Thursday, July 22, 2010

Phallus In A Vacuum

WARNING: This post contains a lot of pictures of giant fake space dicks made out of ejected cargo containers. While I consider the penis to be a natural and beautiful part of the human body, some of you may not want to view this at work. Unless you work in a place where giant space dicks are encouraged and celebrated like they should be...


THE STORY OF THE PYTHON CARTEL
OFFICIALLY CERTIFIED KORPORATION MONUMENT

In honor of the most important of male organs, my corp has tried on multiple occasions to erect monuments of great proportion. The very first was put together by a team led by Lars Lodar while we were living in Egghelende:


This monument remained for several days and caused a public outcry until it was ransacked by our CCP overlords. Recently, Golden Helmet decided to recreate the massive dong as an even bigger monument outside of our station in Resbroko. He carefully follow these plans laid out by Lars:


...and created this masterpiece:


But he wasn't done yet. When this penis disappeared after a day, either from GM intervention another player destroying all the cans, Golden Helmet and friends persisted, creating yet the third Python Cartel Officially Certified Korporation Monument (or PCOCKM3 for short). The final results were breathtaking and aweinspiring and worthy of being called an Eve landmark for certain:


But yet again, within days, this carefully constructed monument that was spreading love and joy to Resbroko and perhaps all of New Eden was removed by our overbearing overlords. Golden Helmet recieved a message that displayed their blatant disregard for the personal freedom of all pilots:

Creating Lag and Inappropriate container names
From: GM CryoBunny
Sent: 2010.07.21 14:23
To: Golden Helmet,

You have been reported for creating lag to gain an advantage. Also names that you have chosen for containers are considered inappropriate. This is a EULA violation and will not be tolerated. Cease all such activity or risk further repercussions.

We had no choice but to share our story with the public. Such injustice can not be tolerated. Add your voice to this thread and let your opinion be heard. CCP can take our space penis but they can never take our pride.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Fruitless

Tonight, we took a small gang of T1 cruisers dozens of jumps through normally busy areas of lowsec to try and find some fun. Instead, 00sage00, Inka, IEATCRAYONS and myself only managed to find one ship to engage the entire way... a three-week old player in a Thrasher. I tried my best to ransom but it has been a while...
[03:54:37] Spectre3353 > YARRR HELLO MATEY
[03:54:45] Malshan > how much then?
[03:54:57] Spectre3353 > 100 billion isk your thrasher will be allowed to leave
[03:54:58] Spectre3353 > along with your pod
[03:55:01] Spectre3353 > you have 30 seconds to comply
[03:55:05] Spectre3353 > before you will face utter destruction
[03:55:07] Malshan > *sigh*
[03:55:22] Spectre3353 > 15 seconds
[03:55:28] Spectre3353 > YARRR PERHAPS WE CAN BARTER
[03:55:32] Spectre3353 > what would be a better price poitn for you?
[03:55:35] Spectre3353 > point
[03:55:36] Malshan > 1 mil
[03:55:42] Malshan > ship isnt worth more than that, with weps
[03:55:46] Spectre3353 > lets meet in the middle at 50 billion
[03:56:01] Malshan > look at my play tiem man, dont have that kind of money :P
[03:56:05] Malshan > 2 mil's the limit
[03:56:32] Malshan > your loss
...at which point his destroyer was... destroyed. Perhaps he would be interested in paying a ransom for his pod instead?

[03:56:35] Spectre3353 > YARRR MATEY HELLO
[03:56:38] Spectre3353 > WE WOULD LIKE TO RANSOM YOUR POD
[03:56:46] Spectre3353 > THE ASKING PRICE IS 1000 BILLION ISK, YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS TO COMPLY
[03:57:05] Malshan > hurry it up please
[03:57:23] Spectre3353 > ok 100 billion isk is more reasonable
[03:57:40] Malshan > stfu and kill the pod
[03:58:04] Spectre3353 > 10 billion isk
[03:58:04] Malshan > *sigh* kids
[03:58:17] Spectre3353 > 10 billion or you get splatted
[03:58:23] Spectre3353 > ok how about this
[03:58:24] Malshan > then splat me
[03:58:25] Spectre3353 > a trivia game
[03:58:28] Spectre3353 > if you get all right, you can leave
[03:58:30] Spectre3353 > cool?
[03:58:36] Malshan > i have no implants
[03:58:43] Malshan > so i really couldn't give a shit
[03:58:46] Spectre3353 > QUESTION #1 - WHAT IS THE CAPITAL OF ARKANSAS
[03:58:50] Malshan > night
...at which point he left the channel and refused to take part in my trivia game. Some people simply cannot be civil. Is 1000 billion ISK really that much to ask? What a shame.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Revamping Lowsec (Update)

