Someone Hacked My WoW Account

A couple nights ago, my brother-in-law was over, trying to convince me to resubscribe to World of Warcraft so that we could play together. I placated him with some "maybe" and "possibly" answers while knowing in the back of my mind that there was no way I was going back to that piece of shit game until at least the next expansion. Out of curiosity, we looked up my level 80 Mage on the WoW Armory to see what phat purplez (industry term) I was wearing for gear. I didn't think it would even show up because my account had been inactive for nearly a year but sure enough, there she was. Upon further inspection, I realized that my talents had been completely changed to a full Frost build and there were new achievements that had been attained... TODAY! Flabbergasted, I attempted to log into Battle.net only to realize that someone had added an authenticator key to my account and there was no way I could log in...

...it had happened... I HAD BEEN HACKED!


I looked into the forums and found many other people with a similar issue. Chinese (or whatever nationality they are) farmers had stolen their accounts, used their highest level characters to farm and then sold off every item on all their characters to make gold. But how could this have happened to me? How could I have possibly had an account hacked? I haven't logged into Battle.net in months and I hadn't logged into World of Warcraft in a year! Furthermore, how could I possibly have picked up a keylogger when I only view random porn sites a few times a day? Not to mention I usually only visit reputable ones with minimal bestiality and only a smidgen of midget footage? It was blowing my mind as to how this could have occurred.

I put my foot down and swore that this injustice would be rectified. I contacted Blizzard support and soon I had control of my Battle.net account again. I checked the account status screen and realized that the farmers had just activated my Warcraft account a week ago with their own credit card and I now had nearly a month of free time thanks to their generosity. A month of free time... what is a man to do when he is offered free video games? What indeed...

This Will Spawn A Big Old
Glass Of Haterade

What???