Friday, August 13, 2010

Tell Me A Joke

Any joke. Make it funny and make it something I haven't heard before. Whichever one I like best will get a few billion ISK worth of modules and ships contracted to them. Make sure to post your in-game name along with your joke. Vulgarity is fine.

59 comments:

Dexter Tripod said...

Knock knock

Who's there?

FUCK YOU! GIVE ME THE ISKIES!!!!


Please contract all winnings to Dexter Tripod. :)

Cupp221 said...

Q: What is an Archaeologist?

A: Someone whose career is in ruins.

Acute Dragonis said...

One day, a lady went to a garage sale and saw this mirror against a wall. She looked at it for a while and decided to purchase it. The lady, who was running the garage sale, told her that it was a magic mirror. She took it home and put it on the inside of her closet door.

Her husband came home from work and she told him she bought a new mirror. They were getting ready for bed and she excused herself from the bed and told him that she would be right back. She went over to the closet door and stood in front of the mirror and said, "Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my breasts a 44". All of a sudden, kaboom...she's a 44.

She crawled into bed and her husband was just so amazed and pleased at what had happened that he asked how she did it. She told him that the mirror was actually a magic mirror. He laughed and asked where it was. Going over to the closet, he opens the door and stands in front of the mirror...naked. Smiling, he says:
"Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my dick touch the floor."

Suddenly, kaboom.... His legs fell off!


Ingame name is acute dragonis!

Atrus Gunrunner said...

During World War II, a French pilot escaped the invasion and made his way to Britain, where he fought in the Royal AIr Force. His name was Hervé.

During the Battle of Britain, after many heroics, he lands with half a wing and no propeller, and brushing the oil from his goggles he jumps into another plane and takes off to do battle with the Germans. His luck runs out on this occasion and so he has to crash land in Normandy.

A farmer in the field runs up to Hervé's plane and cries, "You are Monsieur Hervé, the famous French flying ace! I know all of your exploits against our evil occupiers! Please, do, come stay with me and my family, and we will return you to England as soon as possible."

Hervé graciously accepts this offer and returns to the farmer's house. There he dines with the farmer's wife and daughter, and is then told, "Monsieur, being a poor farmer I only have two bedrooms, one for my wife and myself and another for our beautiful and nubile daughter. As such I will trust you to behave with propriety and allow you to sleep on her bedroom floor."

Hervé agrees, and as the chivalrous knight of the skies he is dutifully falls asleep on the floorboards. However he wakes in the night to the sound of moaning and discovers that the beautiful daughter is touching herself while gazing upon his chiseled features. His passionate French spirit takes over and he dives onto the bed to kiss her, pausing only to reach into his flight bag and extract a bottle of red wine. Taking a swig from it, he pours it over her lips. The daughter giggles and asks, "Oh, M. Hervé, why are you doing that? It is rather... curious!"

Hervé replies, "Madame, when I have red meat, I have red wine with it too!"

The daughter giggles again and allows him to continue. Eventually his kisses reach lower, and as he kisses her breasts he pulls out a bottle of white wine and pours it over them. Again, the daughter giggles and asks why he's doing this. Hervé replies, somewhat tipsy, "When I have white meat, I have white wine with it too!"
The daughter replies with light laughter, "Oh Monsieur, you are very kinky!"

Finally Hervé is kissing her stomach, and with one hand removes her knickers, while the other finds a bottle of brandy in the flight bag. Pouring this onto her crotch she giggles again, but before she has time to inquire as to the reason of this he lights a match and throws it onto her pussy. She screams in horror and beats her crotch in an attempt to put the fire out. She exclaims, "Why the fuck did you do that? You are fucking psychotic, you bastard!"

Hervé smiles drunkenly, and with effort to not slur his speech enunciates:
"Madame, when Hervé goes down... he goes down in flames!"

(ingame name:Atrus Gunrunner)

Jesse said...

A joke:
An epic raider from WoW got tired of all his purple epics and thought he should try out Eve because he can blow up n00bs in his space ship.

What a joke right?

That's it. Just had another WoW player 'experience' today.

Eve name: Tayse

Sobhan said...

