EVE Newb

I Made A Game

2010-12-11T12:08:00.002-05:00

It is on the XBox 360 and costs $1:

http://marketplace.xbox.com/en-US/Product/Switch/66acd000-77fe-1000-9115-d80258550721

RPS Interview With CCP

2010-08-25T10:17:00.000-04:00

http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2010/08/25/ccp-and-the-wrath-of-the-playerbase/

Obviously

2010-08-23T09:24:00.003-04:00

Andrea Skye stealing my stuff was a hoax. Andrea Skye is nice a person who likes kittens and once saved an old lady from falling into a well. Any ISK or ships he acquired from me were given to him intentionally, we just decided to have a little fun with it. I'd love to say "I got you!" but really, we didn't. Most of you are smart enough to see a troll coming from a mile away. Anyhow:

(1) Yes, it was a hoax:

http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=1368569

http://www.machine9.net/python/?p=75

http://andreaskyes.blogspot.com/

(2) Yes, I really intended to give a large amount of modules and ships away to my favorite joke from a few posts ago.

(3) No, the winner won't be getting anything because my account was made... "inaccessable" for a couple of days and during that span, my paid time ran out. I won't be reactivating my account right now so there is no way to transfer anything. Sorry.

Friendship Is Rare

2010-08-13T14:30:00.001-04:00

Anyone who has read through my blog has a pretty good idea of what has made Eve a fun game for me. I dislike a huge portion of the Eve in general... the interface is awful, the player-vs-environment gameplay is TERRIBLE and it has more bugs than anything I have ever experienced in my life. By far. So why did I love Eve so much? It was because of the creative things that its freedom and sandbox style let me do. It was because spaceships are cool. Most of all, it was because I got to play with a really awesome bunch of pilots in The Python Cartel. Our core has been pretty close for a while and I talk to a number of them out of game and we play non-Eve games together as well.

Probably the person I have been best Eve-Online buddies with is Andrea Skye. We flew together very often and had great success. We chatted outside of the game quite often, shared account information so that we could borrow items/isk/ships and I trusted him more than anyone else in the group. Until today.

I have been absent from Eve for a few weeks now, only logging on to set skills and look at my mail. Today I checked my personal email to find this message:

Hi there spectre old pal.

I know you dont log EvE anymore, so I am sending you an email instead. What for you ask?

I've liberated all you ships and Isk. All I have left you with is 0.69 isk. I thought this would be funny as you once said it was your lucky number.

Anyway. Sucks to be you, I hope we can still be friends. It was purely business.

Please be more careful when giving out your password to random dudes on the internet in the future.

PROOF http://i34.tinypic.com/2ignhuc.jpg

love

-skye

The most important part of the image he linked is this:

That is the remaining money in my wallet, a little over one billion ISK, being transfered from my account to his. He also was nice enough to take a number of ships that were sitting in my hangar in Resbroko. I don't have much use for what is left so everything I do have remaining will be given away and you can check this post for details.

I can handle a lot in Eve and the anger or effect is only about five minutes worth. This is not something I can deal with and continue to play. Having a majority of my assets taken sucks, but I could overcome it. Having my friends betray me is not.

Fuck you, Andrea Skye.

Tell Me A Joke

2010-08-13T13:24:00.004-04:00

Any joke. Make it funny and make it something I haven't heard before. Whichever one I like best will get a few billion ISK worth of modules and ships contracted to them. Make sure to post your in-game name along with your joke. Vulgarity is fine.

Rapin Errbody

2010-08-09T14:59:00.002-04:00

Why I haven't played Eve in a few weeks:

Limbo (pretty fun)

Deathspank (really fun)

Starcraft II (really pretty fucking fun)

Why I won't be playing Eve for another few weeks:

Monday Night Combat (looks really pretty fucking fun)

What you should read/watch while I am away:

Laedy in Red

Antoine Dodson

Phallus In A Vacuum

2010-07-22T08:13:00.007-04:00

WARNING: This post contains a lot of pictures of giant fake space dicks made out of ejected cargo containers. While I consider the penis to be a natural and beautiful part of the human body, some of you may not want to view this at work. Unless you work in a place where giant space dicks are encouraged and celebrated like they should be...

THE STORY OF THE PYTHON CARTEL

OFFICIALLY CERTIFIED KORPORATION MONUMENT

In honor of the most important of male organs, my corp has tried on multiple occasions to erect monuments of great proportion. The very first was put together by a team led by Lars Lodar while we were living in Egghelende:

This monument remained for several days and caused a public outcry until it was ransacked by our CCP overlords. Recently, Golden Helmet decided to recreate the massive dong as an even bigger monument outside of our station in Resbroko. He carefully follow these plans laid out by Lars:

...and created this masterpiece:

But he wasn't done yet. When this penis disappeared after a day, either from GM intervention another player destroying all the cans, Golden Helmet and friends persisted, creating yet the third Python Cartel Officially Certified Korporation Monument (or PCOCKM3 for short). The final results were breathtaking and aweinspiring and worthy of being called an Eve landmark for certain:

But yet again, within days, this carefully constructed monument that was spreading love and joy to Resbroko and perhaps all of New Eden was removed by our overbearing overlords. Golden Helmet recieved a message that displayed their blatant disregard for the personal freedom of all pilots:

Creating Lag and Inappropriate container names
From: GM CryoBunny
Sent: 2010.07.21 14:23
To: Golden Helmet,

You have been reported for creating lag to gain an advantage. Also names that you have chosen for containers are considered inappropriate. This is a EULA violation and will not be tolerated. Cease all such activity or risk further repercussions.

We had no choice but to share our story with the public. Such injustice can not be tolerated. Add your voice to this thread and let your opinion be heard. CCP can take our space penis but they can never take our pride.

Fruitless

2010-07-20T00:13:00.004-04:00

Tonight, we took a small gang of T1 cruisers dozens of jumps through normally busy areas of lowsec to try and find some fun. Instead, 00sage00, Inka, IEATCRAYONS and myself only managed to find one ship to engage the entire way... a three-week old player in a Thrasher. I tried my best to ransom but it has been a while...

[03:54:37] Spectre3353 > YARRR HELLO MATEY
[03:54:45] Malshan > how much then?
[03:54:57] Spectre3353 > 100 billion isk your thrasher will be allowed to leave
[03:54:58] Spectre3353 > along with your pod
[03:55:01] Spectre3353 > you have 30 seconds to comply
[03:55:05] Spectre3353 > before you will face utter destruction
[03:55:07] Malshan > *sigh*
[03:55:22] Spectre3353 > 15 seconds
[03:55:28] Spectre3353 > YARRR PERHAPS WE CAN BARTER
[03:55:32] Spectre3353 > what would be a better price poitn for you?
[03:55:35] Spectre3353 > point
[03:55:36] Malshan > 1 mil
[03:55:42] Malshan > ship isnt worth more than that, with weps
[03:55:46] Spectre3353 > lets meet in the middle at 50 billion
[03:56:01] Malshan > look at my play tiem man, dont have that kind of money :P
[03:56:05] Malshan > 2 mil's the limit
[03:56:32] Malshan > your loss

...at which point his destroyer was... destroyed. Perhaps he would be interested in paying a ransom for his pod instead?

[03:56:35] Spectre3353 > YARRR MATEY HELLO
[03:56:38] Spectre3353 > WE WOULD LIKE TO RANSOM YOUR POD
[03:56:46] Spectre3353 > THE ASKING PRICE IS 1000 BILLION ISK, YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS TO COMPLY
[03:57:05] Malshan > hurry it up please
[03:57:23] Spectre3353 > ok 100 billion isk is more reasonable
[03:57:40] Malshan > stfu and kill the pod
[03:58:04] Spectre3353 > 10 billion isk
[03:58:04] Malshan > *sigh* kids
[03:58:17] Spectre3353 > 10 billion or you get splatted
[03:58:23] Spectre3353 > ok how about this
[03:58:24] Malshan > then splat me
[03:58:25] Spectre3353 > a trivia game
[03:58:28] Spectre3353 > if you get all right, you can leave
[03:58:30] Spectre3353 > cool?
[03:58:36] Malshan > i have no implants
[03:58:43] Malshan > so i really couldn't give a shit
[03:58:46] Spectre3353 > QUESTION #1 - WHAT IS THE CAPITAL OF ARKANSAS
[03:58:50] Malshan > night

...at which point he left the channel and refused to take part in my trivia game. Some people simply cannot be civil. Is 1000 billion ISK really that much to ask? What a shame.

Revamping Lowsec (Update)

2010-07-18T11:10:00.004-04:00

In relation to the Revamping Lowsec post that I made a few days ago, I noticed that this is now in the Features and Ideas Discussion forum in the official Eve-Online forums:

Writing New Low Sec Stories: Challenges, Process, Tools

Anyone who felt opinionated at all about this topic, I recommend heading to this thread and helping Mynxee and the CSM begin coordinating a suggested plan for an update to lowsec.

UPDATE: There is now an Ideascale project created to try and come up with the the best ideas for lowsec. Please take a look here and submit or vote on items that you think would be swell. I have submitted a couple myself based on my lowsec post from a few days ago.

The Perfect Shitstorm

2010-07-16T14:00:00.003-04:00

The Python Cartel had an op scheduled last night. It's description was as so:

Amamake Defense Force : Operation Save The Children Fund

We are going to get as many ECM ships as possible and do a mining fund raiser in Amamake 3-1. We will auction ore every 30 minutes to the highest bidder and 'pull over' anyone trying to disrupt our cause.

Proceeds go to the families who've lost loved ones in the wake of Hulkageddon III.

Unlike past ADF themed operations, it was the brainchild of Lars Lodar. Being me, I decided to show up about thirty minutes late and under the influence of a certain fermented beverage. The only ship I had that fit the bill was an old Blackbird I had flown many months ago on a previous ADF op. I needed to go several jumps, alone, in order to catch up with the group. I removed the plate and signal distruption amplifier from my lows and fit instead...

Two warp core stabilizers.

Since this was a mining op, I grabbed a module I pretty much never carry around and put it in my cargo...

One mining laser.

No one would ever know that I had such embarassing modules on me and if I ran past some douchebag trying to scramble on a gate, I would be able to just warp on by. I sipped my whiskey and applauded my own genius. A few jumps later, I felt pretty fucking stupid as I sat deciding when to uncloak as a gang of half of a dozen ships waited for my Blackbird to make a move. My stabs weren't going to help much against their Devoter and this was going to be one embarassing lossmail. I made my move, attempting to jam a couple of ships as I burned back towards the gate. The distraction of these actions along with the retarding effect of the whiskey meant that I did not notice my Blackbird being almost instantly popped. By the time I began trying to warp my pod away, it was too late. I had been locked and my pod was being smushed.

It was at this point that the final kick in the balls was recieved. My clone was not up to date. I had just lost skill points.

I got incredibly lucky as I only lost 2 hours and 12 minutes worth of training off of Recon V. It was still probably the most embarassing loss I have felt in quite a while.

Final tally:

Lossmail displaying that I had warp core stabilizer's fit and a Miner I in my cargo.

Lossmail displaying that I lost my pod.

Low-grade snakes and several hardwirings worth around 250,000,000 ISK total gone.

Skill points in Recon V lost.

Sent to my old clone in a station that is dozens of jumps away from where I currently reside.

Fuck me.

Revamping Lowsec

2010-07-14T09:13:00.003-04:00

In light of recent information, it is apparent that lowsec may never be revamped in the way that much of the player base has been begging for. As a way of coping with this terrible reality, I am going to pretend like CCP asked me yesterday how I think low security space should be modified to make it unique and interesting:

(1) Reduce Global Criminal Counter Timers

One of the most simple and obvious ways to reduce absolutely unnecessary frustration and a huge time sink would be to reduce the standard GCC time to five minutes. If I could have a nickel for every minute I spent twiddling my thumbs in a safe spot while waiting for a GCC to wear off so that my frigate could move on to another system, I'd have... a lot of nickels.

In all seriousness, the purpose of the sentries and GCC should be to provide an immediate response to aggression by the sentry guns. Forcing many of the pilots in lowsec to spend a majority of their night waiting out a counter in the corner of their screen, long after the battle is over, is simply unnecessary and bad design. Additionally, anyone who wants to try and argue that it is part of the punishment for piracy and unchecked aggression, you might want to note that these things are already punished by loss of security status, loss of access to highsec (which is absolutely huge) and a disadvantage in combat in any location where sentry guns are present.

(2) Create Lawbringer and Pirate Haven Systems

Right now there is nothing to being a pirate or anti-pirate other than your security status and how you describe yourself. We should take this a step further. Create scattered systems throughout lowsec that are either Lawbringer Haven's or Pirate Haven's. You will not be allowed to enter these systems unless your security status is +2.5 or higher or -5.0 or lower, respectively. These systems will provide a place where pirates or anti-pirates can gather outside of highsec and will also contain LP stores with specific Lawbringer and Pirate ships and modules. Every day that an individial is +2.5 or -.5.0, they will receive a small amount of LP towards the Lawbringer or Pirate faction. Every kill they attain against another player of the opposite security type will give a small amount of LP towards their faction.

Ships and modules attained this way should not be stronger than anything existing, unlike how many other LP stores already work. We don't need stronger faction loot but instead these rewards will be different and unique and unattainable any other way. Ships could even be slight variations on existing hulls but with models and names that are fitting for being either an officer of the peace or a bringer of chaos.

(3) Bring A Unique Resource and Industry To Lowsec

I am far from the first to suggest that lowsec needs to provide it's own unique resources and that these resources should be related to boosters and drug creation. I will suggest it again however, considering how great of an idea it is:

Create gas clouds in lowsec that are static and shown on the overview in the same manner as asteroid belts. Make the resources pulled out of these clouds vital to the creation of boosters and drugs. Create a unique type of asteroid that is found only in belts in lowsec and is common among the belts. Make the resources pulled out of this asteroid to be vital to the creation of boosters and drugs.

Remove the contraband searching done by CONCORD and the faction police in highsec. It sounds like a cool idea but in practice just discourages the carrying, sales and usage of these items. Allow people to fly around with drugs in their holds with no penalty.

Revamp the drug/booster system completely. Redo the skills. Redo the types of boosters that can exist to have many more types with more interesting effects. Have all of the new boosters require materials that are harvested in lowsec. Create an interface or add to the existing Eve UI to make it easy to select and take a drug without having to dig through your cargo.

Give industrialists new ships that make covert mining and harvesting a bit less dangerous. A "battle barge" type mining exhumer that can fit a cloak, has built in warp core strength and has a very large drone bay is an example of such a ship.

More?

Let me hear your suggestions on a lowsec revamp or even just small tweaks. CCP has told the CSM that they want to hear their vision on a lowsec revamp and the CSM represents us. All of this information may be useful to them when they send their documentation to CCP to be igno... er, considered.

You Know You Have Not Been Successful When...

2010-07-14T00:01:00.008-04:00

...you take a look at the CSM5 meeting notes and read this:

CCP observed that the different space can be perceived like this: high sec is for singular, low sec for corporations, 0.0 for alliances and basically low sec could do with some love.

...

Arnar, Matt and Guilhem responded that Low Sec is a bit broken, is not what it should be and CCP are aware of this. A specific Low Sec expansion is not on the 18 month plan; however CCP is looking into a combat expansion, where combat awareness and information regarding combat would be refined for the user (not the combat mechanics themselves), which would benefit every EVE player rather on focusing just on Low Sec. At the moment CCP are focusing on Planetary Interaction and Incarna but maybe next summer there could be a combat expansion rather than a feature specific expansion. Even though CCP would like to change Low Sec it will not happen in the next eighteen months.

...

The CSM expressed concerns that Low Sec is very low in CCP’s priority order. CSM stated that Low Sec players don´t agree with CCP’s (lack of) prioritization for Low Sec and that there has been ongoing and widely discussed support on the forums, in focus groups, and in other venues in support of a significant evolution for Low Sec.

The CSM observed that a lot of players believe that certain EVE features (such as Low Sec) have been abandoned by CCP. If a cohesive Low Sec plan were identified, perhaps over time, small but related items could be implemented across several releases that would eventually evolve Low Sec into something much more fun than it is today. Matt observed that such an approach can be difficult to do; it is sometimes just easier and better to devote an expansion initially to a sweeping change such as CSM envisioned for Low Sec.

The CSM asked CCP directly if it could promise that Low Sec will receive more attention. CCP restated that there will be no Low Sec expansion in the next 18 months but mentioned again the possibility of a combat expansion, which does reflect EVE´s core gameplay. In response to that, some CSM members stated that a combat expansion would not be sufficient to improve Low Sec in a significant way.

...

CCP suggested that CSM work more with players to draft a well-supported vision for Low Sec, then submit a “foundation story” to CCP as a proposal that reflects that vision. A big picture framework is preferred, rather than detailed mechanics and content descriptions. the focus should be on the essence of what is cool, necessary, and unique. The goal should be to document the possibilities and identify the potential “stories”. Even though no action may be taken for 18-24 months, CSM is urged to get their ideas into play.

I know that this has already been beaten into the ground in the past day on several, different forums and blog posts but I can't help but be peeved at the way these notes sound. It is silly for me to judge the planning, foresight and execution of a game company that has run a successful MMO from here on my stupid little blog where my biggest accomplishment amounts to some MS Paint masterpieces. Regardless, we can only work with what we are given and what we appear to have been given is a message that the priorities in Eve-Online are not on fixing many large pieces of functionality that are broken, poorly-designed or half-complete but instead on:

An expansion based around walking around in stations that has been "in development" for about 14 years and isn't something most of us want anyhow.

A first-person shooter for consoles that may or may not even tie into Eve-Online at any point.

Lots of new functionality that gets half-baked, poorly polished and isn't cohesive with the rest of the game such as Planetary Interaction, Faction Warfare and the nullsec changes in Dominion.

All I know is that for two-and-a-half-years now we have all lived with the many, many issues in Eve and lowsec specifically with the hope that the next expansion would be dedicated to cleaning up the red-headed stepchild of security spaces in New Eden. These CSM minutes are basically a confirmation that it will be at least another two-and-a-half years before there is even a remote chance.

I guess I know the very next thing I will be reading to cheer myself up...

You Know You've Been Successful When...

2010-07-11T18:51:00.008-04:00

...Your Suicide Gank Produces This:

[18:18:10] Maranx Nimb > I hate hulkageddon.

[18:22:27] Ocalan > how bad of a loss was it ?