In relation to the Revamping Lowsec post that I made a few days ago, I noticed that this is now in the Features and Ideas Discussion forum in the official Eve-Online forums:


Anyone who felt opinionated at all about this topic, I recommend heading to this thread and helping Mynxee and the CSM begin coordinating a suggested plan for an update to lowsec.


UPDATE: There is now an Ideascale project created to try and come up with the the best ideas for lowsec. Please take a look here and submit or vote on items that you think would be swell. I have submitted a couple myself based on my lowsec post from a few days ago.

Friday, July 16, 2010

The Perfect Shitstorm

The Python Cartel had an op scheduled last night. It's description was as so:

Amamake Defense Force : Operation Save The Children Fund

We are going to get as many ECM ships as possible and do a mining fund raiser in Amamake 3-1. We will auction ore every 30 minutes to the highest bidder and 'pull over' anyone trying to disrupt our cause.

Proceeds go to the families who've lost loved ones in the wake of Hulkageddon III.

Unlike past ADF themed operations, it was the brainchild of Lars Lodar. Being me, I decided to show up about thirty minutes late and under the influence of a certain fermented beverage. The only ship I had that fit the bill was an old Blackbird I had flown many months ago on a previous ADF op. I needed to go several jumps, alone, in order to catch up with the group. I removed the plate and signal distruption amplifier from my lows and fit instead...

Two warp core stabilizers.

Since this was a mining op, I grabbed a module I pretty much never carry around and put it in my cargo...

One mining laser.

No one would ever know that I had such embarassing modules on me and if I ran past some douchebag trying to scramble on a gate, I would be able to just warp on by. I sipped my whiskey and applauded my own genius. A few jumps later, I felt pretty fucking stupid as I sat deciding when to uncloak as a gang of half of a dozen ships waited for my Blackbird to make a move. My stabs weren't going to help much against their Devoter and this was going to be one embarassing lossmail. I made my move, attempting to jam a couple of ships as I burned back towards the gate. The distraction of these actions along with the retarding effect of the whiskey meant that I did not notice my Blackbird being almost instantly popped. By the time I began trying to warp my pod away, it was too late. I had been locked and my pod was being smushed.

It was at this point that the final kick in the balls was recieved. My clone was not up to date. I had just lost skill points.


I got incredibly lucky as I only lost 2 hours and 12 minutes worth of training off of Recon V. It was still probably the most embarassing loss I have felt in quite a while.

Final tally:
  • Lossmail displaying that I had warp core stabilizer's fit and a Miner I in my cargo.
  • Lossmail displaying that I lost my pod.
  • Low-grade snakes and several hardwirings worth around 250,000,000 ISK total gone.
  • Skill points in Recon V lost.
  • Sent to my old clone in a station that is dozens of jumps away from where I currently reside.
Fuck me.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Revamping Lowsec

In light of recent information, it is apparent that lowsec may never be revamped in the way that much of the player base has been begging for. As a way of coping with this terrible reality, I am going to pretend like CCP asked me yesterday how I think low security space should be modified to make it unique and interesting:


(1) Reduce Global Criminal Counter Timers

One of the most simple and obvious ways to reduce absolutely unnecessary frustration and a huge time sink would be to reduce the standard GCC time to five minutes. If I could have a nickel for every minute I spent twiddling my thumbs in a safe spot while waiting for a GCC to wear off so that my frigate could move on to another system, I'd have... a lot of nickels.

In all seriousness, the purpose of the sentries and GCC should be to provide an immediate response to aggression by the sentry guns. Forcing many of the pilots in lowsec to spend a majority of their night waiting out a counter in the corner of their screen, long after the battle is over, is simply unnecessary and bad design. Additionally, anyone who wants to try and argue that it is part of the punishment for piracy and unchecked aggression, you might want to note that these things are already punished by loss of security status, loss of access to highsec (which is absolutely huge) and a disadvantage in combat in any location where sentry guns are present.