A man comes home at 5 am, vomits all over the carpet, shits his pants, and passes out on the bed. He wakes up the next day with one hell of a hangover and dreading the inevitable smackdown from his wife. Instead, he find his clothes washed and sitting neatly at the foot of the bed, and when he cautiously makes his way to the kitchen he is greeted by his wife with a big kiss, and "you must be hungry honey, I've made your favorite breakfast, enjoy!" the dude is going WTF this woman is trying to poison me but is too hungover to refuse the food.  He eats the food like it's his last meal, with his wife just sitting there smiling. Once he's finished his wife picks up the dished, says "I'm getting late for work honey" gives him one more kiss and leaves. The guy just sits there with a stupid look on his face when their kid comes, grabs a bowl of cereal and casually sits next to the dad. The dad asks himself "what the happened last night?" when the kid chimes in " dunno but me and mom woke up when you wrecked half the house getting your ass to bed and shit yourself. Mom started yelling and tried to get your clothes off and drag you to the bathroom when you punched her in the face, pointed to your left hand and yelled 'Get your hands off me bitch, I'm married!' "

Soapy5

Soul Decayed said...

Q: What is better than 10 dead babies stapled to one tree?





A: 1 dead baby stapled to 10 trees.

Persephone Astrid said...

A man with a monkey walks into a bar. The man sits at the bar, and the monkey jumps up onto the billiards table, grabs the nine ball, looks at it, and GULP swallows it down.

The barman says "HEY!"

The man says "What?"

The barman says "Your monkey jumped up on my billiards table, grabbed the nine ball, looked at it, and GULP swallowed it!"

The man apologized and gave the bartender $20 for a new set of billiard balls.

A week later the man and the money return. The man sits at the bar, and the monkey jumps up on the bar, grabs a maraschino cherry from the jar, sticks it up his butt, pulls it back out by the stem, looks at it, then GULP swallows it.

The bartender says "HEY!"

The man says "What?"

The bartender says "Your monkey just jumped up on my bar, grabbed a maraschino cherry from the jar, stuck it in his butt, pulled it back out, looked at it, then GULP swallowed it!"

The man says "Yeah, ever since he ate that nine ball he checks the size of everything before he eats it."

DocBlood said...

What did one tampon say to another?

Nothing, they were both stuck up cunts.

Gabrienne said...

A man goes to his doctor and is shocked to find that he has been replaced by a supercomputer.

The computer asks him what his symptoms are and he says he has a sore elbow. A drawer pops out and the computer asks him to urinate in it. After a few bleeps and flashing lights the computer says he has tennis elbow.

The man is annoyed and decides to try and pull a fast one on the machine so he asks his wife for a urine sample. He then mixes it with urine from his dog, and his son and to top it off, he adds some of his sperm.

He takes it back to the computer who again asks him for a urine sample. He places the sample in the drawer and the computer makes it's usual display of bleeps and flashes before telling him that his wife is pregnant, his dog has rabies, his son has chicken pox, and if he doesn't stop masturbating he'll never get rid of his tennis elbow.

-Gabrienne

Mike Azariah said...

OK< sexist one I know, I just cannot decide which sex wrote bit.

Q: Why didn't God give women any brains?

A: Because they didn't have the penises to keep them in.

(Notice i worked penis into the punchline)

Mike Azariah

Dwac said...

Knock knock
Who's there?
Fuck
Fuck who?
Fuck whom.

a little grammar joke XD
Dwac

Anonymous said...

One day Dexter, Cupp221, and Acute decide to get together and go out for some fresh Phesant at a local restaurent. The Pheseant is so fresh they have a "Just killed today" sign hanging on the window.

They order their food, toss back a few, and head back to Dexter's pad to finish out the night.

Around 2am Dex gets the urge to take a piss, goes into the bathroom, and as he is doing his duty, he hears a little "kurplunk". Dex looks down and see a little piece of bird shot at the bottom of the toliet and thinks to himself, boy they weren't kidding.

About 30 minutes later Cupp comes running out of the bathroom freaking out and saying he pissed a BB, Dex laughs it off and tells Cupp to calm down, it was just a bullet from the fresh bird they had. The buddies finish up and part ways.

The next morning Dex wakes up and finds his poor dog Spectere laying dead in the yard. Distraught, he takes his dog to the vet, the vet checks over the dog, and determines that the cause of death.

Dexter gets home all pissed off and sad and see he has a message on his answering machine. He hits the play button and it is Acute, extremely hung over. "Duuude... I was so drunk last night I think I might have had sex with your dog and shot him in the ass..."

Yuzzu Mushii said...

A kid is hiding in the closet when the mother's lover arrives. They start fooling around, and the husband gets home early, so the lover hides in the closet with the kid.

Kid: it's dark in here
Lover: yeah...
Kid: want to buy a tennis racket?
Lover: Not really
Kid: Cmon, only 250$
Lover: I said no! now shush!
Kid: I'll call my dad...
Lover: Fine fine! Here, 250$!

