SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2009
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
[ 06:14:20 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Egghelende Local Channel
[ 06:14:33 ] Spectre3353 > omg kenny hi
[ 06:16:08 ] Ken Plante > lol
[ 06:16:18 ] Spectre3353 > i miss you
[ 06:16:31 ] Ken Plante > thats nice
[ 06:16:34 ] Ken Plante > hows python
[ 06:16:39 ] Spectre3353 > great
[ 06:17:04 ] Ken Plante > good to hear
[ 06:19:29 ] Spectre3353 > im going to go mission
[ 06:19:33 ] Spectre3353 > is it safe in here for that....?
[ 06:19:38 ] Ken Plante > thats nice
[ 06:19:54 ] Spectre3353 > i feel like i might be outmatched by the npcs
[ 06:20:02 ] Spectre3353 > can you send one of your dogs to come help me maybe....?
[ 06:20:07 ] Ken Plante > well u were never any real good
[ 06:20:23 ] Spectre3353 > at least i was decent at english
[ 06:20:31 ] Spectre3353 > apparently you never any real good graduated high school
[ 06:26:41 ] Ken Plante > go write about this in your eve diary
[ 06:26:44 ] Spectre3353 > i think i will
[ 06:26:50 ] Ken Plante > so you can have nobobdies kiss ur ass
[ 06:27:58 ] Spectre3353 > because i own you
[ 06:28:00 ] Ken Plante > but you wont
[ 06:28:04 ] Spectre3353 > i am your fucking grim reaper
[ 06:28:05 ] Ken Plante > because u have nothing left
[ 06:28:07 ] Spectre3353 > ken plante, owned by me
[ 06:28:11 ] Ken Plante > u nebver killed me
[ 06:28:12 ] Spectre3353 > always
[ 06:28:15 ] Spectre3353 > always ken
[ 06:28:16 ] Spectre3353 > i own you
[ 06:28:16 ] Ken Plante > u were always dead
[ 06:28:18 ] Spectre3353 > dont ever forget it
[ 06:28:19 ] Ken Plante > ;p;
[ 06:28:22 ] Spectre3353 > tell yourself whatever you want to tell yourself
[ 06:28:23 ] Spectre3353 > but you know
[ 06:28:27 ] Spectre3353 > that i am your daddy
[ 06:28:29 ] Spectre3353 > and i always have been
[ 06:32:45 ] Spectre3353 > come undock
[ 06:32:47 ] Spectre3353 > talk with your guns
[ 06:32:50 ] Spectre3353 > log your alt off
[ 06:32:51 ] Spectre3353 > undock
[ 06:32:52 ] Spectre3353 > and we'll fight
[ 06:32:57 ] Ken Plante > k
[ 06:33:14 ] Spectre3353 > i bet youll bring a kronos or something
[ 06:33:23 ] Spectre3353 > never want to fight anything that isnt a complete outmatch[ 06:34:25 ] Spectre3353 > im waiting girl
[ 06:35:01 ] Spectre3353 > prepping your alt before you undock?
[ 06:35:10 ] Spectre3353 > typical
[ 06:35:20 ] Ken Plante > 1 sec throwing in drones
[ 06:36:00 ] Spectre3353 > gl
[ 06:38:48 ] Ken Plante > u bitch
[ 06:39:35 ] IEATCRAYONS > hi ken
[ 06:39:56 ] Spectre3353 > HI KENNY
[ 06:40:21 ] Spectre3353 > LAWL
[ 06:40:25 ] Spectre3353 > kenny i love you man
[ 06:40:26 ] IEATCRAYONS > oh whoops
[ 06:40:30 ] Ken Plante > u never could fight alone
[ 06:40:31 ] Spectre3353 > you are by far the most entertaining person in this game
[ 06:40:31 ] Brick0Joe > AHAHA KENNY
[ 06:40:32 ] Ken Plante > lol
[ 06:40:35 ] 00sage00 > GF
[ 06:40:37 ] IEATCRAYONS > ROFL
[ 06:40:39 ] Ken Plante > gf guys
[ 06:40:41 ] Wohenmang > I LOVE YOU KENNY
[ 06:40:45 ] Jaxxon Voers > gf kenny
[ 06:40:47 ] Spectre3353 > gf kenny
[ 06:40:55 ] Ken Plante > man spec ur domi sucks
[ 06:40:56 ] IEATCRAYONS > GF KENNY
[ 06:40:57 ] Ken Plante > wowo
[ 06:41:01 ] Spectre3353 > but it killed you
Monday, May 10, 2010
I spent the past 15 minutes searching through Google Video and YouTube trying to find a TV trailer for Avatar that I have seen several times in which it states in between flashing scenes that it is THE BEST MOVIE EVER. That's right. A movie with the balls to declare to us that every movie ever made can go fuck itself because this one trumps them all. I was half expecting the DVD to have trouble fitting into my Xbox due to giant testicles hanging off the side of disc, but somehow I managed to get it into the tray without any unexpected male genitalia getting in the way. Anyhow, after searching through thirty different TV commercials and about seven-thousand other Avatar related videos, it was fairly impossible for me to find the commercial I was looking for so you'll all have to take my word on it. Or, turn on your TV right now and there is a one-in-three chance that it will already be playing along with its subliminal message that convinces you that watching Avatar cures cancer and grows your boobs by a full cup in only three weeks.
