I spent the past 15 minutes searching through Google Video and YouTube trying to find a TV trailer for Avatar that I have seen several times in which it states in between flashing scenes that it is THE BEST MOVIE EVER. That's right. A movie with the balls to declare to us that every movie ever made can go fuck itself because this one trumps them all. I was half expecting the DVD to have trouble fitting into my Xbox due to giant testicles hanging off the side of disc, but somehow I managed to get it into the tray without any unexpected male genitalia getting in the way. Anyhow, after searching through thirty different TV commercials and about seven-thousand other Avatar related videos, it was fairly impossible for me to find the commercial I was looking for so you'll all have to take my word on it. Or, turn on your TV right now and there is a one-in-three chance that it will already be playing along with its subliminal message that convinces you that watching Avatar cures cancer and grows your boobs by a full cup in only three weeks.
It wasn't until I was handed someone else's copy of the movie that I had to pay nothing for that I decided to give it a chance. Sure it looked generic and the commercials were so incredibly arrogant, but everyone kept telling me it was awesome. How can I not trust the opinion of people? People that I know. People that I trust! So we sat down for 162 minutes in front of a large plasma screen TV...
Premise
It's hard to believe that anyone in the world that can be accessed via television, movies, newspapers, magazines, the internet, blimps, smoke signals or carrier pidgeons hasn't already heard about Avatar and seen most of its best scenes via trailers or advertisements. I am pretty sure that if James Cameron had been given permission, he would have burned a giant Avatar logo into the moon so that we would be reminded every night that we should go see it. Nothing wrong with that idea. Why shouldn't we create a monument to the self-proclaimed BEST MOVIE EVER on the moon? However, just in case you have been frozen in ice in a glacier since prehistoric times and you just woke up fifteeen minutes ago and decided to read this as your very first method of getting reacquainted with society:
Avatar is a movie about a planet far from Earth. Many alien species live there but the most intelligent of which appears to be the Na'vi. Replacing the term "Na'vi" with "Tall Blue Native Americans" will probably work just as well so feel free to do it for the rest of this article if so inclined. A large human company is excavating resources from the planet. Specifically, a metal called unobtanium. No really, that is the best name they could come up with. In predictable fashion, the Na'vi are living in a giant tree that is situated on top of the most profitable area to mine this metal and the evil humans and their evil corporation will do anything to move them out of the way, even create bioengineered Avatars that look and move like the Na'vi but are actually controlled by humans. Put it all together and hi-jinks ensue. For two-and-a-half-hours.
The Good
I bet you expected me to start off by complaining and whining and saying bad things. Instead I am going to start with what I did like about the movie - it was entertaining. It can be tough for a movie of this length to hold my attention for the entire feature but at no point did I feel bored or like I was struggling through. It actually is pretty engrossing and isn't that what movies are really supposed to be about? Additionally, the environments and characters, while still not perfectly believable or rendered, are very well done. It is rare to see such human looking emotions and movements out of computer generated characters but it works well here. The downside is that some of the scenes where live action sets and characters were interacting with animated ones, the transition is a bit obvious and tough to swallow. One scene where a naked, old Sigourney Weaver is sat down in the middle of hundreds of computer generated Na'vi under a fake computer generated tree is especially jarring.
The Bad
Well, to put it bluntly, this is the most generic and cliched movie I have ever seen. Ever. Anyone who has ever seen an action movie in their life can pretty much predict what is going to happen in each scene, what the results later in the movie will be, what many lines of dialogue are going to be and even what a character is going to develop into as the movie progresses. What? Michelle Rodrigeuz plays the tough but loyal military pilot who has gruff and tough lines? HOLY SHIT NO WAY! Here are some actual lines from the movie itself:
Col Quaritch: You are not in Kansas anymore, you are on Pandora, ladies and gentlemen, respect that fact every second of every day.
Trudy Chacon: [fires on Quaritch's Hellicopter] You're not the only one with a gun, Bitch!
Jake Sully: Look, at first it was just orders. And then, everything changed. Okay, I fell in love. I fell in love with the, with the forest, with the Omaticaya people, with you. With you.
Jake Sully: It's over.
Col Quaritch: Nothing's over while I'm breathing.
Here is me converting those lines so that they fit into a new movie I'm producing called SMAVATAR - INVASION OF THE BALL GRABBERS:
Col Steve: You are not in Kansas anymore, you are on Planet Phobos, ladies and gentlemen, respect that fact every second of every day.
Jackie Bam Bam: [fires on Steve's Hellicopter] You're not the only one with a gun, Bitch!
Molly Jackson: Look, at first it was just orders. And then, everything changed. Okay, I fell in love. I fell in love with the, with the forest, with the Ball Grabber people, with you. With you.
Molly Jackson: It's over.
Col Steve: Nothing's over while I'm breathing.
You could pretty much take Avatars entire script, insert some random names in the place of what is already there and have yourself another billion dollar grossing film! I can't wait!
Final Verdict
It isn't bad. It is entertaining and it is pretty, it's just not original. In fact, it might be the most cliched, generic, hackneyed and predictable piece of entertainment to have ever been released. Even Reefer Madness had me in more suspense than Avatar ever did at any point. Watching Avatar wouldn't be a mistake but you won't be missing anything by passing it up. More importantly, I can tell you from first hand experience that despite its own claims, Avatar is not the best movie ever. Not even close.