A few days later, the lover goes back to see the kids mother. And the father gets home earlier, and the lover is forced to hide in the closet with the kid.

Kid: it's dark in here
Lover: yeah...
Kid: want to buy some tennis shoes?
Lover: Not really
Kid: its only 100$
Lover: I said i didn't want it! be quite!
Kid: I'll call my dad...
Lover: here, 100$! now be quite!


Some days later the father asks the kid if he wants to go play tennis. When the kid explains he sold the equipment, his father sends him to confess at the church.
The kid enters the confessionary

Kid: It's dark in here...
Priest: I DON'T WANT TO BUY ANYTHING ELSE!!!

----------------------

An amarr priest, a minmatar slave and a caldari captain walk into a bar...
The bartender thinks: "oh boy, here comes a bad joke..."

Anonymous said...

An elephant asks a camel, "Why are your breasts on your back?

"Well" says the camel, "I think that's a strange question from somebody whose dick is on his face...

nearlycritical

Anonymous said...

A man comes home from work early to find his wife cleaning the bathroom naked. he thinks to himself, "This is a nice chance for some afternoon romacence let's give it a shot." so, he gets naked and starts to fuck her from behind doggystyle.
Time goes on and he finishes up doing his thing and at the end he punches his wife as hard as he can in the back of the head.
She turns around and quite angrily asks, "What the fuck was that for?"

He replies, "That's for not turning around to see who the fuck it was!"

In-game name: Alkalinity

Sujanra said...

An Afghani diplomat was invited to the White House to be wined and dined. Being a devout Muslim, the diplomat chose to abstain from alcohol, and due to his paranoia of being assassinated by CIA agents, refused to let anyone refill his glass of water but his own loyal manservant, Abdul.

The dinner was going quite well, and some decent inroads were being made in diplomatic relations over some finely cooked lamb.

The diplomat sent Abdul off for another refill, but was stunned when the poor man returned with an empty glass!

Surprise turning to anger, the diplomat snapped, "Abdul, you motherless son of a syphilitic donkey, where is my water!?"

Abdul promptly fell to his knees and pleaded, "I am so sorry, master! I went to fetch more water, but a man was sitting on the well!"

-Sujanra Acoma

Still Related said...

First off, I'm sorry to hear that you got screwed over like that. I enjoyed reading your blog and will miss it. Now for the joke:

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, ' How many people here believe in ghosts ? '

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost ?

About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost ?

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost ?

Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost ?

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says ' Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience. '

The Middle Eastern Muslim student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, ' So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost ? '

Ahmed replied, " Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats. "

--------------------------------------------

And a second short one:

A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, don't you start anything."

freddyfacepalm said...

3.14159265% of Capsuleers are Pi Rates

Anonymous said...

A wife decides to lose some weight. After a few months of unsuccessful dieting she asks her husband, "Honey, do you want to have a skinny but cranky wife or a plump but happy one?" Husband sighs and responds, "How much weight do you have to gain to become happy?"

Regarding your friend, are you sure that someone didn't simply steal / find info about your account and then pretended to be Andie? It seems unlikely that someone would have access to your account for a while and not take advantage of it only to do so much later and insult you at the same time. If you know each other's phones I'd try to call...

Network Geek

LtCrumpet said...

Q:a man and a woman get into a car accident. Who's fault is it?

A: It's the man's fault for driving into a kitchen.

Anonymous said...

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long,
grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much
as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful,
and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old
man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion.
He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large
rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked
over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In
a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped
out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

Ingame name is CantStopThe Rokh

Anonymous said...

Ill give you somthing better than a joke to help you through your eve loss - A chat-up line that will never ever fail ...

Is your dad in jail?

Cos id be in jail if i was your dad ...

For full rights to this guaranteed rim-job send presents to 'Bucky OhHare'

Anonymous said...

Rokh fails for a bad copy and paste job.

Anonymous said...

Why does Beyonce say "to the left, to left" ?


Becuase blacks have no rights.

lol!

(ingame name: VirginPolice)

Anonymous said...

Uhtred wyrd ingame name

What fell from the Tree first the nigger or the apple



The apple
cos the nigger is attached to a rope

boooyea

did you know that barack Obama and tiger woods had the same nickname in school


Nigger

Anonymous said...

Uhtred wyrd ingame name

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”

Anonymous said...