[18:22:49] Maranx Nimb > Just a retriever, but it's still annoying.

[18:23:19] Ocalan > yep ..... was surprised how fast it all went down

[18:24:11] Maranx Nimb > What angers me the most is that I was lined up with the station to leave, but the idiot ship just lolled around while I was getting blasted.

...Someone Responds To The Ganking Of A Cyno Ship Like This:

Nice Dreads

Right At The Undock

If Only I Could Fit One-Hundred

and Fifty Ships On My Overview

...Skye Says This:

(3:04:20 PM) Skye: ill cut you

Python Vs PlunderBunny

2010-07-10T11:35:00.001-04:00

Hulkageddon III Starts

The first Hulkageddon was small. By official accounts, there were 63 exhumers down and barely over 100 total kills on all ships. Targets were plentiful and the ganking was good.

The second Hulkageddon was much bigger. By official accounts, there were over 1200 exhumers down and nearly 1800 total kills on all ships. There were a lot of participants but we still didn't find much competition for our ganks and rarely ran out of targets.

So far, only two days into the third Hulkageddon, nearly 600 exhumers are down and nearly 900 ships have been destroyed. At this rate, the final numbers will be in the thousands but I have to imagine that we will start to run out of targets and the miners will start docking up before it is over. No way could they possibly be this oblivious to the danger they are in.

Right out of the gate, we have been having a bit of trouble finding defenseless targets to gank. Perhaps related to the fact that we now live in the region of the Hek highsec pocket, where exhumers seem to be a bit of a rarity and there also seems to be some stiff competition. After a first night of only taking down two ships, we gathered a few pilots on Saturday night to see if we couldn't contribute a bit more heavily to the barge genocide...

Friday Night's Alright For Fighting

Our first kill was no problem. A Covetor was hardly the most expensive or desirable target but it was only one jump into highsec and sitting defenseless. I tried to imagine in my head that the guy was probably eating bon-bon's and listening to Bette Midler's "The Wind Beneath My Wings" as we dropped out of the sky and turned him into scraps.

Our second kill was a bit more problematic. Five full jumps into highsec to get to him but fortunately he sat there, waiting for us to arrive, even if he did not know that that was what he was doing. It is nothing to be ashamed of. We are all waiting for death in one way or another, my miner friend.

Next, I put my alt in position in Hek to take out a newb in a Retriever. We were only going to send two ships in to guarantee this fella's death as Retrievers have basically no tank at all. I glanced away from my screen to grab another bon-bon... er, beer, when I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye. The Retriever pilot was in a pod? What the fuck just happened? I watched as CONCORD splatted his attacker and I immediately opened a convo to give a good tongue lashing to the pilot that had just stolen our Retriever gank:

[04:31:20] Spectre> WTF MAN I WAS ABOUT TO GANK THAT
[04:31:27] Spectre> YOU HAVE NO CONSIDERATION FOR YOUR FELLOW GANKERS
[04:31:29] Spectre> I WILL BE REPORTING THIS
[04:31:30] Surfin's PlunderBunny > :(
[04:31:36] Surfin's PlunderBunny > My finger slipped!
[04:31:48] Spectre> you big jerk
[04:31:51] Spectre> i cannot believe this
[04:31:52] Spectre> i
[04:31:52] Spectre> cannot
[04:31:53] Spectre> believe
[04:31:55] Spectre> this
[04:31:59] Surfin's PlunderBunny > I'm sorry! :*(
[04:32:10] Spectre> i will only accept your apology if you tell me a knock knock joke
[04:32:13] Spectre> a dirty one
[04:32:27] Surfin's PlunderBunny > knock knock
[04:32:30] Spectre> whos there
[04:32:33] Surfin's PlunderBunny > Go fuck yourself :)
[04:32:42] Spectre> wait youre supposed to say "GO"
[04:32:47] Spectre> then i say "GO WHO??"
[04:32:54] Spectre> then you say "GO FUCK YOURSELF FUCKWAD!"
[04:32:55] Spectre> and i laugh
[04:32:57] Spectre> lets try it again
[04:33:01] Surfin's PlunderBunny > k
[04:33:07] Surfin's PlunderBunny > knock knock
[04:33:20] Spectre> i dont want any, go away and please dont knock on my door again
[04:33:25] Surfin's PlunderBunny > HA

I decided to let him off with only a warning and we continued on our ways.

Our third kill of the night wound up being another Mackinaw, which ironically had been in the same belt as the last one we killed. He saw what happened to his friend and continued to pull in that ore, undisturbed. I like to think that he was trying to prove a point. Trying to show us that he was tough and refused to be pushed around, even if it resulted in his certain death. Realistically though, I am sure that he was just another macro.

After our third non-Hulk kill, we were determined to finish off the night with the destruction of at least one exhumer that this entire event was named after. We needed to find a Hulk...

HULK SMASH!

It is fun being the pilot that tracks down targets and stealthily lines them up for the kill. All of you miners, you might be sitting in a belt, mining and heading back to the station every few minutes to drop off ore, all while a cloaked pirate alt is watching you patiently. I personally use a Helios, watching my targets from 10 to 15 kilometers away and then slowly creeping to within a few thousand kilometers once it is time to provide the warp in point. It makes me feel like a secret fucking agent in a spaceship. Like James Bond in space or some shit. The part that sucks is that I only get Andrea Skye as my Bond chick.

So finally, with some effort, I was able to locate and provide a warp in point for a Hulk kill that would take us four jumps from our home base in lowsec. As we began to make the trek, I glanced back at my Helios pilot to see if everything was still going according to plan. It was not. On my overview, I saw that name again, Surfin's PlunderBunny in a Rupture, closing in on our Hulk! He couldn't solo a Hulk in a Rupture? Could he???

[05:10:34] Spectre> DONT
[05:10:35] Spectre> DONT DO IT
[05:11:39] Surfin's PlunderBunny > :(

The scare was averted as we landed and pasted the Hulk pilot to a nearby Veldspar asteroid. Even PlunderBunny could appreciate that...

[05:12:34] Golden Helmet > PENIS!!!
[05:12:37] Surfin's PlunderBunny > *claps*

Images

Swooping In

Stalking Our Prey

PlunderBunny Likes To Watch

Calm Before The Store

Catalysts On Parade

Tonight Is The Night

2010-07-08T10:29:00.010-04:00

Tonight's the night. And it's going to happen again, and again.

What:

Hulkageddon III begins tonight! For anyone who has been hiding like a hobo up in the mountains and really doesn't know what Hulkageddon is:

Hulkageddon is an event that is open to anyone and everyone. The sole purpose of Hulkageddon is to do as much damage to miners and their mining vessels as possible while the event is active. Most of these kills are generally via suicide attacks in high security space but any kills in lowsec or nullsec are welcomed. There are billions of ISK worth of prizes that you can be eligible for by posting your kills to the Hulkageddon killboard. The official Hulkageddon rules can be viewed here.

This is the third Hulkageddon event. The first was small. The second was much larger and even had an effect upon the Eve economy according to the quarterly report that came out soon after. This third event has the potential to be the biggest yet, with many, many billions worth of ISK having been donated to the prize pool.

When:

Starting tonight at 00:00 Eve time. The entire event runs from July 9th until July 18th, encompassing both weekends and the entire week in between.

Where:

Anywhere in Eve that you can find a mining barge to smush. If suicide ganking in highsec, it is best to find systems that are 0.5 or 0.6 security status as they have the slowest CONCORD response.

Who:

Hulkageddon is the brainchild of Helicity Boson, a son of the mighty Python Cartel. Everyone is welcome to participate.

Why:

Because of the tears. The sweet, delicious tears.

How:

Disco-battleships, suicide blaster boats or anything else that can deal out the pain before CONCORD arrives. There are many methods of suicide ganking but the Python Cartel prefers the classic method of blobbing with Catalyst destroyers. Our fit usually goes something like this:

[Catayst, Miner Gank]

Magnetic Field Stabilizer I
Magnetic Field Stabilizer I
Magnetic Field Stabilizer I

Sensor Booster I, Scan Resolution
Sensor Booster I, Scan Resolution

Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S
Light Neutron Blaster I, Caldari Navy Antimatter S

Hobgoblin I

A gang of three to four of these ships are generally enough to destroy a Hulk although the Hulks tank, the pilots skills and the reaction time of CONCORD will all have an effect. Bring five to guarantee the kill.

For blinky red pirates like us, have an alt or gang member sit in the highsec belt, next to whichever ship is your target. Have all gang members jump into the system at once and gang warp to the pilot that is already in position. Make sure to turn on your sensor boosters and overheat your guns before landing. Immediately upon landing in the belt, target the barge which should be only a few kilometers away, turn on your guns, deploy your drone and approach. Watch the pretty explosions of both your target and your entire gang as you warp your pod back to lowsec.

Good luck!

Links:

Hulkageddon III Page

Hulkageddon III Thread on C&P

Hulkageddon III Thread on SHC

Hulkageddon III on Massively.com

Hulkageddon II Page (previous event)

Hulkageddon 2009 (previous event)

Promo Video:

Nacho Cheese

2010-07-07T13:50:00.003-04:00

I don't really like to go to the movies anymore. I pay $15 a month for Netflix and another $80 a month for internet access and cable with a DVR, all of which are great resources for relatively commercial free entertainment. When I watch a movie or a TV show in my basement, there isn't any fat nerd sitting behind me kicking my seat. There isn't some annoying little kid crying in front of me or some stupid fuck off to my right sending a text messages on a super bright iPhone. Best of all, it doesn't cost me $9.50, plus a "convenience fee" just to watch some generic, flashy shit that is the same movie as the last one I saw but with the word "Super" slapped on the front of the name and "Part 2: Episode 9: The Bludgeonatering" slapped on as a suffix.

Another nice thing about watching video entertainment at home is that there are rarely any "Coming Attractions" that I can't skip. When I stick in a DVD, occasionally there is an ad for one or two movies but half the time I can just jump through them right to the DVD menu. Not so if you go to the theater. Things are so bad now that they actually have ads before the ads. If you show up to the theater before show-time and sit down, you will be treated to the pre-ad ads that tell you about the Kia dealer down the street and some movie where cats and dogs are secret agents and being voiced by Paul Newmans corpse.

Once those are over and you hit the actual "showtime", you get yet another set of advertisements. These ads are different, special and more awesome than the first set of ads because of the fact that they dim the lights slightly before they play them. After about twenty minutes of learning about the next Twilight movie, the next unfunny Dreamworks movie and seeing a teaser for a CG remake (also known as a "raping") of a franchise that I loved in my childhood, maybe the real movie will start. No guarantees though because they still need to tell us about seven more movies coming out next summer that will be in eye-popping 3-D! Wow! I haven't seen anything in 3-D since like... I turned and looked at that chair next to me a few seconds ago! Why does every single movie use the same "eye-popping" description to push their 3-D movie versions? Is the movie industry really so stuck in a rut that out of the entire English language, they can only come up with one phrase to try and make their new tech look good? On top of that, is "eye-popping" even something you want your audience to think about in a positive light? Last I checked, having your eyeballs inside of your skull was preferred to outside and "eye-popping" was something that happened to electric chair victims after they had been cooked for about four minutes straight.

Talk about a gimmick that a couple corporations decided we should be excited about so they could sell more expensive tickets. I should want to pay extra to be uncomfortable as you trick my brain into thinking that shit is being thrown at me every two minutes and for giving me a migraine? How about putting out some quality films before even worrying about pushing unwanted tech on top of them?

On top of all my other complaints, the prices for snacks and drinks at the theater are a bit obscene. You want $12 so that I can buy some sugar water and popped corn kernels? Eat shit you cocksuckers. I surf the internet hard every day instead of doing my work to make that money and I'm not pissing it away on Sour Patch Kids when I don't even like to eat the red ones. I am sneaking in my own snacks and a nice bottle of water that has been refilled about seven times.

So, I went to the theater for the first time in a while just this weekend to see Toy Story 3. Yes, it is sort-of a kids movie. Regardless, what Pixar puts out is better than most of the trash in the bin, even if it is for kids. Yes, I cried a little at the end (if sobbing uncontrollably could be considered "a little"). Yes, I own a Buzz Lightyear action figure and yes we go everywhere together. Don't judge me. My mother says that lots of other young men my age do it too.

When I hunkered down during my latest trip, I brought a bottle and stuck it in the cup holder at my seat. During the saddest part of the movie, I reached up to my face to scratch an itch (not to wipe away any tears, honestly) when I accidentally smacked my bottle of water. It dropped to the ground and rolled to my right where someone had decided to sit only one seat away from me. A theater with hundreds of seats and only a couple dozen viewers and this asshole had decided to sit one seat away from me. I bet that fucking prick didn't even have his phone on vibe. I bet he is the type of douche that was wishing the entire time that this movie was in 3-D.

As I thought about how this guy I had never met was probably a giant cockbag, I began to grope around in the darkness down below me, carefully glancing at him and hoping his cockbag taint hadn't gotten to close to my water bottle. I moved my hand forward, back, left and then right to try and find the bottle when a gooey, disgusting feeling encompassed my finger. I recoiled quickly and abandoned my search. Further investigation by smelling and feeling my finger revealed that I had most certainly stuck it into someones nacho cheese. The nacho cheese of my neighbor. I stole a glance to my right just in time to watch him pick up his soft pretzel and nacho dip platter from the floor. He carefully selected a pretzel bite, dipped it into the recently violated orange cheese product and then took a big sloppy bite. I slunk down in my seat and shuddered as I thought about which orifice that finger had just been in few minutes ago. That guy had just eaten my ass cheese.

I fucking hate the movies.

Go Blog About It

2010-07-04T11:20:00.011-04:00

Kri Matar > oh shit, we gonna blog about this?

Spectre3353 > hellz yea

There are a lot of things I can say about my corp and alliance. I could say that they are giant spazzes with no attention span. I could say that they are loud and obnoxious. One thing that I could not say is that they aren't the most reliably entertaining group of people I have ever met online, as proven by yesterdays roam. I was not even really planning on attending this suicidal remote-rep battleship op last night until I was bombarded by Andrea Skye:

(12:08:35 AM) Skye: bs op tommorow tho
(12:08:37 AM) Skye: you gota show up
(12:08:38 AM) Spectre: no because i dont want to
(12:08:40 AM) Skye: its guna be epic

After a few days of receiving messages like this, Skye and myself agreed on two things:

(1) I would show up and take part in this operation.
(2) His instant messanger font was atrocious and disgusting. Comic Sans in TEAL? Seriously?

When the time came, we set out with a gang of several battleships, a single Falcon and three Guardians. We would be able to keep ourselves alive for quite a while but our goal was to simply sit in the legendary belt of Amamake 3-1 and go down in a blaze of glory as the residents of the system responded with what would probably be overwhelming force.

We gathered our sixteen man gang and slowly coordinated our way down to Amamake. We gathered our ships and moved into the the belt. We opened our mouths and smacked and yelled at the system, goading them to come fight.

All we killed was an Omen and a few Reapers. Disappointing.

So we moved on to Huola where we ganked a Megathron on the gate and got smacked by an angry fellow in faction warfare:

[ 01:21:40 ] Jawmare > faggots gonna fight
[ 01:21:54 ] Tatanka Marcussen > then what are you ?
[ 01:21:56 ] Tatanka Marcussen > gays ?
[ 01:21:59 ] IEATCRAYONS > yes
[ 01:22:03 ] Tatanka Marcussen > GET OF MY LAWN
[ 01:22:07 ] Eofina > it's only gay if you push back
[ 01:22:19 ] Kobrakilla > .+----------+++¦-¦-¦-¦-¦++¦¦¦¦-¦+¦-¦-¦¦¦++¦+--++----++--
[ 01:22:23 ] Rhinanna > gf :)
[ 01:22:29 ] Jack Coutu > fucking ecm frones lol
[ 01:22:32 ] Jack Coutu > FRONES~!
[ 01:22:33 ] Tatanka Marcussen > yeah learn to 1337
[ 01:22:35 ] Tatanka Marcussen > tards
[ 01:22:49 ] Tatanka Marcussen > This was the wrong local
[ 01:22:50 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:51 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:52 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:53 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:54 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:55 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:56 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:57 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:58 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:22:59 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:00 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:01 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:02 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:03 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:04 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:05 ] Inka Kaoru > ..
[ 01:23:05 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:06 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:07 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:08 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE
[ 01:23:09 ] Tatanka Marcussen > RIVER FUCKING DANCE

Still, no big fight. So we moved on to Egghelende where I talked shit to our nemesis Ken Plante, hoping he would take the bait as usual:

[ 01:29:17 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Egghelende Local Channel
[ 01:32:47 ] Spectre3353 > hey man, hows it going
[ 01:33:12 ] Spectre3353 > gank any missioners tonight?
[ 01:34:49 ] Spectre3353 > you should leave this system and the station occasionally man
[ 01:35:00 ] Spectre3353 > find some real pvp, stretch your legs, learn some skills
[ 01:35:10 ] Spectre3353 > its good for you, like fresh air
[ 01:35:17 ] Spectre3353 > variety is the spice of life
[ 01:35:49 ] Spectre3353 > ah well i guess its just your thing
[ 01:36:01 ] Spectre3353 > on a random note, what was up with the alliance tourney?
[ 01:36:08 ] Spectre3353 > i saw they replaced you with mirrorgod after your first go
[ 01:36:13 ] Spectre3353 > did you come down with a cold or something....?
[ 01:36:53 ] Spectre3353 > i was going to join the AT but i dont fly real ships so i probably wouldnt be able to
[ 01:38:19 ] Spectre3353 > oh hai
[ 01:38:24 ] Spectre3353 > going to probe out that drake?
[ 01:39:26 ] Spectre3353 > how is your alliance doing?
[ 01:39:41 ] Spectre3353 > is EP the executor?
[ 01:40:00 ] Spectre3353 > i would hope so since you guys are pretty much the elitest in lowsec
[ 01:42:49 ] Spectre3353 > ok well it was nice talking to you again
[ 01:42:58 ] Spectre3353 > i hope that you have a good night! o/

Still, no fight at all. We finally went back to Amamake and sat in the top belt once again as a last ditch effort to get an engagement before we went home. With a gang of this size roaming around and being as loud and obnoxious as us, it was amazing that nothing had hot dropped, blobbed or at least found someone way to engage us...