(2) Create Lawbringer and Pirate Haven Systems

Right now there is nothing to being a pirate or anti-pirate other than your security status and how you describe yourself. We should take this a step further. Create scattered systems throughout lowsec that are either Lawbringer Haven's or Pirate Haven's. You will not be allowed to enter these systems unless your security status is +2.5 or higher or -5.0 or lower, respectively. These systems will provide a place where pirates or anti-pirates can gather outside of highsec and will also contain LP stores with specific Lawbringer and Pirate ships and modules. Every day that an individial is +2.5 or -.5.0, they will receive a small amount of LP towards the Lawbringer or Pirate faction. Every kill they attain against another player of the opposite security type will give a small amount of LP towards their faction.

Ships and modules attained this way should not be stronger than anything existing, unlike how many other LP stores already work. We don't need stronger faction loot but instead these rewards will be different and unique and unattainable any other way. Ships could even be slight variations on existing hulls but with models and names that are fitting for being either an officer of the peace or a bringer of chaos.


(3) Bring A Unique Resource and Industry To Lowsec

I am far from the first to suggest that lowsec needs to provide it's own unique resources and that these resources should be related to boosters and drug creation. I will suggest it again however, considering how great of an idea it is:

Create gas clouds in lowsec that are static and shown on the overview in the same manner as asteroid belts. Make the resources pulled out of these clouds vital to the creation of boosters and drugs. Create a unique type of asteroid that is found only in belts in lowsec and is common among the belts. Make the resources pulled out of this asteroid to be vital to the creation of boosters and drugs.

Remove the contraband searching done by CONCORD and the faction police in highsec. It sounds like a cool idea but in practice just discourages the carrying, sales and usage of these items. Allow people to fly around with drugs in their holds with no penalty.

Revamp the drug/booster system completely. Redo the skills. Redo the types of boosters that can exist to have many more types with more interesting effects. Have all of the new boosters require materials that are harvested in lowsec. Create an interface or add to the existing Eve UI to make it easy to select and take a drug without having to dig through your cargo.

Give industrialists new ships that make covert mining and harvesting a bit less dangerous. A "battle barge" type mining exhumer that can fit a cloak, has built in warp core strength and has a very large drone bay is an example of such a ship.


More?

Let me hear your suggestions on a lowsec revamp or even just small tweaks. CCP has told the CSM that they want to hear their vision on a lowsec revamp and the CSM represents us. All of this information may be useful to them when they send their documentation to CCP to be igno... er, considered.

You Know You Have Not Been Successful When...

...you take a look at the CSM5 meeting notes and read this:

CCP observed that the different space can be perceived like this: high sec is for singular, low sec for corporations, 0.0 for alliances and basically low sec could do with some love.

...

Arnar, Matt and Guilhem responded that Low Sec is a bit broken, is not what it should be and CCP are aware of this. A specific Low Sec expansion is not on the 18 month plan; however CCP is looking into a combat expansion, where combat awareness and information regarding combat would be refined for the user (not the combat mechanics themselves), which would benefit every EVE player rather on focusing just on Low Sec. At the moment CCP are focusing on Planetary Interaction and Incarna but maybe next summer there could be a combat expansion rather than a feature specific expansion. Even though CCP would like to change Low Sec it will not happen in the next eighteen months.

...

The CSM expressed concerns that Low Sec is very low in CCP’s priority order. CSM stated that Low Sec players don´t agree with CCP’s (lack of) prioritization for Low Sec and that there has been ongoing and widely discussed support on the forums, in focus groups, and in other venues in support of a significant evolution for Low Sec.

The CSM observed that a lot of players believe that certain EVE features (such as Low Sec) have been abandoned by CCP. If a cohesive Low Sec plan were identified, perhaps over time, small but related items could be implemented across several releases that would eventually evolve Low Sec into something much more fun than it is today. Matt observed that such an approach can be difficult to do; it is sometimes just easier and better to devote an expansion initially to a sweeping change such as CSM envisioned for Low Sec.

The CSM asked CCP directly if it could promise that Low Sec will receive more attention. CCP restated that there will be no Low Sec expansion in the next 18 months but mentioned again the possibility of a combat expansion, which does reflect EVE´s core gameplay. In response to that, some CSM members stated that a combat expansion would not be sufficient to improve Low Sec in a significant way.