Jokes are overrated; here's a scary story:

Once, there was a boy who loved to read. He read everything he could get his hands on, and loved going to his favorite book store. One day, the boy realized he had read everything the store had to offer. He confronted the owner, and asked him if he had anything the boy had never checked out. The owner said why, yes, I do, and pulled out a book called “Death”. He gladly sold it to the boy at a discounted price of 50$.

However, he warned the boy, never to read the front page. Well, the boy returned to his house and read the book, and he was content. However, he always wondered, what could be on that front page, it was always in the back of his mind. One day, the temptation was too much for the boy, and he flipped to the very front of the book, and dropped the book in HORROR.

There, in bold print, was MSRP 7.99$

Ingame name Mister Happiness

Anonymous said...

Why was the strawberry sad?
.
.
.
His mother was in a jam!


lol, char: Vordak Kallager

hmmv50cal said...

A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Name is hmmv50cal

Darth Skorpius said...

chuck norris ate a zebra

Cozmik R5 said...

Joke entry:

There was this piwat who wanted to quit EVE...

/joke

Anonymous said...

Pedobear: Best part about twenty year olds?

Pedobear: Twenty of em.

In-Game name : Dark Apparition

Ian Morrolan said...

What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as he hits your windshield?


His ass.

Ingame name: Ian Morrolan

Sorry to see things go south for you.....

Atlaryuu said...

Here is my attempt. :) Atlaryuu in game.

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend,
who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. His teacher cringed. In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"

"Well,' says Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss, and you can bet your ass it's probably not an accident either.

Talkan said...

Q: Where does a king keep his armies?

A: Up his sleevies!! :D

Barlat is my ingame name!

Anonymous said...

Why are Physicists so bad at sex?

because when they have the momentum they don't have the position and when they have the position they don't have the momentum.

Quantumtunnel

Anonymous said...

Right then... since quantity is sometimes better than quality (and since I'm still a bit drunk) here's several jokes and a limrick!

1) Two guys were playing golf behind a couple of women who were playing very slowly. One guy says "go tell those two birds to hurry up" and the other marches off to talk to them. He comes back red-faced and says "Shit man, that was both my wife and my mistress! I can't talk to them - You go." So the other guy walks up to them and then quickly comes back, also red-faced. After a very quizzical look from the first guy he says " So, I had the same problem. Small world huh?"

2) Four Nuns die in a car wreck and go to Heaven. At the pearly gates St. Peter tell them: "Sisters, you may all enter but first if any part of you has touched a penis you must dip it into this holy water before going in." The first Nun puts her finger in the water and is allowed into heaven. The second Nun puts her hand into the water and is allowed to enter. Immediately after the fourth Nun pushes the third out of the way and shouts "I am NOT going to gargle that water after she dips her ass in it!"

3) Two Nuns are driving in a car and a drunk jumps onto the hood for a free ride. The driving Nun says to the other, "I bet he doesn't know we're holy sisters. Show him your cross so he'll get off the hood." The passenger Nun leans out the window and says "Oi - you! Get the fuck off!"

4) A man brings a woman back to his house after a hot make-out session in a pub. The man asks her "Do you want to do the kinkiest thing EVER?" The woman replies "YES!" so the man strips her naked, ties her up and walks out of the room. Ten minutes later he comes back in and says "Well that was very good for me, let me get your things and you can go." The woman replies "What are you talking about? We didn't do anything kinky at all! You got me ass-naked, tied me up and left!" The man hands her her clothes and purse while stating "Oh my dear, but we did do something very, very kinky... I've just shit in your handbag!"

And lastly the Limerick:
There once was a lady named Alice,
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallis,
They found her vagina in North Carolina,
And her arsehole in Buckingham Palace!

Once you're done laughing (careful, don't piss!) please contract the winnings in-game to GoodOleBoy.

Anonymous said...

Bugger! I forgot the Limerick... s'what I get for not being sober... here goes:

There once was a lady named Alice,
Who used a dynamite stick for a Phallis,
They found her vagina in North Carolina,
And her arsehole in Buckingham Palace!

Same name - GoodOleBoy

Baies said...

Your momma's so fat, the recursive function calculating your momma's weight causes a stack overflow!

Helios Black said...

You know how I know we're going to have sex tonight?

Because I'm stronger than you.

In Game: Helios Black

Reed Tiburon said...

Sorry to hear about that...

Joke:

It's 7 AM, and the passengers are filing onto a flight from New York to Los Angeles. It's Mary's first day on the job, and as the rookie and youngest stewardess on the team, she is the one who has to check everyone's seatbelt.