...until we saw a few bogeys arrive on short range scan. Within moments, several ships landed and the fight was on... Armageddon... Megathron... Nidhoggur! BANE had decided to play and had brought a capital ship along with several battleships and a Falcon. Even Ken Plante had joined the fray in an Armageddon. The intial push was a stalemate for both sides as we could not break each others remote repairing. One of our ships was pushed to low armor but wouldn't break. Their Megathron was pushed to low armor but was repped back up and saved by their carrier. Andrea Skye ordered us to push our DPS onto the carrier instead and we did, before soon switching back to the Megathron as their Nidhoggur pilot was running out of cap under the weight of all the logistics support. Our remote repairing held strong as theirs finally began to fail with their carrier out of capacitor. Several of their ships were vanquished and we turned to focus on their carrier as the rest of their battleships turned and warped out, leaving the capital ship to its fate.

In the end we did not even know for certain what ships they had brought in total because we took no losses and had no lossmail to view their attackers. Regardless, it did seem as though we had the advantage in both numbers and remote-repair capability. Either BANE was being incredibly cocky and thinking that they would stomp us against the odds or they simply had the balls to bring a cap ship to an outmatched fight. I give them much credit if the second option is true.

Other Posts About This Encounter:

- Andrea Skye

- 00sage00

- Helicity Boson

Quitting Eve

2010-06-22T07:36:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone. It has been a great run but it is time for me to hang up my blasters and shut down the hangar for good. I am leaving Eve and chances are that I won't ever be back. It has been a ton of fun and I really liked spending time with all of you. See you around!

[05:26:10] Chimaira wolf > spectre ur blog is shit
[05:26:15] Chimaira wolf > no one cares if u leave

I'm Back!

2010-06-21T20:59:00.001-04:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I could not stay away from Eve. I am back! There is no way that I will ever quit again... no way.

Leaving Eve

2010-06-21T16:23:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to announce that I am officially leaving Eve. I can no longer play and there is no way I will ever be back. It has been fun and this time it is real. I am really quitting. Farewell.

How To Fly A Curse Like A Pro-Gamer

2010-06-07T10:17:00.002-04:00

It isn't often we get to watch a master at work. I think it is important to point out that we are living in the time of a legend of Eve and we should appreciate him while he is still in his prime. To be specific, I want you to watch Ken Plante and his efforts towards helping BANE win the first round of the Alliance Tournament. Check around minute 1:30 for a lesson on how to fly the mighty, real-ship (not a fake ship like the Taranis) Curse recon cruiser:

Good thing the rest of his alliance didn't suck it up.

The Internet Never Forgets

2010-05-24T00:01:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite blog posts of all time was written by a fairly well known Eve pilot named Skira Ranos. I was informed a couple days ago that this incredible post had been removed from his blog and was no longer accessible. In a fit of despair, I browsed to my favorite search engine and verified that while the result for "skira ranos python cartel" did still appear, it didn't resolve and the actual page had been deleted. Fortunately I also noticed the "Cached" link in the Google result entry and clicked that as well. Bingo! It still existed in the memory of Google, proving that the Internet never, ever forgets what you share with it. To ensure that this absolute classic post never dies, I am going to post it in its entirety right here. For your viewing pleasure:

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2009
Python Cartel
Many of you may know about the Python Cartel's current PR war against me and my alliance. Several people have asked why I haven't posted about this yet, and when I'm going to etc.

So here it goes: the first and last post on this blog about the Python Cartel.

The Python Cartel likes to grief. They like to grief in game, and they like to grief out of game. Their tools of choice are station camps, scams, and carriers in game, slander, insults and MS paint out of game.

To all this, I have one thing to say: I'm not interested in your penis-measuring contest Python.

You win.

Lo! have far bigger e-peens than myself! I hail your combat prowess, mighty fleet commanders and massive ships! You are badasses, certifiably. I myself am a giant asshole, with an ego that generates its own gravity well. I pity myself, I am pathetic. I admit it. I fail at life, and I fail at EVE. You sure have taught me and my corp a lesson, you glorious rascals you!

Now while you're all patting yourselves on the back (or perhaps constructing new blog posts to call me a doody-head, or whatever you plan on saying today), I'll be out pirating and having fun.

-Skira
POSTED BY SKIRA RANOS AT 5:49 PM
25 COMMENTS:
Andrea skye said...
quite frankly... im offended. I dont have an E-penis, I have an E-vagina.
DECEMBER 13, 2009 7:59 AM
Rettic said...
Well griefing is one thing, if that's what they're really doing (I have no idea), but I have to say I was hoping this conflict would be embraced in the spirit of piracy, to an extent. Piracy is piracy, and you're both scoundrels (which I hope you take as a compliment), which understandably brings friction when one of those forces collides with another. Dirty tactics, shit talking, whatever… I'd be shocked if this didn't come with the territory. It kind of sounds like, however, you were hoping for some mutual unsaid truce based on the fact that you're both pirates. If I was a pirate, I might be just as shocked as Spectre.

Again, I don't know your experience with these guys, and it's none of my business… but for sheer entertainment value, I was selfishly hoping for some dirty pirate on pirate action. :P

Just a mercenary's unsolicited opinion. Good luck either way Skira. Keep bloggin'. I enjoy your stuff.
DECEMBER 13, 2009 9:23 AM
Lars Lodar said...
With all due respect if you haven't behaved so rudely and arrogantly, none of this drama would have happened. Instead you insulted our corp then asked us to go away (within days of us showing up), showing weakness and fear.

Yvangier was only supposed to be a vacation spot but you gave incentive for Python to move in. I really don't care if you insult us but you'd get far more sympathy if you posted chat logs and killmails to illustrait your point.

At any rate good luck.
DECEMBER 13, 2009 2:54 PM
Anonymous said...
Everything you have said about us is true! Thank you for finally bowing down to our superior powers! FEAR THE PYTHON CARTEL! Remember, we will not only station camp you, we'll also sneak into your house and kill your dog while sending your wife photoshopped pictures of you with a few sailors!

Let this be a lesson to all the doubters, Python Cartel is pure evil incarnate! HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!!
DECEMBER 14, 2009 12:03 AM
Anonymous said...
This isn't worth posting. Seems like you have nothing to do in eve but suck.
DECEMBER 14, 2009 12:43 AM
Elliya said...
I am not really up to speed, but aint you a big pirate alliance? Dont back down from a small piratecorp just cuz they talk big.. show yer mettle and give em a fight!
DECEMBER 14, 2009 2:07 AM
Skira Ranos said...
Predictable flame war in my comments is predictable.
DECEMBER 14, 2009 7:29 AM
Jaxxon said...
MS Paint is now on the DHS watchlist as a WMD.

Seriously, how the hell did anyone ever think you were a scary pirate? You are more like a emo carebear who just had the bare minumum nutsack to actually fit a gun and fly into lowec while trumpeting in local that you 'beat' pirates cause they couldnt hold your warpcore stabbed failboat and you managed to get away.

" Their tools of choice are station camps, scams, and carriers in game, slander, insults and MS paint out of game."

I am gonna snicker all day, every time i think of that.
DECEMBER 14, 2009 1:21 PM
Josh (GH) said...
It's funny how an MS Paint drawing, which has nothing whatsoever to do with BMC in the least, is considered griefing. Poor, poor butthurt BMC.

Nice system, we'll take it.

~Golden Helmet
DECEMBER 14, 2009 3:07 PM
Skira Ranos said...
*gives the trolls some candy*

Ooops, damnit, I'm not supposed to do that...

=D
DECEMBER 14, 2009 9:50 PM
Endless Subversion said...
You sure do have a lot of Python Cartel readers
DECEMBER 15, 2009 7:25 AM
Morgan Rose said...
"You sure do have a lot of Python Cartel readers"

Many of whom have missed the point of Skira's post entirely.
DECEMBER 15, 2009 1:40 PM
Anonymous said...
o/ Endless the only real pirate here
DECEMBER 15, 2009 5:59 PM
Skira Ranos said...
Missed the point so badly I can't decide if the comment are hallarious or just depressing...
DECEMBER 15, 2009 6:21 PM
Interested Bystander said...
please elaborate on the missed point, because I am finding the entire thing 'hallarious'.

as far as i can see, you guys talked smack and got your ass handed to you, then you cried and called python griefers when according to the publicly available killboards a significant percentage of the kills were solo's.

Then you seem to be trying to take a 'high road' position that is completely ludicrous when so many of the chatlogs are now posted and anyone who cares to look can see that you smacked and acted all badass to start with.

The MS Paint thing is kinda funny though, since it had nothing to do with you but your ego demanded it must, so you called it a grief tactic.

I had never heard of you before Skira, and now I see why. Your guide isnt totally fail, but apparently someone else must have written it.
DECEMBER 15, 2009 9:37 PM
Helicity Boson said...
oh sweet jesus, I'd stayed out of this mess until now, but you really are a whinging egomaniacal crybaby douche... christ on a crutch.

No wonder people leave your corp, learn to laugh at yourself a bit more, internet spaceships are not serious business.

Honestly... wow.
DECEMBER 16, 2009 12:38 AM
Anonymous said...
Pathetic.. your such a deuchey deuchebag.. ha, ha! HAHAHA,go fuck yourself :)
DECEMBER 17, 2009 3:54 PM
Bear Minimum said...
wow someone does not like you skira... lol still i agree you are quite a deuchy deuchebag =/ maybe you should go back to wow...
DECEMBER 17, 2009 4:31 PM
Anonymous said...
Blood Money Cowards
DECEMBER 27, 2009 3:30 AM
Ancy Denaries said...
People really take this game far too seriously. I was in your corp once with my PvP character, Skira, and I liked you. Still do.

Don't let those lolbears get you down. When people start acting like this, I really start questioning their maturity.
JANUARY 5, 2010 12:01 AM
Endless Subversion said...
zit's a shame you stopped posting blog updates, I enjoyed them a good deal.
JANUARY 30, 2010 10:38 PM
234234 said...
Seems to me like the BMC upset the bigger kid and got into a bit of discomfort when that kid didn't wanna play fair.

The BMC are a good bunch of guys for most part and I can't say I'm fond of Spectre3353 or his lackeys, but there's something not quite right about a pirate complaining about griefing.

Complaining about station camps and capitals won't do any good, it was only to be expected.
FEBRUARY 5, 2010 3:58 PM
Anonymous said...
Skira, fuck these guys. Sure, they can station camp. Sure, they have carriers. Big woop. You still rock, so they can screw off.

As for PC, I don't know you guys. I think smack talk is stupid, tbh. I was out of corp doing other crap during all of this, so I'm only vaguely familiar with the "Issue" but, I don't see an issue now. IMO, let it go. Get over it. Go get stoned, roam about killing shit, and have some fun. That's what we'll be doing.

~Eddie
FEBRUARY 10, 2010 9:06 AM
Anonymous said...
Oh come on, don't tell me you've given up on this blog.
FEBRUARY 14, 2010 12:00 PM
Skira said...
Sorry guys, I can't get over this.
I need to go cut myself

-Skira
FEBRUARY 14, 2010 2:48 PM

Smack Is Rather Fun

2010-05-23T09:19:00.005-04:00

Ken Plante > smack is part of the game and rather fun

I have made a few enemies in my time in Eve. Some fade away and forget about me quickly. Others realize that I'm really just a dumbass and a charming fellow and become my friends. A select few however, fester with hate and never forget my name or why it is that they despise me. Of all these individuals, the one that seems to be the least unforgiving and the most immature is mister Ken Plante. In the past we have traded shots, from the Python Cartel ganking his most prized ship and pushing his corp out of its home system to him preventing me from running for CSM. With this in mind, it was quite fitting that my first encounter in quite a while was a run in with the the most hateful man in Eve as I flew over to Egghelende to pick up a ship...

[ 06:14:20 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Egghelende Local Channel
[ 06:14:33 ] Spectre3353 > omg kenny hi
[ 06:16:08 ] Ken Plante > lol
[ 06:16:18 ] Spectre3353 > i miss you
[ 06:16:31 ] Ken Plante > thats nice
[ 06:16:34 ] Ken Plante > hows python
[ 06:16:39 ] Spectre3353 > great
[ 06:17:04 ] Ken Plante > good to hear
[ 06:19:29 ] Spectre3353 > im going to go mission
[ 06:19:33 ] Spectre3353 > is it safe in here for that....?
[ 06:19:38 ] Ken Plante > thats nice
[ 06:19:54 ] Spectre3353 > i feel like i might be outmatched by the npcs
[ 06:20:02 ] Spectre3353 > can you send one of your dogs to come help me maybe....?
[ 06:20:07 ] Ken Plante > well u were never any real good
[ 06:20:23 ] Spectre3353 > at least i was decent at english
[ 06:20:31 ] Spectre3353 > apparently you never any real good graduated high school

This went on for over 20 minutes. Most of it was pretty poor quality smack but I did everything I could to keep him rambling and from logging off. He had to stick around until my gangmates arrived and we could try to goad him into a fight.

[ 06:26:41 ] Ken Plante > go write about this in your eve diary
[ 06:26:44 ] Spectre3353 > i think i will
[ 06:26:50 ] Ken Plante > so you can have nobobdies kiss ur ass

Well I think we know who one of the Anonymous commenter's is that has been leaving hate on this blog. Nice going Kenny.

[ 06:27:58 ] Spectre3353 > because i own you
[ 06:28:00 ] Ken Plante > but you wont
[ 06:28:04 ] Spectre3353 > i am your fucking grim reaper
[ 06:28:05 ] Ken Plante > because u have nothing left
[ 06:28:07 ] Spectre3353 > ken plante, owned by me
[ 06:28:11 ] Ken Plante > u nebver killed me
[ 06:28:12 ] Spectre3353 > always
[ 06:28:15 ] Spectre3353 > always ken
[ 06:28:16 ] Spectre3353 > i own you
[ 06:28:16 ] Ken Plante > u were always dead
[ 06:28:18 ] Spectre3353 > dont ever forget it
[ 06:28:19 ] Ken Plante > ;p;
[ 06:28:22 ] Spectre3353 > tell yourself whatever you want to tell yourself
[ 06:28:23 ] Spectre3353 > but you know
[ 06:28:27 ] Spectre3353 > that i am your daddy
[ 06:28:29 ] Spectre3353 > and i always have been

About this time, my gang arrived in the next system over and I began to try and convince him to undock a ship that we would be able to kill before it could de-aggress and redock...

[ 06:32:45 ] Spectre3353 > come undock
[ 06:32:47 ] Spectre3353 > talk with your guns
[ 06:32:50 ] Spectre3353 > log your alt off
[ 06:32:51 ] Spectre3353 > undock
[ 06:32:52 ] Spectre3353 > and we'll fight
[ 06:32:57 ] Ken Plante > k
[ 06:33:14 ] Spectre3353 > i bet youll bring a kronos or something
[ 06:33:23 ] Spectre3353 > never want to fight anything that isnt a complete outmatch

[ 06:34:25 ] Spectre3353 > im waiting girl
[ 06:35:01 ] Spectre3353 > prepping your alt before you undock?
[ 06:35:10 ] Spectre3353 > typical
[ 06:35:20 ] Ken Plante > 1 sec throwing in drones
[ 06:36:00 ] Spectre3353 > gl

Finally, Ken's anger and hate had caused him to commit to a situation that I generally never saw him get caught up in. Usually he has support from alts and his corporation as well as a scout watching the next system over. This time he had blindly taken my bait and engaged with a regular old T1 battleship instead of his usual fancy toys and other safety nets. It would be the last mistake he ever made with this ship. He engaged my Dominix and I held him down and neuted away as much cap as I could until my gang arrived. I turned and warp away in low armor as the rest of my friends melted Ken and we destroyed his ship. In his home. Again.

[ 06:38:48 ] Ken Plante > u bitch
[ 06:39:35 ] IEATCRAYONS > hi ken
[ 06:39:56 ] Spectre3353 > HI KENNY
[ 06:40:21 ] Spectre3353 > LAWL
[ 06:40:25 ] Spectre3353 > kenny i love you man
[ 06:40:26 ] IEATCRAYONS > oh whoops
[ 06:40:30 ] Ken Plante > u never could fight alone
[ 06:40:31 ] Spectre3353 > you are by far the most entertaining person in this game
[ 06:40:31 ] Brick0Joe > AHAHA KENNY
[ 06:40:32 ] Ken Plante > lol
[ 06:40:35 ] 00sage00 > GF
[ 06:40:37 ] IEATCRAYONS > ROFL
[ 06:40:39 ] Ken Plante > gf guys
[ 06:40:41 ] Wohenmang > I LOVE YOU KENNY
[ 06:40:45 ] Jaxxon Voers > gf kenny
[ 06:40:47 ] Spectre3353 > gf kenny
[ 06:40:55 ] Ken Plante > man spec ur domi sucks
[ 06:40:56 ] IEATCRAYONS > GF KENNY
[ 06:40:57 ] Ken Plante > wowo
[ 06:41:01 ] Spectre3353 > but it killed you

Movie Review - Avatar

2010-05-10T13:36:00.001-04:00

I spent the past 15 minutes searching through Google Video and YouTube trying to find a TV trailer for Avatar that I have seen several times in which it states in between flashing scenes that it is THE BEST MOVIE EVER. That's right. A movie with the balls to declare to us that every movie ever made can go fuck itself because this one trumps them all. I was half expecting the DVD to have trouble fitting into my Xbox due to giant testicles hanging off the side of disc, but somehow I managed to get it into the tray without any unexpected male genitalia getting in the way. Anyhow, after searching through thirty different TV commercials and about seven-thousand other Avatar related videos, it was fairly impossible for me to find the commercial I was looking for so you'll all have to take my word on it. Or, turn on your TV right now and there is a one-in-three chance that it will already be playing along with its subliminal message that convinces you that watching Avatar cures cancer and grows your boobs by a full cup in only three weeks.

It wasn't until I was handed someone else's copy of the movie that I had to pay nothing for that I decided to give it a chance. Sure it looked generic and the commercials were so incredibly arrogant, but everyone kept telling me it was awesome. How can I not trust the opinion of people? People that I know. People that I trust! So we sat down for 162 minutes in front of a large plasma screen TV...