...

CCP suggested that CSM work more with players to draft a well-supported vision for Low Sec, then submit a “foundation story” to CCP as a proposal that reflects that vision. A big picture framework is preferred, rather than detailed mechanics and content descriptions. the focus should be on the essence of what is cool, necessary, and unique. The goal should be to document the possibilities and identify the potential “stories”. Even though no action may be taken for 18-24 months, CSM is urged to get their ideas into play.

I know that this has already been beaten into the ground in the past day on several, different forums and blog posts but I can't help but be peeved at the way these notes sound. It is silly for me to judge the planning, foresight and execution of a game company that has run a successful MMO from here on my stupid little blog where my biggest accomplishment amounts to some MS Paint masterpieces. Regardless, we can only work with what we are given and what we appear to have been given is a message that the priorities in Eve-Online are not on fixing many large pieces of functionality that are broken, poorly-designed or half-complete but instead on:

  • An expansion based around walking around in stations that has been "in development" for about 14 years and isn't something most of us want anyhow.
  • A first-person shooter for consoles that may or may not even tie into Eve-Online at any point.
  • Lots of new functionality that gets half-baked, poorly polished and isn't cohesive with the rest of the game such as Planetary Interaction, Faction Warfare and the nullsec changes in Dominion.

All I know is that for two-and-a-half-years now we have all lived with the many, many issues in Eve and lowsec specifically with the hope that the next expansion would be dedicated to cleaning up the red-headed stepchild of security spaces in New Eden. These CSM minutes are basically a confirmation that it will be at least another two-and-a-half years before there is even a remote chance.

I guess I know the very next thing I will be reading to cheer myself up...



Sunday, July 11, 2010

You Know You've Been Successful When...

...Your Suicide Gank Produces This:

[18:18:10] Maranx Nimb > I hate hulkageddon.
[18:22:27] Ocalan > how bad of a loss was it ?
[18:22:49] Maranx Nimb > Just a retriever, but it's still annoying.
[18:23:19] Ocalan > yep ..... was surprised how fast it all went down
[18:24:11] Maranx Nimb > What angers me the most is that I was lined up with the station to leave, but the idiot ship just lolled around while I was getting blasted.


...Someone Responds To The Ganking Of A Cyno Ship Like This:

Nice Dreads


Right At The Undock


If Only I Could Fit One-Hundred
and Fifty Ships On My Overview


...Skye Says This:

(3:04:20 PM) Skye: ill cut you

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Python Vs PlunderBunny


Hulkageddon III Starts


The first Hulkageddon was small. By official accounts, there were 63 exhumers down and barely over 100 total kills on all ships. Targets were plentiful and the ganking was good.

The second Hulkageddon was much bigger. By official accounts, there were over 1200 exhumers down and nearly 1800 total kills on all ships. There were a lot of participants but we still didn't find much competition for our ganks and rarely ran out of targets.

So far, only two days into the third Hulkageddon, nearly 600 exhumers are down and nearly 900 ships have been destroyed. At this rate, the final numbers will be in the thousands but I have to imagine that we will start to run out of targets and the miners will start docking up before it is over. No way could they possibly be this oblivious to the danger they are in.

Right out of the gate, we have been having a bit of trouble finding defenseless targets to gank. Perhaps related to the fact that we now live in the region of the Hek highsec pocket, where exhumers seem to be a bit of a rarity and there also seems to be some stiff competition. After a first night of only taking down two ships, we gathered a few pilots on Saturday night to see if we couldn't contribute a bit more heavily to the barge genocide...


Friday Night's Alright For Fighting

Our first kill was no problem. A Covetor was hardly the most expensive or desirable target but it was only one jump into highsec and sitting defenseless. I tried to imagine in my head that the guy was probably eating bon-bon's and listening to Bette Midler's "The Wind Beneath My Wings" as we dropped out of the sky and turned him into scraps.



Our second kill was a bit more problematic. Five full jumps into highsec to get to him but fortunately he sat there, waiting for us to arrive, even if he did not know that that was what he was doing. It is nothing to be ashamed of. We are all waiting for death in one way or another, my miner friend.

