STORY AT 11!!!!

LOLS Spec. I swear, I gotta start roaming with you more. Delicious smack!!! That's a fit very close to my own preferred Rifter fit, only I gots the T2 guns and tend to use RF EMP, so I can get right up in their face and spit in it.

Anonymous said...

You should join our public channel Mynxee. Python public :D

Kyle Langdon said...

This is great! And Coz, don't listen to them. If their too scared to post with their names they aren't worth your time.

Ethan Kragstar said...

Haha this has got to be one of my favorite blogs ever. I just hope I'm never on the wrong end of an entry.

Cozmik R5 said...

No worries, my earplugs are deeply set :)

Kirith Kodachi said...

It never fails to amaze me the temper tantrums people give when they end up on the wrong end of the natural selection equation.

Raelyf said...

@Coz
Spectre's fit is probably the best all round rifter fit there is (needs t2 guns though, ofc).

Your fit is decent Coz, but it's purpose is more specific and it's alot more limited. As cheap tackle, it's quite good - as a solo ship, it's not. Any decent frigate will kill it, since it has no buffer, mediocre dps and an MWD; nor does it have the endurance to chew it's way through anything bigger.

sox3502us said...

I just noticed something.

His fit includes:
Artillery
Railguns
1 standard missile launcher
1 rocket launcher
an autocannon
AND
a shield tank
AND
an armor tank.

Fit of the Year?

Kyle Langdon said...

Don't forget that overdrive injector because he just loves to speed tank his Megas

Luc Sulla said...

If I were still pirating, I would want to be like you when I grow up, Spec.

As far as the Rifter fit, its the same I use on my Rifter alt, with T2 150mms. I, like Mynx, also prefer the RF EMP for a little up close and personal action, but usually carry around a little bit of that sweet Barrage in case I need range.

At any rate, keep finding those powerful newbs in alliances, and I'm sure you'll get a dec some day.

Spectre said...

Luc: Funny you mention a wardec. We actually declared war on that guys corp today and sent them ransom demands of 100 million ISK, 50 livestock and 50 spiced wine. I am hoping they will come through with it all, especially the livestock.

Yargok said...

Damnit spec!

Now you brought the wrath of this whole corp upon us!

Whatever are we to do?!?!?

/me grabs his "Domi-neutrix"

War plz?

Definitely Not Le Sac said...

I think we should be talking more about that UTTERLY AWESOME ARBITRATOR of Le Sac's. Gosh I wish I were as handsome, cool, and awesome at eve as that specimen of a human being!

Kyle Langdon said...

I feel the same way Definately Not Le Sac

Josh (GH) said...

@spec: You forgot the Haiku. I told the nub to write a Haiku for you in addition to the isk and party supplies :P

Anonymous said...

dude, u ganked a noob...

you fail to impress.

Tony "EVE's Weekend Warrior" said...

Lol call me up next time you get one of these dudes, I would LOVEEEEE to get in on a total LOL-FIT Spec!