Premise

It's hard to believe that anyone in the world that can be accessed via television, movies, newspapers, magazines, the internet, blimps, smoke signals or carrier pidgeons hasn't already heard about Avatar and seen most of its best scenes via trailers or advertisements. I am pretty sure that if James Cameron had been given permission, he would have burned a giant Avatar logo into the moon so that we would be reminded every night that we should go see it. Nothing wrong with that idea. Why shouldn't we create a monument to the self-proclaimed BEST MOVIE EVER on the moon? However, just in case you have been frozen in ice in a glacier since prehistoric times and you just woke up fifteeen minutes ago and decided to read this as your very first method of getting reacquainted with society:

Avatar is a movie about a planet far from Earth. Many alien species live there but the most intelligent of which appears to be the Na'vi. Replacing the term "Na'vi" with "Tall Blue Native Americans" will probably work just as well so feel free to do it for the rest of this article if so inclined. A large human company is excavating resources from the planet. Specifically, a metal called unobtanium. No really, that is the best name they could come up with. In predictable fashion, the Na'vi are living in a giant tree that is situated on top of the most profitable area to mine this metal and the evil humans and their evil corporation will do anything to move them out of the way, even create bioengineered Avatars that look and move like the Na'vi but are actually controlled by humans. Put it all together and hi-jinks ensue. For two-and-a-half-hours.

The Good

I bet you expected me to start off by complaining and whining and saying bad things. Instead I am going to start with what I did like about the movie - it was entertaining. It can be tough for a movie of this length to hold my attention for the entire feature but at no point did I feel bored or like I was struggling through. It actually is pretty engrossing and isn't that what movies are really supposed to be about? Additionally, the environments and characters, while still not perfectly believable or rendered, are very well done. It is rare to see such human looking emotions and movements out of computer generated characters but it works well here. The downside is that some of the scenes where live action sets and characters were interacting with animated ones, the transition is a bit obvious and tough to swallow. One scene where a naked, old Sigourney Weaver is sat down in the middle of hundreds of computer generated Na'vi under a fake computer generated tree is especially jarring.

The Bad

Well, to put it bluntly, this is the most generic and cliched movie I have ever seen. Ever. Anyone who has ever seen an action movie in their life can pretty much predict what is going to happen in each scene, what the results later in the movie will be, what many lines of dialogue are going to be and even what a character is going to develop into as the movie progresses. What? Michelle Rodrigeuz plays the tough but loyal military pilot who has gruff and tough lines? HOLY SHIT NO WAY! Here are some actual lines from the movie itself:

Col Quaritch: You are not in Kansas anymore, you are on Pandora, ladies and gentlemen, respect that fact every second of every day.

Trudy Chacon: [fires on Quaritch's Hellicopter] You're not the only one with a gun, Bitch!

Jake Sully: Look, at first it was just orders. And then, everything changed. Okay, I fell in love. I fell in love with the, with the forest, with the Omaticaya people, with you. With you.

Jake Sully: It's over.
Col Quaritch: Nothing's over while I'm breathing.

Here is me converting those lines so that they fit into a new movie I'm producing called SMAVATAR - INVASION OF THE BALL GRABBERS:

Col Steve: You are not in Kansas anymore, you are on Planet Phobos, ladies and gentlemen, respect that fact every second of every day.

Jackie Bam Bam: [fires on Steve's Hellicopter] You're not the only one with a gun, Bitch!

Molly Jackson: Look, at first it was just orders. And then, everything changed. Okay, I fell in love. I fell in love with the, with the forest, with the Ball Grabber people, with you. With you.

Molly Jackson: It's over.
Col Steve: Nothing's over while I'm breathing.

You could pretty much take Avatars entire script, insert some random names in the place of what is already there and have yourself another billion dollar grossing film! I can't wait!

Final Verdict

It isn't bad. It is entertaining and it is pretty, it's just not original. In fact, it might be the most cliched, generic, hackneyed and predictable piece of entertainment to have ever been released. Even Reefer Madness had me in more suspense than Avatar ever did at any point. Watching Avatar wouldn't be a mistake but you won't be missing anything by passing it up. More importantly, I can tell you from first hand experience that despite its own claims, Avatar is not the best movie ever. Not even close.

The Worst

2010-05-07T13:29:00.004-04:00

If someone were to ask me what I hated most about the society that I lived in, my number one answer would be Competitive Eating. In a world where many are starving, even in our own backyards, we think it is acceptable to watch people gorge themselves not because they hungry or because they need sustenance but because it is considered entertainment. On November 8th, 2008, Patrick Bertoletti ate 47 slices of pizza in only ten minutes and set a Major League Eating record. On February 11th, 2006, Sonya Thomas ate 8 lbs of chili cheese fries in ten minutes to do the same. Don Lerman even once ate seven quarter pound sticks of butter in five minutes. Just sticks of butter. Why man, why? Last I checked, the food that these individuals devoured for the sake of fun was enough to feed a small African town for upwards of three years! Imagine all the kids sitting around starving to death when they could instead be eating Chili Cheese Fry Buttered Pizza(tm) and living a happy, fat life? Seriously though, it is fucking disgusting and arrogant that we even allow such leagues to even exist. Also, I have copyrighted the idea for Chili Cheese Fry Buttered Pizza(tm) and have submitted it to Jimmy Dean for consideration. Wish me luck.

After competitive eating, if someone were to ask me what I hated second most about the society that I lived in, I would say it is driving and dealing with other drivers on the road. Social norms, consideration for other human beings and any level of politeness goes right out the window the instant someone steps into and begins piloting a motor vehicle. Individuals who are rational and with common sense seem to completely forget that they are driving a ton of metal, hurtling along at 80 miles an hour down a packed highway where a small mistake could kill or main. People are willing to risk an enormous financial investment, their safety and the safety of those around them so that they can get to their destination a good five seconds earlier. It is a perfect example that John Gabriel's Internet Fuckwad Theory is alive and well not only on the internet but in real life as well.

I live in the greater Philadelphia area. I don't live in the city itself but I do live in a populated area that is not too far outside of it. The traffic and behavior of drivers is pretty atrocious but taken in small doses, I can handle it by closing my eyes and pretending that I am actually in a hot tub with Christina Hendricks. Unfortunately, my job sometimes calls for me to have to commute from one side of the city to the other in a manner that pretty much guarantees I have to drive within the actual city limits. It is only about twenty-five miles each way but that number will seem like light-years while sitting in stopped traffic along with a million other cocksuckers who care nothing about anyone on the road but themselves. The other day while returning from work, I was stuck in such a jam. After nearly two hours of travel and with still a few more minutes to go, I went to exit from a major highway and I began to drive around an off-ramp curve. As I slowed down to an acceptable speed for a curvy exit ramp, I looked into my rear view mirror and realized that someone was behind me. Right behind me. Close enough that I began to feel personally violated and concerned for the virginity of my anus. Unhappy with his distance from my car, I slowed even further to send the message that he needed to back the fuck off. Instead of taking my advice, he sped up and passed me dangerously on the ride side of my car, in the middle of an exit ramp, by using a narrow shoulder lane. At that point, something snapped. Two hours of pent up rage and anger at being stuck in traffic suddenly reached its boiling point and I broke like I have never broke before.

Before I even really thought about what I was doing, I sped up and jumped on the ass of the guy who had just passed me. I revved my engine, waved my middle finger in the air and screamed whatever I could think of to scream. The words "fuck", "fuckass", "shitfucker" and "fuckdick" were uttered at least ten times each in a three second period, for certain. As we finished our merge onto the destination road, I blew into the passing lane and pulled up alongside him where I could look at him face-to-face and show him my anger. I looked over at the guy and noticed that he was a much older fellow than me. He was also obviously scared out of his mind as he would not even turn to look out his window at me, the psycho who was driving insanely, honking, revving and screaming. I rolled down my window and prepared to give this guy the tongue lashing of a lifetime. I took a deep breath and I screamed:

"EAT A GIANT BAG OF DICKS!"

I rolled up my window and drove off, adrenaline pumping and rage finally subsiding. I noticed a few miles down the road that while I was now in the right lane and the dickhead I had dealt with on the offramp was in the left, he refused to pull up alongside or pass me until he was certain there was no way we would wind up within eye contact range again. I had apparently scared the living shit out of him. That thought probably should have satisfied me as it was my intention at the time but instead I felt embarassed. I had let anger take a hold of me and cloud my good judgement. Even during that few seconds of road rage driving, I could have hurt myself, the dickhead, or other around us. Worst of all, the best I had been able to come up with when finally getting a chance to tell him off was to eat a bag of dicks.

What in the hell does that even mean?

It's Time

2010-04-30T20:17:00.003-04:00

Well it is time I simply let you all know that I am no longer playing Eve. No really, for real. I'm not. I also have decided that it is time for me to move on from this blog that has given me so much entertainment while I did play. Two years, two-hundred posts, two-hundred-thousand pageviews and an immeasurable amount of fun are what I am taking away from this. I really do want to thank everyone who helped make it what it was. To anyone who gives a shit, I am moving over to a blog where I can write about all sorts of stuff, not just Eve-Online. To anyone who doesn't give a shit, I don't care and I never liked you anyhow.

Thanks everyone and please feel free to stay in touch via any of the many forms of internet communication that I am available on.

A Boy Named Ring

PAX East 2010 (Day 3)

2010-04-13T22:17:00.001-04:00

NOTICE: THIS IS AN OUTLINE OF A POST I WAS GOING TO MAKE. MY HEART HASN'T BEEN IN IT WHICH IS WHY MY PAX EAST POSTS HAVE SUCKED. I WANTED TO FINISH THE THREE PARTER AND AT LEAST SHARE THE PICTURES SO HERE IS THE BARELY OUTLINED POST I WAS GOING TO MAKE:

P.S. THE IPHONE TAKES REALLY FUCKING SHITTY PICTURES. SORRY.

Expo Hall

Saw lots of stuff - guitar music game shit, nintendo DS XL, picross 3d, dantes inferno, behemoth booth, nvidia 3d booth, APB, indie games

Closing Ceremony - Omegathon Finals

Omegathon final challenge - video game relay with SMB1, Rad Racer, Tetris and Contra

Legal Seafood

Clam Chowder is tasty

Hotel Bar, Other Nerds and Fluxx

blah blah

Final Thoughts

+ Boston is nicer than Seattle, Omegathon finals were great, Wil Wheaton was great, Musical performances were fanfuckingtastic, con organizers are very visible and accessible

- Expo hall isnt as good as Seattle, expo hall wasn't as good this year, 6-months in between doesn't make it feel quite as fresh, i got fucking sick, 3 days isn't enough time - make the con 4 days long

Additional Pictures

PAX East 2010 (Day 2)

2010-04-08T10:00:00.001-04:00

Bill Amend

I was too lazy to get up and go to it, but Bill Amend had a panel early on Saturday morning. While I was still sleeping, my wife attended and got a couple of books signed:

PICTURE OF SIGNED BOOK
COMING EVENTUALLY

Cosplay and Costumes

There were more costumes this year than I believe I have seen at either year I attended PAX in Seattle:

Marcus Fenix and Son

Fruit Fucker

Brotherhood of Steel

One additional costume that I did not get to snap a picture of but heard a lot about was the Left 4 Dead witch. The video linked from Penny-Arcade gives a pretty idea of what she was like (and I wish I had managed to see it in person):

PAX East Musical Guests Panel

Seeing as how we were all extremely interested in seeing The Protomen up close (and I was personally interested in seeing Jonathan Coulton even if the rest of my friends don't like him) we linked up for the Mustical Guests Panel extra early. By "extra early" I mean "first-in-line-and-waiting-for-an-hour-and-a-half". Fortunately I had just purchased a new game from the expo hall called Fluxx. I was introduced to Fluxx by some nice attendees in line behind me earlier in the day and it is perhaps one of the least strategic games I have ever played. Fortunately it's randomness is quite entertaining and between that, my Nintendo DS and reading Bill Amend's book, the time passed quickly. Soon the panel was opened and we walked isnide... and sat down in the very front row! Unfortunately my iPhone takes ass pictures but this is one from a couple feet away from the members of The Protomen, Jonathan Coulton, Paul and Storm, Anamanaguchi, MC Frontalot, VGO and Metroid Metal:

They Look Really Fucking Bored

Many of the quests were silly and stupid and they were definitely skewed most towards The Protomen, MC Frontalot and Anamanaguchi. Regardless it was entertaining and very cool to get to see and hear from some of the musicians I have been listening to a lot recently.

Scott Kurtz

Scott Kurtz of PvPOnline.com did a panel at 10:30 PM. He was drunk and it was funny.

Concert - Jonathan Coulton

Concert was rushed and he didn't play a bunch of songs I really wanted to hear. Someone brought a custom-made stuffed half-pony half-monkey and it was put on stage during Skullcrusher Mountain. Metroid Metal and Paul and Storm all came on stage during a number of songs to give him backup vocals and a full band. I felt like absolute shit and was getting really sick but I stayed up til 2 AM anyhow because I like Jonathan Coulton and I would be willing to have his babies.

To Be Continued - Penny Arcade Expo East - DAY 3!

PAX East 2010 (Day 1)

2010-04-01T22:54:00.005-04:00

In August of 2009 I attended my second Penny Arcade Expo in the weird anti-jaywalking city of Seattle. It was fun. To my great relief, in 2010 PAX has performed mitosis and now makes up two conventions... PAX Prime in the Fall in Seattle and PAX East in the Spring in Boston. Boston is much closer to my home in the northeast United States and would not require my flying across the entire country. Last week myself, my wife, a few of my friends and their significant others piled into a couple of cars and made the seven hour drive up to Boston to attend the very first Penny Arcade Expo East.

Long Ass Car Ride

Driving from Philadelphia to Boston is a long drive. I've done it several times but it still never feels any shorter. On the way up I had to drop my Puggles off at the doggy-daycare so that they could have fun playing with the other dogs and eating each others shit for a long weekend without us.

Tiny Balls Of Shit-Eating Fury

Late on Thursday night we arrived, got wasted at the hotel bar and prepared for the start of PAX East on Friday...

Keynote - Wil Wheaton

First of all, let me say that anyone who has not listened to Wil's speech from PAX 2007 needs to watch this video immediately:

I was fortunate enough to be there and it was a great speech that most nerds will be able to relate with. Upon hearing that he would be doing the inaugural PAX East 2010 keynote as well, we made sure to get in line with at least a good hour to spare. What we didn't realize was that the main room where it was being given was not even close to being big enough for all the people in line to get in. As the doors opened and we neared the entrance, a yell was given up from the front. "The keynote is full!" was spread down the line and my heart sank. I was going to be denied Wil Wheaton! Why would they not ensure that there was enough room for everyone to view what was the important kick-off moment of the show? No! Wheeattonnnnnnnn!!!

As the rest of the line began to disperse, my wife and I moved up to the very front of the overflow group and began to make sad, frowny faces at the Enforcers and convention guard at the door. The minutes went by... 10... 20... 30... with the keynote almost starting, one of the Enforcers informed us that a couple people had left the seats and there was room for two! With only moments to spare we were in! Near tragedy had been averted... Wil did not disappoint.

I Love You Mr Wheaton

Jamspace

After the keynote and the following Penny Arcade Q&A with Gabe and Tycho, we set off to look around the convention. One of the cooler things we got a chance to look at for a few minutes as the Jamspace presented by the MAGFest. Essentially it was a bunch of standard instruments (guitars, drums, keyboards, microphones, etc) set up that anyone could access and use. Whether you had a full band with you or just wanted to jam with random folks, it was there for everyones use. We managed to watch a few moments of some random fellow beatboxing but it was less than stellar. A great idea regardless and I wish I had spent more time in there. Perhaps next year I will get up and perform myself. Perhaps.

Concert - The Protomen

Wow. Who would have thought that this would be one of the biggest highlights of the weekend for me. A couple of my friends had been telling me about a band called The Protomen that were going to be playing at the Friday night concert so I purchased their albums a few days before we left and gave them a good listen. For anyone not familiar, The Protomen are a band that play what can only be described as a Mega Man opera. They have taken the characters of Mega Man, Dr Light, Dr Wily and Proto Man along with several characters invented by The Protomen themselves for use in the story. A huge majority of the story is original and not taken from the actual Mega Man games. As lame and bizarre as it sounds, it is so goddamn awesome that I'm not even sure how to tell you how goddamn awesome it is. Their performance on Friday night was fantastic and I can only describe it was a weird combination of an opera, an 80's metal/synth band and Meatloaf. I highly recommend giving their second album "Act II - Father of Death" a good listen as a whole as words cannot do them justice.

Pointing Isn't Polite Mr Mega Man

The Tools Of Destruction Up Close

Shootin' Ladders

With the best part of the concert over, we left and returned to the room for some Whiskey and Shootin' Ladders. Only late that night did I notice my throat and head starting to hurt. Probably just from fatigue and yelling so much... right?

To Be Continued - Penny Arcade Expo East - DAY 2!

People Think The ADF Is Real

2010-03-31T10:45:00.001-04:00

I continue to find it hilarious that people think the Amamake Defence Force is a real entity...

Che wants to hire us:

Hiring Amamake Defense Force
From: Che Biko
Sent: 2010.03.29 01:20
To: Spectre3353,

Dear pilot,

Recently I read the article about the Amamake Defense Force, and I really admire the non-lethal approach this group takes when trying to end violence. So much in fact that I would like to know if this group can be hired by other organisations, because this group is the only group I'm aware of that comes close enough to my own movement's ROE. It is maybe the only group I would consider hiring for escort or in times of war.

Please inform about the possibilities of hiring this defense force.

Peace,

-Ché Biko

serathem wants to team up with us:

ADF
From: serathem
Sent: 2010.03.20 10:30
To: Spectre3353,

hey there

just out of intrest my allience is gonna be running a number of opps within the low and o.o terratories over the next few days, and the ADF intreged me. i was just wondering weather you would need any help out there on the 21st and 22nd and possably more dates later on in time. we only normaly hit low standing and pirate piolots, and support the way you guys have approched law enforcement in bad land terratories.

i will be able to bring anyware in the region of 5 - 20 piolots with moderate amounts of pvp exspirance. so if ur intrested please contact me

serathem - Diplomate for Sons of Ra. and ceo of innovative creation industries.

Matt wants to join us:

Hello
From: Matt Gold
Sent: 2010.03.20 00:08
To: Spectre3353,

I would like to join the ADF, and help however I can. I have an interceptor, and thus serve as a scout, and within two days I will have a cloaking device so I may sit undisturbed while watching for signs of agression. Please tell me how I May join and what you would like me to do.

Matt Gold
New Beginings Scouting and Mining

NinjasSpud is tired of pirates ganking his barge and thankful for our support:

NinjasSpud

Edited by: NinjasSpud on 25/03/2010 17:14:35
Thank god, Im so freaking tired of Amamake pirates coming out of low sec to suicide gank my hulk.