Next, I put my alt in position in Hek to take out a newb in a Retriever. We were only going to send two ships in to guarantee this fella's death as Retrievers have basically no tank at all. I glanced away from my screen to grab another bon-bon... er, beer, when I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye. The Retriever pilot was in a pod? What the fuck just happened? I watched as CONCORD splatted his attacker and I immediately opened a convo to give a good tongue lashing to the pilot that had just stolen our Retriever gank:
[04:31:20] Spectre> WTF MAN I WAS ABOUT TO GANK THAT
[04:31:27] Spectre> YOU HAVE NO CONSIDERATION FOR YOUR FELLOW GANKERS
[04:31:29] Spectre> I WILL BE REPORTING THIS
[04:31:30] Surfin's PlunderBunny > :(
[04:31:36] Surfin's PlunderBunny > My finger slipped!
[04:31:48] Spectre> you big jerk
[04:31:51] Spectre> i cannot believe this
[04:31:52] Spectre> i
[04:31:52] Spectre> cannot
[04:31:53] Spectre> believe
[04:31:55] Spectre> this
[04:31:59] Surfin's PlunderBunny > I'm sorry! :*(
[04:32:10] Spectre> i will only accept your apology if you tell me a knock knock joke
[04:32:13] Spectre> a dirty one
[04:32:27] Surfin's PlunderBunny > knock knock
[04:32:30] Spectre> whos there
[04:32:33] Surfin's PlunderBunny > Go fuck yourself :)
[04:32:42] Spectre> wait youre supposed to say "GO"
[04:32:47] Spectre> then i say "GO WHO??"
[04:32:54] Spectre> then you say "GO FUCK YOURSELF FUCKWAD!"
[04:32:55] Spectre> and i laugh
[04:32:57] Spectre> lets try it again
[04:33:01] Surfin's PlunderBunny > k
[04:33:07] Surfin's PlunderBunny > knock knock
[04:33:20] Spectre> i dont want any, go away and please dont knock on my door again
[04:33:25] Surfin's PlunderBunny > HA
I decided to let him off with only a warning and we continued on our ways.

Our third kill of the night wound up being another Mackinaw, which ironically had been in the same belt as the last one we killed. He saw what happened to his friend and continued to pull in that ore, undisturbed. I like to think that he was trying to prove a point. Trying to show us that he was tough and refused to be pushed around, even if it resulted in his certain death. Realistically though, I am sure that he was just another macro.

After our third non-Hulk kill, we were determined to finish off the night with the destruction of at least one exhumer that this entire event was named after. We needed to find a Hulk...


HULK SMASH!

It is fun being the pilot that tracks down targets and stealthily lines them up for the kill. All of you miners, you might be sitting in a belt, mining and heading back to the station every few minutes to drop off ore, all while a cloaked pirate alt is watching you patiently. I personally use a Helios, watching my targets from 10 to 15 kilometers away and then slowly creeping to within a few thousand kilometers once it is time to provide the warp in point. It makes me feel like a secret fucking agent in a spaceship. Like James Bond in space or some shit. The part that sucks is that I only get Andrea Skye as my Bond chick.


So finally, with some effort, I was able to locate and provide a warp in point for a Hulk kill that would take us four jumps from our home base in lowsec. As we began to make the trek, I glanced back at my Helios pilot to see if everything was still going according to plan. It was not. On my overview, I saw that name again, Surfin's PlunderBunny in a Rupture, closing in on our Hulk! He couldn't solo a Hulk in a Rupture? Could he???
[05:10:34] Spectre> DONT
[05:10:35] Spectre> DONT DO IT
[05:11:39] Surfin's PlunderBunny > :(
The scare was averted as we landed and pasted the Hulk pilot to a nearby Veldspar asteroid. Even PlunderBunny could appreciate that...
[05:12:34] Golden Helmet > PENIS!!!
[05:12:37] Surfin's PlunderBunny > *claps*

Images

Swooping In

Stalking Our Prey

PlunderBunny Likes To Watch

Calm Before The Store

Catalysts On Parade

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Tonight Is The Night


Tonight's the night. And it's going to happen again, and again.


What:

Hulkageddon III begins tonight! For anyone who has been hiding like a hobo up in the mountains and really doesn't know what Hulkageddon is:

Hulkageddon is an event that is open to anyone and everyone. The sole purpose of Hulkageddon is to do as much damage to miners and their mining vessels as possible while the event is active. Most of these kills are generally via suicide attacks in high security space but any kills in lowsec or nullsec are welcomed. There are billions of ISK worth of prizes that you can be eligible for by posting your kills to the Hulkageddon killboard. The official Hulkageddon rules can be viewed here.