It wasn't until I was handed someone else's copy of the movie that I had to pay nothing for that I decided to give it a chance. Sure it looked generic and the commercials were so incredibly arrogant, but everyone kept telling me it was awesome. How can I not trust the opinion of people? People that I know. People that I trust! So we sat down for 162 minutes in front of a large plasma screen TV...
It's hard to believe that anyone in the world that can be accessed via television, movies, newspapers, magazines, the internet, blimps, smoke signals or carrier pidgeons hasn't already heard about Avatar and seen most of its best scenes via trailers or advertisements. I am pretty sure that if James Cameron had been given permission, he would have burned a giant Avatar logo into the moon so that we would be reminded every night that we should go see it. Nothing wrong with that idea. Why shouldn't we create a monument to the self-proclaimed BEST MOVIE EVER on the moon? However, just in case you have been frozen in ice in a glacier since prehistoric times and you just woke up fifteeen minutes ago and decided to read this as your very first method of getting reacquainted with society:
Avatar is a movie about a planet far from Earth. Many alien species live there but the most intelligent of which appears to be the Na'vi. Replacing the term "Na'vi" with "Tall Blue Native Americans" will probably work just as well so feel free to do it for the rest of this article if so inclined. A large human company is excavating resources from the planet. Specifically, a metal called unobtanium. No really, that is the best name they could come up with. In predictable fashion, the Na'vi are living in a giant tree that is situated on top of the most profitable area to mine this metal and the evil humans and their evil corporation will do anything to move them out of the way, even create bioengineered Avatars that look and move like the Na'vi but are actually controlled by humans. Put it all together and hi-jinks ensue. For two-and-a-half-hours.
I bet you expected me to start off by complaining and whining and saying bad things. Instead I am going to start with what I did like about the movie - it was entertaining. It can be tough for a movie of this length to hold my attention for the entire feature but at no point did I feel bored or like I was struggling through. It actually is pretty engrossing and isn't that what movies are really supposed to be about? Additionally, the environments and characters, while still not perfectly believable or rendered, are very well done. It is rare to see such human looking emotions and movements out of computer generated characters but it works well here. The downside is that some of the scenes where live action sets and characters were interacting with animated ones, the transition is a bit obvious and tough to swallow. One scene where a naked, old Sigourney Weaver is sat down in the middle of hundreds of computer generated Na'vi under a fake computer generated tree is especially jarring.
Well, to put it bluntly, this is the most generic and cliched movie I have ever seen. Ever. Anyone who has ever seen an action movie in their life can pretty much predict what is going to happen in each scene, what the results later in the movie will be, what many lines of dialogue are going to be and even what a character is going to develop into as the movie progresses. What? Michelle Rodrigeuz plays the tough but loyal military pilot who has gruff and tough lines? HOLY SHIT NO WAY! Here are some actual lines from the movie itself:
Col Quaritch: You are not in Kansas anymore, you are on Pandora, ladies and gentlemen, respect that fact every second of every day.
Trudy Chacon: [fires on Quaritch's Hellicopter] You're not the only one with a gun, Bitch!
Jake Sully: Look, at first it was just orders. And then, everything changed. Okay, I fell in love. I fell in love with the, with the forest, with the Omaticaya people, with you. With you.
Jake Sully: It's over.
Col Quaritch: Nothing's over while I'm breathing.
Here is me converting those lines so that they fit into a new movie I'm producing called SMAVATAR - INVASION OF THE BALL GRABBERS:
Col Steve: You are not in Kansas anymore, you are on Planet Phobos, ladies and gentlemen, respect that fact every second of every day.
Jackie Bam Bam: [fires on Steve's Hellicopter] You're not the only one with a gun, Bitch!
Molly Jackson: Look, at first it was just orders. And then, everything changed. Okay, I fell in love. I fell in love with the, with the forest, with the Ball Grabber people, with you. With you.
Molly Jackson: It's over.
Col Steve: Nothing's over while I'm breathing.
You could pretty much take Avatars entire script, insert some random names in the place of what is already there and have yourself another billion dollar grossing film! I can't wait!