Where do I Sign UP? I got a bone to pick with those low life scounds. And I still have kill rights on a few.

EDIT: Also....wait...wait....the first time I was podded it was by a member of The Python Cartel while i was trying to mine in Amamake...sure i was only 2 weeks old...sure i had no idea what low sec ment at the time...sure i was in a destroyer with absolutely nothing but 5 mining lasers on it...but you preach about securing Amamake and yet your corp members hunt down and kill the little guys?...damn you dirty cops

P.S. I have been inactive from this blog and Eve for the past week due to a trip to PAX East in Boston that concluded on Monday. Unfortunately CCP was not present this time around but I will have pictures and other information about the trip up over the next few days.

Python Painted

2010-03-22T11:30:00.000-04:00

Courtsey of Vranz Drooshka who wants everyone to know "No tracing, no Hax." Enjoy.

Spectre

Lars Lodar

Golden Helmet

Andrea Skye

IEATCRAYONS

Harbinger

ADF In The News

2010-03-19T10:11:00.003-04:00

The Amamake Defence Force has been publicized by the ISD:

Amamake, Heimatar - Helicity Boson of Python Cartel. has brought together a group of so-called vigilantes who call themselves the Amamake Defense Force or ADF to attempt to enforce non-violence in Tama, Old Man’s Star and Amamake. These systems are purported to be a “hot bed” of activity in inter-factional warfare.

The ADF plans to patrol these systems with fleets of “officers.” When acts of hostility are detected, they claim they try to quell the violent acts in a non-lethal manner, employing various types of electronic warfare.

According to the ADF spokesperson, Spectre3353 (also of Python Cartel.), fleet members are generally from the Jerk Cartel Alliance [EPEEN]. Reports indicate that the ADF fly Blackbird-class electronic warfare cruisers with a mix of other ships. Despite the allegedly-good intentions of the ADF forces, regional law enforcement considers the use of electronic warfare against a ship unflagged for aggressive behaviour to be a hostile act, regardless of its non-lethal properties.

Upon entering a system, the Amamake Defense Force claims it warns possible trouble makers with the following broadcast: “All pilots must stand down and cease all aggression and violent actions in these systems or face the consequences”. They then proceed about the system scanning for trouble spots and interceding where they can, in what they claim is an attempt to keep the peace.

According to Spectre335 the “police” operations have not yet achieved the desired goal, which is “to foster a safe and friendly universe for all.” The ADF has “lost many good officers” to hostile fire. The team is currently considering several new strategies including “training and bringing in an ADF 'SWAT' team to assist with our inability to squash violence in our targeted systems” and several others that Spectre3353 was not willing to disclose.

Many ADF pilots were also involved with the spate of "suicide kills" associated with the Hulkagedon events. Spectre3353 professed a change of heart in the interim, however. "Hulkageddon was a mistake. I was young and did not yet understand of the ramifications of my actions. I am incredibly apologetic for my role in its success."

N'grasta of Evil Doers [ELFEN], a Federal Defence Union corporation reported an encounter with the ADF where-in they might have destroyed his fleet, yet they warped off claiming to be "anti-pirate." This, he stated, made him feel that "their claim is valid" but he went on to say that he had seen many of the same pilots "actively engage in [piracy] in the low-sec systems between Villore, and Nourvukaiken." As a result, he said, "Until there is more evidence that members of the ADF are true to the claim that they are 'defenders of low-sec' they will be considered valid targets by the majority of our fleet commanders."

It remains to be seen if the Amamake Defence Force will hold true to its professed agenda of enforcing non-violent behaviour in the hotly contested systems of Tama, Old Man Star and Amamake, or whether the call of piracy and "sweet, sweet... tears" will prove too strong a lure. All ADF pilots involved in the operations so far have, however, professed great enjoyment in the activity.
GalNet References

The Amamake Defence Force - Lowering The Violence In Lowsec

ADF Battle Reports

Amamake Defence Force Battle in Tama - 26.02.112
Amamake Defence Force Battle in Amamake - 12.02.112

Original post can be found here: http://www.eveonline.com/news.asp?a=single&nid=3739&tid=7

Related links:

- http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=1268129

- http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=1287359

Happy Birthday To Us

2010-03-17T02:00:00.007-04:00

Year One

On March 16th, 2009, the second iteration of The Python Cartel was formed. It was initially made up of Golden Helmet and myself but quickly absorbed a large majority of all the pilots who were part of the first corporation in 2008. Today is the first anniversary of The Python Cartel Mark II and it quite amazing to see how much we have grown despite the ups and downs. From almost two years ago when we could barely field a fleet of properly fit T1 cruisers until today when we can barely field a fleet of properly fit T1 battleships. Some fun facts about our swell corporation:

- 9,761 kills (over 13,000 if you include the original corp)

- 1,935 losses (over 3,300 if you include the original corp)

- 43 member pilots

- Over 7,182,930 lines of smack talked (a rough estimate)

As celebration, an operation was assembled to bring a large remote-repair battleship gang to the busy system of Tama to see if we could get into a big, fun fight with our talentless friends in Faction Warfare...

Thanatos

We assembled our gang together and began heading towards Tama:

On our way, one jump out of our destination, our scout noticed an Absolution on a station. He goaded the ship into engaging him and we all jumped in to help. Unfortunately the command ship was able to dock in structure but not before we noticed a Thanatos carrier undocking from the very same station we were engaging on. Realizing that for once we had a force capable of killing a capital ship in short order, we managed to bump him away from dock range and kill his pretty cap-ship:

Oh Noes Piraets!

Monument To A Fallen God

I yawned as we watched him explode. Capital ship kills were getting almost as old hat as T3 kills. We need to start ganking Titans instead.

Tama

After our small death-dealing delay, we entered Tama local and formed up on the usually camped Nourvukaiken gate. Several kills were had and plenty of smack was talked to the girly FW pilots in local who as usual, sat in their station and shivered at the thought of coming out for a fight where they didn't have the 5:1 ship advantage.

From Tama local:

[03:34:28] Spectre3353 > once upon a time there was a land named lowsec
[03:34:43] Spectre3353 > lowsec was a wonderful place, full of trees and chocolate and bunnies and chocolate bunnies and naked women with breasts
[03:34:53] Jaxxon Voers > yay breasts
[03:34:56] L4zor R0B0T > can I nuzzle them
[03:35:02] Spectre3353 > then one day evil people from an evil land named faction warfare descended upon the wonderful perfect land that was lowsec
[03:35:13] Spectre3353 > and turned it into a shitty blobfest full of stupid losers who flew failfit rifters fit with lasers
[03:35:17] Spectre3353 > and abaddons fit with small autocannons
[03:35:27] Spectre3353 > and the people of lowsec did say
[03:35:33] Spectre3353 > OH NOES WTF THESE FUCKERS ARE RUINING LOWSEC
[03:37:03] Spectre3353 > and the denizins of lowsec did pray to their god, spectre of the 3353rd generation
[03:37:12] Spectre3353 > SAVE US FROM THE FW LOSERS OH LORD SPECTRE!!
[03:37:14] Removal Tool > FW runs like a girl
[03:37:20] L4zor R0B0T > does that mean you got podded 3352 times
[03:37:22] Spectre3353 > and spectre did see that his people were virtuous and in need of help
[03:37:33] Spectre3353 > and that the faction warfare members were giant cocksuckers
[03:37:43] Spectre3353 > so he struck down upon faction warfare with all his might
[03:37:55] Spectre3353 > utilizing the mighty holy hand torpedo of anitioch
[03:38:00] Spectre3353 > and faction warfare was smited
[03:38:02] Jaxxon Voers > with a furious vengence ( I love that part)
[03:38:02] Spectre3353 > and there was much rejoicing
[03:38:12] IEATCRAYONS > these words are touching my soul

From Nourvukaiken local:

[03:35:00] Aoa Lux > fascinating! a gatecamp in tama
[03:35:29] Aoa Lux > 13bs, 1 hic, 4bc, and a few carriers on standby
[03:37:08] Aoa Lux >Genosiis Red jumped in despite my warning. He is now -1 drake and just woke up in a station somewhere.
[03:41:05] Aoa Lux > someone from [ibs] (irritable bowel syndrome?) just lost a firetail
[03:42:06] Pussie Galloire > Lol don't jump into Tama

** Editors Note: WE DID NOT HAVE ANY CARRIERS WITH US **

[03:43:01] Aoa Lux > i'm confused. Gallente shitpost on eve forums constantly about not having targets, but they don't engage blinkey camps?Are they roleplayers or something
[03:46:51] Aoa Lux > someone just lost itty5 heh.

One of our victims is a wee bit upset and sends angry mails to Felix:

come alone
From: Divad ysaak
Sent: 2010.03.17 04:12
To: Brick0Joe,

u guys r a bunch of cowards...it takes17 of u to blow up my ship....how about meeting me one on one

Re: Re: come alone

From: Divad ysaak
Sent: 2010.03.17 04:15

To: Brick0Joe,

ok buddy same time thursday...i need to refit my ship,,,and none of those ambush tricks...come clean and ill teach u a lesson or two.

Golden Helmet gets gagged for linking this in local:

You have been gagged by GM Orfeus until 2010.03.17 04:57:09. GM Orfeus's reason was: For using Nazi references.

Sweet screenshots of the gang:

Remote Repping

On The Nourv Gate In Tama

A Blinding Flash

Battleships In Warp

The Abaddon In Its Natural Habitat

Missiles Are Stupid

2010-03-10T09:00:00.000-05:00

Drakes

A few days ago we were taken on a corp Drake op. Anyone that knows me knows that while my shield tanking and BC skills are fine, my missile skills are absolute garbage:

That's right... 28 million skill points but only 50,000 SP in missiles (missile boats are for suckers). Regardless, I bought my first Drake and took part in the activities. With my ass skills, heavy missile launchers and drones EFT rated me as able to output a massive 250 DPS at a range of about 54 kilometers. To make a long story short, we challenged the faction warfare denizens of Tama to a large fight and it was fun:

Assorted other Drake gang pictures:

Scamming Is Bad

Spam Mail
From: GM Orfeus
Sent: 2010.02.28 13:18
To: ScamAlt,

This is an official warning for spamming another player with EVEMails. Cease all such activity or risk further repercussions.

I Feel The Need

How fast can a Dramiel and Cynabal go when the pilot has low-grade snakes and gang links boosting him? Let's find out...

Dramiel - 12666 m/s

Cynabal - 5432 m/s

Nashh Kadavr's Week With Us

http://nashhkadavreveblog.blogspot.com/2010/03/week-in-life-ofthe-python-cartel.html

Raxip's Stache

...is awesome.

Best Video I've Ever Watched

2010-03-04T22:30:00.001-05:00

...but you'll only appreciate it if you played the original Half-Life.

Blink

2010-03-03T21:10:00.007-05:00

Behold

The Beholder was a very small ship. After taking into consideration that almost all of its space was dedicated to the cargo holds, the living quarters were nearly nonexistent. A single, small compartment was all that existed and acted as both cockpit and living quarters. A small bunk and a tiny table along with enough food supplies to make short trips was all that was really required so it was what they had learned to live with. It was the tiny table where Sophie sat, head in her hands, somber and nearly asleep as a terminal behind her quietly played a recent news broadcast about their region.

"You hear that, hon?" Walt said aloud from the cockpit chair. "Katana Curly finally got put to death. Wasn't he on death row for like a million years?"

"Something like that" was the drowsy, half-hearted reply. She had only listened to a couple bits of the report as it was announced. Katana Curly was a serial murderer that had been found to have killed hundreds on one of the planets closer to the center of the empire. One of the worst serial murderers of recent history. Women. Children. Family pets. His bloodthirstiness had shown virtually no limit but the government had still taken their damn time in the legal process before the execution finally took place.

"I can't imagine having to deal with that sort of shit. I realize the guy deserved what he got. I mean he more than deserved it, but I still can't imagine what it's like to be alive and knowing exactly how and when you are going to die. The brain just isn't meant to cope with that sort of information."

"Yup" she replied again. "I know exactly what it's like. I know that I'm going to die in a few minutes as we try to jump into Anckee and I know it will because of your shoddy piloting."

Walt grinned and looked behind him at his wife. "Just a few more hours and we'll be there. I know these trips always bore you but sales haven't been great recently. We need to get our goods onto the better markets if we want to make any real money."

Their conversation sputtered out as the Beholder came out of warp and slowed only a few kilometers from the next stargate. "Permission to jump granted" announced a garbled voice over the terminal. Walt began to guide the ship into jump range.

Blip

Walt sighed with relief as the ship settled and began to align to their next destination. Jumping through gates was never actually dangerous but he couldn't help the natural nervousness and lump in his gut regardless. "People just aren't meant to be flying around in space jumping through stargates. It's just not natural" he would always say as the other merchants rolled their eyes. "Then you're in the wrong business" was the usual reply. Walt glanced up at the massive planet above his ship and the gate and dreamed again about retiring and never having to fly in a ship again. Ever.

"What is that?" Sophie asked, awakening him from his thoughts. A red light was flashing on one of the seldom used panels to the left of the cockpit area. It was the distress beacon indicator and Walt had never seen it actually flash before. Someone nearby was transmitting for help. "Walt?" she asked again but he ignored her long enough to bring up the message information.

"It looks like a ship less than a few million kilometers from us around that planet is transmitting a distress signal. There isn't any specific information associated with the message though, it's just a generic S.O.S." he told her.

"What do we do? Can we send for help?"

He hesitated and thought about it. They really couldn't waste any time with these goods but it could take hours or even days for any sort of patrol to come check out the ship. Depending on what trouble they were in, their inaction could mean other peoples lives. "I don't know. It could be a mistake. It could be bait for pirates. I... I don't know. We really should not risk it though."

"We can't just leave them to die" Sophie said forcefully, suddenly much more awake and alert than at any other point during the trip. "We have to at least take a look. It's only minutes away!"

Walt sighed again. "How I wish I was just a farmer like my dad" he whispered silently as the ship began aligning in a new direction, towards the enormous, ominous sphere above them.

Magnified

They came out of warp a good distance away from what looked to be some sort of small transport ship, not that different from their own. It was in somewhat of a weird orbit and in a slow spin, obviously not being piloted properly but otherwise appeared unharmed. The planet behind flashed and churned as storms battered the atmosphere.

"I don't see any sort of battle damage. Nothing appears to be wrong according to our sensors or visuals but I am not getting any response when trying to communicate." He looked at his wife as if to say "Do we really need to go any further?" but he knew her too well to predict anything but the glare he got in return. She wasn't going to let them leave until they boarded that ship and found out what was going on. Walt instructed the navigation computer to put them into a perfectly aligned spin with the slightly out-of-control transport they needed to board. They went to grab their suits.

Discovery

The airlock on the outside of the ship opened easily. Most ships were programmed to automatically unlock all entrances and allow easy access once their emergency beacons were set off. It would be quite difficult for rescue parties to gain entrance otherwise and this ship was no different. The airlock door closed behind them, the chamber filled with air and they made sure to be standing on the floor as the pressure and gravity kicked in. A green light signaled that they could now enter the ship and remove their suits. Walt pulled out the small energy pistol that they carried in their ship for emergencies. It had never even been fired but he did not want to be caught unarmed if this was a pirate bait or worse.

"No one is in here" Walt stated confidently after taking a quick look around the room just beyond the airlock. They removed their suits completely and opened the door leading to the hallway. The hallway too was empty but there were simply not that many rooms to check on such a small vessel. If anyone was here to find, they would know soon. Both Walt and Sophie edged slowly to the door directly across the hall and opened it by pressing the control on its side. They looked inside. Walt froze in unbelief as Sophie quickly raised her hands to cover her mouth in surprise... and disgust.

Catastrophe

Inside was what looked like the ships medical facility. It was relatively small with only one bed, some terminals, a few pieces of equipment and a tiny alcove for the medical officer to sit. Somehow in this tiny space were jammed what looked like around half a dozen people. Or they had been people. Entire chunks of their corpses were missing and their insides were exposed. As Walt examined them strewn around the room and in positions that looked extremely unnatural he noticed that ironically, none of them had managed to perish on the only bed in the room. These thoughts were quickly washed away by as the smell hit them both. It was absolutely horrendous and nearly unbearable. Sophie turned to look away and gagged once. The second gag brought up her lunch as she dropped to her knees in the hallway, unable to look back into the room. Walt put his hands softly on the back of her shoulders and kissed her head in understanding. "Go check the rest of the ship, I will see what happened here" he said quietly.

She got up and walked away, her hands still partially covered in her own vomit and her eyes turning red. Walt watched her for a second, covered his nose with his shirt and turned to enter the room. He took a very close look at the nearest corpse and noticed that almost its entire chest cavity was exposed as though an acid had eaten right through the skin and muscle and bone. This was a consistent feature all around the rest of this particular individual and most of the others in the room. He stood up to walk out when suddenly one of the corpses jerked. Walt jumped in surprise and very slowly crept over to the corpse that had moved. It jerked again, it's leg kicking out as if trying desperately to move. He bent down to look closely and the mangled body moved again. This time the one remaining eye, with a complete lack of eyelid and skin around it, moved to look directly at him. This body, eaten and destroyed and unable to move was awake and aware. This destroyed person was alive and he could only imagine in incredible pain. This zombie was staring at him.

Every bone in his body was telling him to get up and run out the door and get back in his ship. This was so unnatural and so unnerving. Walt took a deep breath of the gross, awful smelling air in the room and pulled out his pistol. There was not much blood or gore left to splatter as he put the live victim out of its misery. He shivered, closed his eyes for a moment and then go up to step over to the medical officers alcove. Fortunately the seat was empty and he sat down to see what he could glean from the terminal at the workstation. It was almost immediately that he found a log from the medical officer and set it to play.

"...is so fast acting that I don't think we can even get to port before we are all incapacitated. I am already starting to feel sick myself. It starts with a pretty severe cough and soon after a burning sensation in the skin. All of the crew has reported feeling the symptoms and Jed and Slim are already in incredible amounts of pain. As best I can tell it is some sort of bizarre flesh eating parasite or bacteria but it affects people more than anything I have ever-"

The message was muted and obscured as the screen displayed a warning to the previous owner of this terminal to take her daily medications. Walt quickly scrambled to close it and put focus back on the video log.

"...spreads through the air. It seems that just being anywhere on this ship is enough to ensure infection. I just hope that somehow we can get to port and find help before it is too late."