This is the third Hulkageddon event. The first was small. The second was much larger and even had an effect upon the Eve economy according to the quarterly report that came out soon after. This third event has the potential to be the biggest yet, with many, many billions worth of ISK having been donated to the prize pool.


When:

Starting tonight at 00:00 Eve time. The entire event runs from July 9th until July 18th, encompassing both weekends and the entire week in between.


Where:

Anywhere in Eve that you can find a mining barge to smush. If suicide ganking in highsec, it is best to find systems that are 0.5 or 0.6 security status as they have the slowest CONCORD response.


Who:

Hulkageddon is the brainchild of Helicity Boson, a son of the mighty Python Cartel. Everyone is welcome to participate.


Why:

Because of the tears. The sweet, delicious tears.


How:

Disco-battleships, suicide blaster boats or anything else that can deal out the pain before CONCORD arrives. There are many methods of suicide ganking but the Python Cartel prefers the classic method of blobbing with Catalyst destroyers. Our fit usually goes something like this:
[Catayst, Miner Gank]

Magnetic Field Stabilizer I
Magnetic Field Stabilizer I
Magnetic Field Stabilizer I

Sensor Booster I, Scan Resolution
Sensor Booster I, Scan Resolution

Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S

Hobgoblin I
A gang of three to four of these ships are generally enough to destroy a Hulk although the Hulks tank, the pilots skills and the reaction time of CONCORD will all have an effect. Bring five to guarantee the kill.

For blinky red pirates like us, have an alt or gang member sit in the highsec belt, next to whichever ship is your target. Have all gang members jump into the system at once and gang warp to the pilot that is already in position. Make sure to turn on your sensor boosters and overheat your guns before landing. Immediately upon landing in the belt, target the barge which should be only a few kilometers away, turn on your guns, deploy your drone and approach. Watch the pretty explosions of both your target and your entire gang as you warp your pod back to lowsec.

Good luck!


Links:

Hulkageddon III Page

Hulkageddon III Thread on C&P

Hulkageddon III Thread on SHC

Hulkageddon III on Massively.com

Hulkageddon II Page (previous event)

Hulkageddon 2009 (previous event)


Promo Video:

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Nacho Cheese

I don't really like to go to the movies anymore. I pay $15 a month for Netflix and another $80 a month for internet access and cable with a DVR, all of which are great resources for relatively commercial free entertainment. When I watch a movie or a TV show in my basement, there isn't any fat nerd sitting behind me kicking my seat. There isn't some annoying little kid crying in front of me or some stupid fuck off to my right sending a text messages on a super bright iPhone. Best of all, it doesn't cost me $9.50, plus a "convenience fee" just to watch some generic, flashy shit that is the same movie as the last one I saw but with the word "Super" slapped on the front of the name and "Part 2: Episode 9: The Bludgeonatering" slapped on as a suffix.

Another nice thing about watching video entertainment at home is that there are rarely any "Coming Attractions" that I can't skip. When I stick in a DVD, occasionally there is an ad for one or two movies but half the time I can just jump through them right to the DVD menu. Not so if you go to the theater. Things are so bad now that they actually have ads before the ads. If you show up to the theater before show-time and sit down, you will be treated to the pre-ad ads that tell you about the Kia dealer down the street and some movie where cats and dogs are secret agents and being voiced by Paul Newmans corpse.


Once those are over and you hit the actual "showtime", you get yet another set of advertisements. These ads are different, special and more awesome than the first set of ads because of the fact that they dim the lights slightly before they play them. After about twenty minutes of learning about the next Twilight movie, the next unfunny Dreamworks movie and seeing a teaser for a CG remake (also known as a "raping") of a franchise that I loved in my childhood, maybe the real movie will start. No guarantees though because they still need to tell us about seven more movies coming out next summer that will be in eye-popping 3-D! Wow! I haven't seen anything in 3-D since like... I turned and looked at that chair next to me a few seconds ago! Why does every single movie use the same "eye-popping" description to push their 3-D movie versions? Is the movie industry really so stuck in a rut that out of the entire English language, they can only come up with one phrase to try and make their new tech look good? On top of that, is "eye-popping" even something you want your audience to think about in a positive light? Last I checked, having your eyeballs inside of your skull was preferred to outside and "eye-popping" was something that happened to electric chair victims after they had been cooked for about four minutes straight.