The captain makes his pre-flight announcement:

"Welcome to Delta flight 457, this is your captain Jack Spencer speaking. The current time is 7:07 AM, outside temperature is 72 degrees Fahrenheit. We foresee clear skies all the way to Los Angeles. Thank you for choosing Delta."

Unfortunately, he forgets to turn off the microphone before he turns to the copilot and says, "Man, you know what I could go for right now? Some hot coffee and a blowjob."

Mary immediately snaps to, flustered. She starts rushing down to the cockpit to tell the pilot his mic's on, when she hears an old woman yell: "Don't forget the coffee!"

contract ingame to Reed Tiburon

Fred said...

How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

YOU DONT KNOW MAN YOU WERENT THERE

ingame: Virgil jaansma

Anonymous said...

No platitudes for your loss.....but here is a joke on sly cruelness(females in particular)

A lady was walking on the beach one day by the water when out of the sand she notices a bottle sticking out of the sand. So she picks it up and brushes it off and out pops a magic Genie!

The genie loudly proclaims,"For setting me free I shall grant you three wishes.....but ther is a catch! Whatever you wish for your husband shall receive ten fold what you receive!"

The lady thinks for a moment and says,"For my first wish I wish to be the most beautiful woman in the world. " The genie snaps his fingers and she is now the most beautiful woman in the world. He also reminds her that her husband is now the most handsome man in the world also but 10 times so. She says,"That's ok cause he will only have eyes for me since I am the most beautiful woman. "

"For my second wish I wish for a billion dollars. " The genie snaps his fingers and a bank reciept appears in her hand in an account for her for one billion dollars. "Now a similar reciept has appeared in your husbands hand for ten billion dollars in his name!" She replies "That's ok cause we always share things equally."

She then states,"For my last wish, I wish to have a very very slight heart attack...."


In game name Saber6

whiteshark12 said...

What do politicians and pornstars have in common?

They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera!

in-game whiteshark12

Anonymous said...

What's red, bubbles, and scratches at the door before it explodes?

A: A baby in a microwave.

Courtesy of Vera Kastan.

1010caust said...

How do you make a bear cross?

Nail 2 bears together.

Zanaraxtarus said...

Why should you never give your password out to "internet buddies"??

....You know why


Sucks to be you, but gotta say, crap like this is why I love EVE.. Proof we live in a totally messed up, really hard-ass world!

-Zan-

Anonymous said...

The competition was simply to tell one he hadn't heard before that made him laugh, even I did steal it off of the internet :D Alright let me try one that is semi-original:

A man is soon going to be married to his wife, Wendy. To show his affection for her he gets her name tattooed on his dick. When it is limp it says Wy.

So the couple get married and go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. While they are in Jamaica they go to a nude beach. While his wife is sunbathing the man goes to the bar to get them drinks.

The bartender is a Jamaican guy and the man notices that the bartender has Wy on his dick as well. He asks the bartender if he has a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too. The bartender replies he does not, he states that his says: "Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day"

Stuff goes to CantStopThe Rokh

Anonymous said...

Whats the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

Acne usually comes over a boys face after the age of 12.


Ivaxi

vonqueesha shenaynay said...

Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico?

They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Anonymous said...

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

Druj Andarr

Anonymous said...

What do you call an asian woman with no legs?

Dragon Lips

Ingame name: Sgt Alaya

Anonymous said...

hope this gives you a laugh

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone. An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more.

This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers. Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on be half of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers."

'Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies, "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The bartender and soon the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening - he orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are
offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know-the two beers and all..." The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well... It's just that I, myself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."

eve name Marozia

Szilardis said...

Descartes walks into a bar.

"Would you like a beer," asked the bartender.

"I think not!" said Descartes, and POOF! he vanishes.

flipout said...

What do you call seven mexicans, one chinese, and five blacks standing on a lawn.

A sprinkler!

spic spic spic spic spic spic spic *chink* nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga

Serenity one said...

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day.
Anal sex makes your hole weak.


Enjoy. Ingame name is serenity one.

Zombieofice said...

Guy named Spectre walks into a Station Bar. He says to the bartender, "I'd like to buy the drinks for everyone in the bar for the rest of the night!" The bartender says "sure and I want your username and password for the charges!". Spectre hands over the credentials and starts to drown himself in spiked quafe til he passes out in his own shit and piss.

ingame name: Zombieofice

Nemphtis said...

A Jewish boy asks his father for a fifty pence coin.

"Thirty pence?! What do you need twenty pence for? I haven't got ten pence! Look, here's a five pence coin, go and share it with your sister."

In-game name is Nemphtis.