The figure on the screen coughed and then leaned forward to press a button. The video ended and Walt sat back in his chair in absolute shock, unable to comprehend what he had just heard. An airborne contagious illness that killed its victims in such a horrific and painful manner that it was almost incomprehensible. Worst of all, they were certainly now infected. All feeling left his hands and the horrible smell seemed suddenly like something he wanted to experience to remind him he was still alive. Walt dropped his shirt off of his face, put his head in his hands and sobbed. Why did it have to happen like this?

Blink

Walt walked out of the medical bay and back into the hall. Sophie came walking down the corridor from where she had checked the rest of the ship. "It's empty in every other room" she stated soberly, still clearly disturbed from what she had seen a few minutes ago.

"We should go" said Walt, emotionless. Sophie coughed loudly as she went to walk by and into the airlock room. Walt kissed her on the cheek. She gave a weak smile and continued past him into the room. Walt held up his pistol directly behind her head. He could barely hold his composure as his hands shook and his mouth curved into a frown. Never in his entire life could he remember having felt so empty and crushed. It was the worst feeling he had ever felt and he wished the same upon no one, not even his worst enemy. No one deserved to feel this way.

There was considerably more splatter this time. Tears flooded Walt's eyes and he was unable to see clearly by the time he worked up the courage to raise the gun to his own head.

Keeping The Peace - ADF Operation Beta

2010-02-26T12:01:00.006-05:00

The Spacelane Journal Reporter: Welcome back to our continuing special on the Amamake Defence Force, defenders of lowsec and the newest initiative from our friends at CONCORD. This is our second interview with ADF Commander Spectre, who gave us a great rundown of their first operation several weeks ago. Welcome back to the program, Commander!

Amamake Defence Force Spectre: Thanks.

TSJR: Can you tell us how things have gone since we last spoke after Operation Alpha?

Spectre: Certainly. After the severe tragedy of Operation Alpha, we decided to shore up all weak points, equip our officers more properly and put them through some very rigorous anti-violence training. CONCORD and the ADF have realized that it will take significant force and the best trained officers possible to make a dent in problem that is destroying our galaxy.

TSJR: That is wonderful to hear!

Spectre: I have some footage here of Operation Beta in which we patrolled the Old Man Star, Aeschee and Tama solar systems of low security space. Roll the tape please...

Narrator: At 0216 New Eden Standard Time, the ADF entered Aeschee local and began their operations by checking out a suspicious ship undocking from one of the stations:

[ 02:19:10 ] Spectre3353 > XgAdam, please leave this station, it is a restricted region.
[ 02:19:25 ] Spectre3353 > By order of the Amamake Defense Force, we request full compliance from all pilots in system.
[ 02:20:53 ] XgAdam > Spectre3353, please leave local chat. it is restricted to those with IQ's higher that a rusty spoon
[ 02:21:25 ] Spectre3353 > XgAdam, under CONCORD authority I can arrest you for insubordination if you continue to verbally assault an ADF officer. Please comply with our requests.
[ 02:21:49 ] Andrea Skye > Sir, it is an offence to talk to an ADF officer with such a tone, please cease from such activities or face the consequences
[ 02:22:03 ] RyanSnake > shut yo face son
[ 02:22:36 ] Golden Helmet > Sir, please refrain from any further verbal assaults, or else we may forcefully re-enact the Rodney King incident
[ 02:22:58 ] Andrea Skye > Your hostility has been noted and saved to our records.

[ 02:24:06 ] Spectre3353 > Sir, please pull your vehicle to the side of the station.
[ 02:24:08 ] Lachesis VII > Stop your ship and pulll over.
[ 02:24:17 ] Spectre3353 > Please remove your pod from the vehicle and display your license and vehicle registration.
[ 02:24:41 ] Spectre3353 > Control this is Car Bangarang, we have a 4-12, Phobos on the run.
[ 02:24:42 ] Spectre3353 > Please advise.
[ 02:24:43 ] XgAdam > O.o im already in my pod genius

[ 02:26:03 ] Drinoch > that's the wierdest fleet i've ever seen lol

Narrator: It was at this moment that a speeding Rupture was spotted flying by the station that the ADF was trying so hard to protect. Several officers were deployed to chase down and ticket the offender.

[ 02:27:03 ] killer chick > omg its the cops
[ 02:27:26 ] Spectre3353 > Killer Chick please refrain from all violent activities in this lowsec system. It has been declared highsec for the time being.
[ 02:27:28 ] killer chick > /emote resists arrest
[ 02:27:35 ] Spectre3353 > HES GETTING AWAY
[ 02:27:39 ] Andrea Skye > CODE 9
[ 02:27:40 ] Spectre3353 > HE PUNCHED ME IN MY BREAST
[ 02:27:47 ] killer chick > you will never catch me
[ 02:27:50 ] Apoctasy > IN PURSUIT
[ 02:27:59 ] Golden Helmet > BRING IN THE K-9 UNITS
[ 02:28:00 ] Vaurion Infara > oh snap, the fuzz
[ 02:28:08 ] killer chick > /emote pulls over
[ 02:28:19 ] Golden Helmet > GET OUT OF THE CRUISER
[ 02:28:19 ] Spectre3353 > Sir please put your hands on the dash
[ 02:28:22 ] Golden Helmet > HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK
[ 02:28:22 ] Nashh Kadavr > breathalize him!
[ 02:28:47 ] Spectre3353 > Thank you sir
[ 02:28:48 ] Golden Helmet > CUFF HIM, BOYS
[ 02:28:50 ] killer chick > /emote runs
[ 02:28:50 ] Andrea Skye > hes getting away on foot!
[ 02:28:53 ] Spectre3353 > /emote does a search of the Rupture
[ 02:28:57 ] Golden Helmet > DAMMIT
[ 02:29:04 ] Spectre3353 > /emote finds a giant bag of marijuana.
[ 02:29:10 ] Spectre3353 > SIR, IS THIS MEDICINAL?
[ 02:29:17 ] killer chick > uh
[ 02:29:22 ] killer chick > yes sir
[ 02:29:23 ] Lachesis VII > /emote finds a suitcase full of sex toys
[ 02:29:25 ] Spectre3353 > I'm sorry but we are going to have to impound your ship.
[ 02:29:29 ] Spectre3353 > You are going to the slammer.
[ 02:29:36 ] 0mnibeing > Hello fat chick
[ 02:29:42 ] killer chick > please don't officer, its all i got
[ 02:29:44 ] Lachesis VII > you know these are illegal in empire spce?
[ 02:30:17 ] killer chick > i didnt know it was illegal
[ 02:30:20 ] killer chick > honest

Narrator: Fortunately the offender did finally comply with ADF demands and the ship was impounded for several infractions by its owner.

Narrator: After a rousing success to start operations, the ADF employed one of their highly skilled probe mechanics to track down a Dominix in deep space that appeared to be engaging in some sort of violent combat. Soon the fleet had entered his grid and began to employ Electronic Countermeasures against all offending parties.

[ 02:35:28 ] Spectre3353 > SIR PLEASE CEASE YOUR AGGRESSION IMMEDIATELY
[ 02:35:30 ] Spectre3353 > YOU IN THE DOMINIX
[ 02:35:58 ] Vaurion Infara > better taze him, dat nigga crazy
[ 02:36:01 ] Spectre3353 > Halt! In conjunction with The Amamake Peace Accord of 58177 we, the Amamake Defense Force, demand that you cease your aggressions and retreat from the field of battle immediately!
[ 02:36:01 ] Golden Helmet > ATTENTION DOMINIX PILOT
[ 02:36:06 ] Golden Helmet > VIGILANTIISM IS NOT APPRECIATED
[ 02:36:10 ] Golden Helmet > PLEASE LEAVE THE VICINITY
[ 02:36:40 ] Andrea Skye > leave it to the professionals

Narrator: But wait! The ADF suddenly realized that this Dominix was on their side as he was destroying rogue drones for the Gallente Federation! Oh dear!

[ 02:37:27 ] Spectre3353 > APOLOGIES CITIZEN
[ 02:37:30 ] Spectre3353 > WE DID NOT REALIZE
[ 02:37:34 ] Vaurion Infara > the hell man
[ 02:37:38 ] Golden Helmet > OUR MISTAKE, SORRY
[ 02:37:38 ] Vaurion Infara > not cool
[ 02:37:43 ] Golden Helmet > Please don't file a complaint
[ 02:38:07 ] Spectre3353 > SIR YOU ARE FREE TO CONTINUE YOUR ANTI-DRONE AGGRESSIONS
[ 02:38:17 ] Spectre3353 > WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE ACCIDENTAL DEPLOYMENT OF 40 ECM JAMMERS
[ 02:38:30 ] Vaurion Infara > damn po po... keepin a playa down...
[ 02:38:46 ] Mathias Ortez > you accidentally the whole thing?
[ 02:39:13 ] Tallon Greer > is 1700 m/s within the speed limit?
[ 02:39:43 ] Vaurion Infara > jeez... i had the last ship 1/2 popped too

Narrator: With their duties fulfilled in Aeschee, the Amamake Defence Force next set destination for the wild and dirty system of Tama. They were immediately greeted upon entering Tama local.

[ 03:12:42 ] Merin Ryskin > Oh, you people.
[ 03:12:42 ] flyy1 > fucking losers
[ 03:12:45 ] jackz01 > heed my call!!!!
[ 03:12:52 ] jackz01 > GET OUT OF MY SYSTEM

[ 03:13:03 ] Spectre3353 > Control - I have a 5712 Honda Rupture here with a tailight out. License plate 1726-A8FF-129100-FEA-1
[ 03:13:07 ] Spectre3353 > Roger roger.
[ 03:13:09 ] Merin Ryskin > So how many Falcons did you bring this time?

[ 03:15:57 ] Gorgoth24 > Yall find them adn i will kill them X)
[ 03:15:57 ] Apoctasy > WE ARE A PEACEFUL FORCE
[ 03:15:58 ] rm9403 > i will
[ 03:15:58 ] jackz01 > vs these fags
[ 03:16:05 ] Spectre3353 > Sir assaulting an officer is a VERY serious offence. You should think before you suggest such things.
[ 03:16:11 ] jackz01 > lets all kill
[ 03:16:13 ] jackz01 > the officer
[ 03:16:18 ] jackz01 > then crap on his dead body
[ 03:16:26 ] Wohenmang > Sir, please refrain from speaking abrassively towards the Amamake Defence Force we are here for YOU! we are making this system a safe haven for miners and industrialists alike!
[ 03:16:32 ] jackz01 > i doing it
[ 03:16:44 ] Nashh Kadavr > COMMANDER? CRAPPING ON DEAD BODY'S IS AN OFFENCE RIGHT?
[ 03:16:53 ] Spectre3353 > Yes Officer Nash
[ 03:17:04 ] Spectre3353 > Crapping upon corpses is against order 56-1.B in the ADF rulebook

Narrator: With the bulk of their forces gathered in an asteroid belt, keeping an eye on the locals, a single Myrmidon battlecruiser arrived and began engaging with a rogue Rupture. The ADF would not stand for such disruptions and they responded quickly and with full force.

[ 03:20:08 ] L4zor R0B0T > SIR IN THE MYRMIDON YOU ARE UNDER ARREST
[ 03:20:11 ] Apoctasy > SIR IN THE MYRMYDON, STOP RESISTING ARREST
[ 03:20:12 ] L4zor R0B0T > YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT
[ 03:20:15 ] Golden Helmet > DO NOT RESIST ARREST
[ 03:20:16 ] Lachesis VII > EJECT FROM YOUR SHIP
[ 03:20:16 ] L4zor R0B0T > YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO EJECT
[ 03:20:20 ] jackz01 > LOL

[ 03:20:27 ] rm9403 > who th f are u i sware i will f*** u uo
[ 03:20:29 ] rm9403 > up*
[ 03:20:29 ] jackz01 > pyton carel
[ 03:20:33 ] jackz01 > they are noobs

Narrator: The ADF watched helplessly as the Rupture continued to pummel the Myrmidon and soon the battlecruiser was destroyed in a furious explosion. As the engagement ended, the hostile locals made their move as a large, dangerous fleet began arriving at the belt.

[ 03:23:09 ] L4zor R0B0T > YOU SIR IN THE HURRICANE
[ 03:23:13 ] L4zor R0B0T > CEASE YOUR AGGRESSIVE ACTIVITES
[ 03:23:51 ] Spectre3353 > SHOTS FIRED
[ 03:23:52 ] Spectre3353 > SHOTS FIRED
[ 03:23:54 ] Spectre3353 > OFFICER IS DOWN
[ 03:23:56 ] rm9403 > pvpers f*** the fag-o-lice
[ 03:23:57 ] Nashh Kadavr > OFFICER DOWN!!!
[ 03:23:59 ] Spectre3353 > WE NEED BACKUP OH MY GOD NO
[ 03:24:01 ] Spectre3353 > HELP PLEASE HELP
[ 03:24:03 ] jackz01 > we are all owning them
[ 03:24:22 ] rm9403 > i will help
[ 03:24:32 ] jackz01 > they are all jamemers
[ 03:24:34 ] jackz01 > jammers
[ 03:24:37 ] jackz01 > thats all they are
[ 03:24:39 ] rm9403 > lol
[ 03:24:39 ] UberNero > OFFICER NEEDS ASSISTANCE
[ 03:24:43 ] Gorgoth24 > Lol
[ 03:24:45 ] Wizardus > OMG!
[ 03:24:46 ] jackz01 > griffins
[ 03:24:48 ] Gorgoth24 > Is that yall in belt 1?
[ 03:24:49 ] jackz01 > scorpions
[ 03:24:50 ] Wizardus > I's a BB marathon!!
[ 03:24:52 ] Golden Helmet > OFFICER DOWN
[ 03:25:27 ] Apoctasy > WE HAVE MULTIPLE OFFICERS DOWN
[ 03:25:27 ] Spectre3353 > Again it has happened
[ 03:25:32 ] rm9403 > yeah gtfo out
[ 03:25:34 ] Spectre3353 > our attempts at peace have turned into a massacre
[ 03:25:45 ] jackz01 > we take this for pvppers!~!!!!!!!!
[ 03:25:46 ] Spectre3353 > When will New Eden learn to be peaceful?
[ 03:25:46 ] rm9403 > thats right bitch

Narrator: The ADF fought valiantly and bravely to keep their attacks at bay without causing any harm in return but this was another fight that simply could not be won. After several officer casualties, the police force had no choice but to limp away and regroup, defeated.

[ 03:28:57 ] jackz01 > police suck

The feed slowly fades to black as several ADF Blackbirds fly off into the distance, fire and smoke cascading from their ravaged hulls.

TSJR: That was quite intense, Commander. What was the final result of the second ADF operation?

Spectre: *sighs* Not good. This job sucks. I quit.

-----

EDITOR'S NOTE - Some chatlogs posted here were edited for content. Nothing said was modified but some lines of conversation were removed to keep chatlogs from becoming unreadable blobs of spam. Thanks for your understanding and please continue to read the Spacelane Journal!

You're All A Bunch Of Whiny Fucking Bitches

2010-02-24T11:20:00.002-05:00

It seems like there is quite a blob of blogs about Eve these days. I think it's great that technology and the meta-gaming aspect of Eve and the web have allowed the Eve blogging community to thrive and grow over the past couple of years. Unfortunately, it seems like a large number of people are starting to take silly fun writings about a video game way too seriously. At some point, several members of this community stopped being concerned with quality or entertaining or self-fulfilling writing and began being more concerned with their internet traffic, number of subscribers, twitter discussions, blog-pack recognition, in-game shout outs, blah, blah, blah. It seems to have come to even more of a head when CrazyKinux, self proclaimed "Blog Father" (and I stress the self-proclaimed part) decided to refactor and revamp his list of blogs that are displayed on his site and also linked to via Capsuleer.

A recap of last episode on "As The Eve-Bloggers Whinefest Turns":

- CrazyKinux states intentions to revamp blog pack.

- Roc Wielier responds.

- Kirith Kodachi responds.

- Hallan Turrek begs for support from his readers to vote for his blog.

- Alexia Morgan/Black Claw whines like a whiner.

- CrazyKinux redefines his revamp due to the backlash.

I feel like I missed something somewhere. Are we getting something out of being linked from the blog pack and getting an extra dozen visits a day? Is someone making money off of their blog and somehow this tiny bit of extra traffic makes or breaks whether or not you can buy a boiled egg for dinner tonight? If so, fucking let me in on the secret because I don't make shit off of this blog. I write it because I enjoy writing it. Maybe some of you have forgotten that that should be the main reason you are posting at all. If you really are concerned with increasing your video-game, internet-spaceships, blog readership then perhaps you should do it via some self-promotion and by posting quality writings, not by begging and bitching to be added to one of many blog roll-ups that exist around the community.

Additionally, I am tired of the attitude that everyone deserves a fair chance or that everyone is equal. Guess what. We're not. You know why I have traffic on this blog? It's because my writing is entertaining and because I am a fucking genius. If people aren't reading your stuff then it isn't because you're doing anything wrong. It's because you aren't as fucking good as I am or probably anyone else in the gigantic clusterfuck that is now the list of Eve blogs. Stop listening to all the stupid politically correct bullshit you got fed in kindergarten and when they stopped letting you play dodgeball so that no ones feelings would be hurt and realize that sometimes you're just not good enough. If the only way you can feel good about your life is to see higher traffic numbers on your internet-video-game-blog-that-means-nothing then perhaps it is time to seriously consider suicide, because it sounds like your life is going nowhere.

GROW UP DIPSHITS

Cynabal

2010-02-22T23:45:00.002-05:00

I spent most of the past couple of months training towards Minimitar cruisers. The main goal of this was to eventually step into a Vagabond. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) before I could finish the final skill of Minimitar Cruiser V, I was made aware of the fact that the Cynabal basically is a Vagabond. Only awesomer.

Sweet Cynabal Jimmy!

