Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Making A Name (Part I)

Respect... Find Out What It Means To Me

It's quite a fair assumption to say that everyone in the universe except for me:

(1) Is stupid.

(2) Is ignorant.

(3) Doesn't know their ass from their elbow.

For example, CrazyKinux's blog banter contest just came to an end yesterday and I triumphantly checked the list of winners to see what I had won. I glanced at the list of six winners. Then I took a better look. Then I really rubbed my eyes and stared. All of those boring, stupid, generic and poorly thought out responses being compared to my original, clever and entertaining one and I had not even been given a single spot in the list? Ridiculous. These judges wouldn't know talent if it it burrowed its way into their skull and took a shit on their cerebellum.


No matter... Surely we can find some intelligence and kindness in another part of the Eve community, right Penny-Arcade/Goonswarm guys? Right? Ehh... maybe not so much. I try to partake in a simple discussion in a calm manner and I am attacked, berated and insulted. Me! The most celebrated, successful and awe-inspiring individual in the universe today and they dared to take that tone with me.

Enough is enough. If I am not being given the respect that I deserve then I will simply need to eradicate every alliance, corporation and individual that does not recognize my rightful place as the king. One-by-one I will hunt you down. You will beg for mercy, you will offer me riches and you will admit your mistakes but in the end you will still be destroyed. Prepare yourself. Spectre is coming.

First Things First

The Merch Industrial guys and their Goonswarm friends were not going to be let off for their poor treatment of yours truly. I loaded up a Taranis and set a course for deep inside of Delve. I was going to wipe their pitiful little alliance off the face of the map and then we would see who was laughing. I would keep a log of every wonderful minute of it...

15:17 - Project: Rape Delve commencing.

I am leaving our station in Gulmorogod. I have realized that I forgot nanite paste. I also have no armor repairer on my ship and I don't even have the skills to use a small bubble. Who cares? I don't need all of those crutches.

15:31 - Flying through highsec is boooring. Why does the entrance to 0.0 have to be so far away? The Amarr Navy just fired a shot at me as I was launching off a gate... I am adding them to my list of groups who will be annihilated during this campaign.

15:35 - One of my corp-mates asks what I am up to. I let him know what is going down:

[15:35:07] Spectre3353 > goonswarm made fun of me on their forums
[15:35:12] Spectre3353 > so i have to go and kill their alliance with my taranis
[15:35:25] bernard mckrill > poor bastards
[15:35:30] Spectre3353 > they wont even know what hit them
[15:35:33] bernard mckrill > invoked the wrath

15:47 - I have arrived at Kaira, the final empire system and I am preparing to enter nullsec:

[15:47:11] Spectre3353 > well here we go
[15:47:24] Spectre3353 > into querious
[15:47:35] Wensley > good luck
[15:47:51] Spectre3353 > who needs luck when youre talented, skilled and good looking
[15:48:08] Wensley > no-one. which is why i wished you luck
[15:48:31] Spectre3353 > fair enough

16:05 - I have traveled through Querious unmolested. It was relatively quiet. I just arrived at a system named SKR-SP and am asking some Goonswarm acquaintances about the area I have just entered:

[16:06:44] Venda > I wouldn't suggest going anywhere near Delve.
[16:06:48] Spectre3353 > too late
[16:06:52] Spectre3353 > ah here we go
[16:06:54] Venda > If you're a neut in our space.
[16:06:55] Spectre3353 > soverighty GoonSwarm
[16:06:59] Venda > You will be shot.
[16:07:03] Spectre3353 > thats the goal
[16:07:14] Venda > /emote blinks
[16:07:21] Venda > Then by all means.....come and bring it.
[16:07:22] Spectre3353 > i am planning on solo'ing most of your alliance in a taranis
[16:07:27] Spectre3353 > i hope you will not take it personally
[16:07:33] xXxSatsujinxXx > lol
[16:07:34] Spectre3353 > i also forgot a repper and nanite paste but i figure i can overcome that
[16:07:40] Venda > I hope you don't mind losing your taranis.
[16:08:01] Venda > I don't mind looting it. =D
[16:08:03] Spectre3353 > you sir are the one who should be fearing for your life
[16:08:26] xXxSatsujinxXx > rofl

I check my scanner and see a Rorqual towards a cyno... alone! This is it. I am about to solo an industrial capital ship in my Taranis! My heart is pumping when I realize I was not scanning with the proper filtering enabled. I am about to land on a POS with about five-hundred guns defending it. I land and warp away getting to only glance at the Rorqual behind the POS shields as my ship speeds away. Sucky.

[16:11:13] Venda > Big talk for someone who needs Sovereignty explained
[16:11:53] Spectre3353 > is it just goonswarm or everyone in 0.0 that has a complete lack of a sense of humor?
[16:12:15] xXxSatsujinxXx > its a rule of 0.0 unfortunately...
[16:12:23] Spectre3353 > ive noticed
[16:12:28] xXxSatsujinxXx > rule #1 - no fun.
[16:12:29] Spectre3353 > i feel like eve becomes not fun in 0.0
[16:12:33] Spectre3353 > it becomes serious business
[16:12:42] Venda > 0.0 is seriouz bizniss
[16:13:18] Spectre3353 > so is there like one hub or hq system for goons or does it depend on which corp youre looking for
[16:13:27] Spectre3353 > where could i go to find merch industrial guys?
[16:13:45] xXxSatsujinxXx > lol
[16:13:57] xXxSatsujinxXx > just head for NOL- and see what happens
[16:14:01] Venda > Delve is not for mining.
[16:14:02] xXxSatsujinxXx > qy6-
[16:14:05] xXxSatsujinxXx > 49-
[16:14:11] xXxSatsujinxXx > any major system
[16:14:22] Venda > You might not want to run into the AAA gang in the NOL region atm
[16:14:39] Spectre3353 > my entire goal here is to perish as stupidly as possible
[16:14:44] Spectre3353 > so dont worry about directing me into a bad situation
[16:14:48] Venda > um
[16:14:51] Venda > then go to NOL

To NOL-M9 I will go. I set a course and head on my way.