It isn't bad. It is entertaining and it is pretty, it's just not original. In fact, it might be the most cliched, generic, hackneyed and predictable piece of entertainment to have ever been released. Even Reefer Madness had me in more suspense than Avatar ever did at any point. Watching Avatar wouldn't be a mistake but you won't be missing anything by passing it up. More importantly, I can tell you from first hand experience that despite its own claims, Avatar is not the best movie ever. Not even close.
Friday, May 7, 2010
If someone were to ask me what I hated most about the society that I lived in, my number one answer would be Competitive Eating. In a world where many are starving, even in our own backyards, we think it is acceptable to watch people gorge themselves not because they hungry or because they need sustenance but because it is considered entertainment. On November 8th, 2008, Patrick Bertoletti ate 47 slices of pizza in only ten minutes and set a Major League Eating record. On February 11th, 2006, Sonya Thomas ate 8 lbs of chili cheese fries in ten minutes to do the same. Don Lerman even once ate seven quarter pound sticks of butter in five minutes. Just sticks of butter. Why man, why? Last I checked, the food that these individuals devoured for the sake of fun was enough to feed a small African town for upwards of three years! Imagine all the kids sitting around starving to death when they could instead be eating Chili Cheese Fry Buttered Pizza(tm) and living a happy, fat life? Seriously though, it is fucking disgusting and arrogant that we even allow such leagues to even exist. Also, I have copyrighted the idea for Chili Cheese Fry Buttered Pizza(tm) and have submitted it to Jimmy Dean for consideration. Wish me luck.
After competitive eating, if someone were to ask me what I hated second most about the society that I lived in, I would say it is driving and dealing with other drivers on the road. Social norms, consideration for other human beings and any level of politeness goes right out the window the instant someone steps into and begins piloting a motor vehicle. Individuals who are rational and with common sense seem to completely forget that they are driving a ton of metal, hurtling along at 80 miles an hour down a packed highway where a small mistake could kill or main. People are willing to risk an enormous financial investment, their safety and the safety of those around them so that they can get to their destination a good five seconds earlier. It is a perfect example that John Gabriel's Internet Fuckwad Theory is alive and well not only on the internet but in real life as well.
I live in the greater Philadelphia area. I don't live in the city itself but I do live in a populated area that is not too far outside of it. The traffic and behavior of drivers is pretty atrocious but taken in small doses, I can handle it by closing my eyes and pretending that I am actually in a hot tub with Christina Hendricks. Unfortunately, my job sometimes calls for me to have to commute from one side of the city to the other in a manner that pretty much guarantees I have to drive within the actual city limits. It is only about twenty-five miles each way but that number will seem like light-years while sitting in stopped traffic along with a million other cocksuckers who care nothing about anyone on the road but themselves. The other day while returning from work, I was stuck in such a jam. After nearly two hours of travel and with still a few more minutes to go, I went to exit from a major highway and I began to drive around an off-ramp curve. As I slowed down to an acceptable speed for a curvy exit ramp, I looked into my rear view mirror and realized that someone was behind me. Right behind me. Close enough that I began to feel personally violated and concerned for the virginity of my anus. Unhappy with his distance from my car, I slowed even further to send the message that he needed to back the fuck off. Instead of taking my advice, he sped up and passed me dangerously on the ride side of my car, in the middle of an exit ramp, by using a narrow shoulder lane. At that point, something snapped. Two hours of pent up rage and anger at being stuck in traffic suddenly reached its boiling point and I broke like I have never broke before.
Before I even really thought about what I was doing, I sped up and jumped on the ass of the guy who had just passed me. I revved my engine, waved my middle finger in the air and screamed whatever I could think of to scream. The words "fuck", "fuckass", "shitfucker" and "fuckdick" were uttered at least ten times each in a three second period, for certain. As we finished our merge onto the destination road, I blew into the passing lane and pulled up alongside him where I could look at him face-to-face and show him my anger. I looked over at the guy and noticed that he was a much older fellow than me. He was also obviously scared out of his mind as he would not even turn to look out his window at me, the psycho who was driving insanely, honking, revving and screaming. I rolled down my window and prepared to give this guy the tongue lashing of a lifetime. I took a deep breath and I screamed:
"EAT A GIANT BAG OF DICKS!"
I rolled up my window and drove off, adrenaline pumping and rage finally subsiding. I noticed a few miles down the road that while I was now in the right lane and the dickhead I had dealt with on the offramp was in the left, he refused to pull up alongside or pass me until he was certain there was no way we would wind up within eye contact range again. I had apparently scared the living shit out of him. That thought probably should have satisfied me as it was my intention at the time but instead I felt embarassed. I had let anger take a hold of me and cloud my good judgement. Even during that few seconds of road rage driving, I could have hurt myself, the dickhead, or other around us. Worst of all, the best I had been able to come up with when finally getting a chance to tell him off was to eat a bag of dicks.
What in the hell does that even mean?