Talk about a gimmick that a couple corporations decided we should be excited about so they could sell more expensive tickets. I should want to pay extra to be uncomfortable as you trick my brain into thinking that shit is being thrown at me every two minutes and for giving me a migraine? How about putting out some quality films before even worrying about pushing unwanted tech on top of them?


On top of all my other complaints, the prices for snacks and drinks at the theater are a bit obscene. You want $12 so that I can buy some sugar water and popped corn kernels? Eat shit you cocksuckers. I surf the internet hard every day instead of doing my work to make that money and I'm not pissing it away on Sour Patch Kids when I don't even like to eat the red ones. I am sneaking in my own snacks and a nice bottle of water that has been refilled about seven times.

So, I went to the theater for the first time in a while just this weekend to see Toy Story 3. Yes, it is sort-of a kids movie. Regardless, what Pixar puts out is better than most of the trash in the bin, even if it is for kids. Yes, I cried a little at the end (if sobbing uncontrollably could be considered "a little"). Yes, I own a Buzz Lightyear action figure and yes we go everywhere together. Don't judge me. My mother says that lots of other young men my age do it too.

When I hunkered down during my latest trip, I brought a bottle and stuck it in the cup holder at my seat. During the saddest part of the movie, I reached up to my face to scratch an itch (not to wipe away any tears, honestly) when I accidentally smacked my bottle of water. It dropped to the ground and rolled to my right where someone had decided to sit only one seat away from me. A theater with hundreds of seats and only a couple dozen viewers and this asshole had decided to sit one seat away from me. I bet that fucking prick didn't even have his phone on vibe. I bet he is the type of douche that was wishing the entire time that this movie was in 3-D.

As I thought about how this guy I had never met was probably a giant cockbag, I began to grope around in the darkness down below me, carefully glancing at him and hoping his cockbag taint hadn't gotten to close to my water bottle. I moved my hand forward, back, left and then right to try and find the bottle when a gooey, disgusting feeling encompassed my finger. I recoiled quickly and abandoned my search. Further investigation by smelling and feeling my finger revealed that I had most certainly stuck it into someones nacho cheese. The nacho cheese of my neighbor. I stole a glance to my right just in time to watch him pick up his soft pretzel and nacho dip platter from the floor. He carefully selected a pretzel bite, dipped it into the recently violated orange cheese product and then took a big sloppy bite. I slunk down in my seat and shuddered as I thought about which orifice that finger had just been in few minutes ago. That guy had just eaten my ass cheese.

I fucking hate the movies.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Go Blog About It

Kri Matar > oh shit, we gonna blog about this?
Spectre3353 > hellz yea 

There are a lot of things I can say about my corp and alliance. I could say that they are giant spazzes with no attention span. I could say that they are loud and obnoxious. One thing that I could not say is that they aren't the most reliably entertaining group of people I have ever met online, as proven by yesterdays roam. I was not even really planning on attending this suicidal remote-rep battleship op last night until I was bombarded by Andrea Skye:
(12:08:35 AM) Skye: bs op tommorow tho
(12:08:37 AM) Skye: you gota show up
(12:08:38 AM) Spectre: no because i dont want to
(12:08:40 AM) Skye: its guna be epic
After a few days of receiving messages like this, Skye and myself agreed on two things:
(1) I would show up and take part in this operation.
(2) His instant messanger font was atrocious and disgusting. Comic Sans in TEAL? Seriously?
When the time came, we set out with a gang of several battleships, a single Falcon and three Guardians. We would be able to keep ourselves alive for quite a while but our goal was to simply sit in the legendary belt of Amamake 3-1 and go down in a blaze of glory as the residents of the system responded with what would probably be overwhelming force.





We gathered our sixteen man gang and slowly coordinated our way down to Amamake. We gathered our ships and moved into the the belt. We opened our mouths and smacked and yelled at the system, goading them to come fight.