Despite any functional/practical reasons as to why the Cynabal is a better ship, there is one superficial factor that plays most significantly into my preference over the Vagabond - the Cynabal looks awesome. At some angles I think it looks like a badass dude on a jetpack:

At other times it looks like some sort of super radioactive killer sea slug:

...and Andrea Skye says that it looks like a Volkswagen Beetle:

I think Skye is retarded. Regardless, he gave me this fit and so far it has worked extremely well:

[Cynabal, Badassery]
Nanofiber Internal Structure II
Nanofiber Internal Structure II
Gyrostabilizer II
Gyrostabilizer II
Tracking Enhancer II

Y-T8 Overcharged Hydrocarbon I Microwarpdrive
Stasis Webifier II
Shadow Serpentis Warp Disruptor
Large Shield Extender II
Large Shield Extender II

425mm AutoCannon II, Barrage M
425mm AutoCannon II, Barrage M
425mm AutoCannon II, Barrage M
425mm AutoCannon II, Barrage M
Medium Unstable Power Fluctuator I

Medium Anti-EM Screen Reinforcer I
Medium Core Defence Field Extender I
Medium Core Defence Field Extender I

Valkyrie II x5

Sinful

2010-02-20T07:48:00.003-05:00

I spot a missioning Caracal on scan and invite him to a fleet. After a couple attempts, he accepts:

[12:33:56] Spectre3353 > o/
[12:33:59] sw mikolaj > hi
[12:34:12] Spectre3353 > can you accept the invite so i can fix my overview? will only take a second
[12:34:16] Spectre3353 > i need to be in a fleet
[12:34:22] sw mikolaj > ok
[12:34:34] Spectre3353 > thx 1 sec
[12:34:40] Spectre3353 > stupid game is so buggy XD
[12:35:19] sw mikolaj > :)

I warp to the Caracal and enter his mission gate. I keep up the bullshit as long as I can so he doesn't spook and warp away:

[12:36:01] sw mikolaj > what ya doing here ?
[12:36:05] Spectre3353 > fixing overview
[12:36:05] sw mikolaj > missions mining ?
[12:36:06] sw mikolaj > pvp ?
[12:36:08] Spectre3353 > need fleet members on overview
[12:36:11] Spectre3353 > nah overview
[12:36:14] Spectre3353 > ill leave in a sec
[12:36:24] Spectre3353 > this a mission?
[12:36:24] sw mikolaj > make deflaut overview
[12:36:29] Spectre3353 > nah i need to make new tabs
[12:36:31] Spectre3353 > more than just 1

I slowboat 50 kilometers until I am in range to point and engage:

[12:37:29] sw mikolaj > can shoot within one fleet ??
[12:38:28] sw mikolaj > stop shooting at me what's wrong ??

The Caracal explodes:

[12:39:54] Spectre3353 > ok, overview is fixed
[12:39:56] Spectre3353 > thanks for your help!
[12:40:02] sw mikolaj > pfffff
[12:40:15] sw mikolaj > pay me for carcal
[12:40:28] Spectre3353 > pay me for the pleasure of my company
[12:40:56] sw mikolaj > pay me for carcal
[12:41:04] Spectre3353 > pay me for the entertainment i have provided you
[12:41:22] sw mikolaj > lol what entertaiment ?? it was boring
[12:41:32] Spectre3353 > dont lie, it was good, the best you ever had
[12:42:03] sw mikolaj > every time you speak about overview problems ?
[12:42:13] Spectre3353 > yea i was lying
[12:42:37] sw mikolaj > give me at least 3,4 KK so I can buy new
[12:42:53] Spectre3353 > i feel like somehow youre not understanding what is going on here

I take another bite of my porkroll, egg and cheese:

It tastes good.

The Throne

2010-02-19T01:23:00.003-05:00

In response to Mynxee's "What's In Your EVESpace?" post:

How Not To FC A Moderate Sized Pirate Gang

2010-02-16T23:43:00.009-05:00

A little while back, I wrote a shitty guide about how to act as a fleet commander for a small gang of lowsec outlaws. At the time, I had never FC'd for a moderate to large fight. Well tonight I got my first chance to learn when we assembled what was probably the largest fleet in Python Cartel history...

...and then proceeded to get melted by Gallente faction warfare and its friends. It was a fun fight and we were certainly not out of it until the end when their reinforcements (or was it a 3rd party gang?) arrived. Regardless, that fact still doesn't make me feel any better. I hate losing fights of any significant magnitude when I am FC. I hate being in charge and responsible for anyone other than myself losing a ship. As good of a feeling as it is to help be responsible for a victorious engagement, it is much a much worse feeling when you lose. At least this can be a learning experience:

Three things I need to learn about larger scale fights that I have never had to worry about before...

(1) Specifying A Secondary & Tertiary FC Before The Fighting Starts: I've never really had to worry about this. If the FC goes down, the fight is usually almost over anyhow and you can just call to one other person to take care of FC duties for the end. This time, I was the first target primaried and killed and then our secondary FC was not able to jump in due to server lag. This left me scrambling to find someone on grid and capable to take care of FC duties. This in turn led to an unfair sudden burden on a pilot who wasn't expecting to being calling targets and a degradation of communication in the middle of a fight. These are bad things.

(2) Worrying About Lag & Computer Performance: Again, something we rarely have to worry about thanks to our fights being small. This time we had one pilot whose computer dropped to an almost unplayable framerate, another who could not even jump through the gate until halfway through the fight thanks to lag and other pilots who had trouble loading grid to even start taking part in the engagement. I've never had to worry about whether or not being the group jumping into system for a fight on the gate would be an issue although I've heard about how it is a big factor in 0.0. I guess I have now learned that forty ships plus their drones is enough to make it a problem.

(3) Organizing Large Numbers Of People: I don't even know where to begin with this one. I discovered after the fight that we still had pilots who were AFK or not yet in system so we did not have the firepower I had thought we did. This isn't their fault as they had communicated their situation. It was mine for not calculating it into what sort of fleet and firepower we had. Additionally, voice communications get pretty overloaded with so many people involved. When the numbers go up, so does the amount of crap that the FC has to keep track of it. It is difficult beyond a certain point.

The conclusion is that I have a lot to learn about how to handle fights as a FC for engagements of any magnitude from moderate to large size. It is unfortunate that this education has to come at the expense of my corporation members ships. Perhaps next time we will fare better. If anyone has any advice or suggestions as to how to handle medium to larger scale fleet warfare, I would be happy to listen.

Officer Down! - ADF Operation Alpha

2010-02-12T00:45:00.004-05:00

The Spacelane Journal Reporter: Welcome today to a special interview! I have with me the acting commander of the Amamake Defence Force who would like to share the details of their special CONCORD led initiative and some recent operations into the lawless areas of low security space. Good morning, Commander Spectre!

Amamake Defence Force Commander Spectre: Hi.

TSJR: Could you give us an idea of what the Amamake Defence Force is and what purpose it is intended to serve?

Spectre: Well, we are a CONCORD sponsored group that was created to take back parts of lowsec that have been ravaged by massive amounts of violence and destruction. Since every operation needs a starting point, we began with our first operation taking place in and around the system of Amamake.

TSJR: Is Amamake a bad system? I must admit that I have never left our offices in Dodixie...

Spectre: You will never encounter a more wretched hive of scum and villiany.

TSJR: So your goal is to destroy those that cause crime and violence in the system and its region?

Spectre: No. The ADF is a strictly non-violent group. Our officers are specially trained in all manners of non-violent solutions to violent problems. Most are equiped with special electronic warfare equipment that will render any offending ships and their weapons useless until they withdraw from the battlefield.

TSJR: I am told that you brought some recordings with you of how your first operation went? Could we see some of it firsthand?

Spectre: Yes. It must be told that this footage is graphic and disturbing. There are images of violence and we lost many good men...

Narrator: At 0219 New Eden Standard Time, the ADF entered Amamake local and began their operations:

[ 02:20:19 ] Spectre3353 > ATTENTION PILOTS - The Amamke Defense Force is declaring this system to hereby stand down all aggression and violent actions and engagements.
[ 02:20:35 ] Spectre3353 > All attempts to circumvent this order will be met with swift intervention.
[ 02:20:58 ] Spectre3353 > This message has been delivered in accordance with the Amamake Peace Accord of 58177
[ 02:21:18 ] zeabor > doec that include ncp
[ 02:21:22 ] ALTOTHEIX > hmm pirates in accordance with peace accord
[ 02:21:34 ] ALTOTHEIX > smells fishy
[ 02:21:38 ] Phil Throbber > i beleive them
[ 02:21:45 ] Spectre3353 > Please do not concern yourselfs with police matters citizen

Narrator: The ADF set up around the system perimeters and announced their intentions. Watching and waiting for their chance to intervene in any violent engagements that may occur.

[ 02:22:48 ] Spectre3353 > ATTENTION PILOTS - The Amamake Defense Force is declaring the system of Amamake to hereby stand down all aggression and violent actions and engagements.
[ 02:23:34 ] zeabor > so does that mean is some one blows me up they get introble
[ 02:23:39 ] zeabor > if*
[ 02:23:51 ] Spectre3353 > Yes, sir. It does.
[ 02:23:55 ] Andrea Skye > there will be no acts of aggression
[ 02:23:55 ] zeabor > yay
[ 02:24:38 ] zeabor > what about missions dont you need ot kill people then
[ 02:25:29 ] zeabor > watch some one blow me up in like a few minutes
[ 02:25:39 ] Spectre3353 > No sir. If we have anything to do with it, you will be safe.
[ 02:25:43 ] La'reth Mihnan > heh
[ 02:25:44 ] Spectre3353 > This system has been declared non-violent.
[ 02:25:53 ] Spectre3353 > The Amamake Defence Force is here for you.

[ 02:26:01 ] Spectre3353 > We have upgraded this system to high security space.
[ 02:26:04 ] zeabor > omg!!!
[ 02:26:18 ] zeabor > then y does it still say 0.4
[ 02:27:23 ] zeabor > i want to see one of you defenders of amamake where are you
[ 02:27:37 ] Spectre3353 > We are where we need to be, sir.

[ 02:27:53 ] Andrea Skye > WE ARE DEFNEDING THE THIS IS A SAFE PLACE

Narrator: The citizens were excited for the fact that someone was here to defend them. They asked for help and they offered up money to assist in the cause.

[02:28:11 ] Spectre3353 > Please direct all requests for ADF response to the on-duty ADF Commander

[ 02:30:00 ] benjam14 > We should get the donations for making amamake safe
[ 02:30:09 ] zeabor > no i want them
[ 02:30:17 ] Spectre3353 > Yes. Please direct all donations to our Treasurer, Spectre3353.
[ 02:30:17 ] Helicity Boson > we are monitoring your maelstrom class battleship on the pator station
[ 02:30:31 ] zeabor > i want to help make it safe i got expensive battle ship
[ 02:30:46 ] Spectre3353 > Sir, do you have anything in the vehicle we should we aware of?
[ 02:30:51 ] Spectre3353 > I'm going to have to take a look in your cargo for contraband.

Narrator: One of the officers spots several combat ships in one of the asteroid belts and the task force respond immediately with full force.

[ 02:33:10 ] Spectre3353 > Sir in the Stealth Bomber, we are monitoring your whereabouts.
[02:33:16 ] Spectre3353 > Please do not engage in any criminal or violent activities.
[ 02:33:26 ] Spectre3353 > The Amamake Defence Force thanks you kindly.
[ 02:33:39 ] Royboy58 > ok
[ 02:34:13 ] Royboy58 > i didnt know there was a defense force here
[ 02:34:18 ] Andrea Skye > ANGEL CRUSHER, PLEASE CEAASE IN VOILET ACTIVITYIES
[ 02:34:45 ] Andrea Skye > THREAT NUETRALISED
[ 02:34:54 ] ALTOTHEIX > hows top belt looking now?
[ 02:35:05 ] Helicity Boson > All is fine citizen.
[ 02:35:06 ] Railwhore > they need more ecm
[ 02:35:07 ] benjam14 > All clear sir! Safe Mining!
[ 02:35:09 ] ALTOTHEIX > I have a civilian miner
[ 02:35:11 ] IEATCRAYONS > It is Safe now.
[ 02:35:24 ] Spectre3353 > You're welcome citizens. The belt at planet three has been cleansed.
[ 02:35:28 ] Spectre3353 > Have a wonderful day.
[ 02:35:38 ] Royboy58 > wow... peace in ammake
[ 02:35:54 ] Spectre3353 > Get used to it. The ADF is here to stay for the good of all races.

Narrator: Reports of another violent encounter come in. The ADF tries their best to gather information about the attack for further investigation.

[ 02:41:06 ] Phil Throbber > some dude in an angel ship killed me
[ 02:41:08 ] L4zor R0B0T > but it was a casualty of working undercover...
[ 02:41:27 ] Phil Throbber > i think his name was angel crusher?
[ 02:41:46 ] zeabor > ill clear all the belts for you ok so ppl can min in peace
[ 02:41:53 ] Andrea Skye > that threat has been neutralised sir
[ 02:41:54 ] Spectre3353 > Could you please tell me more details Mr Throbber?
[ 02:41:56 ] Spectre3353 > Race? Height?
[ 02:42:03 ] Spectre3353 > What color clothes?
[ 02:42:06 ] zeabor > lol

Narrator: Suddenly, many ships are spotted in the asteroid belt. The officers respond again with full force but are quickly overwhelmed by the opposing combatants.

[ 02:42:44 ] Spectre3353 > Halt! In conjunction with The Amamake Peace Accord of 58177 we, the Amamake Defense Force, demand that you cease your aggressions and retreat from the field of battle immediately!

Narrator: Outlaw ships begin to swarm everywhere.

[ 02:43:27 ] Voody Voodoo > blackbird army
[ 02:43:30 ] Voody Voodoo > looks cool
[ 02:43:30 ] zeabor > im being attacked!!!!
[ 02:43:36 ] Voody Voodoo > just a little useless
[ 02:44:06 ] Helicity Boson > xDDD
[ 02:44:13 ] Feyona > ahaha
[ 02:44:27 ] zeabor > i though i was going to be protected
[ 02:44:27 ] Spectre3353 > OFFICER DOWN!
[ 02:44:29 ] Spectre3353 > OFFICER DOWN!
[ 02:44:30 ] ALTOTHEIX > so hows the ADF holding up? :)
[ 02:44:32 ] Spectre3353 > WE HAVE A CODE 13
[ 02:44:33 ] Helicity Boson > lmfao
[ 02:44:42 ] L4zor R0B0T > CALL FOR BACKUP
[ 02:44:43 ] Wohenmang > WE NEED A MEDIVAC ASAP!!!
[ 02:44:51 ] Railwhore > oh noes the defense force was ass raped by miilitia
[ 02:44:51 ] ALTOTHEIX > lol
[ 02:44:54 ] Sulg > Resuce indys otw
[ 02:44:57 ] Ophey Won > enuff blackbirds i think
[ 02:44:59 ] ALTOTHEIX > epic
[ 02:45:19 ] zeabor > the top belt is not clear again the top belt is not clear
[ 02:45:23 ] ALTOTHEIX > LOL
[ 02:45:26 ] Spectre3353 > CODE 13 CODE 13
[ 02:45:28 ] Spectre3353 > OFFICER DOWN OFFICER DOWN
[ 02:45:37 ] zeabor > code 13?
[ 02:45:38 ] benjam14 > OFFICERS DOWN!!!

[ 2010.02.12 02:45:52 ] ALTOTHEIX > this is highly entertaining

The feed quickly cuts out as a volley of missiles slams into the ADF ship that is recording the action.

TSJR: That was quite intense, Commander. What was the final result of the first ADF operation?

Spectre: *looks away and tries to stay composed before replying* We lost many good officers that day. Some of them were barely more than boys... but rest assured. We will be back. The ADF will be back...

---

UPDATE: The ADF has declared its intentions on the nets of New Eden. Give your vocal support to their cause!

It's True

2010-02-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

[04:49:21] Spectre3353 > i am a good person
[04:49:26] IEATCRAYONS > lol
[04:49:32] Spectre3353 > NO LAUGHING

Working Title

2010-02-10T13:49:00.006-05:00

I Never Said I Was Quitting Eve

An indefinite break is a very ambiguous term. It could mean three days. It could mean three months. It could mean forever. In this specific case, my break lasted around six to eight weeks. A few days ago I did start actively playing Eve-Online again. Apparently most of these people who saw me online don't understand what the term "indefinite break" means:

[ 15:15:37 ] Laedy > u quitting eve?

[ 19:48:47 ] Calculon > Weren't you quitting, Spectre?

[ 05:31:08 ] Jaxxon Voers > wtf?
[ 05:31:30 ] Jaxxon Voers > i thought you quit eve to go play Maple Story

[ 20:10:47 ] Avan Sercedos > spectre I thought you quit

[ 20:13:09 ] Lila Morgan > Spectre
[ 20:13:13 ] Lila Morgan > thought you quit

[ 03:09:28 ] Baeryn > Spec, I hear you're quitting EVE
[ 03:09:43 ] Baeryn > Me an' Mynx will split your stuff 50/50
[ 03:09:51 ] Spectre3353 > im not quitting nothing

[ 03:16:53 ] Ragnar Remis > hey spect
[ 03:16:59 ] Spectre3353 > dont
[ 03:17:00 ] Spectre3353 > dont say it
[ 03:17:10 ] Spectre3353 > if i hear it one more fucking time im going to kill someone
[ 03:17:20 ] Kyle Langdon > i heard you were quitting

[ 03:29:45 ] Spectre3353 > you guys remember the first time i quit eve
[ 03:29:52 ] Spectre3353 > and then i started playing again 2 days later
[ 03:29:54 ] Lana Torrin > why do i get the feeling i have missed something important...

[ 02:26:45 ] 00sage00 > wtf spectre is back
[ 02:27:24 ] Jorshan > wasn't he quitting eve or something?
[ 02:35:16 ] Casiella Truza > Dude needed an ego stroke, evidently ;)

I hate you all.