16:23 - I have landed in the system of UHKL-N. I see an Abaddon on scan and immediately warp to the first belt in the system list. Lucky day! I land directly on the pilot named "vvasya" and begin scrambling. He launches drones and cycles his lasers but I easily destroy the drones and dodge his shots. I am pouring on every bit of DPS I can push out of my Taranis but it is not even close to enough to break his tank. I have no choice but to try some other method of "winning" the engagement.

[16:23:44] Spectre3353 > drop 50mil in my wallet and ill let you go before my gang gets here
[16:27:44] Spectre3353 > look friend, i have all day
[16:27:46] Spectre3353 > either you pay or you stay

He continues firing his guns and his ship is flipping around in a bizarre fashion. What a weirdo.


[16:28:51] Spectre3353 > yea thats definitely working... youll probably hit me soon

I sigh and realize that I have exhausted all options and a large chunk of my ammo. I turn off my scrambler and warp away, leaving vvasya with his ship and all his money intact. He never responded to anything I said and I am now wondering... did he think I was a rat?

17:41 - I am chasing an Ishkur and a Gallente Navy Comet around one of the systems very close to NOL. I am starting to get a really bad feeling about this.

17:45 - I follow the Ishkur and Comet into PR-8CA, only one jump away from NOL. I am greeted by a Stiletto, Vagabond, Cerberus along with several other ships and a large number of drones. I take a deep breath and attempt to warp... and I make it.

[17:45:50] EVE System > Channel changed to PR-8CA Local Channel
[17:46:45] Jaegarn > :D
[17:46:48] Spectre3353 > could you please point me to the nearest IHOP
[17:46:50] Sashok Dreikin > ?????????
[17:46:54] Spectre3353 > i was told there were pancakes?

There are fifty pilots in this system and I am not quite sure how many are sitting on the NOL gate as it is far out of scan range. I no longer am sure if I want to go through with this.

18:22 - I decide to set a course for home instead of NOL. I seem to have vastly underestimated the damage I could cause by myself in a frigate. I need to come back with friends.

18:29 - I arrive back in empire space via the system of Sakht. Dirty Amarr lowsec. Disgusting. This isn't over...

To Be Continued...

19 comments:

Omgah said...

Null space is about being good at blobbing, being successful as a solo pilot is a foreign concept to them.

Also sniping with missiles is pointless when it takes 30+ seconds to reach the target. Also what do expect from a pet corp.

Teister said...

Go to Syndicate or Curse if you want some decent 0.0 action that doesn't involve flying 50 jumps through empty systems or dodging 100 man fleets.

Also, I agree with the whole blog thing. The other posts were inferior and not even within the rules. I believe all those guys are in a secret carebear circle jerk club.

Anonymous said...

ROFL

I want to hear moar adventures of ScpecTRE3353 in Goonspace.

This could become an epic series. Maybe sell coffee mugs with intelligent goon sayings from local?

nah, they'ld be blank. Bad idea.

Omgah said...

I regret using that URL.

Agile Nakajima said...

You showed those guys!

Cussbeard said...

I laughed.

Anonymous said...

Head for C3N if you want to "fight" PA guys by which I mean not fight them because they're all a bunch of docked/cloaked/safespotted jews; running through Delve is likely to get you killed by Rebellion/Another Gang Hunting Goons/Actual Goons in roughly that order.

ps fuck goons
love,
a goon

Nursultan said...

That guys vvasya was most likely Russian. Here's how you ransom them:
"Плати xx (insert number in millions) миллионов или тебе пиздец".
"Хуй" in response means "no".

Alex said...

You have great blogging ability sadly pirates were never meant to inspire people Which includes you though I dont think you have personally shot myself down yet

Kirith Kodachi said...

Hilarious, I loved this one Spec. Keep it up!

Manasi said...

hey bro at least we can disagree and be cival...I do not like missile boats in PvP but the Cerb is a nice ship. As far as talent at least CK , Mr. Egan and Zapatero were the judges :)

Anonymous said...

lol, love your posts (blog and forum). keep up the nice writing.

ran into you once in Notoras a while back. maybe again someday ;)

ghostbagel said...

woot! in specs blog. i'm oprah famous beeatch! lol great blog spec as always.

oh and fuck goons, the new bob

Anonymous said...

LOLZ
Funniest blog i've read in ages.
Niice



PS: You coulda taken them

Mynxee said...

CLASSIC Spectre, simply classic. And hilarious!

Omgah said...

I thought my nose was brown

Tony "EVE's Weekend Warrior" said...

LMFAO dude. May you rampage on through the vast spaces of 0.0 and report back to us these hilarious adventures!

6pac said...

Awesome.

I did a 0.0 thing like that once, it never ends up the way you imagine it..

Vast reaches of empty space, strange names.. rude locals.

Anonymous said...

Stahlregen here,

bro i will totally sponsor you into goonfleet, look me up ingame.

I don't want no sponsorship fee or to transport your ships for you or anything, i just think you're a wicked sick cunt and we need more like you in goonswarf.

If you sabotage us whatev, no biggie i got the isk to pay fort whatever damags you cause.