So we moved on to Huola where we ganked a Megathron on the gate and got smacked by an angry fellow in faction warfare:
[ 01:21:40 ] Jawmare > faggots gonna fight
[ 01:21:54 ] Tatanka Marcussen > then what are you ?
[ 01:21:56 ] Tatanka Marcussen > gays ?
[ 01:21:59 ] IEATCRAYONS > yes
[ 01:22:03 ] Tatanka Marcussen > GET OF MY LAWN
[ 01:22:07 ] Eofina > it's only gay if you push back
[ 01:22:19 ] Kobrakilla > .+----------+++¦-¦-¦-¦-¦++¦¦¦¦-¦+¦-¦-¦¦¦++¦+--++----++--
[ 01:22:23 ] Rhinanna > gf :)
[ 01:22:29 ] Jack Coutu > fucking ecm frones lol
[ 01:22:32 ] Jack Coutu > FRONES~!
[ 01:22:33 ] Tatanka Marcussen > yeah learn to 1337
[ 01:22:35 ] Tatanka Marcussen > tards
[ 01:22:49 ] Tatanka Marcussen > This was the wrong local
[ 01:22:50 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:51 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:52 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:53 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:54 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:55 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:56 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:57 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:58 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:59 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:00 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:01 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:02 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:03 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:04 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:05 ] Inka Kaoru > ..
[ 01:23:05 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:06 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:07 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:08 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:09 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE




Still, no big fight. So we moved on to Egghelende where I talked shit to our nemesis Ken Plante, hoping he would take the bait as usual:
[ 01:29:17 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Egghelende Local Channel
[ 01:32:47 ] Spectre3353 > hey man, hows it going
[ 01:33:12 ] Spectre3353 > gank any missioners tonight?
[ 01:34:49 ] Spectre3353 > you should leave this system and the station occasionally man
[ 01:35:00 ] Spectre3353 > find some real pvp, stretch your legs, learn some skills
[ 01:35:10 ] Spectre3353 > its good for you, like fresh air
[ 01:35:17 ] Spectre3353 > variety is the spice of life
[ 01:35:49 ] Spectre3353 > ah well i guess its just your thing
[ 01:36:01 ] Spectre3353 > on a random note, what was up with the alliance tourney?
[ 01:36:08 ] Spectre3353 > i saw they replaced you with mirrorgod after your first go
[ 01:36:13 ] Spectre3353 > did you come down with a cold or something....?
[ 01:36:53 ] Spectre3353 > i was going to join the AT but i dont fly real ships so i probably wouldnt be able to
[ 01:38:19 ] Spectre3353 > oh hai
[ 01:38:24 ] Spectre3353 > going to probe out that drake?
[ 01:39:26 ] Spectre3353 > how is your alliance doing?
[ 01:39:41 ] Spectre3353 > is EP the executor?
[ 01:40:00 ] Spectre3353 > i would hope so since you guys are pretty much the elitest in lowsec
[ 01:42:49 ] Spectre3353 > ok well it was nice talking to you again
[ 01:42:58 ] Spectre3353 > i hope that you have a good night! o/
Still, no fight at all. We finally went back to Amamake and sat in the top belt once again as a last ditch effort to get an engagement before we went home. With a gang of this size roaming around and being as loud and obnoxious as us, it was amazing that nothing had hot dropped, blobbed or at least found someone way to engage us...

...until we saw a few bogeys arrive on short range scan. Within moments, several ships landed and the fight was on... Armageddon... Megathron... Nidhoggur! BANE had decided to play and had brought a capital ship along with several battleships and a Falcon. Even Ken Plante had joined the fray in an Armageddon. The intial push was a stalemate for both sides as we could not break each others remote repairing. One of our ships was pushed to low armor but wouldn't break. Their Megathron was pushed to low armor but was repped back up and saved by their carrier. Andrea Skye ordered us to push our DPS onto the carrier instead and we did, before soon switching back to the Megathron as their Nidhoggur pilot was running out of cap under the weight of all the logistics support. Our remote repairing held strong as theirs finally began to fail with their carrier out of capacitor. Several of their ships were vanquished and we turned to focus on their carrier as the rest of their battleships turned and warped out, leaving the capital ship to its fate.






In the end we did not even know for certain what ships they had brought in total because we took no losses and had no lossmail to view their attackers. Regardless, it did seem as though we had the advantage in both numbers and remote-repair capability. Either BANE was being incredibly cocky and thinking that they would stomp us against the odds or they simply had the balls to bring a cap ship to an outmatched fight. I give them much credit if the second option is true.

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