Monday, August 3, 2009

Making A Name (Part III)

I hung far above our station in Gulmorogod. Perched in my cloaked ship, observing the light traffic and browsing the nets. This was my down time. A time to reflect and rest and discover unique and exciting pornographic material. It is amazing what will pop up when you type "Donkey Show" into the most popular search engines. I tilted my head sideways to try and figure out how those three guys and their four legged friend were able to connect in such a bizarre manner when an alert flashed on the side of my screen. A new message. I clicked it and began to read...

"I know now that Spectre sucks."

"You suck and that's sad."

"I'm throwing down the gauntlet."

With a slap in the face, I had been called out by one of my former associates, Hallan Turrek. My blood boiled as I read the unwarranted, unprovoked and unabashed attack upon me. What disrespect! I would gladly accept his challenge and with my victory I would only further prove what most reasonable pilots already knew... I DO NOT SUCK.

Seriously, I don't. I really mean it.

Within moments, a new message came across from my new nemesis: "Rifters. One-versus-one. Ardar. 0500. Be there." I gritted my teeth and replied with the only thing I could. I would be there.

I docked up and began prepping my ship. I called over all the mechanics and crew on duty to make sure that the job was done quick and done right. Guns, rockets, armor plating and an afterburner. Something was missing... after a few moments I realized what it was. I gathered up a portion of the crew helping me and bribed them just the right amount. Soon they had murdered the rest of their co-workers and strewn their mutilated bodies all over my ship, tying them down with barbed wire. As a final touch we added splashes of red paint and decorated the autocannon on the top of my ship to be even more massive and intimidating than normal. We stepped back and admired the wonderful monstrosity that would win me my respect:

Perfect! It was time! I undocked in my personalized Rifter and began piloting my way to the system in time for my showdown with Hallan. This Rifter felt better, bigger and badder then any I had ever piloted before. Like a leaf on the wind she glided through space on towards our date with destiny. Finally I arrived in Ardar, just moments before my opponent and I prepared myself. Soon, Hallan Turrek in his very own Rifter, landed 30 kilometers from my location. Our eyes locked. My lip snarled. A tumbleweed floating through space, directly in between us... and then it began.

I went immediately for the pounce, trying to get into point blank range for maximum damage with my overheated guns and rocket launcher. So many flights in command of Gallente blaster ships had made this an instinct I could not resist and it steered me wrong. Hallan dropped into a medium orbit at several thousand kilometers off and peppered me with Barrage as I struggled to move in closer and douse him with my Republic Fleet EMP. With my guns working above their maximum effeciency and my armor repairer pushed to its very limits, I was just barely able to hold my own, with both of our ships breaking into armor at nearly the same pace. With my weapons nearing their limits and my ships energy grid unable to keep up with the demand to run all my modules, Hallan finally stopped kiting and moved in for the kill. My guns tore into his structure. His guns tore into mine. With both our ships now slugging it out and only a few seconds remaining before someone would be victorious, I overheated my guns for just one more cycle... I needed that extra boost...

My ship shuddered and I felt several smaller explosions to the aft. I had just blown out my guns and the hull was about to cave in. My weapons destroyed, my ship about to pop and my ego damaged beyond anything I could handle, I screamed into the air in excruciating pain as my pod was ejected and the fight was over... I had lost! Against all odds and expectations, Hallan Turrek had defeated me in a duel to the death.

I did suck.


Yangoid said...

lol that was unlucky

btw could you link me a t1 thorax fit ive just bought one to start pirating in. ty for the laughs

regards Yangoid

Nursultan said...

Argh, didn't Felix tell you Barrage rules?

Kyle Langdon said...

Way to go and make us all look bad



Caster Rom said...

Rifters, man... :( They suck the big one.
Keep it blasters, Keep it real.

Ga'len said...


Mate, can I get one of those personalized rifters? I can provide a few of the corpses to decorate the hull!!!

Spectre said...

Yang: Check my Thorax lossmails for some ideas on how you could fit. Just downgrade to named/T1 in spots where you can't use the T2: In general I either gank fit with an 800 plate or tank fit with a 1600. Usually gank fit these days.

Caster: I still love the Taranis more. Way more.

Ga'len: Just send 1 billion ISK to my wallet and I'll set up the contract. Thanks!

Mynxee said...

I too have suffered ignominious Death by Barrage. So when's the next showdown? Surely you two are going to rumble again, best 2 out of 3?!

Omgah said...

Next time only let him pick the class of ship not the hull. Noob

Tony "EVE's Weekend Warrior" said...

You did suck, but that's in the past now right?

Kick him in the knackers on this next one!

Alia Xi said...

Unlucky, you nearly had him! As Mynx said, best 2 of 3 maybe?

I love the pictures midway through the post.... Still grinning at them now, kinda lightens the moment :)

Kazaji said...

Someone's been watching too much Firefly lately, eh?

And yes, you do suck. Hard.