Minmitar Ships

While I was inactivate, I left my toon training towards Tech II Medium Projectile weapons and Minimitar cruisers. While I still have a couple weeks left to finish Minmitar Cruiser V, I have completed the weapons training and have purchased several Minnie ships including the Rupture, Stabber and Hurricane. My first tries at fitting them:

For the Rupture, I wasn't sure whether to fit falloff rigs or trimarks but since tracking enhancers are so buff these days, I opted for the trimarks:

[Rupture, Tank]
Damage Control II
1600mm Reinforced Rolled Tungsten Plates I
Tracking Enhancer II
Gyrostabilizer II
Gyrostabilizer II

10MN MicroWarpdrive I
J5b Phased Prototype Warp Scrambler I
Stasis Webifier II

Small Unstable Power Fluctuator I
Small Diminishing Power System Drain I
220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II, Barrage M
220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II, Barrage M
220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II, Barrage M
220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II, Barrage M

Medium Trimark Armor Pump I
Medium Trimark Armor Pump I
Medium Trimark Armor Pump I

Warrior II x4
Valkyrie II x1

For the Stabber, I can't help but laugh every single time I look at it. Which fucking game designer at Eve decided that any ship should roll with ONE light drone? Give it no drones. Give it two. But one light drone on a cruiser? Why even bother? Anyhow, I went with a pretty standard fit although I am kind of wishing I had fit falloff rigs here as well instead of rigs that barely buff an already thin shield tank:

[Stabber, Nano]
Tracking Enhancer II
Gyrostabilizer II
Nanofiber Internal Structure II

10MN MicroWarpdrive I
Warp Disruptor II
Large Shield Extender II

220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet Fusion M
220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet Fusion M
220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet Fusion M
220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet Fusion M
50W Infectious Power System Malfunction
Small Diminishing Power System Drain I

Medium Anti-EM Screen Reinforcer I
Medium Core Defence Field Extender I
Medium Core Defence Field Extender I

Warrior II x1

Lastly, we have the ship that I am really excited about. Battlecruisers are one of my favorite ship classes and I now have access to at least competently fly all except the Drake. I bought two Hurricanes to try out, one as a nano-speed ship and the other as a plated-tanked ship:

[Hurricane, Nano]
Damage Control II
Tracking Enhancer II
Gyrostabilizer II
Gyrostabilizer II
Nanofiber Internal Structure II
Nanofiber Internal Structure II

10MN MicroWarpdrive I
Warp Disruptor II
Large Shield Extender II
Large Shield Extender II

425mm AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet EMP M
425mm AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet EMP M
425mm AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet EMP M
425mm AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet EMP M
425mm AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet EMP M
425mm AutoCannon II, Republic Fleet EMP M
50W Infectious Power System Malfunction
50W Infectious Power System Malfunction

Medium Anti-EM Screen Reinforcer I
Medium Core Defence Field Extender I
Medium Core Defence Field Extender I

Warrior II x6

[Hurricane, Tank]
Damage Control II
1600mm Reinforced Rolled Tungsten Plates I
Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane II
Tracking Enhancer II
Gyrostabilizer II
Gyrostabilizer II

10MN MicroWarpdrive I
Warp Disruptor II
Stasis Webifier II
Medium Electrochemical Capacitor Booster I, Cap Booster 800

425mm AutoCannon II, Arch Angel Fusion M
425mm AutoCannon II, Arch Angel Fusion M
425mm AutoCannon II, Arch Angel Fusion M
425mm AutoCannon II, Arch Angel Fusion M
425mm AutoCannon II, Arch Angel Fusion M
425mm AutoCannon II, Arch Angel Fusion M
Small Unstable Power Fluctuator I
Small Unstable Power Fluctuator I

Medium Trimark Armor Pump I
Medium Trimark Armor Pump I
Medium Trimark Armor Pump I

Warrior II x4
Valkyrie II x1

I have not gotten a chance to fly these ships much yet but so far I like them. I even pulled a Python(tm) on someone today and managed to try out the Stabber in a T1 cruiser fight to the death. It was fun but for some reason afterward, my opponent yelled at me in local chat:

[18:25:27] Spectre3353 > shlen?
[18:25:33] shlen > сек
[18:27:06] shlen > what do tou want?
[18:27:24] Spectre3353 > just to talk
[18:27:27] Spectre3353 > how has your day been?
[18:31:37] Spectre3353 > gf
[18:31:49] shlen > пидорас
[18:32:39] shlen > whore)))

[18:33:32] shlen > буржуи вы пидоры хлеще чем все остальные))))
[18:34:03] shlen > Spectre3353 это тебя шлюха касается
[18:34:40] shlen > Spectre3353 че притих говнодав
[18:35:12] Spectre3353 > does anyone know what he is saying
[18:35:18] Spectre3353 > babelfish translations dont really work too well
[18:35:22] CpHarding > nope
[18:36:33] shlen > пидор какой нахуй транслейтет ))))) шлюха как ебли вас так и будем
[18:36:44] RedHairedDude > ban?
[18:38:34] shlen > я те в жбан ща ебну бан ему блять козлина ебаная! ебло офф сделай дырка
[18:40:06] shlen > ладно хуесосы буржуйные будет время вас еще выебать
[18:40:54] LLIycmpuk > ыыы

I'm not honestly sure what any of that means but based on his gestures and demeanor I believe he was thanking me for relieving him of his ship and it's contents and then inviting me for tea tomorrow. If anyone knows Russian, please feel free to clue me in on exactly what all that text translates to and what time the tea is occurring. Thanks!

It's Cold Outside

I Don't Think We're Getting Mail Today

Generating Some Yellow Snow

There Was A Street There Yesterday...

A Good Day For Indoors Internet Spaceships

The Python Cartel Wants You!

2010-02-06T18:35:00.002-05:00

That's right. The best pirate corp in New Eden is opening recruitment and looking for several new pilots. You must be a talented and driven individual that loves discussion about genitalia almost as much as they like getting themselves blown up.

What we offer:

* No hassle, no bullshit. We log on, we shoot at stuff, we get shot and then we talk about which side our junk is hanging to that day. There are no politics, we have basically no blues and we have very few restrictions as to how you can play. Our #1 goal and rule is to have fun.

* Killboard, forums, Ventrilo, ship insurance program, scheduled roams/ops several times a week and more! We have the tools both in and out of game to help make your pirating experience complete.

* Flying with the most entertaining group of pilots you will ever meet. Even the ops where you get slaughtered, podded and lose everything you ever owned will be fun.

* Fame. This blog gets over 250,000,000 hits a day and as a part of the Python Cartel, you and your exploits will be displayed for all on the internet to see! (NOTE: All site traffic statistics are approximate and may be slightly inaccurate)

But enough of my opinion. Here are some testimonials from current members:

Spectre: hey
Spectre: can you do something for me
Spectre: really quick right now off the top of your head
Helicity: >.>
Spectre: come up with some sort of ridiculous quote about pc
Spectre: think of it as like
Spectre: if you were in an infomercial and someone was like WOW TELL US HOW AWESOME THIS PRODUCT IS
Spectre: but its about your corp
Spectre: ok ready, set, GO
Helicity: euh
Helicity: We don't suck as much as the other corps, and we take better care of your penis than FW.
Helicity: Python, for a happier, healthier penis.
Spectre: it seems like youre going really penis centric with this
Spectre: i think thats ok though, ill take it
Spectre: the quotes i mean, not your penis

Wow! How convincing! Let's ask the Python Cartel CEO himself how he feels as well:

Spectre: i need a quote
Spectre: about why people would want to join pc
Spectre: give me one right now
Spectre: off the top of your head
Spectre: make it good
Golden Helmet: "I heard you guys were good"
Spectre: thats terrible
Spectre: try again
Golden Helmet: "More manlove than a gay nightclub in San Francisco"?
Spectre: getting warmer
Spectre: give me one more and make it your best
Spectre: and youll be done
Golden Helmet: "PEEEEEEENIS!"
Spectre: ...
Spectre: ok cool
Golden Helmet: you knew it was coming
Spectre: this is going in my blog for a recruitment post for PC
Spectre: just letting you know
Golden Helmet: oh god

So if you want to be part of the best pirate corporation in Eve that has already taken part in over 12,000 kills and is pretty much obsessed with the word "PENIS", visit our recruitment forums today!

A Geometric Element That Has Position But No Extension

2010-02-05T10:30:00.002-05:00

It was quiet. We floated silently in a small group and stared off at the Tama system star, billions of kilometers away. I took another sip of my drink and wondered again why I was here. Since the end of the previous year I had only taken part in a couple of kills and had barely even undocked to fly with my corporation or engage in a fight. The motivation to pirate had waned as of late... what was the point? Undock. Kill some ships. Lose some ships. Dock back up. Repeat. Money was no longer something that was a concern and the joy of combat seems to dry up once you've been through your thousandth encouter.

I took another sip. My head felt woozy and I began to consider simply turning off the comms and docking up without saying anything. I don't know why I was here. What was the point?

Golden Helmet said something about flying to another system and I complied with his orders but I was barely listening. I jumped in and went to the next gate. I took another sip and yawned. What was the point?

I jumped in and set course for the belt that was being specified by our fleet commander. I watched as my gang aligned and warped in the same direction, without any specific coordination. I wonder what we were going after? I wonder if I'll be able to aim my guns properly after drinking so much? I wonder, what is the point?

As I deccelerated out of warp, the serene feeling melted away and several explosions close by grabbed my attention. Our gang had just dropped in on our old friends The Guristas Associates. Apparently they had requested our help and we were arriving to provide it. Perhaps I should have paid closer attention to what we were doing and I would have realized we were flying here. To this belt. To kill a carrier. I turned on my lasers. I turned on my warp disruptor. I couldn't help but crack a grin as I realized... I had a point.

Misc

- The Python Cartel/The Jerk Cartel portal, killboard and forums have all been brought up to date with a new snazzy look and updated information.

- Massively.com did an article with Helicity Boson and he was nice enough to link me. Thanks Helicity!

- My last post was the 200th entry on this blog. Congratulations to me!

Contest Winners

2010-01-29T22:26:00.002-05:00

Contest winners have been announced! Check out the Clown Punchers BOZOKAST page for episode 13 here, or check out the direct download for episode 13 here to hear the five winners announced (yes, I bumped up the number of winners because there were so many good entries). Anyone who won, please contact me or Helicity Boson in-game to receive your prize.

Contest Entries

2010-01-21T17:45:00.000-05:00

First off, I want to spoil everyones hopes and dreams by saying that the winners will NOT be announced in this post. The winners will instead be announced on the next BOZOKAST, just as soon as I get in contact with Teister/Queb and get it recorded (hopefully soon if I'm not too lazy). I am however going to go through the entries and display them here since it is difficult to really get a single viewpoint on all the wonderful submissions via the comments page. Additional note before I get into things: Some of these images are not work safe. View at your own risk.

Without further adieu:

Pictures

Submitted by Amonthia

Submitted by Jesse

Submitted by Ran Khanon

Submitted by Arrhidaeus

Submitted by Teister

Submitted by DrooshKa

Submitted by Alekseyev Karrde

Submitted by Zwyczajny Robol

Submitted By Jawmare

Submitted by El Lion

Submitted by Manasi

Submitted by Zwyczajny Robol

Submitted by Delishus

Submitted by Ragin Cajun

Submitted by Ragin Cajun

Submitted by Ragin Cajun

Submitted by Ragin Cajun

Submitted by Delishus

Submitted by Firemaster

Submitted by Firemaster

Submitted by Deltore Tricerk

Submitted by Metalkiss

Songs

Sepctre (sic) Is what you want him to be submitted by Deathmedic

Lyrics:

spectre is a fucking jackass i painted it on a billboard in san diego
never been there before
he saved my marriage with the devil
he podded his ass in null sec
so i painted it on a napkin and uploaded it to flickr
but he lost the link what a dick
so I wrote this song and kicked his ass in my mind

spectre flew my mother to mars and jupiter
but she's had it better
I heard he ate a kipper with raw onions
it's a lie it was with pepper
he was on holiday in jita and ganked a velator
nothing more?
so i wrote this song and kicked his ass into my head

spectre is a gay is a homo is a lesbian he is what you want him to be
but not on me
don't give spectre you're isk you'll never see it again or will you?
he once took on chuck norris with a n00b laser
so i wrote this song and chuck crapped on his keyboard

spectre is my hero he has chin hair just like my brother
he once recorded a porno but couldn't fit his in camera
dig his chin hair girls!
he has more .......

Videos

Three different people submitted this same Tackfilm entry:

http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1263976091031RA55

Bods submitted this entry of me singing the Pirates of the Carribean song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHRcjfu8_s4

Kobrakilla submitted this fantastic rap video about me:

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/5985677

Kyle submitted this weird shit:

http://thecoldworldofeve.blogspot.com/2010/01/since-spectre3353-is-so-lame.html

Words

There are simply too many entries in this category for it to be something I can organize legibly into a part of this blog post. Instead, I encourage everyone to go through the comments in the last post to see all the entries, follow the links and also check out this RSS feed that contains many of the blog posts related to the contest. Just as a taste, here are a bunch of the best:

Mynxee Writes a Poem and Wishes a Baby Upon Me

Swerte Posts on C&P About Me and PC

Star Defender Calls Me a Scammer

Callin Vandylx Retires Me

Cozmik Brown-noses and I Love Every Second Of It

Sage Plays The Star Wars Card

Perseus Is Sick Of Carebearing Bullshit Stories

Hallan Gives Me Exactly What I Asked For

Latro Offers Me His Rook (Sounds Kinky)

The Jaguar Says I'm Scamming (How Rude!)

Chacacha Sings Me A Song

Thorvik Says I'm The Best Pirate Ever

Conclusion For Now

You guys did a bang up job. You threw so much stuff at me that it took literally hours to go through it all and then compile it into a post. If anyone notices that I missed their picture or video or song or blog link, please drop a comment and let me know. I feel like it's definitely possible I may have missed or forgotten to add because of the amount of entries there was to sort through.

I will make a post here once the winners have been announced and the new BOZOKAST is up, hopefully within the next several days. See you then...

Yes, You Can Have My Stuff

2010-01-18T12:30:00.003-05:00

Long story short, I am taking an indefinite break from Eve. I made quite a bit of money via scamming a few months ago and I feel that it would be wrong of me to let all of it sit unused and unappreciated on inactive accounts. I have given a few billion worth of ISK and items to another player to act as escrow for a contest that is going to run the next few days. The details are below:

THE SPECTRE-IS-THE-BEST-PIRATE-
AND-PILOT-EVER-IN-EVE-ONLINE-
FOR-REALSIES CONTEST

Rules:

Create anything that publicly expresses something about me. Anything. I don't care if it is a billboard in San Diego that calls me a fucking jackass. I don't care if it's an essay about how I have saved your marriage. I don't care if you draw a picture on a napkin and upload it to Flickr. Hell, you can even just write a haiku or a badass death metal song. All you have to do is create some sort of media about Spectre and then either post it or a link to it in the comments section of this blog post.

Please make sure to include your in-game Eve-Online character name in case you win a prize. I don't want to have to track down the winners in order to transfer/contract any prizes. Everyone is allowed to submit as many entries as they would like... there is no limit, but remember: QUALITY OVER QUANTITY.

Deadline:

Thursday, January 21st at midnight Eastern Standard Time (so Wednesday night is the last chance to submit). If my time conversion is right, this is 0500 Eve time (GMT) on Thursday morning.

Prizes *:

1st Place
1,000,000,000 ISK
Megathron Navy Issue with T2/Faction Fittings and Rigs

2nd Place
500,000,000 ISK
Megathron with T2 Fittings and Rigs

3rd Place
250,000,000 ISK
Curse and Zealot with T2 Fittings and Rigs

Random Jackpot
250,000,000 ISK
Harbinger and Myrmidon with T2 Fittings and Rigs

The three best entries will be chosen by me and awarded the prizes above for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place. In addition, one random person from all participants will be picked out of a hat and awarded the Random Jackpot.

Good luck!

* Spectre3353 reserves the right to award prizes of equal or lesser value if extenuating circumstances arise. All prizes are final and non-refundable. Maybe a dingo ate your baby.

ERP

2010-01-16T08:50:00.002-05:00

Who says that other MMO's aren't as hardcore as Eve?

Skill Update

2010-01-15T10:46:00.004-05:00

Casiella asked something in the eve-bloggers channel last night that I thought was kind of an interesting question:

[03:06:20] Casiella Truza > Hm. Do I post too often?

An interesting question indeed. When is someone posting too often? Is there a such thing as blog spam? Does it offend your readers when you provide too much information? Too much entertainment? Too much fluff, not enough content? While everyone does it differently, I have always tried my best to avoid fluff posts or the publishing of anything that I don't think is worth reading. I try to keep my content narrowed down only to what is important, riveting and the type of classy stuff you might see in The New Yorker.

Upon inspecting CT's blog this morning, I noticed a new post about what skills he/she currently had trained with his/her character and I realized that I have never done such a post! A lot of pilots enjoy using EVEMon to track their skills and then generate charts and fancy pictures, so why not me? Here is mine:

The important thing to note first is that I have put an extraordinary amount of skill training time into some things and I didn't even quite realize it. Apparently my character is quite competent at the act of pleasuring a man using both his hands and his oral cavity. This is something that will probably become very useful when Walking In Stations finally gets deployed (although I guess "Walking" isn't the activity I will be doing in the station). Additionally, it seems as though I have quite a bit of SP invested into the telling of dead baby jokes. For example:

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?

A: Ten ounces root beer, two ounces dead baby.

I think I've still got a long way to go to round out my skills as my artistic skills still aren't quite up to par with other pilots. "Microsoft Paint IV" and "Adobe Photoshop Specialization I" are in the queue and I will be sure to update everyone when I have progressed that far.

Someone Hacked My WoW Account

2010-01-11T22:49:00.007-05:00

A couple nights ago, my brother-in-law was over, trying to convince me to resubscribe to World of Warcraft so that we could play together. I placated him with some "maybe" and "possibly" answers while knowing in the back of my mind that there was no way I was going back to that piece of shit game until at least the next expansion. Out of curiosity, we looked up my level 80 Mage on the WoW Armory to see what phat purplez (industry term) I was wearing for gear. I didn't think it would even show up because my account had been inactive for nearly a year but sure enough, there she was. Upon further inspection, I realized that my talents had been completely changed to a full Frost build and there were new achievements that had been attained... TODAY! Flabbergasted, I attempted to log into Battle.net only to realize that someone had added an authenticator key to my account and there was no way I could log in...

...it had happened... I HAD BEEN HACKED!

I looked into the forums and found many other people with a similar issue. Chinese (or whatever nationality they are) farmers had stolen their accounts, used their highest level characters to farm and then sold off every item on all their characters to make gold. But how could this have happened to me? How could I have possibly had an account hacked? I haven't logged into Battle.net in months and I hadn't logged into World of Warcraft in a year! Furthermore, how could I possibly have picked up a keylogger when I only view random porn sites a few times a day? Not to mention I usually only visit reputable ones with minimal bestiality and only a smidgen of midget footage? It was blowing my mind as to how this could have occurred.

I put my foot down and swore that this injustice would be rectified. I contacted Blizzard support and soon I had control of my Battle.net account again. I checked the account status screen and realized that the farmers had just activated my Warcraft account a week ago with their own credit card and I now had nearly a month of free time thanks to their generosity. A month of free time... what is a man to do when he is offered free video games? What indeed...

This Will Spawn A Big Old
Glass Of Haterade

What???