Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Python Cartel Wants You!

That's right. The best pirate corp in New Eden is opening recruitment and looking for several new pilots. You must be a talented and driven individual that loves discussion about genitalia almost as much as they like getting themselves blown up.

What we offer:

* No hassle, no bullshit. We log on, we shoot at stuff, we get shot and then we talk about which side our junk is hanging to that day. There are no politics, we have basically no blues and we have very few restrictions as to how you can play. Our #1 goal and rule is to have fun.

* Killboard, forums, Ventrilo, ship insurance program, scheduled roams/ops several times a week and more! We have the tools both in and out of game to help make your pirating experience complete.

* Flying with the most entertaining group of pilots you will ever meet. Even the ops where you get slaughtered, podded and lose everything you ever owned will be fun.

* Fame. This blog gets over 250,000,000 hits a day and as a part of the Python Cartel, you and your exploits will be displayed for all on the internet to see! (NOTE: All site traffic statistics are approximate and may be slightly inaccurate)

But enough of my opinion. Here are some testimonials from current members:
Spectre: hey
Spectre: can you do something for me
Spectre: really quick right now off the top of your head
Helicity: >.>
Spectre: come up with some sort of ridiculous quote about pc
Spectre: think of it as like
Spectre: if you were in an infomercial and someone was like WOW TELL US HOW AWESOME THIS PRODUCT IS
Spectre: but its about your corp
Spectre: ok ready, set, GO
Helicity: euh
Helicity: We don't suck as much as the other corps, and we take better care of your penis than FW.
Helicity: Python, for a happier, healthier penis.
Spectre: it seems like youre going really penis centric with this
Spectre: i think thats ok though, ill take it
Spectre: the quotes i mean, not your penis
Wow! How convincing! Let's ask the Python Cartel CEO himself how he feels as well:
Spectre: i need a quote
Spectre: about why people would want to join pc
Spectre: give me one right now
Spectre: off the top of your head
Spectre: make it good
Golden Helmet: "I heard you guys were good"
Spectre: thats terrible
Spectre: try again
Golden Helmet: "More manlove than a gay nightclub in San Francisco"?
Spectre: getting warmer
Spectre: give me one more and make it your best
Spectre: and youll be done
Golden Helmet: "PEEEEEEENIS!"
Spectre: ...
Spectre: ok cool
Golden Helmet: you knew it was coming
Spectre: this is going in my blog for a recruitment post for PC
Spectre: just letting you know
Golden Helmet: oh god
So if you want to be part of the best pirate corporation in Eve that has already taken part in over 12,000 kills and is pretty much obsessed with the word "PENIS", visit our recruitment forums today!

7 comments:

Yargok said...

Confirming best corp in EvE.


Oh and Penis.

Kyle Langdon said...

Confriming that Python penis is, infact, the best penis.

Lars Lodar said...

The best corp and penis in EVE. So big, so awesome, that CCP threatened to ban us for our monolithic space penis. (seriously)


Did I mention PEEEENIS!?!?!

Teister said...

confirming: These guys know their way around a penis...

Bernard Mckrill said...

confirming best corp and penis in EVE, she's never complained

blue said...

i got laid tonight on python vent

Mr Roel-Hi said...

Women Lie : Size DOES Matter

And if you've ever taken a girl home, gotten hot and heavy and then felt embarrassment and PANIC when you take off your pants and see the look of DISAPPOINTMENT on her face, you need to go check this out right now . . .

===> Don't Disapoint Her With Your Little Guy <=====

I'll tell you right now (and I've got proof), that anyone who tells you "size doesn't matter to women" is flat out lying to your face and trying to make you feel better . . .

Heck, just recently I asked a focus group of women via an anonymous online survey if size matters, and again and again they said "Oh my god, I HATE IT when it's SMALL."

For a long time I didn't know what to tell the guys who'd write in to me and ask how to get "bigger."

I'd say something lame like "Women actually like guys who are smaller . . . you just have to get good with your hands."

Then I found "THE BIBLE of Penis Enlargement" by this guy named John Collins . . .

===> They HATE It When It's Small <=====

What's crazy about this is that John has ACTUAL VIDEO PROOF that his stuff works . . .

He's got a literal mountain of testimonials from customers not just SAYING that they added 3 or even FOUR inches . . .

But actual VIDEOS that can't be faked.

I was 100% skeptical until I saw these vids, so even if you think it's "impossible" to get bigger (and there's no pills or suction devices or any of that crap) go check out the overwhelming proof on John's site.

===> Women Lie : Size DOES Matter <=====

Best,

[Ana]

P.S. There's absolutely nothing in the world that will make you smile as wide as pulling down your pants and seeing a look of AWE and ANTICIPATION on a woman's face. The first time you hear her say "It might be too big" in a soft, excited voice, you're going to feel a thrill through your spine like you just snorted 3 lines of cocaine.

If you aren't at least 7 inches you owe it to yourself (and to the women in your life) to check this out.

===> Proof Of REAL Growth <=====