25 COMMENTS:
quite frankly... im offended. I dont have an E-penis, I have an E-vagina.
Well griefing is one thing, if that's what they're really doing (I have no idea), but I have to say I was hoping this conflict would be embraced in the spirit of piracy, to an extent. Piracy is piracy, and you're both scoundrels (which I hope you take as a compliment), which understandably brings friction when one of those forces collides with another. Dirty tactics, shit talking, whatever… I'd be shocked if this didn't come with the territory. It kind of sounds like, however, you were hoping for some mutual unsaid truce based on the fact that you're both pirates. If I was a pirate, I might be just as shocked as Spectre.
Again, I don't know your experience with these guys, and it's none of my business… but for sheer entertainment value, I was selfishly hoping for some dirty pirate on pirate action. :P
Just a mercenary's unsolicited opinion. Good luck either way Skira. Keep bloggin'. I enjoy your stuff.
With all due respect if you haven't behaved so rudely and arrogantly, none of this drama would have happened. Instead you insulted our corp then asked us to go away (within days of us showing up), showing weakness and fear.
Yvangier was only supposed to be a vacation spot but you gave incentive for Python to move in. I really don't care if you insult us but you'd get far more sympathy if you posted chat logs and killmails to illustrait your point.
At any rate good luck.
Everything you have said about us is true! Thank you for finally bowing down to our superior powers! FEAR THE PYTHON CARTEL! Remember, we will not only station camp you, we'll also sneak into your house and kill your dog while sending your wife photoshopped pictures of you with a few sailors!
Let this be a lesson to all the doubters, Python Cartel is pure evil incarnate! HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!!
This isn't worth posting. Seems like you have nothing to do in eve but suck.
I am not really up to speed, but aint you a big pirate alliance? Dont back down from a small piratecorp just cuz they talk big.. show yer mettle and give em a fight!
Predictable flame war in my comments is predictable.
MS Paint is now on the DHS watchlist as a WMD.
Seriously, how the hell did anyone ever think you were a scary pirate? You are more like a emo carebear who just had the bare minumum nutsack to actually fit a gun and fly into lowec while trumpeting in local that you 'beat' pirates cause they couldnt hold your warpcore stabbed failboat and you managed to get away.
" Their tools of choice are station camps, scams, and carriers in game, slander, insults and MS paint out of game."
I am gonna snicker all day, every time i think of that.
It's funny how an MS Paint drawing, which has nothing whatsoever to do with BMC in the least, is considered griefing. Poor, poor butthurt BMC.
Nice system, we'll take it.
~Golden Helmet
*gives the trolls some candy*
Ooops, damnit, I'm not supposed to do that...
=D
You sure do have a lot of Python Cartel readers
"You sure do have a lot of Python Cartel readers"
Many of whom have missed the point of Skira's post entirely.
o/ Endless the only real pirate here
Missed the point so badly I can't decide if the comment are hallarious or just depressing...
please elaborate on the missed point, because I am finding the entire thing 'hallarious'.
as far as i can see, you guys talked smack and got your ass handed to you, then you cried and called python griefers when according to the publicly available killboards a significant percentage of the kills were solo's.
Then you seem to be trying to take a 'high road' position that is completely ludicrous when so many of the chatlogs are now posted and anyone who cares to look can see that you smacked and acted all badass to start with.
The MS Paint thing is kinda funny though, since it had nothing to do with you but your ego demanded it must, so you called it a grief tactic.
I had never heard of you before Skira, and now I see why. Your guide isnt totally fail, but apparently someone else must have written it.
oh sweet jesus, I'd stayed out of this mess until now, but you really are a whinging egomaniacal crybaby douche... christ on a crutch.
No wonder people leave your corp, learn to laugh at yourself a bit more, internet spaceships are not serious business.
Honestly... wow.
Pathetic.. your such a deuchey deuchebag.. ha, ha! HAHAHA,go fuck yourself :)
wow someone does not like you skira... lol still i agree you are quite a deuchy deuchebag =/ maybe you should go back to wow...
Blood Money Cowards
People really take this game far too seriously. I was in your corp once with my PvP character, Skira, and I liked you. Still do.
Don't let those lolbears get you down. When people start acting like this, I really start questioning their maturity.
zit's a shame you stopped posting blog updates, I enjoyed them a good deal.
Seems to me like the BMC upset the bigger kid and got into a bit of discomfort when that kid didn't wanna play fair.
The BMC are a good bunch of guys for most part and I can't say I'm fond of Spectre3353 or his lackeys, but there's something not quite right about a pirate complaining about griefing.
Complaining about station camps and capitals won't do any good, it was only to be expected.
Skira, fuck these guys. Sure, they can station camp. Sure, they have carriers. Big woop. You still rock, so they can screw off.
As for PC, I don't know you guys. I think smack talk is stupid, tbh. I was out of corp doing other crap during all of this, so I'm only vaguely familiar with the "Issue" but, I don't see an issue now. IMO, let it go. Get over it. Go get stoned, roam about killing shit, and have some fun. That's what we'll be doing.
~Eddie
Oh come on, don't tell me you've given up on this blog.
Sorry guys, I can't get over this.
I need to go cut myself
-Skira